Fadingstar's Den (Only open to RiverClan cats) - Page 6

***starry*** · #51 August 4th, 2024, 02:54 PM

Mistyshard entered the leader's den, her gaze heavy. She wasn't sure if she should be worried, happy, eager.... but she would find out by Fadingstar's reaction. At first, it had been nothing to worry about. Just gaining a little weight, so she started eating less prey and hoped it would get better. But that didn't help, and instead she got horrible stomachaches. So she kept eating and getting those cramps until she began wondering if something was seriously wrong. That's when she felt it. The stirring in her tummy. And from that point on, she knew what was going on.. though she did keep doubting it, because did she want it to be true? Absolutely not. Here she was though. At the point of no return...

"Fadingstar, can I talk to you about something?" she asked hesitantly. Hopefully, he wouldn't be mad...

[ @occultation - for misty telling fading abt her pregnancy ]

***occultation*** · #52 Yesterday, 11:47 PM

If circumstances had been different, Fadingstar would've felt more empathy for Skypaw. But as it stood, his patience and sympathy for the tom was fading rapidly. He'd repeatedly failed in his duties as a warrior and blatantly lied to him. Fadingstar had taken a chance by giving Skypaw a second opportunity after his blunder almost got his sister killed, but his willingness to give a third chance wasn't as strong.

"Your mental health issues are not your fault, but they are your responsibility," he said bluntly, but not harshly. "You need to find a way within yourself to move forward from what happened with Appleberry. You have, and have had, many opportunities to make it right by loyally and fiercely serving your Clan. Yet, up until this point, all you've seemed to do is sit around and pity yourself. If that's all you're going to do going forward, then yeah, you can do this Clan a favor and go off on your own.

"But if you're willing to actually try, then do it and become a productive part of this Clan. I don't hate you, Skypaw, and I do believe that you're still capable of being a good warrior. But you need to actually try, and you need to stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose

She/Her | Purrk(s): Just A Scratch

She couldn't believe she was doing it. Telling him. Telling... him. Anticipation flitted through her, followed by dread, and then panic, and then anxiety, and then guilt, and then- No, she was overthinking again. She couldn't panic now, not when- Her thoughts, her breath, her everything stuttered to a brief halt at the sound of Fadingstar's voice. Oh no, had she woken him up? Oh no, she had woken him up! Stupid, stupid. Now she couldn't run away and pretend she'd never had this harebrained (oh, when had she picked that insult up?) idea-

No. This was what she'd decided to do, and she would go through with it... because even if she ended up without the answer she so selfishly craved, avoiding it and lying to herself would be worse. For how long could she evade the questions swirling in her mind, in her heart? Not much longer, considering they were already driving her crazy. She was trembling, the former kittypet realized. Vibrating, whether with hope or fear, she knew not.

She had to go in. This den always felt so inviting. Or, the cat behind it did (considering this was a brand new den), but now all she felt was anxiousness. At being shot down. Uncertainty, insecurity, a tidal wave of guilt at what she was doing. At what she had done to Dusklion and Antlerbranch, but now seeking the same thing they had been searching for - from someone else.

"Everything... everything is..." Two words in and she was already faltering at the entrance of Fadingstar's den, words trailing off, half of her body inside the den, her other half not. She felt like backing up and leaving and curling up in a corner and disappearing forever. So much shame in herself for seeking this guilty pleasure, for seeking out happiness for herself when she had hurt two of her closest companions so harshly.

"Everything will be okay." Was what she settled on finally, because it was the only way to not lie. She was being optimistic probably when saying that everything would be okay - because she'd rather pretend that than to admit that it was possible everything would go to hell.

Which it would. But Wisteriawren possibly couldn't know that - only her roleplayer was pointing and laughing at her in the background - and so the ex-kittypet harbored more hope than she cared to admit. She sat there, still as a statue for a moment, and then like an overflowing dam, erupted. All emotion, she was. There was no mask ever for Wisteriawren to hide behind; she was a hundred percent heart and soul.

