more harm than good

[Aolani]

The meeting was dreaded. More dreaded than death when she was in the river, being swept away, the waves turning, her broken, useless leg painfully twisting until it broke off on a rock, leaving her to bleed away her spirit. She died because she couldn't swim with her injury she got from defending her clan that was now under a dictatorship.

In luck, Fadingsun would die or retire as quick as the others. Torture, cowardice, laziness. Her clan did nothing. She gave her fatal weakness defending riverclan. She died trying to find Sweetsong.

That was all she ever did while she was alive. Help, give, lose. She didn't have enough to be okay. Her old mindset would blame it all on herself, but while she knew it was partially on her, there were other people to claim the blame now.

Self-centered, closed-off. That's who she was alive. She still could be, but she didn't care. She didn't need to care about the living. The stars didn't care about her or Riverclan enough to save them once. She could start anew now, fit in to the majority. Up here, there were no borders, no wars. It was better. It brought her the feeling she had done enough, but in reality she knew it was too much. Still, her spite had amounted as she had gazed down into the liquid mirror to the living.

Rookpaw, the cat once Minkpaw. She didn't mind, in fact, she supported the decision. She had seen everything that had happened. Sweetsong ran away from her to live with someone she'd never seen in person. They could've been completely fake. She didn't even tell Fallenwish.

Maybe it was her turn to be the special starclan cat.

You never cared,

"Did you?" Her voice shook with pain. The field materialized. Waving tall grass concealed the brown earth. She glared at the monster in front of her. "Were you planning to go somewhere tonight?" She implied with a sharp, spiteful, angry tone. "You never told me. If you cared enough to pay attention, I never developed dream superpowers." She let Sweetsong figure that out by herself. She replayed the scene over and over and over, unable to forget the horrible tearing sound and her blood ran through the river. A foolish way to die as a part of the group that was reknowned for swimming.
[ @Tiabirb ]

[Tiabirb]

Her head was clear, her heart at rest. It had hurt so much to leave. She hadn't wanted to, but it had been the only way to save herself from the cruel and heartless dictatorship that was RiverClan.

Her dreams came. She was standing on the edge of the river, back in her old territory. She missed this place, where she had learned to fish and swim, where she was safe from the criticism and abuse of her Clanmates. But as she watched herself in the calm waters, the dream suddenly shifted, and she was standing in a field, staring into the mismatched eyes of her sister.

Sweet knew exactly what Fallenwish was upset about, and her gaze turned to sorrow. The scene replayed, and the sinking feeling of truth seemed to weigh her in place.

Fallenwish was dead.

Sweet burst into tears, green eyes two pools of leaking sadness. "I'm so sorry..." She whispered, "But I didn't leave for anyone but my own sake, sister." Her tail waved, and the dream changed again, showing the meadow where the single willow tree stood alone. "I ran for my life. For my sanity. Away from the senseless deaths and cruel teachings...I planned to become a queen...but as things got worse...I told myself I couldn't raise kits just to watch them die for reasons that are unworthy."

She padded toward the fallen log, peering inside to the two sleeping forms. "Crow was exiled...everything went wrong. He wanted to be happy, he tried to do things right...and he trusted someone who wasn't you." Her gaze lifted to Fallenwish, "We were hoping he would join RiverClan, but now I am happy he never had the chance...he would have been killed so quickly..." Her ears fell, and she turned away from the sleeping log after one last look.

"I never expected him to be here. I didn't run away for anyone...but StarClan must have been watching, they must have wanted our friendship to live on..." Sweet smiled at the thought; it brought her comfort knowing that StarClan could still reach her. Even if...the spirit was the last one she had expected to see. "I'm so sorry you died, Fallenwish...but the Clan we once called ours may as well belong to Poisonberry." She practically spat the name. "Bullying, abuse, murder, and all while being told it's our fault for it. Now tell me if you think I really wanted to live in PoisonClan? I wanted to be a proud member of RiverClan, but they're nothing but horrible cats who don't care about the lives that are impacted by their awful choices..."

