Male (He/Him only plz)
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I'm active most week days from 8:00am-3pm EST, and sporadically on weekends and holidays, but often significantly less than I am during school days. Won't be online afterschool most days and def not Wednesdays cuz karateee.
~~~~ Please DO NOT use LIGHT or GREEN/BLUE colors when RPing with me. I cannot see them
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| Cougarbite | Cloudheart | Forestpaw | Fiercefire! |
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Beachkit
Male / About 5 Moons / RiverClan / Sexuality Unknown
Pale bluish gray tom with tufts on his ears and nose and sandy patches with bright/light gray eyes
“O-Okay. I’ll swim the rivers, climb the mountains, reach the skies… yeah… but first I’ll have to learn to walk without falling on my face, I think,”
~Conch
TW: This character experiences frequent attacks of nervousness, panic, anxiety, and similar emotions that may be triggering to some readers.
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Beachkit felt a strong mixture of discomfort, comfort, and sickness at the sound of his own fragile voice breaking into a ramble of his anxieties and traumas, his worries and sorrows. He felt the usual water come racing back into his eyes like hot rivers, and desperately, he lifted his chin up to keep them in. For some reason, after all of this worrying he was beginning to do about venting off to some innocent RiverClan stranger-Lionheart he had just met, his voice kept jumping out shakily at the brown she-cat, and no matter how many worries or thoughts of, Stop, shut up. Stop it. Stop- entered his wrecked head, they were left unheard of and unacknowledged by his voice and his vents. Oddly frightened with it all, Beachkit thought to himself snappily, What- what are you… what the hell are you doing? Stop it! Of course, self-begging didn’t prove to work very well as any sort of escape. In fact, when it came to Beachkit and his life so fat, silent begging never got him anywhere other than disappointment. As did everything else… but he had the ability to stop this now, but no. No, instead, he kept on ranting to Owltalon about problems that she did not deserve to have hanging about her mind. They should be my problems, mine alone, she doesn’t deserve them, what am I doing, waht the heck am I saying… thinking… what…? ‘What…?’ was exactly right, nothing was making any sense here.
Beachkit, eventually, gave up on trying to think himself into shutting up. He swore to himself that if he gave it one more thought, he was going to cry, break down in tears and start whimpering in front of the entire public. He couldn’t do that here, it would ruin his entire RiverClan reputation for sure. Think of it- ‘Beachkit, the miserable wimp who publicly cried himself dry on his very first day as a member of RiverClan’. That would be an awkward record to hold as he grew, because what sort of mentor would want to mentor some kid who started whining and tearing up whenever simple mistakes were made? What adoptive parent would want a child who never knows how to keep quiet or control the wave-flow of his tears? What leader wanted a cat in his clan whose sole purpose was to spread anxiousness and sorrow? Exactly. Beachkit told himself that he would have to get it together, and he would have to start now, but he simply didn’t know how. There, that was the issue. He didn’t want to think so much, he didn’t want to be miserable, and most importantly, he didn’t want to be as wimpy as he felt he was, but he just didn’t know how to stop it all. And help? Well, who in this world would want to help him, and why? Who would want to waste their effort on him? Owltalon? She seemed awfully kindhearted so far, and casual about it, too… even genuine… but Beachkit didn’t want to put too much love into anybody or anything now, for partially obvious reasons. Seabreeze, of course- it was always dang-Seabreeze. Seabreeze was his literal life now, and some how, the Lionheart was also managing to stay out of it completely.
So, then, what was left of Beachkit and his life? Tears. Sorrow. Dents. This certainly was not something that Beachkit took pride in, but this lack of pride didn’t help him in any way, shape, or form. Instead, it increased the tears, which increased the self-loathing, which increased the anxiety, which increased the panic, which increased the sick feeling, which increased the sorrow, which… well, you get the point. It was a painful cycle, mostly emotionally, but even physically. The amount of times Beachkit had gotten himself nervous to the point of sickness, even fainting. Again, it was quite painful sometimes. Now, imagine how he could feel if Seabreeze had gasped and smiled with joy at the sight of him when they first met, welcoming Sorrelkit and Beachkit with happiness and bright eyes, guiding them through the struggles of clan life. But no. He stuttered, be backed up, he stared at the, like they were deathly ghosts, and he pushed them away. Was that brotherly? Was that how families were supposed to work? Beachkit shivered a little bit when a new thought crashed into his mind.Does insecurity run… in the family…? Unfortunately for that idea, Seabreeze was literally a full-grown tom, and if he was still insecure, the chances Beachkit would stay the same or even get worse (Beachkit had to wonder if that was even possible) appeared to be terribly high.