"Okay-no-everything-is-not-okay-I'm-so-sorry-for-lying pleasedon'tbemad!" She sucked in a breath and then blundered on without pause, wanting to get it all out while she felt able to. She was speed talking, but it was the best Fadingstar was going to get. "The other day I kinda-maybe-almost okay-no I-really-hurt-Dusklion-and-now-she-hates-me and I don't know what to do."

That truth sank into her mind like a boulder after entering the water, and Wisteriawren shrank alongside the words. The cat she'd hoped would be her best friend hated her. Her voice grew softer, wobbly with the threat of impending tears. Darker-tipped paws lifted to rub at her eyes, no longer able to look at her leader because of the shame swirling in her heart.

"She said she likes me. But I... I wasn't going to lie to her, Fading..star. I wasn't going to lie just to make her happy. I don't- I mean, I do like her, truly, but not like that." Her voice lifted slightly, the earnestness evident. Imploring him to believe her, to... to make her hurting go away. "I told her-" ...Wisteriawren's mouth clamped shut, a million butterflies flitting around inside her. Not the nice happy butterflies, no. The ones that filled her with anxiety and self-doubt.

"Because it's you, Fadingstar." The words came tumbling out on their own; she had not meant to say them. (Or well, she had, but she had not intended it to sound like that). "I didn't know how to tell... your sister." Her voice receded again, embarrassment washing over her. Why was she asking him for this? Why was she so heartless? No choice but to roll with it now.

"You dont' have to- I- We dont' have to-" What was she even saying? Her words were tripping over one another, her paws kneading the ground in frenzied movements. "I couldn't not tell you anymore, Fadingstar, I know I'm being horrible, and selfish, and unkind, and- and-" Slow down. Stop. Spilling all her worst qualities in front of the cat she was trying to win over was a fairly stupid move. "You don't have to say anything, or you can, but you don't have to, I- pleasedon'thateme. Actually I can leave if that's better, maybe that's-" Ha. She could add capital C for Coward to her list of attributes too now. Just the thought made her heart pang with hurt. She was so useless, and she expected affection after she'd thrown it away so carelessly twice?

So instead of running away, Wisteriawren remained. And she forced herself to sit through and listen to whatever her leader had to say.

[ @occultation - Fadingstar ]

Fadingstar wasn't expecting the torrent of emotion to come from Wisteriawren. It rolled off of her like a fierce sea wave, causing his heart to begin to pound so hard against his chest he was certain it would break free.

Her confession that she had feelings for him certainly didn't help. Stars be damned, why did things have to turn out this way? Why couldn't she like anyone else in the Clan? Or rather, why did his sister have to like her? Why did he have to get stuck in this stupid, annoying, frustrating love triangle?

The leader was silent for several moments after she finished speaking, truly speechless. So many thoughts and emotions were swirling within him. He wanted so badly, so desperately, to run forward and press his nose into her fur. Tell her that he felt the same, and that they could give this whole "romance" thing a go if she wanted.

But that couldn't happen.

As much as he wanted it, as much as he craved it, he couldn't do that to his sister. She was the one cat who had been there for him since day one, like it or not. He couldn't break her heart all over again. At the same time, though, he didn't want Wisteriawren waiting for a relationship that just couldn't practically happen.

So, he only had one choice.

"I'm sorry Wisteriawren," he said softly, trying desperately to keep his voice from trembling. "I think you're an amazing cat. You're incredibly kind, and you've made me feel supported and comfortable when many other cats have done the opposite. I'm so glad that you're a part of RiverClan, truly. But I don't feel like that toward you; I only think of you as a friend."

Stars, how painful it was to lie. But there simply was no other way. Don't hate me...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver

Seabreeze
He/him | Riverclan Lionheart | Moons: 21 | Purrks: Go with the Flow | The Collector | Ultimate Predator |
“Ocean waters rising above your neck
You feel the glass start to crack.”