"Blame me if it puts your spirit at rest, Fallenwish. But we all made the choices that brought us here. Yours too, even if it did end your life. Everything happens for a reason, my sister..."

@Aolani

[Aolani]

Originally Posted by Tiabirb

Her head was clear, her heart at rest. It had hurt so much to leave. She hadn't wanted to, but it had been the only way to save herself from the cruel and heartless dictatorship that was RiverClan.

Her dreams came. She was standing on the edge of the river, back in her old territory. She missed this place, where she had learned to fish and swim, where she was safe from the criticism and abuse of her Clanmates. But as she watched herself in the calm waters, the dream suddenly shifted, and she was standing in a field, staring into the mismatched eyes of her sister.

Sweet knew exactly what Fallenwish was upset about, and her gaze turned to sorrow. The scene replayed, and the sinking feeling of truth seemed to weigh her in place.

Fallenwish was dead.

Sweet burst into tears, green eyes two pools of leaking sadness. "I'm so sorry..." She whispered, "But I didn't leave for anyone but my own sake, sister." Her tail waved, and the dream changed again, showing the meadow where the single willow tree stood alone. "I ran for my life. For my sanity. Away from the senseless deaths and cruel teachings...I planned to become a queen...but as things got worse...I told myself I couldn't raise kits just to watch them die for reasons that are unworthy."

She padded toward the fallen log, peering inside to the two sleeping forms. "Crow was exiled...everything went wrong. He wanted to be happy, he tried to do things right...and he trusted someone who wasn't you." Her gaze lifted to Fallenwish, "We were hoping he would join RiverClan, but now I am happy he never had the chance...he would have been killed so quickly..." Her ears fell, and she turned away from the sleeping log after one last look.

"I never expected him to be here. I didn't run away for anyone...but StarClan must have been watching, they must have wanted our friendship to live on..." Sweet smiled at the thought; it brought her comfort knowing that StarClan could still reach her. Even if...the spirit was the last one she had expected to see. "I'm so sorry you died, Fallenwish...but the Clan we once called ours may as well belong to Poisonberry." She practically spat the name. "Bullying, abuse, murder, and all while being told it's our fault for it. Now tell me if you think I really wanted to live in PoisonClan? I wanted to be a proud member of RiverClan, but they're nothing but horrible cats who don't care about the lives that are impacted by their awful choices..."

"Blame me if it puts your spirit at rest, Fallenwish. But we all made the choices that brought us here. Yours too, even if it did end your life. Everything happens for a reason, my sister..."

@Aolani

 

Each time the scene restarted, she flinched as the currents crashed underneath the surface while her three good limbs sent water flying upward. The heavy water enveloped her face before she escaped, just to see a rock reaching out of the rushing river, and finally her leg was caught, the ripping noise sounded, and she had screamed, blood pouring out of her shoulder to mix with the freshwater until she was gone.

She didn't want to witness her death again, but she wanted Sweetsong to, out of spite. It wasn't because of her dying, no. She wouldn't care. It was about the blood. Then again, did Sweetsong really hate blood? She couldn't trust her to tell the truth. She was just a copy of Poisonberry, but better at concealing her evilness. But now, Fallenwish could see right through that. She was smarter now. As always, she valued intelligence. Her hate-filled eyes traced the stream her sister, now spilling crocodile tears, had created.

The single willow, a little, peaceful tree, though to Fallenwish it was as well have been set aflame. She lightly stepped around to the other side of the dead structure of wood, her front left leg restored thanks to the magic of being dead, before Sweetsong was far enough away for her to look. The spiteful dilute calico peered inside, two sleeping cats living happily. One of them, a coward and a horrible excuse. The other a possibly fake Thunderclanner. The Thunderclan part she wouldn't hold against them, for she was the same cat. It was Sweetsong who wasn't.

