You Are A Piece of Me I Wish I Didn't Need [p]

[Dark]

Originally Posted by Dust

[ Cherryswirl - 54 Moons]

She/Her | Chaotic Good | Warrior
Go With The Flow [Active]

The meeting was... wow a whirlwind of emotions - Cherryswirl was on the fence about how Fading had addressed the apprentice... while they had been harsh in their original response, Fading's reply felt cruel - even if it was true. And especially as there was no real encouragement for the apprentice to get better. It was easy for their clanmates to become disheartened and bitter about the state of their clan. If everyone left there wouldn't be one! Geez. She was really becoming a bleeding heart as she aged! It was still easy for her to remember when she was an absolute menace to the clan at age... but at least her mentors had slapped some responsibility into her. Though, as she listened to Fadingsun go on, Cherryswirl gave an affirmative nod to his response about the borders. Checking in was a good idea if nothing else. It would only mean she worked harder for that to become a reality. As the meeting came to a close, Swirls released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. Though, as she watched her clanmates begin to filter away from the Floodstone, Cherry became unnervingly aware of the empty spot beside her where a certain someone used to sit...

Where was Fishfreckle? The warrior craned her neck above the crowd, hoping to spot him nearby and ultimately grab his attention. Cherry hadn't gotten a chance to talk to him yet since her arrival... Stars... he would surely be upset... hopefully nottttt? She could atleast hope.

[ @Dark - Fishfreckle ]

Fishfreckle

Go With the Flow | Silver Tongue [Perm]
___________

The small tom had made a habit of avoiding meetings as of late. It was just too much of a hassle to keep up with everything that was going on. From the noise to the constant arguing, they offered little more than a raging migraine and he had dealt with enough of those in the last few moons. Of course, that didn't mean that he didn't keep up with what was happening in the clan, and in this case, he could actually hear things from the warrior's den. It appeared as though Fadingsomething was being promoted to leader and Birdsnow was stepping down. A shame, really. He had begun to grow fond of Birdsnow's regime, but alas, as with many of the leaders before her, she was destined for a short leadership. The spotted tabby couldn't help but feel that Fadingwhatsit had a similar fate in store.

It was whatever, after all, RiverClan had long since become a pathetic mess that he could hardly call himself proud to belong to. Not that he contributed too much to the clan, but at this point, he found himself just not caring. It was a lost cause. Sure, he could guide the others and tell them what to do, but without any real authority or ambition, there was nothing that could be done to solve the dilemma.

As the meeting ended and the cats began scattering, Fishfreckle made his way out of the warrior's den and did a deep stretch. Perhaps he should take some time to get out of camp. But with the new rules imposed just who would he... feeling a pair of eyes on him, he quickly scanned the clearing for just who dared look upon his visage. Green eyes narrowed dangerously, they landed upon a cat that he had done everything in his power to block out of his mind.

It was Cherryswirl.

He blinked, very slowly as their eyes met but he didn't say a word. He didn't move a single muscle as he stared at the cat that had left him without so much as a word. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he could feel a familiar anger bubbling, threatening to explode forth, however, he kept it contained for the moment. When did she get back? Why was she here? Just... what was going on?

[ @Dust sorry for the delay ]

[Dust]

[ Cherryswirl - 54 Moons]

She/Her | Chaotic Good | Warrior
Go With The Flow [Active]

As soon as Cherryswirl's gaze caught Fishfreckle's, she smiled wide giving a friendly flick of her tail towards him. It was... difficult to gauge his expression. On one paw, Swirls knew that Fish had always held a 'would rather be anywhere but here and also I'm grumpy' expression to him - that wasn't anything new. But, on the other paw, there was something lingering in the air... A type of static that caused her hackles to raise ever so slightly as his gaze pierced her. Fish was a sensitive lad. Was he... upset over her having been missing? Cherryswirl's smile faltered momentarily as she began to pick her way through the crowd and towards him. She really tried to - and I mean REALLY TRIED - to bite back the bubbling anxiety in her belly as she stood tall in front of Fishfreckle now,

"Fish," She started, "I was looking for ya! I'm glad to see you-" It was her best attempt to try and diffuse the tension she was feeling. Her response was a sure-fire way to either relax the other... or wind them up.

