If I Could Wrap My Arms Around this Memory, then I Would [p]

[Dark]

Darkfall

Shadow Fiend: Inactive | Killer Aptitude (T3) | Ultimate Predator: Inactive | Hulk SMASH! [Inactive]
___________

After leaving Dawnstar’s den, the large tom didn’t yet take time to clean the blood and grime off of himself. The next thing he had to do was the most important part – though he dreaded it with every fiber of his being. He broke the news to Dawnstar, Rookfire, and Sleepysunrise – now it was time for him to collect and tell his children. Stars above, his children… He had lost his own mother when he was young – just a couple of moons younger than they were, but they already experienced far more loss than he had at that time. Their relationships were strained, but that didn’t mean that this would be any easier for them. He… He didn’t want to do this. Not at all. Despite his reluctance, however, he knew that the news needed to come from him.

So what did he do? Well, he went around camp to hunt down what he had left of his family in order from oldest to youngest. Birdpaw, Wispypaw, Quietpaw, Moonpaw, Quillpaw, Cinderpaw, and Bleedingpaw. He approached each one of them individually, telling them that he was collecting the family to have a talk with them all, giving them an option on whether or not they wanted to follow him.

Once he was done, he set about leaving the camp – patiently leading them through the dark recesses of the territory. He wanted to allow accommodations both for Cinderpaw’s leg (or lack thereof), and Wispypaw’s poor vision. The sun was beginning to set now, and the sky was set ablaze with vibrant orange and reds. Darkfall found it a bit ironic that one fire, or perhaps a simple spark was put out, only to be replaced by one in the sky. He knew it wasn’t the case, but part of him wanted to believe that the fire dancing between the clouds was put there by the topic of discussion herself.

Once they finally reached their location, Darkfall signalled for them to stop. It had been a decent walk, as their location was on the fringes of the outskirts, but they’d be fine. They were their kids. They could make the trip with no issues. Standing before him was a familiar vine-covered hole that he had last come through with Larkfire. Turning, he gave the gathered cats a sad smile – one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. ”There’s something I want to show you,” he said, repeating the same words he had spoken nearly 12 moons before ”Come with me.”

He didn’t wait for an answer as he pushed through the vines onto a small ledge overseeing a small clearing. There was enough room for all of them, or at least there should be. Held within the clearing was a horde of tall yellow flowers (with some orange and red ones mixed in: black-eyed susans). This place brought back both painful and fond memories, and for a moment, he remained in silence as a wave of nostalgia came crashing over him. He found this place for her. This was where the beginning of the end started.

After a private moment of silence, he spoke. ”Eleven moons ago, I brought your mother here.” The large tom began, not yet turning to face the group. ”I had been sneaking out of camp to look for a suitable place to ask her to be my mate, and during that I came across this field of flowers.” A wave of his paw as he gestured to the bright plants. ”You wouldn’t have seen them then, but your mother’s eyes were once beautiful orbs of amber fire – much like some of yours, and these flowers reminded me of her.”

”I brought her here one night, and I asked her to be my mate. She said yes and for a moment, I was the happiest tom in the world.” Azure eyes closed for a moment as he took in a deep breath, taking a moment to recall that moment. ”Like the first time she and I met, the stars were shining beautifully, but I thought they looked best when reflected off of her eyes. She looked absolutely breathtaking in the moonlight and I had been unable to take my eyes off of her.” His smile was genuine for a moment as he remembered that night. So many things had gone wrong since then, but that moment had been when he was at his happiest – when they were at their happiest.

”She suggested making flower crowns, despite not knowing how to make one herself. It was a silly thing that I teased her about for the rest of the night, but things were good then.” Opening his eyes now, he turned to the kids who had followed along with a sad expression. Though he had thought there were no more tears to shed, he was clearly wrong, as one single tear dropped from his scarred eye – a scar he received in a bout with a ThunderClan warrior.

Turning, he rose to his paws for a moment before dropping down off of the ledge. Despite his torn paw pads and stiff muscles, he moved with grace as he nipped the long stems of 8 flowers – one for each of his remaining kits (including Sleepysunrise) before collecting them and jumping up onto the ledge. Gently, he dropped one at each of the accompanying children’s paws before taking up a spot in front of them – facing them this time.

”I–” He began, face contorting with pain as he struggled to find the words. Why had things happened at a time like this? Why couldn’t she have stayed like she promised? They were supposed to raise their children together, but instead, she left him here alone to try and mend the broken pieces of a family she helped break apart. It wasn’t fair. None of this was, but he had a duty to fulfill regardless.

”I was out in the territory earlier. I was following the scent of your mother and two other cats and was led to Darkwater Mire. There was quite a bit of blood, and their scents did not leave the area. I searched and searched, and tried my hardest to find them, but… I couldn’t. Not wanting to give up, I found the scent of Mirepaw, she… she’s changed. A lot. I talked with her, and she said that all three of the cats were gone.” He paused, a prickle of unease and anxiety clawing its way through his pelt as he said the dreaded words.

