✩｡°°｡✩ he . . him ➔ massive white tom with black splotches and floppy ears. scars cover his neck. x-marks on his shoulders and his left hindleg is covered in burn scars
╭₊˚purrks﹕monkey's paw, the collector, herb knowledge, kitty softpaws ₊˚੭ ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
He's tired. It wears on him like a ill-fitted pelt, goes into his very bones. The tiredness had always been present, long since wiggled its way into his soul but now it is apparent. His clanmates have mostly said their goodbyes, stepping away and departing. The yelling ceasing, the fights for him to stay or such yield no results. His vision is blurry, all Cowtuft can do is focus on a small patch of grass where the snow hadn't quite fallen. Perhaps a cat had been sitting there, protecting it from the weather.
(He never liked the cold. )
His black and white tail hangs down, touching the ground. He blinks drearily, trying to drag his mind through the hazy fog. His floppy ears perk up at someone asking a question, it's not directed to him but he tries to look. An orange tabby, Firestorm, he thinks? She doesn't move to leave however, and Lightningstorm (from the process of elimination) soon joins them. It seems like this would be his goodbye.
Cowtuft reckons its fitting. It's better, more than his victims got. They didn't get to say goodbye. He turns around, looking back - taking one last final glance of the camp. He tries to cement it to memory, taking in every crook and nanny. His gaze lingers on his den for the longest. He hadn't got to clean it this moon. He hopes Lightningstorm doesn't mind. He did his best to keep his nest tidy.
,,, he takes a shaky breath and turns away. He moves forward despite it all. Every pawstep he wants to reject, he was leaving his home. These were his last moments, and he did not know how to cherish them properly. Instead, Cowtuft is quiet and follows behind Twilightstar.
Firestorm was not happy. Not at all. She was a combination of scared, frustrated, and sad. If you threw the combination of her nausea and migraine on top of it, it didn’t really make for a great combination. Realistically, she should be laying down in here nest or something at the momen, but instead she was following her leader alongside Cowtuft and Lightningstorm on unsteady paws. She wasn’t quite yet ready to say goodbye to the former healer, and as for the current one, she had something that she desperately wanted to tell her after seeing Cowtuft off.
Unsure of what to say, and not the best with words, she gently pressed her side ot the much larger cat and attempted to drape her feathery tail across his back in an effort to offer him some form of comfort. Every once in a while she’d send glances over in Spot’s way. She was trying to process what was going on, as well as figure out just what she was going to tell her.
It was odd. Being out here with their leader, the former, now exiled medicine cat whom she came to see as her brother, and then the current medicine cat who she was preparing to give her heart to.
If only they could’ve come all come out here in different circumstances… maybe during Green-leaf they could’ve sat together and made flower crowns, or perhaps they could race along the moor or play a game… Just why did things have to work out like this? Regardless of what their clanmates said, and the ambiguity of Cowtuft’s signs for his actions, Firestorm wanted to believe in him. She wanted to trust that he never had any evil intentions, that this was all just a horrible misunderstanding.
| Lightningstorm |
Flock Together [Tier 3] - Inactive
I'm sorry I accused you of negligence. It's not your fault that you didn't notice the poisoned herbs. You're a worthy medicine cat, and I know you'll serve our Clan well for many seasons to come.
Those were the last words Wolffang had spoken to her before she had joined Cowtuft and Twilightstar. Before Kitten had joined along. And she hated it. Lightningstorm hadn't lied. Not a word that had been uttered by her had been false. If anyone decided to misconstrue what she had said, that was entirely on them. Never mind that she had played with words like she always did. How she had dealt in technical facts that strayed from the intended meaning. She had been honest as always. So why did she feel as rotten about letting the tom down as she did now?
It doesn't matter. They'll all turn on you soon enough. You won't last the leaf-bare. First cat dead will be your own death. They won't let you get away like they are doing Cowtuft. No no, you actually know how to hunt. How to survive. They can't have that. Leaving now is simply advancing the inevitable. You don't owe them a thing. They don't trust you. Everything they say is nothing more than a manipulative lie.
The same voice that haunted her nightmares spoke to her now. It was a taunting, mocking, derisive sneer of a voice. She could vividly see the upturned lip that accompanied those words. It was her own. That warped, vile, grotesque version of her that made sure she never forgot her place. The one that made sure she always remembered how she was nothing. Oh, that part of her was having quite the time today. It seemed the further away she walked the more the voices that had called for her demise tumbled in her head. Because even without a lick of evidence, WindClan had quickly turned on her already. A clear sign of how swiftly they would maul her when the time arrived. When it was her blood's turn to paint the ground red.