[ No worries at all! ]
[ @Dark - Fishfreckle ]

[Dark]

Fishfreckle

Go With the Flow | Silver Tongue [Perm]
___________

The stare continued as the larger warrior approached. The only indication of him acknowledging her coming was the upward incline of his neck as she drew nearer. She was acting far too friendly for someone who had wronged him in the way that she did. She was smiling and happy, but for what? She had left him all alone, just like everyone else did. There was no cause for happiness.

Staring blankly, he said nothing when she did speak to him. Why would he? What cause did he have to talk to her like nothing had changed? Something definitely changed, and it irked him that she might not even be aware of it. His eyes narrowed further and his lips turned into a frown as he thought of how to address his former mentor. He once held a deep respect for the she-cat, but now? He wasn’t quite sure, but he felt a sense of betrayal whenever he thought of her which was only magnified now that they were face to face. ”Why.” He said at last. Though a question, it was said more as a simple phrase. ‘Why what?’ one may ask, but he wouldn’t be able to tell you. He wasn’t quite sure himself at the moment. Perhaps with Cherryswirl’s answer, he’d be able to come up with a proper response of his own.

[ @Dust I'm so sorry he's a meanie ]

[Dust]

[ Cherryswirl - 54 Moons]

She/Her | Chaotic Good | Warrior
Go With The Flow [Active]

The silence that lingered after her greeting was felt. It felt hollow, achingly awkward and tense. Holding her gaze with his, Swirls searched his face for any signs of recognition or softness. Fish seemed devoid of any of those. It was here that her smile slowly fell, brows furrowing with worry and body shifting out of a more confident stance,

"Why?" She seemed to echo mindlessly, her eyes still searching Fishfreckle's features, "Why what, Fish?" Truthfully, Cherryswirl thought she knew the reason... but would he tell her? Would he tell her how he felt?

[ @Dark - Fishfreckle ]

[Dark]

Fishfreckle

Go With the Flow | Silver Tongue [Perm]
___________

A hint of anger flashed through his green orbs as Cherryswirl asked for clarification. He could tell that he was unnerving her – making her worried, however, the part of him that felt bad and wanted nothing more than to rush to her was not at the forefront at the moment.

”Why what?” the tiny tom echoed, voice raising in disbelief. It was as if… wait, don’t tell him… she genuinely didn’t know? She didn’t know the way he felt in the time she was gone, or hell, in the time before that? He may not be the most open with his feelings at times (other than anger), but surely she had to have known beforepaw? There was just no way... someone as smart and talented as she should've been able to pick up what he was feeling.

Swallowing hard, his features hardened, for a moment they contorted as if he were in pain, however, that was short-lived. ”You left me.” He said at last. His voice came out an octave higher than usual as he relieved the emotions he initially felt when the she-cat disappeared. She had been his last light of hope in the clan, the only thing keeping him from going completely feral, and she just left. Eyes stinging as he was on the verge of crying, he bared his teeth at the older warrior. "You left me. You did the same thing everyone else has done. You abandoned me, Mom! You left me all alone again, and now you won’t to pretend like nothing happened!?" This was an unfamiliar feeling that he was experiencing. His chest felt tight and it felt like he’d swallow a rock and it sunk straight to the bottom of his stomach. In a way, it was similar to how he had felt after Minkpaw had died. However, it was also different. He wasn’t quite sure what this was, but he knew that Cherryswirl was the cause of it and it only worsened as he continued to speak to her.

He didn’t like it.

How could she do this to him?

