hidden in the sand [p]

[Marigoldwhisper]

[Deerspark]
He, Him\Warrior\25 moons\Riverclan
"Where did my wings go? I could've sworn I could fly,"
· · ─────── ·· ─────── ·


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Pacing. One paw, two, three, four, five, turn. One paw, two, thee, four, five, turn. Gravel, dirt, dust. Claw marks, burning paw pads and loss. Oh the loss. Deerspark felt empty, robotic and numb. He couldn't feel the ache in his jaw, the soreness in his muscles, the dull throbbing of tired in his green eyes. He was so done, so through with all of it. His wife had disappeared into nothing, his child was barely a memory, just a nightmare. Was he not good enough for them? Any of them? Had he let them down? Tadpolesprint wasn't only his mate, she was his best friend. The only cat who truly understood him, truly thought that the bag of bones that was Deerspark was worth something. Was worth loving. But now she was gone. Maybe she figured out how utterly useless he was and took her chances with life outside of the clan. Maybe she died from embarrassment. Maybe Deerspark simply didn't deserve somecat like her. That made scene. Why else had Bumblestar broken his jaw? He obviously was taking too much, Tadpolesprint had gotten sick of him and disappeared. His child had as well.

Then his claws caught onto something. Maybe it was the rare sight of foliage on the mountain, or maybe a rock. Deerspark didn't have the time to give it much thought, because before he could react, he was falling. Out of instinct, Deerspark used his front paws to catch himself. He was always quick on his paws, almost like lightning. And yet, Deerspark wished he could've fallen. Feel the pain of hard rock rumble in his bones. Nothing could compare to the loss. What even was he now? Was he even really a warrior?

He fought a fox that one time, and a band of badgers. He'd even squared up in a fight with the Thunderclan leader. Deerspark doubted any of the scars she got were even remotely painful, especially compared to his shredded tail and torn ear. He still couldn't hear the best out of it... Deerspark sighed and rolled onto his back, flopping down to the ground with a small grunt and allowed the harsh sun to beat onto his stomach. "What... What am I doing wrong? Did I miss something? Why did I lose... everything?"

Starclan must hate him. But he wasn't sure why. Deerspark fancied himself a good warrior, scatterbrained and obnoxious, but good. Good enough to not do anything significant or ground breaking, but good enough to be grouped up with The Good Ones™. And that should've been enough for him. Deerspark stretched out his paws and placed them over the sun, offering himself some shade from the light. Why wasn't it enough? As anxious as Deerspark was, being forgotten was just as bad as being dead.

But it seemed his fate was already sealed. Forgotten. Insignificant. Lonely. And sore. Deerspark couldn't even bring himself to cry, he cried enough. Plus, that would be such a depressing image. He'd spare the clan his episodes, they didn't deserve that.

Tags:
@redshiftreign // Emberkit