Seabreeze was relieved that his leader hadn't immediately dismissed him, though Fadingstar had never done that. Well... he kind of sort of did when he had the whole Pebblesplash situation, but that whole thing was odd and Seabreeze had been angry at the molly for more selfish reasons than her being a potential threat. He was angry at himself for being angry at Cloverpaw. If she couldn't return than she would've by now right? Can you be so sure about that? The lionheart did all but physically shake out his head to clear his thoughts as he pushed them away and instead focused on Fadingstar.... though for a few moments, Seabreeze had completely forgotten why he was even here. Oh right!

"I've recently hosted an event for teaching kits lessons, it was a success and I have plans to repeat these lessons every so often. Give the kits more to do, I just... feel so bad for them." He slowed down as he gave a more private thought on the matter, well not private, but personal. He couldn't imagine what any cat was going through right now, but especially their youth, it must be such a confusing time for them all and Seabreeze was trying to make it a little bit better where he can. Keep spirits up, but he wasn't the best cat for the job. Regardles, now to his next point on the matter. "Well, anyways, at this event, Spiraltail came to me and asked if he could teach the kits basics in tunneling... which caught my attention."

Time for Seabreeze-y rambles, too much talking for a guy like him, his throat was going to hurt after this but that was probably a testament to how social he was outside of work necessities... including work of his own free will, such as training and events and patrols... he doesn't do much recreational does he? He waved the thought away, "I... Found an interest in this. Have I told you that I fell into a collapsed tunnel back in our home." Seabreeze made a point to phrase it like that, because the mountains were not their home, his home was a three days walk from here and they were robbed of that. "I offered the idea some thought, but then... you know... and it got buried. But I thought I might bring up the idea to you, I feel that potentially taking steps to utilize the tunnels when we return may be a good idea. More battle tactics... And I imagine it could still offer us some leverage against the clans when we return.. I'm sure they aren't keeping their paws out of our territory."

Which is another thought that has been keeping him up at night and he knows that this is something that Fadingstar and Dusklion were likely already discussing and aware of but still, Seabreeze was an anxious creature at heart and needs reassurances because logically means nothing to his nervous brain. "Speaking of snooping... I was thinking that maybe we should discuss moving camps when we return. Thunderclan has raided us numerous times and now Windclan and Shadowclan... everyone knows where we are, it feels like we are mice sitting in the open for them. I know it would be a lot of work, but I think that if we can throw them off of our tails that little bit more, than it would be worth it. I don't know how much more Riverclan can take at this point."

He shifted his gaze away as he realized just out of his place it was to suggest something like that? And why, because of paranoia? No wait, it had to have some logic to it right? If all of the clans knew where they slept at night and have teamed up on them than surely it would be better to get away a bit even if its in the same territory that they've more than likely simply welcomed themselves to. At least, that's the smart thing to do when the entire clan is kicked out, what's stopping you and that information could be so so so deadly. Which was the source of his anxiety.

[ @occultation - Fadingstar ]

Fadingstar listened along as Seabreeze discussed hosting an event for the kits. He smiled at the news, pleased with the Lionheart successfully doing something for the kids in his Clan. If he wanted to accomplish one thing in his leadership, it was making the kits and apprentices in RiverClan feel supported. If his Lionhearts could help him do that, all the better.

At the suggestions about tunneling, Fadingstar's ears perked right up. Another cat interested in tunneling? So many other cats had seemed apathetic toward it at best, so hearing someone else bring it up struck a chord within him.

Seabreeze's idea was in alignment with what Fadingstar had thought, back when he'd started the tunnel punishments as deputy. He nodded along with the Lionheart's words. Spiraltail helping teach others would help build trust with the rest of the Clan.