[ @Dust ]

[Dust]

[ Cherryswirl - 54 ]

She/Her | Chaotic Good | Warrior
Go With The Flow [Active]

Cherryswirl had never been... great at hearing when others were upset with her... It was something that she had tried viciously to overcome since she was an apprentice. The solution during her apprenticeship had been to seek refuge in bad behaviors... but now - nearly 40 moons later - she tried to swallow the full extent of how it felt. Being angry was always easier than accepting fault. She understood it - she really did! But... it reminded her of the talk with Sleekfur... Ugh. For a moment, Swirls expression was unreadable - though her eyes were wide as Fishfreckle's voice cracked.

"I-" She nearly interjected, before she was cut off as Fishfreckle continued expressing himself. It was what she wanted but... hearing it made her heart hurt. Ears slipping back and tail drooping, Swirls listened quietly. Attentively. She was doing everything in her power to force down the rising bile from her stomach - like she would be sick with grief. It hadn't been intentional, her leaving... She had been taken and spent the majority of the time trying to get back to her clan... her family... to Fish. Internally, she had to remind herself that Fishfreckle didn't know that - and she couldn't expect him to carry the weight of the mistake she had made that led to her getting caught. That wasn't his fault... It wasn't his emotional burden to carry. Swirls would have continued to sit quietly if not for the next words that came out of her former apprentice's mouth-

"Fish..." Her voice was barely a choked-up whisper, eyes beginning to feel misty with the threat of tears. Swirls hadn't wanted to cry - she hadn't felt like crying - but hearing Fishfreckle refer to her as... mom... made her chest tighten until she couldn't breath as the unbearable, crashing weight of disappointment nearly knocked her off her paws. She tried to process what he had said - to help regulate her own feelings - but whenever the words were played back in her mind they turned to static. Words were being searched for. Nothing was coming. What could she say?

"I... Fish, I'm so, so sorry..." Finally managed after a long moment of silence - her voice was hoarse, nearly breaking as she forced it out. A part of her wanted comfort the young cat, much like a mother would and her body nearly followed through as she took a small step towards Fishfreckle. But, worried it might only further anger or upset him, Swirls decided quickly against it. She stayed in that awkward position, her eyes trained intently on him...

"Can we... talk about what happened?" Swirls choked out. Would Fishfreckle be interested in knowing what happened?

[ @Dark - Fish ]

[Dark]

Fishfreckle

Go With the Flow | Silver Tongue [Perm]
___________

He hadn’t intended to come across as harsh as he did. He didn’t want to be mean to her, but the weight of the perceived betrayal was heavy and he wasn’t able to process just what it was he was feeling – thinking it to be anger like usual.

For once in his life he felt regret. Watching how the words he said affected the cat whom he’d come to love and trust the most, how they tore her apart to the point where she was left looking dejected and crestfallen, the way her voice came out in a choked whisper — it was too much. He’d messed up. He didn’t mean this.

At some point, an unfamiliar wetness stained his cheeks and he reached up to wipe it away. As he pulled his paw back, he realized what it was. They were tears. Crying? Him? The spotted tabby never thought he’d be one to cry, but here he was, experiencing the epitome of weakness. For the first time in his life, Fishfreckle was crying.

And it was his fault.

He hurt Cherryswirl.

”I’m sorry–” He said, voice barely above a whisper. The words felt foreign on his tongue as he said them. Had he ever once told another cat that he was sorry? For anything? Honestly and truthfully, he couldn’t remember the word sorry ever leaving his mouth, but here he was. Apologizing. His ears flattened and he closed his eyes shut tightly, overwhelmed by the unfamiliar feeling. This stuff, whatever it was, hurt. A lot.

He didn’t know what else to say or do, for once being at a total loss for words. So instead of actually answering her question, he gave her a slight nod to indicate that he was willing to talk to her about what occurred. He should’ve just done that from the get-go. How could he treat her like that?

[ @Dust ]