Déjà vu [p]

***Rani*** · #1 September 3rd, 2024, 05:27 AM

Larkthroat
Starclan Queen | She/Her | 25 Moons at death

World Weaver T2 | Previously Windclan

One step forward, two steps back. It was always one step forward and two steps back, how was a single cat to fight against the looming tide of fate and the malice of apathy? Larkthroat had gained some of Lightningstorm's hard earned trust, started to trying to reestablish the sacred bond between medicine cat and starclan all for it to wiped away with her memories. Stolen by a double edged gift Lightningstorm didnt even ask for.

It felt like there was nothing of real meaning Larkthroat could do in the end. One step forward, two steps back.

Except.... Larkthroat had made her bond to the medicine cat to help, to support and be there for windclan. So even if it got nowhere and the cruel claws of fate tore all progress away again the queen had to persist.

Once again Lightningstorm was summoned into the star dappled celestial field of starclan. Once again Larkthroat was waiting for her. Once again she introduced herself.

"Greetings and be welcomed Lightningstorm, I am Larkthroat, a queen of starclan and once windclan.

Some time ago we knew eachother, and Ive delivered prophecies and assistance to you before but the past matters little. What matters rather more is Im here to do it again."
Now that she knew the feeling the cow spotted molly could feel the weight of the future pushing against her throat. Of fate needed to be spoken and changed.

They had some time here in the timeless dreams however.
"If you wish to ask me anything before then however I promise to do my best to give answers. I do truly want to help."

@Alchemist Kitsune

***Alchemist Kitsune*** · #2 September 11th, 2024, 03:01 PM

She'd been here before. Lightningstorm had forgotten faces. The names associated with them. But the familiarity that each location she had grown accustomed to in some way was still there. The knowledge of her surroundings returning to her the moment she stepped foot upon them.

Lifting her head from between her paws, the medicine cat woke up to fields she hadn't been in since her memories had been taken from her, their familiarity taking her by surprise. Was this a dream? Or was it memory? The last time this had happened the location was... not one she was familiar with. Her visitor one she had thought a mere vision from her past trying to come through the dark crevice her entire being seemed to have been banished to until he started saying things that she couldn't have known. Spewing facts she shouldn't have been privy to. There was no such sense of discomfort here. No soggy sand nor loud waves. No nearly drowned black and white cat to speak to her.

Blinking, the herbalist got up, studying her surroundings. Unaware of her company until lapis hues met brown and for a moment she thought her starless visitor had come back for another visit. She opened her mouth, about to call out Cowmoon's given name. The one she was still convinced did not fit the tufted warrior. And yet she noticed her mistake before she could greet him. Because this was not him... but her. The eyes were wrong. The patches heart achingly similar yet not in the right places. But most importantly of all... stars adorned this one's pelt where only darkness seemed to have consumed the other. Lightningstorm's heart didn't feel the same trepidation of equal parts joy and anger at the sight of her. Merely a sense of ease. Of mild familiarity. The same clanmates like Firestorm and Crowtooth had radiated with when she'd first met them for the second time in her life.

"Larkthroat," she repeated, the name flowing out of her mouth easier than Cowmoon's had. Unlike the previous black and white feline, it appeared the star clad one had no lies to offer with her words. Nothing to hide from her even as the medicine cat tilted her head curiously, assessing the former WindClan queen.

"We knew each other? Were you like Cowmoon, then? No... you have brought prophecies, you say? That must mean you are an ancestor proper, not from my time?" Lightningstorm continued, her gaze adopting a thoughtful expression as she sat. "I doubt this is about what was taken... but considering I haven't had any contact from StarClan since... Well, I suppose this isn't a social call."

Questions. That was what Larkthroat had claimed she was here to respond to. And questions the herbalist had. Like what the hell had happened to her memories? Because try as much as she liked, it didn't make sense. She had treated cats with amnesia since her own recollections vanished, and it just wasn't the same. There were even times when she could feel them. When she realized her memories were coming back, only for a blinding headache to take them all away again. Was it true then? What Cowmoon had said? That StarClan had taken them all away?

The wiry framed she-cat studied the queen curiously as she debated this dubious knowledge she had gleaned from her previous visitor, and yet unlike him, this one seemed to be here with no secrets. Nothing hidden within. The wish to help was still there... yet there was something selfless here that the other had lacked. And yet this wasn't the only question that burned in the back of her throat. What of her family? Was she a part of it? Why had two cats that seemed so... similar somehow visited her? True, she looked nothing like Cowmoon and Larkthroat, but why else would they feel like the closest she'd felt to family since waking up in the nursery. Outside of course of her oddly overprotective urge to keep those bloodied kits she'd seen when she'd first opened her eyes. But that was different, she was sure. How could you not feel some level of responsibility for kits you first encounter in a situation like that? Where the mother should have been dead despite what you assume was your best shot yet somehow she wasn't.