He was in agreement about the idea to move camp, too. "All of these are great ideas, Seabreeze. Once we've returned to our normal territory and things have settled down, we'll take Spiraltail to the tunnels and see what knowledge we can gain. We'll go from there. As for moving camp, I've been thinking the same thing. I don't want those rats strolling into our camp whenever they please; if we move elsewhere, it'll be much harder for them to do that."

He was a little uncertain about sharing what else was on his mind regarding that topic, but Seabreeze was a dedicated and loyal Lionheart who he trusted. "I've been considering asking Russethowl and Spiraltail to tell us about ThunderClan and WindClan's camps... just in case."

Fadingstar smiled appreciatively at the other warrior. "I'm grateful for that, Rowanmane. Really. Any extra help is always appreciated, especially now. I think the best thing you can do is to help train apprentices and keep an eye on our kits. Our kids have been causing more problems than usual lately; it would do them good to have more to do and another set of paws to guide them."

[SPOILER="adder"][QUOTE=Fish;1623455]

Quote:

Originally Posted by occultation

"Thank you." Adderstrike said before she took a seat in front of Fadingstar's nest. "I just had this little tick in my brain eating at it. Basically my thoughts lie like this. What if we just don't leave the mountains?" She took a moment for a pause to let those words digest and to gain some power to continue on. "The mountain range goes beyond were our eyes can see, so we can discuss with the Atari any land beyond their that they have seen that looks suitable before we head out on our own. I doubt that one group of cats have the cat power to own the entire thing, there must be vast stretches where no one lives." Adderstrike started to kneed at the stone in front of her as she thought about the cool rivers of her birth right home, back down below the mountain. Yet, it had been two moons since she had actually swam in water and she was still alive. It would be sad eventually Riverclan would forget their swimming talent but if it spared them... Why waste your life just to swim...?

"I know that we are called Riverclan but there has to be rivers around, nice ones like at home. Even so not being able to touch our special talents anymore if it is just to spare us from being mutilated by three villains at once." Adderstrike shuddered thinking back to the three on one fight they had. "Or at least we should consider this if those three rouges do this to us again..."

"On another related note, we should try to make a good impression on the Atari as we start to leave. Having a group of cats that are neutral towards us when we have our backs to the walls again might be helpful. We could even start looking for a forever away home preemptively just in case another three on war start against us. I beg Starclan to not let it happen to us again..." But she didn't believe in Starclan. Not like other cats did—Although maybe the rest of Riverclan believed in Starclan as much as she did. Believe in them to do nothing more than be stars in the sky while Riverclan suffered.

"Sorry... This may have been a lot to dump on you without much warning."

Fadingstar had to admit, he was surprised to hear Adderstrike of all cats suggest staying in the mountains instead of returning to their normal territory. He would've expected her to be among those itching to go home as soon as possible.

The battle must have affected her more deeply than he'd realized. Maybe at some point he could pull her aside and chat with her about it, but right now didn't feel like the right time.

"I hear your concerns," he began. "I think out of pretty much anyone in RiverClan, I trust the other Clans the least. They've certainly done nothing to earn my trust. But we owe it to ourselves as warriors to give this one more chance. We have ancestral ties to that territory; while that might not matter a lot to you, it matters a lot to many in this Clan. We can't just run away, even though that might be the safer and easier choice.

"That said, if the other Clans go back on their 'word' and attack us again like they did, RiverClan's time in the forest is over. We'll go somewhere where we can live in peace, without rogues imposing their unjust will on us whenever their egos get bruised, or for sick fun, or whatever other reason. In my mind, at this point, the best revenge is for RiverClan to grow into the most successful, most stable, and most powerful Clan. Perhaps the stars will grant us with an opportunity for justice, but unless the right chance opens up, we'll focus on sticking it to them by becoming the best we can be and proving that no matter what they do to us, we'll always be better than them."

Fadingstar nodded in agreement at the kit's request. He had no problem with them swapping names. A name was important to whoever held it, so they ought to not just like it, but love it and be comfortable with it. "No problem; I'll take care of it at the next Clan meeting. Can I do anything else for you?"