Finally, she was ready to retort. "You literally just admitted that you left selfishly. You couldn't stay out of cowardice. You left at the first sign of dictatorship and somehow that makes you in the right. How loyal." She spat. But oh, she wasn't done yet, not at all. "You didn't tell me. I would've been upset, not dead, you idiot!" A tear crawled out of the corner of her eye, and her faced was laced with more spite than ever. The lying didn't end there. A tale played out in her mind, a walk. She cringed at herself being so calm in the presence of one of two poisons, the one there being a nightshade, so deadly yet so sweet. Here came the important part:

"You know...I've considered...just simply becoming a Queen...raising kits...but I just feel...like that isn't for me. I don't see love or kits in my future. I know I'd never had kits of my own...so it would just be..strange for a kitless Queen to take care of them.."

She glared, a fire set behind her heterochromic eyes. "Rather contradictory, isn't it?" It was the smallest detail, but a lie nonetheless. Keeping her responses in chronological, restless order, she continued on. "Your flattery won't work on work on me. Though, I do agree, trusting anyone but me was the greatest mistake I ever made." She wanted her to feel the pain of being insulted by someone you could count on. Well, it was quite different between both of them. Fallenwish would take all the hits for Sweetsong before, and Sweetsong wouldn't lift a claw.

"Crow was exiled. Everything went wrong. So everything is Thrushkit to you, hm? I meant nothing to you as soon as you accidently had a dream about someone who might not exist? Oh, and uow am I supposed to trust the fact she was the one who poisoned our parents? Or that you didn't kill her?"

The next comment set her off. No, this wouldn't do. The stars in her pelt shined brighter, colder.
I'M THE STARCLAN, FOOL! I DIDN'T WANT IT TO!"
She didn't resist. She didn't intend to. She wanted Sweetsong to be released from the blissful prison of ignorance. "I have nothing against Thrushkit!" she insisted on using the name given to him by Bumblestar because she knew it made Sweetsong sad. "Thrushkit makes you happy. But you can't have that! You need to feel what I did because of the amount of work I did for you and Riverclan just to be betrayed! You need to know how much it hurt me to see you run away from riverclan without letting me know!" She screamed, tears piling on her face.

[Tiabirb]

Sweet
------------------


The anger rolled from Fallenwish in waves, and Sweet was frankly getting annoyed by it. But everything she said and sneered and bitterly called her was nothing compared to the absolute insult that was the name a heartless leader gave to her friend.

Her claws unsheathed for the first time since she was an apprentice, and her fury caused the dream to erupt into flames, circling them closely. "YOU WILL NEVER CALL HIM THAT!" She screeched, and her claws were scoring through the air toward her sister's spirit, the first coming so close as to make contact should Fallenwish fail to duck away, but the rest were furious and clumsy, and yet Sweet continued to scream.

"Don't you ever slander him that way! I don't care what you think Fallenwish! It's not my fault you so foolishly closed your heart and mind when you faced your first disappointment! It's not my fault you closed yourself away from me! I have only ever loved and loved and what have I gotten for it? Scolded, betrayed, threatened and now? You do nothing less than the creatures that call themselves RiverClan, blaming me, or anyone they can for their anger and pain!"


"You are NOT StarClan, Fallenwish. Not with the anger in your soul. You belong with Poisonberry. It's so disappointing that you held this true self of yours from me until now. But you are just like her. You would never have given up RiverClan even if it destroyed itself until you were the last one standing. All hail Fallenstar, the last of RiverClan's failures!" Sweet let years of her anger out, years of suppressed fury, annoyance, turbulent moments she had suppressed for the sake of peace, and she curled her lip back into a snarl, for once, the small, sweet-hearted she-cat looking as ferocious as any Clan warrior.

"Get out of my dream and don't come back!" Sweet spat, "You disgrace the name of StarClan, but you still remain dead!" She whipped around, tossing the last words over her shoulder angrily with a lash of her tail.
"My name is Sweet. His name is Crow. We don't answer to the dead anymore. Not after this."

@Aolani

[Aolani]

Originally Posted by Tiabirb

Sweet
------------------


The anger rolled from Fallenwish in waves, and Sweet was frankly getting annoyed by it. But everything she said and sneered and bitterly called her was nothing compared to the absolute insult that was the name a heartless leader gave to her friend.