What of friends? Her past in the clan? Why did some cats look at her with trepidation in their eyes? With fear or distrust? Had she done something to earn their suspicions? Had this been the reason StarClan had wiped her clean of any knowledge she had in regards to these cats? And yet even as more questions piled up in her mind, one took center piece, escaping her instinctually as the single most important query of all.

"Is WindClan in danger? Is that why you're here?"

Her intense need for knowledge could hold. She could get answers to questions about her past at any other time. There were things more important than just her at stake here. There always were. Thus was the life of a medicine cat. Besides, what did her past matter if her clan's future was uncertain in accordance to the stars?

@Rani [Larkthroat]

***Rani*** · #3 September 11th, 2024, 06:03 PM

Larkthroat
Starclan Queen | She/Her | 25 Moons at death

World Weaver T2 | Previously Windclan

Cowmoon? That was Larkthroats first thought, ears cocking a bit at Lightningstorms words but otherwise nor reacting to the oddity. It wasnt hard to figure out what was occurring after all. The queen knew her nephew(? their family tree was so complex lets just call him that) had died but that she couldnt find him anywhere which..... well it implied a few things that she didnt want to linger on. She wasnt worried about Cowtuft interacting with Lightningstorm, he cared too much about her to harm her, even after all that happened to him. In a way it was nice he was still there for her, even in death, even if he only had the courage when she didnt remember him or what he was wrongly accused of.

It was perhaps better to let the topic of 'Cowmoon' go then and let it exist without meddling. There was other things to focus on after all.

The molly chuckled kindly shaking her head but shrugging at the question, going on to explain.
"I am not an ancestor so old as Blazingstar, who you may yet meet, however I am before your time yes. I died around the time of the famine that hit windclan during the beginning of Twilightstars leadership, and you could definitely say my 'descendant' do still live in windclan today."
Was it cowardice to omit that it was Crowtooth and he was her son not her descendant? Perhaps. But Larkthroat did not wish to bare wounds unhealed today and talk about the son she watched daily, the one who never really met her and barely remembered her name, much less her face. The son she'd so badly wanted who's birth had finished her off and was raised as not her son but anyone else's.
There was hurt there, and even now years after she was not ready to speak on it.

"And I am not an 'ancestor' so important as a leader, just a queen who wishes to help. In the past Ive noted the harm the silence of starclan can do, even if born of non malicious reasons, and wished to rectify that. I still do, really."
If the medicine cat asked she'd once again explain her theory on how starclan functioned and (in a way) didnt. But that was a choice in Lightningstorms paws as it was a lesson that came with hurt and one that might start to fracture a newly reformed optimism.

Though her next words might do that regardless, as Larkthroats head dipped in admission of weakness.
"Your memories.... I- Im sorry to say I can provide no help in telling you the why's of their loss or even help you reclaim them if that is your wish. Im not 'important' enough to know as the Covenant of the Sky keeps their secrets close, so I am limited in what I can glean

It is possible to regain what youve lost without them however, as your history is in the world of the living. Ask questions, look deeper, and you might regain what you lost.

However...... Ask yourself if you want to. You were.... not happy before, not as you are now and if you regain your memories you might very well return to a time when you were suffering in your own mind. Perhaps ask those that knew you before and after their thoughts if you want to hear more about that because though the choice is your I feel you've gained something from this too."
The queen looked deeply uncomfortable and a tad distressed explaining this. As always she was going to leave the choices up to Lightningstorm and offer help in whichever direction she went but recalling the shattered and broken cat of before was depressing to say the least. Compared to the cat of now? No memories were worth going back to that time, though it wasnt Larkthroats call.

She was much happier to move on to other things.
"Windclan is in danger yes, but much less if action is taken. I dont know the details but I can feel the weight of fate against me as we speak, so I have some gifts, knowledge, and a prophecy to try and turn its whims to fall kinder on Windclan."

@Alchemist Kitsune

***Alchemist Kitsune*** · #4 Yesterday, 06:26 PM

It seemed her silence in regards to her memories was not as easily kept out of her expression, the queen reading her innermost thoughts that were far from hidden. But really, what else could she do if not wonder about what she was missing. About what she had lost and seemingly refused to get a grasp on again. And yet here she heard something that she couldn't help but utter aloud. Repeat after the molly had uttered the phrase herself.

"Covenant of the Sky?"

Something about the way she described... well... everything sat wrong with her instantly. In her mind, StarClan had been this fair place, were cats all lived in harmony, regardless of rank and clan. Where the days of fighting were long gone and there was nothing but peace, hunting that never failed, no hunger, no war. But this new knowledge insinuated a much darker side to their warrior ancestors than she believed possible. How could it be that even in death there were those who seemed to hold more power than those who had died to protect their clans? Was this what servitude and humility led to? Being forgotten with lesser power because you couldn't even continue serving your clan after death if you weren't deemed important enough, even if those on top were too busy sticking their heads up their arses to be bothered to help?