”Your mother is dead.”

He wanted to allow them a second to grieve, to unleash their anger on him or cry or whatever it was the kids would do, but he couldn’t. He had to say this last part before their voices drowned out his own.

”I know… I haven’t been the best of fathers – but I’m trying to do better.” Voice cracking through the pain of their loss, he scanned them all for a moment before continuing. ”You all deserve better, and I’m sorry for not living up to what I could’ve – no, should’ve been. But your mother and I love–d you all very much and want to see you all succeed. With that being said, I want to start anew and be a proper father, if you all will let me.”

Tear-filled blue eyes flicked to Bleedingpaw for a moment. Bleedingpaw wasn’t either of their biological kits, but Larkfire had taken a liking to him, and unfortunately, Darkfall had not gotten particularly close to the tom. ”Bleedingpaw, I know… I know you probably don’t see me as a father, but that doesn’t change that she was your mother as well. I… I would like to be your father if you’d let me. I don’t expect you to open up to me right away as I’ve been painfully distant with all of you in recent moons, but… if you’d allow me to, I’d like to call you my son as well.”

There. Everything that needed to be addressed right away. Now their reactions to the news…

[ Birdpaw - @Mica | Wispypaw - @Kix | Quietpaw - @Morrigan | Moonpaw - @Poprock | Quillpaw - @idia | Cinderpaw - @Neptune. | Bleedingpaw - @Rani | @Estelle if you want Sleepy to tag along | @Rose because you wanted a mention. Super sorry this is so late everyone! Life smacked me and then the hurricane through me all out of wack, but as promised, the family meeting! Please don't hesitate to let me know if there's anything that I need to change! Going to try to be more active and more involved inrp with Dark and the kids, but... I am but a lad, so gonna do my best! ]

[Morrigan]

Quietpaw
Shadowclan apprentice
Purrks: Mind reader(permanently active) and Shadow fiend(inactive)

Skepticism was the first emotion that Quietpaw felt when Darkfall approached her. It was strange and unprovoked. Her father had always been far away to her. She hardly knew him so why did he suddenly want her? No effort had been made before to connect or somewhat be a part in her life. The only prominent memories of him was at the catastrophic family gathering all those moons ago and the singular smile he offered in return when she became an apprentice and still looked to him for some reaction. All she was offered was scraps of affection. So why now was she acknowledged? Did he finally decide he wanted to pay some attention to her?

'Of course not...'

Any embers of faith she might have had were smothered upon the sight of her siblings. Dread filled her chest as she made her predicament: this would be another long family argument that alway ended up leaving things more shattered than before. It was her nightmare all over again. The messy little spat over who was worse than the other that prompted her first few words. It had haunted her though she tried to forget it. Nothing was learnt, nothing got better so why on earth were they in that similar situation again? Was everyone a fool in her family? At least her mother wasn't here to make it worse...

Quietpaw despised every step she took as she trailed behind her siblings and father. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to go through it again. All the tears, shouting and anger. It was far too much screaming and not enough progress. It was a bad memory engraved in her mind that no amount ignorance could undo. Her mind was screaming at her to just run back to camp, away from the disaster that was so sure to happen. Yet that would make her a coward. And though she may be reclusive, Quietpaw was no coward.

'This is torturous' She settled on the word. It described all the feelings that were running through her mind. Torturous. Her new favourite sound. After a few second she landed on the conclusion her life was, indeed, torturous. Full of unnecessary hate and drama she wanted not part of yet it was her fate to endure. Did her siblings feel the same way? Quietpaw never thought about her siblings perspective...suppose she just was too frustrated to care. Perhaps she should ponder it sometime, it was basically a hobby now.

You know what else Quietpaw found delightfully satirical? The fact the sky represented exactly how she expected this whole fiasco to turn out; Burning, bloody and dark. This would be a slaughter no doubt, one that she would have no say in. A sigh quietly left her maw as she imagined it's ending. A repeat of the last time they all got together. Gosh how she wished she had just pretended to be asleep. Then she would've dodged this bullet.

Halting at Darkfall's command, she watched with a wary gaze as he beckoned them to crawl inside a vine covered hole. That totally wasn't suspicious. Quietpaw waited until she was the last one there to finally crawl in as well. She didn't trust them to watch their back. She sat back on her haunches near the end, making sure to keep away from most of them (especially Moonpaw, he still made her blood boil.) Glimpses of yellow, read and orange flowers was all she saw. Confusion fused with annoyance came across her face as she peered down at them. Darkfall took them to see flowers? In a way she should be relieved yet it was still a waste of time.

Quietpaw glanced at her father as he finally began speaking after a moment of silence. 'What is he going on about?' She wondered grumpily as he went on about her mother. If she wanted to hear about a failed love story she would've asked. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes she forced herself to listen on as Darkfall went on about her fiery eyes and all that. All she could remember was her mother's dull, cloudy hues that never looked at her, more looked through. Honestly, she was rather glad she didn't resemble her very much.

