Re: ShadowClan Apprentices' Den
useless useless useless useless useless her mind sang. It was night, the same day willowpaw made an utter fool of herself during the fight with the rats. the crickets sang somberly as though they too were sorrowful, and the usual hooting of owls had paused. the night was unusually calm, yet the cat felt the worst she'd felt in possibly her entire life. useless useless useless. the cat felt horrible. it felt like one wrong step, and her world could cave in. one wrong step and she was exiled. another step and she was executed. one wrong step and suddenly everything wasnt worth it anymore. useless stupid useless. a small moonbeam seeped through a crack in the wood above the cat's nest, caused by her slamming her head into the roof of stump after awakening from a nightmare of her getting mocked and mocked and mocked by her peers the night before. she knew it was silly, but the moonbeam felt like a spotlight, as though the moon itself were highlighting her so the stars could point and laugh at her. the uncomfortable thought made her think of how she'd mistaken starlingcall for being friends with a rat..... and that time she screamed "DUCK!" while hysterically rolling on the ground during battle training.... and when she'd spun around and around thinking that motion blur would make her invisible... it felt like no matter how much she buried her face in the moss, everyone would always mock and remember those moments. even if she made up for it. even if she became useful. stupid stupid stupid.
the cat rose, eyelids drooping. she couldnt sleep. couldnt get her mind to calm down. stupid stupid idiot. she wandered out and into dark. it was surprisingly gloomy outside - she'd have though it'd be at least a little lighter since it was only leaf-fall... then yet again, it was only a moon until it was officially leaf-bare. chilly air pricked through the feline's pelt. she mournfully dragged her paws across to one of the cedars that had no dens full of other cats she needed to worry about. the cat remembered seeing one of these cedars among the evergreens when the clan had first arrived here. at first she hadnt thought much about the large trunk she'd glanced, too occupied with worry, until dawnstar had started heading toward it. while at first she'd absolutely hated them, because they reminded her the most that they're old camp was gone. she missed the old camp. though soon it had become a tentative comfort; one of the cedars was well wide enough to hide behind, and a tiny bit behind it was a burrow. the burrow was too small to use as a den, but a warrior could fit comfortably inside it. even though she loved this place, she only went when she was feeling horrible enough, and only at night. the cat had been here often these days.
..... her mind was silent as she settled into the small, dry den. it was cold, but heating up gradually as the cat snuggled into her fur. one of her secrets was that, when she was here, the cat liked to imagine worlds of where she was a hero. in most of them, she wasnt a feline. twolegs, birds, and some imaginary creatures she'd come up with, like large mice with two sets of wings, or a bird and snake hybrid. the cat was always a hero there, fighting off hordes and hordes of evil bad guys, saving her friends, being praised by everyone. she never imagined those things around other cats. it felt like they could peer into her brain and humiliate her over her crazy imagination. tonight, she was an eagle. not just any eagle; an eagle with a deformed wing. despite her handicap, she flew and flew and saved her flock from various threats. the cat imagined slashing cougars, finding the cure a deadly plague and befriending mythical creatures until she drifted into a calm, deep sleep.....
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"Life would be so much better if only i were a gourd"
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