To say that Fadingstar wasn't pleased with Mistyshard lately was an understatement. For quite some time she'd been basically absent from the Clan. Healing responsibilities had largely been shoved onto Berrypaw, who seemed to be behind in her training to add insult to injury. The last round of herb patrols had been late, and beyond that she'd just hardly been around in general.

So, when Mistyshard came into his den, Fadingstar had to bite back the lecture that immediately wanted to burst out of his mouth. Tersely, he answered, "Yeah, what's up?"

**Fish** · #53 Today, 12:26 AM

"I suppose you are right that we have long ancestor ties to the old territory, it's just hard to feel this tie when it seems like our ancestors are asleep when we plead for help... And that is my more charitable interpretation to what they are doing all the way up there." Adderstrike sighed. This warrior was never going to let her bone lay still. She heard that cats could come back to life after they died and there was proof of cats coming back so she knew she had to bother the stars till they let her live once more. Live till the very earth turned to dust. Reason being, she couldn't trust that Starclan could actually do anything for the living at this point and if she was stuck in the crowd that didn't want to help they would probably pull her away from doing anything useful. Yet... They would let cats come back to life. So she would just do 'paws on' work instead.

"I'm glad that you are willing to consider going back if they do anything foul to us again. A part of me wonders if we just send back a portion of ourselves back to the old land for a moon to see what happens but unfortunately we can't talk in each other's minds so something bad could happen or there will be too much disorder that it's not worth doing." Adderstrike pondered aloud. Sometimes it made it a lot easier to think when she was able to just say her words into the world rather than keep them in her head. "But I hope that if we ever leave the forest behind, it's for good. We don't go back even if we have the numbers and power. It would just be petty and not worth it.... Though you do bring up an interesting idea here that I'd like to hear out more..." Adderstrike trailed off for a moment.

"How do you propose that we become strong again? I've been trying my paws a little at it by teaching a kit some lessons on honor and the likes, but do you have a solid idea? And also... I think for at least a moon or even more we should act isolationist. And a few ideas on how we should do that..." Adderstrike's tail began to sway in excitement. She sure loved being able to do this, throw ideas to someone powerful to hopefully sway them or at least let them have another idea on what to do. It felt like power in a different way, a power anyone could have without a role dedicated to it. A collective way to help everyone, a way for her to be the greatest—Oh Adderstrike was getting too excited on the thought of helping her clan; she wasn't saying the words to help her clan.

"We do not help the other clans unless it means that they will fall apart if we do not do so.... They seemed to forget the part of the warrior code where all four clans should not fall to ruin, so let's show them how to commit to an honor code we are all supposed to listen to. Yet remember while it says not to let them fall to ruin, there’s nothing saying we should hold their paws the whole time. Isolation isn’t against the code to a point and we’d have to push it very hard for it to be so."

"Be very strict to who we let in, I would even say that we only let in loner for a pawful of moons and not other clanners, or cats trying to get back into our clan. They show no loyalty in either clans, so why let them back in? And how much could we even trust a cat that wants to come back into our ranks when so many of our own cats like to murmur about rebellion… Of course, cats with very good exceptions can be brought in.”

“Stay as tight lipped as possible. Try to instill that none of our own say anything that might be deemed as good info from the other and during gatherings give them barely anything they could use against us… Of course this being said I don’t think this has ever been an issue for our clan as long as I have seen it.” Adderstrike said though all of this might seem obvious and annoying for Fadingstar to hear, she hoped that some of this would be helpful. She was not excited to even look at other cats in the face for as long as she lived so this all seemed wonderful to her, yet while she was trying to instill a different view into Fadingstar she was keenly aware that the same thing could be done to her. In all honesty she wasn’t thinking much about cats who would want to go back to their ancestral home. To her there was no logic in it, but thinking back to all the times cats called for rebellion it seemed most of the time cats didn’t run on logic.