And off he went about how pretty she was. Quietpaw couldn't understand why most cats focused on the beauty of their lovers. Looks didn't tell who you were, actions did. Appearances were deceiving, the truth was told beneath their skin. Oh great now she sounded all cringe, what she meant was cats should pay more attention to who their mates were. Nothing more nothing less. But why was her father being so...adoring for her when she wasn't even here and they'd fallen apart long ago?

There was something about Darkfall's expression that Quietpaw suddenly noticed. Grief. It was so clear, how did she miss it? It seemed so deep and raw now...he was hiding something. It was so obvious now she wondered how blind she had been: he was stalling with all these soppy stories just to strike them down with a dark secret. Her eyes narrowed at the realisation. This was some form of deception and it was cruel. Why were they being comforted by all this just to be hurt. This couldn't stand.

Whatever cold words might have been said were momentarily paused as Darkfall left and returned with something for each one of them. A single flower, perfect and bright, was laid gently at her paws. Quietpaw stared at it with a frown. Never once had she been offered something...a gift you would call it but she suspected it wasn't meant fo show love or appreciation for her, oh no, it just added on to the false sense of security. A singular, empty gesture is what she saw and so she only studied it for a second before glaring back at her father.

'Enough of this, say what you need to say' Quietpaw shifted restlessly, already unhappy with her father's attempts to keep them from whatever unknown truth needed to be spilled. She saw his suffering yet she was indifferent. Why couldn't he just be plain and clear. Her anger only died down as he began to speak. Darkwater mire. Her mother and two other cats. Where was this going. She was noting things down as soon as Darkfall spoke yyet it was still unclear.

Blood? Now that made her uneasy. Quietpaw was growing more confused and upset by the second. What did he mean they were gone? How could they just disappear? Who were they? Why did they need to be followed? Mirepaw? Mirepaw had disappeared like her other siblings why had she just popped up there? Why should she care her sister changed, she didn't? WHAT WAS GOING-

"Your mother's dead"

...

......

What...?


Her heart stopped at that confession. It was like it had just dropped and an indescribable feeling took it's place. Shock held her prisoner as it often did and her mouth hung limply open. All she could do was gape and stare in disbelief before her usually frosty hues fell to the ground. It was impossible. Often she'd viewed her mother as dead to her but... that's not...that wasn't...Quietpaw was rendered speechless...truly this time, even her critical thoughts and opinions had been silenced. She was frozen in place as the world seemed to stop spinning around her. All words that had been said after that had fallen on deaf ears.

Denial worked slower than she had thought it would. It appeared she had sat there for eternity when she had only sat there for roughly a minute. It always took a while for her to react, she didn't know why. Blankly staring at the floor, processing what she had just heard and repeating the phrase in a never ending loop. Then it all crashed down on her as it often mercilessly did. Why did life never give her a break?

Without warning Quietpaw jumped back onto her paws and spun around, storming through the hole they had just come through in a frantic attempt to leave. Her pace was fast, almost a run as her riveting cyan hues stared forward, welling with angry tears that ran down her face in a torrent. Her sight was blured, her mind roaring all sorts of horror and curses. Why...what had she done to deserve this?!

'LIAR, LIAR, LIAR!!!' the words repeated like a mantra in her head as she came to a stop after walking a good distance away from the flower field. Once again she glared up at the scarlet sky in fury, accusing her mother silently her decietfulness. Back then, in the family meeting, she'd said she'd try...try and be a better mother but she never did! The only thing she ever did for her was teach her a few battle moves and did that make her promise fulfilled?! It sure as hell did not! And yet Quietpaw still referred to her as mother in the hopes that one day she'd get the love she was promised, she was entitled too but oh no. Lostspark had always ignored, neglected and worst, lied to her...that was the one thing Quietpaw always hated. A fear of sorts. There was knew thing she knew she deserved, one thing she asked for: the truth, yet that one request was denied and they laughed in her face.

Standing here, alone with fat tears staining her face she took all her hate, anger, grief and merged it into one, eath shaking scream directed at the heavens where her worthless mother now presumably resides. All the air in her lungs was used to form the screech of agony, to embody the pain Lostspark had caused her with her untruthful nature. Everyone back there probably heard her, screaming at how betrayed she felt. It lasted for only few seconds yet it was powerful...she hoped Lostspark heard it up there so she would never forget what she did. Still...she doubted herself. She waited...she did wait...did she have to seek out love to find it? Nobody told her..."Liar...why did you make promises you'd never keep...?' Quietpaw's blood curdling scream died down into small sobs as her claws curled into the ground. Maybe next time she wouldn't be so foolish as to believe liars.

@Dark @Rose @Mica  @Kix  @Poprock  @idia @Neptune. @Rani @Estelle