Taking in a shaky breath, Lightningstorm turns her gaze upwards, looking at her mentor as he follows WindClan's leader. Her soon to be former leader. Would Twilightstar kill her if she found out what she had planned? Would Firestorm? Today had proven that WindClan was just like the rest of the clans they shunned. Eager to kill first and ask questions later. To fault anyone and everyone while suddenly claiming to be experts in something they had been blind to mere moments before. The lilac molly had at the very least earned her apprehension, the wiry healer finding herself unable to fully distrust her. She had tried Cowtuft. Something needed to be done. The calico wasn't so naive as to believe this could have all been ignored. It wasn't her fault her clan had shown its true colors the first chance they got to showcase just how superior they were to those who resided elsewhere. How much better they were to those funny smelling cats who used herbs instead of claws and fangs in service to the clan. She'd experienced this before... she just didn't think she would experience it again so quickly after the fact.
A lapis hued orb unconsciously side eyed the tabby that accompanied them at this thought, remembering the last time they had spoken. Stars... that had been a mess. She supposed that if today had been a display of the clan's general standards, Firestorm's had been much tamer than most of her clanmates'. At least she had tried to stand up for Cowtuft. Remembered the good he had done despite this one moment of him being such a... such a...
"Hare brain..." Lightningstorm whispered in a broken voice, more to herself than anyone else, her eyes downcast once more as she tried to ignore the wretched feeling of anger and disappointment in her mentor bubbling up within her; he'd suffered enough cruelty for the day... and they would never see anyone here soon... the last thing she needed was to push him away as she was trying to help over something as worthless as emotions right now.
Twilightstar moved on silent paws as she led her small patrol closer and closer to the outskirts. It felt like she was trudging through heavy water or thick mud, each paw step more difficult to take than the last. The sounds of the yowls, the hissing, the spatting, and the fighting, slowly drifted into nothingness until all she heard were critters that roamed the prairie and the paw steps of the cats trailing behind her.
An uneasy quietness wrapped around the patrol, hurting the leader's ears. Twilightstar's always stood as this unshakable rock at the forefront of WindClan. Grounded and unwavering in command and decision, but even the steadiest rocks could erode and crack with time as more and more pressure was forced upon them. Today felt like one of those days where she had frail cobwebs holding together what remained of the mighty leader.
Guilt, doubt, anxiety, anger, sadness, a cocktail of emotions swirled underneath the surface as they drew closer and closer to the outskirts. Never in her wildest dreams would she have thought she'd be exiled Cowtuft's of all cats. Twilightstar lived through far more hardships than most cats did in two lifetimes, and although they did strengthen her they also broke her, chipping away pieces of herself that she'd never get back. It was exhausting and painful, and she wished she could just fix it all.
But wishes rarely became reality, so she was stuck kicking and internally screaming through this ocean of agony, breathing what little air she could catch and dealing with it or giving up and drowning in it. She had to make the hard calls like this and watch those she held so dear and near suffer for it.
As the border finally came into view, Twilightstar paused at the edge and peered down at her paws for a long moment, words failing her and brain dead. This felt wrong in so many ways, but her paws were tied. When the leader lifted her head again, she turned and rested her gaze on Cowtuft.
"I am truly sorry about this, Cowtuft. When I named you Medicine Cat all those moons ago, never would I have imagined a fate as cruel as this." Twilightstar watched many of her medicine cats come and go, each one a little more heartbreaking than the last, but having to actively exile one...
"I will miss you dearly, my old friend. It breaks my heart to have to send you away like this. If I could I would do something to change this, but..." The leader trailed off, voice and eye thick with unspoken emotions. "Never forget, no matter where you go or what you may be called, you will always be clan to me. I will never be able to repay you for all you have done for this clan, but do know that you can always call upon me should you need aid, so long as I am WindClan's leader." Twilightstar meowed, moving to butt her head against the tom's in one last farewell.
This farewell would certainly haunt her for the rest of her days, she wished she could do more for him. Twilightstar knew in her heart how much Cowtuft loved WindClan, but this mistake was too large to overlook. If she could accompany the tom, to at least ensure his safety, she would, but leaving the clan alone for too long would most likely end disastrously, especially after all of this. She could only hope that Cowtuft might find some other exiles to be with if he refused the life of a kittypet.