Her claws unsheathed for the first time since she was an apprentice, and her fury caused the dream to erupt into flames, circling them closely. "YOU WILL NEVER CALL HIM THAT!" She screeched, and her claws were scoring through the air toward her sister's spirit, the first coming so close as to make contact should Fallenwish fail to duck away, but the rest were furious and clumsy, and yet Sweet continued to scream.

"Don't you ever slander him that way! I don't care what you think Fallenwish! It's not my fault you so foolishly closed your heart and mind when you faced your first disappointment! It's not my fault you closed yourself away from me! I have only ever loved and loved and what have I gotten for it? Scolded, betrayed, threatened and now? You do nothing less than the creatures that call themselves RiverClan, blaming me, or anyone they can for their anger and pain!"


"You are NOT StarClan, Fallenwish. Not with the anger in your soul. You belong with Poisonberry. It's so disappointing that you held this true self of yours from me until now. But you are just like her. You would never have given up RiverClan even if it destroyed itself until you were the last one standing. All hail Fallenstar, the last of RiverClan's failures!" Sweet let years of her anger out, years of suppressed fury, annoyance, turbulent moments she had suppressed for the sake of peace, and she curled her lip back into a snarl, for once, the small, sweet-hearted she-cat looking as ferocious as any Clan warrior.

"Get out of my dream and don't come back!" Sweet spat, "You disgrace the name of StarClan, but you still remain dead!" She whipped around, tossing the last words over her shoulder angrily with a lash of her tail.
"My name is Sweet. His name is Crow. We don't answer to the dead anymore. Not after this."

@Aolani

It was a name. It was just. A name. Fallenwish had screwed up by saying a name. Shock stole her a ability to move as Sweetsong darted towards her. Her eyes widened as wide as the horizon as the meadow burst into flames. She didn't moved as the heat licked her tail, threatening to harm her and time slowed. Sweetsong, no longer a fitting name, had torn her. The pain hadn't been from the cut.

Blood. again. It poured out of her shoulder. She pictured the river. Maybe it knew what was best for her, if this was what she would be dealing with if she had lived. She wanted Sweetsong to be angry, right? Then why didn't she feel more like she was victorious?

Instead, she felt like heavy water was being poured onto her, or like her heart was hanging low in her chest, hanging by a thread. She also felt the little flame of anger in her, fighting it's way not to be choked out. She wouldn't let her fire drown.

She stepped back, the weight increasing as her sister's- no, sweetsong's idiotic and ferocious attacks missed her. She only watched, the flame still protected, pushing away waves as they threatened to kill her anger. She valued the anger, she couldn't let Sweetsong drag her courage down again. The weight had always been there when Sweetsong was there. Always a ghost, yet somehow holding her down while she dragged it along for all eternity.

"I was right." she whispered shakily, fighting to keep the spark left. Sweetsong didn't care. What a fool she used to be. She still could be one. She probably was. Sweetsong continued.

The spark found the clothe.

She could tell perfectly now she was intelligent. She knew she couldn't be a statue made of only negative material. It was something she'd been searching for, a positive casing. She could deduct and turn the monster's argument into a little speck. Sweetsong was something as simple as an idiot that wanted to be the god. As Fallenwish, but without the idiot part.

"Foolishly? First? You'd think we'd never met." She barked with a small laugh. "When our parents died, you know, the one you automatically blamed on someone else, I felt the need to carry the weight of two fallen warriors. I felt like I was drowning, and you just acted as a weight to pull me under! And this isn't my first disappointment." The water, exerted, fleshed out a dripping, cold cave so she could keep the bonfire going. She was practically the fire now, and she had no regrets about it. She let it free like a wildfire, scorching the woods.

She showed her deck of cards, the failures her sister had created. First hiding in the medicine den as others fought for their life, crowding a den that needn't more healers. Never speaking out against Poisonberry. She finished after a few more. "Not to mention this fault cost me my life. If loving is that, it shouldn't be considered a good thing."

She stared with hate and tear-filled, betrayed eyes as Sweet continued with pointless points. She waited. Sweet was done now. "Riverclan isn't beyond repair. It's you who is." Now, she had a lot to apologize for.