An old hatred seemed to burst deep within her for a moment, lightning flashing in her eyes at the thought. The feeling was electrifying. Out of sorts for her. Never had she felt such a negative wave of emotion wash over her in her memory, and she was quick to let it simmer down, the shock of how strongly she seemed to have felt over this enough to help quench it in its entirety before it threatened to consume her and drive her focus elsewhere. To things that mattered... Yes. That picked at her curiosity. But perhaps now was not the time. Not when her clan was in danger. StarClan elites be damned.

The queen's words did leave a lingering doubt in her mind despite Lightningstorm's best attempts at separating herself from them, the moment not one for self indulgence, no matter how severe or important it seemed. But it would haunt her later. She knew as much. Because... what did Larkthroat mean? That she was not happy? At least, not as she was now? It brewed those small doubts she'd had before back to the surface. Those seemingly pointless but obvious observations she'd done back when she had first lost her memories. When she knew no one. About how obvious it was that some cats seemed... jumpy around her. Suspicious. Cold. Which once more begged the question... what had she done to merit such distrust? If it had been as foul as she had felt the day Sunpaw had died, that paranoid, hate filled sickened wave of file repulsion for everyone around her then why had Twilightstar allowed her to resume her position within the clan? Surely no crime she had committed could be small if it merited such a nauseating wave of self doubt and resentment?

"I'll... make a note of it. Promise," Lightningstorm mewed, against her better judgement.

She wasn't the type to break promises, so she knew she'd had to carry through but... did she want to? Was this really a path she wanted to pursue? Yes. Knowledge was everything to her. But everything in her body seemed to scream against the acquisition of that which she no longer had. Like if it was best left forgotten. Something that in and of itself repulsed her because really... how could anything be best left forgotten?

Lightningstorm did not dwell on it. Not now. Not when Larkthroat was clearly focusing to deliver this message that could save her clan. Instead, the molly smirked, an easy going, playful thing that masked the worries that howled within. The clan came first. Past memories or not she knew this. She had friends here now. Perhaps no family, but they did. Whatever vile acts she had once done could be pondered later, when they were safe and sound.

"Best not tempt the fates then, love. I'll take the knowledge. The prophecy... and well, it'd be proper rude of me to turn my nose at a gift, wouldn't it? There won't be no danger coming to WindClan without a fight from me, so let's have at it," the medicine cat declared, her tail lashing out in anticipation as she spoke, lapis hues on warm brown that shimmered with more familiarity than she'd thought a stranger's ever could.

@Rani [Larkthroat]

***Rani*** · #5 Today, 12:08 AM

Larkthroat
Starclan Queen | She/Her | 25 Moons at death

World Weaver T2 | Previously Windclan

Sometimes Larkthroat was convinced she caused more confusion and problems then she solved sometimes. Because now she wasnt sure if the living even knew about the covenant or if the knowledge was still locked to the dead and those few who made it through their snide judgement. Would the queen get in trouble with the wardens for talking?

Did she care?

.....Not really, not if she could help Lightningstorm and windclan (who she cared a lot more for) with the knowledge. Let Brokenstar himself come after her, its not like she could be silenced permenatly.

"Ah, yes the covenant. Im sorry I forget what is known and what isnt." Clearing her throat the molly tried to summarize. "While most are equal in the stars in recent times it was deemed by 'those with more knowledge' that the powers that be that grants non leader cats to come back from was being abused. The details are hazy but a group of cats (mostly former high ranks and those who have impacted the world around them, but not all) came to be the judge of souls that wish to go back.

They 'keep things in balance' or so they claim but those who look deeper find few details and most are just happy theyre keeping up the status quo." Though that had been faltering as the dark forest gained power and starclans waned. It was funny. Few seemed to notice that status quo fading and fewer still acted as Brokenstar recommended to strengthen the livings belief in starclan to maintain it. For all his power even Larkthroat had done more to bring cats to the stars with Lightningstorm and she wasnt doing it for him.

He hardly mattered however, nor did Lightningstorms memories sadly, though Larkthroat could see the seed planted she'd hoped wouldnt hurt in the end.

What mattered was the future, and as the medicine cat accepted the dead queen could feel her soul wrending as something greater then her pushed itself to the fore front to be heard at all costs.

“Red hot rage bears blackened skies
And violent death is born.
A looming foe you cannot fight
Brings stoic hearts to mourn.
Crush the spark in nest of twig
Save kin from flaming fate,
Follow ash and smoke to sources three
To the threat you must abate.”

As before it wasnt her voice, wasnt her words and the future was as burning as what it foretold as it was spoken. But Larkthroat would withstand it with grace for what it might save, and only sat heavily gasping as the threads of power left her.

"T-that..... Stars I cannot tell if that was better or worse then the last one." The molly coughed, feeling the phantom dregs of smoke leave her throat, tail thumpigng uncomfortable as she advised "Time is meaningless in a dream. I-Id recommend thinking over the meaning now so you may hit the ground running when you wake. Plus I-I might have some more knowledge to spare, Ive been talking to other dead about herbs I thought you might like, can tell you in a bit."
When Larkthroat had enough time to feel like she wasnt choking preferably.

@Alchemist Kitsune