The thought of him being alone, unable to hunt or fight... this was definitely going to haunt her for her remaining life. As the leader went to give the tom's a few more affectionate licks, she finally pulled away and walked a few tail lengths away to give the other two some time to say their farewells.
@Alchemist Kitsune [Lightningstorm] @Dark [Firestorm] @wolfie [Cowtuft]
[Feel free to skip over Twilightstar from here on out, if she's not directly being spoken to I'll probably have her sit off to the side and wait until Lightning and Fire are ready to head back to camp.]
✩｡°°｡✩ he . . him ➔ massive white tom with black splotches and floppy ears. a large scar covers his neck. x-marks on his shoulders and his left hindleg is covered in burn scars
╭₊˚purrks﹕monkey's paw, the collector, herb knowledge, kitty softpaws ₊˚੭ ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
The snow is cold on his singular backpaw as he limps, quiet as he moves whilst it feels like his back hindleg has been ignited in flames once more due to the chilly temperatures. Somehow, it's a bit grounding. A sensation he can focus on, something that makes him feel ,, less of a walking spirit. but it's still quiet. it is always quiet in leaf-bare and none of his companions speak to fill it. his memories are what fill the silence in flickers and flashes.
(Voices crying out, blood bubbling from lips and bodies dropping dead on the floor. )
(Heat surround them, flames licking at limbs hungrily and the weight of the world crushing his hindleg. A bloodcurling scream, high-pitched mewling afar.)
(An older sister and her sibling curled up at her side. They are not breathing. A promise is left unfulfilled.)
(A dark, crooked forest and a sinister grin.)
(A spotted kit in his den speaking of death — he thinks she is far too young to encounter such a grim reality but that does not change the event.)
(There is a den that has been recently cleaned and golden flowers stock the storage. A child pleads to his leader. )
(The voice of his mother chastising harshly after he confesses about his dream, a foolish wish.)
Someone soft presses against his side, a tail resting on his back and Cowtuft is pulled back to the present. He blinks rapidly, glancing around frantically. For a brief moment, he has forgotten where he is and what is partaking. And then he remembers and the lump is back in his throat. The vividness of the memories quickly disappearing into a stale memory; skinless. He curses himself for drifting, his heart thumping against his chest. He didn't understand, but his mind no longer felt like it belonged to him. Someone else had moved in, keeping the details to themself.
The border is coming into view. Cowtuft could've sworn it had barely been a few minutes. He tries to lift his feathery tail and rest it on Firestorm's back to return the gesture. His floppy ears perk up at a mumbling voice but he can't quite make it out. He still turns to look in the direction of Lightningstorm, but the guilt fills him and he is quick to turn away.
He stops at the border, looking into the distance of the outskirts. With all the screaming quieted, he knows this is not a dream even if he might desperately wish for it to be. His tongue darts out to lick his dry lips, almost unable to tear his gaze away from where his new home (could never be it) awaits until Twilightstar speaks. (if there's anything he is grateful about it is that his departing party is only them. )
"Y, you're a, apologizing?" Cowtuft croaks out weakly, he didn't know what he expected but it was not that. Maybe scorning, that would be deserved. His bottom lip wavers, gaze focused on her face -- looking for the signs of maybe a lie. "You .. are far t, too kind... I'm, s, so sorry - I - I never w, would've t..thought.... " His voice trails off, there were many things. So many things. He swallows nervously, opening his mouth before closing it again. He wishes he spent more time with her. "I won't.. e, ever be able.. t, to say sorry enough .. " He squeezes his eyes shut, thumpthumpthump. The blood roars in his ears. His apologizes didn't feel like much, but hopefully it wouldn't leave a bitter taste. Cowtuft didn't know what else he could say.
He nods his head in complete understandment. His punishment felt ill-fitting but on the opposite scale — too lenient. (or maybe she did truly know what this meant for him.) "It's - , okay. I'm, v, very grateful .. for being able to serve .. WindClan .. for any.. amount of time, " He didn't want Twilightstar to have any guilt for this. His gaze falls to his paws, tail tucked between his legs.
You will always be clan to me.