"I'm sorry I'm loyal. I'm sorry I don't see you as a role model anymore. I'm sorry I got angry at you for costing me my life. I'm sorry for trying to be a good person. I'm sorry all this spite has been hidden for the good of everyone. I'm sorry you couldn't see what was best for me. I'm sorry you can't be a hero. I'm sorry I had to be your sibling. I'm sorry I'm horrible."

"But most of all, I'm sorry you're worse."

Every apology spoken, another crack in the cave, and another stone tossed off of her heart."Say less." Once the gray was crumbling quickly, light barging in from the exit to be covered, the living constellation snapped out of the realm, travelling like light between the dream in her new home. She sniffed the sparkling breeze, feeling anew.

[Tiabirb]

Poisonberry
---------------------


Oh no. She wasn't letting them get away that easy. The world of dreams changed once more, and both spirit and flesh were surrounded by engulfing darkness and corralled by piercing thorns and ensnaring brambles.

Dark laughter rose from all around, cold and delighted, and peeling from the shadows was Poisonberry. "Oh my!" She couldn't suppress the fits of laughter that made the large silver and black tabby's shoulders shake. "Oh this is just precious! Are my wittle sisters arguing?" She threw her head back and howled her amusement to the dark, inky black sky.

And then she grew serious. Gravely so. "How pathetic do you have to be, Fallenwish, to attack little Sweetie here so viciously? How dumb are you? I died too, after an argument with Sweets, but you don't see me harking about it and blaming her. I made the choice to leave camp. I died because of my decision. Quit being a spiteful spirit just because you need some vindication for your own failures in life."

And then her gaze turned to Sweet, the same green eyes filled with loathing and reproach. "But if I am playing devil's advocate fairly, your goody-two-paws act is very hard to swallow. In a world where even your own loved ones can cut you down, playing nice and fair doesn't get you far. I am glad to see some backbone. RiverClan's state of decay is absolutely hilarious to witness, and yet, neither of you will fall with them when they do. In my opinion, you both made the right choice to leave when you did. In different ways, albeit, but effective, no?"


Sweet
-------------------

Her heart dropped at the sound of the laughter, and she remained still and unmoving as the brambles and thorns forced their way around her. Sweet swallowed hard, turning her head just the tiniest bit to see Poisonberry. The venom that spilled from her sister's mouth, the scathing rebukes she landed on both of them. Always the eldest, always the Judge, Jury and Executioner.


But she was fed up with these two. Both of them were bullies to her. RiverClan was just a Clan full of bullies. Sweet knew she deserved more than a life of ridicule and rebuke. And then, as if she had been stabbed by a thorn, she was awake, and gone was the dream. Gone were her sisters, torturing her. Sweet cried softly in her half-made nest, wishing that she had never developed the power to walk in dreams. If she hadn't, maybe none of this would be the way it was....


Poisonberry
-------------------------

Poisonberry laughed some more, circling her sisters like a shark circling its prey, but Sweet had fled. Darn dreamwalkers. Darn living. She must have woken up.
So she turned back to Fallenwish, her expression dark and wicked. "So how about this? Hm? Let's play a little game, Fallenwish? How about we bet some souls?" The dark green eyes flashed with malice, "I bet you that Sweetie will rejoin a Clan at some point. She's too soft to live on her own. Even with her new mate in the picture. If she rejoins a Clan, lives a long life, and succeeds where we both did not, your soul joins mine." The lips curled back into a vicious sneer, "In the Dark Forest, forever. If she dies by the elements or a cruel stroke of fate, I'll help you drag her soul to the Dark Forest myself...hm? In both cases, I win. One of my precious sisters joins me; I've been so very lonely..."


She held out her paw, claws fully extended. Should the spirits agree, Poisonberry's claws would draw the essence from herself and Fallenwish, spill it on the very ground in this place, and bind them.

What is it they say? Don't make deals with the devil? Well with this very angry spirit, she wondered if such a warning would be heeded...

@Aolani