Starsdammit, he wanted to stop crying and to stand strong but she says that and his heart is shattering again. Despite everything, she still believed in him. Despite all of his wrongs, she offered him aid. Something he felt so far from deserving. Cowtuft sniffles weakly, trying to not look towards his sister and apprentice. She steps forward, butting her head against his and a low, crackly purr erupts from his chest - growing louder at the few licks. He tries to lean forward, to rest his head for a moment over her shoulder if she would allow. "T, thank you - for - beli, believing in m, me .. You're, a wonderful leader, " He whispers quietly, pulling back and watching her move a few tail-lengths away.
He takes in a few shaking and shuddering breaths, his shoulders trembling. He had to say goodbye to Firestorm and Lightningstorm now when he could barely look at them. His actions affected not only his victims, but them too. He stained their paws with blood. It didn't matter if he tried to reassure them it wasn't their fault - he knew words couldn't get rid of the guilt that came with losing someone under your care.
"I'm, so proud of you two. I'm.. I wish I could be around .. longer .. You both .. are going to accomplish, incredibly great - great things. You .. are some of the kindest cats I know .. Do not let - anyone .. or anything c, change that about you. Cats.. can be awfully .. cruel and ignorant, but there is always good. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, " Cowtuft speaks firmly, even insisting. Bitterness could consume even the brightest souls and .. with everything, especially knowing a traitor were in their ranks .. things could seem hopeless. His fate may be sealed but they didn't have to end up like him.
"I,, wish I .. hadn't been - s, so naive. I, should not.. have trusted the stars.. Shouldn't have been ..so blind to the o, obvious signs .." He looks away, as if he was still trying to grasp on to something more to say. "N..never in my .. dreariest days.. would I expect ..such .. "sabotage, poison, destruction - "things .. to, h, happen .. I, r.., r-really did .. believe firmly .. in my own perspective.. but it was.. so,, v,very distorted.." He whimpers quietly, shaking his head back and forth. It was the only way he could explain - to make sense of it all. He felt tricked by the stars, but furthermore himself.
"But what done is done - I know nothing I say can change that,, You both .. deserved much more from me, " Cowtuft takes a small step forward to them, and it truly clicks in that this was goodbye. He would very likely never see them again. They may never want to see him again - would he one day forget what they looked like?
Their voices? Their scents? He would never see if either of them started a family of their own. He wouldn't be there for their injuries or their dark times. He wouldn't ever get to banter with Lightningstorm again.. To witness her train an apprentice of her own .. There would be no more of Firestorm's optimism or jokes.. if he tried to recall any of their good memories, would he eventually come up with a blank?
He becomes startlingly aware of the tears streaming down his cheeks and he hastily lifts a paw up to wipe them away. Cowtuft looks to Lightningstorm, "I'm sorry .. you have ..to be a medicine cat on your own so soon .. I t, thought we would have more time .. but you're so, so capable .. I know you can do it.,, Don't let the stars control your fate. It's yours, whatever - whatever you want in life. I know, in my very soul, you can get it, " It's like time is starting to escape him, tick - tick. He knew he only had one chance. "I love you, so much .. little lily .. " He moves forward, trying to gently bump his head against her shoulder if she would allow it.
"The same .. goes to you too, Firefly.. I - I think you might, have to wait a lill bit.. before you can become the leader of WindClan,, " His tone could almost be considered lighthearted if the circumstances were ignored, ".. but if you truly wish .. I think, you can .. absolutely .. be a great leader. I'm s, sorry I won't be able to see it personally .. but I hope you know that I'll be cheering you on in my heart. I love you, please don't.. forget that.." He clears his throat, wiping away any remaining tears. He moved forward to try and give her a few affectionate licks on her forehead.
"I'm sorry - to both of you, that I'm putting you through this,," Cowtuft looked back and forth to both of them. "I'm s - so, so glad I got to know you all three of you, " He nods, taking a few steps back to where he stood on the other side of the border. Out of WindClan territory. A place he would never step again. "Th, thank you. " He can't say goodbye. The word is stuck on his tongue, he knows he has to say it but it's stuck - he simply stands completely still. He couldn't be the first to leave.
__________________
❝ hold on tight to this time,
this place 'cause everything you know will be erased.
you were born inside your head.
and that is where you'll be when you are dead. ❞ -- the sleepy consumes me --
꒰ pronouns.cc꒱
last words of a shooting star [ p ]
Re: last words of a shooting star [ p ]