Beachkit fell silent eventually, letting his mouth click shut and jumping back to holding in tears. The gray and Sandy patched tom-kit then glanced up sadly at Owltalon as the she-cat released a sigh, looking back at the Starpoint, with her eyes momentarily clouded. Then they softened, and Beachkit felt the slightest pring of comfort at the sight. However, for the most part, he was still miserable and drowning in his head, naturally. The brown Lionheart’s gaze met his own, and Beachkit barely resisted the urge to let his own gaze snap back down to his tail. Despite his struggles, he listened as Owltalon tried to give him her best answer, letting him know that Seabreeze did not hate him, he simply wasn’t… and then she paused. Beachkit sniffed quietly. He just isn’t what? There, see… she was lying, he does hate me, he does, of course he hates me, he- Nope, uh oh, here came more eye-ly water. Beachkit dropkicked his thoughts into oblivion for a moment to hear Owltalon take that last part back and change it to the fact that Seabreeze actually shared a level of natural affection for Sorrelkit and himself, adding that it was a family thing. Beachkit sighed underneath his breath. Or, at least it SHOULD be, The blue-gray and sandy tom began to think. If only that actually applied for HIM. When Owltalon told him that she didn’t exactly know the details, since she had never had any siblings, but that didn’t encourage Beachkit. In fact, it made him slightly more weary of her advise. But who was he to judge? She knew Seabreeze much better than him, but… that was also true for anybody who barely even knew Seabreeze’s face.
Owltalon informed him that she guessed Seabreeze was just grieving, and it might be hard for him to begin to show emotion after the sort of pain that he had suffered. She told him that he should give it some time, avoiding breaking any figurative dams, and in the end, she asked him if he understood. Stiffly, Beachkit nodded with another shudder. Still, the small tom’s eyes watered. The tears always found a way to start slipping from his eyes, and any moment now, they would come down. He had nodded, and truthfully, he believed every word that Owltalon had said. She had given him reasoning for it all, an explanation. But she had not given him hope, or a solution. Yet. Beachkit was still left feeling like he and his excited sister had come to RiverClan for absolutely nothing- not for Seabreeze, not to enjoy themselves, not to… well, anything. How could they make it better? Find friends? Beachkit was sure that Sorrelkit was going to do just fine there, but when it came to himself, he was going to crash and burn. Friends weren’t exactly a Beachkit thing… and pleasant conversation didn’t come to him naturally. Take this little incident for example- all he had done so far was bump into and vent off to Owltalon. He hadn’t even asked her about herself yet! Talk about lack of manners! Yeah, I am nothing but harm. That’s… fun. When Sorrelkit needs my help, all I will do is cry. Just. Freaking. Cry. When Owltalon told him not to worry about it, he nodded a liar’s agreement. When she told him they would get through together, the thought comforted him, so just as awkwardly, he dipped shakily his head to show his thanks. Watery eyes, watery eyes…
And that was when Owltalon caught sight of them, the incoming tears. Beachkit’s eyes suddenly went wide, sending the tears almost coming down like rainfall, but like a miracle, they stayed put. Owltalon expressed what seemed to Beachkit like concern by asking him if he was alright, asking him if the meeting was too loud for him, and even offering to take him to a more quiet place. Beachkit bit his lip in a desperate attempt to not jump out and say, Yes, please, Get. Me. Out. Of. Here. When the Lionheart told him that he was perfectly welcome to cry if he needed to, Beachkit failed to hold back another shudder. He and Owltalon seemed to have different perspectives on tears. Owltalon seemed to view them as beneficial (Owltalon, with tears being the body’s way of calming a person down, would have the more accurate opinion here) while Beachkit just viewed his own as vulnerability. He never saw Sorrelkit cry, so… it was just a flaw of his, then? Nobody else did it, so surely it was! Why would it not be? When Owltalon said that she had seen worse things than tears, twisting around unnaturally to touch her nose to his forehead. She said she was open-pawed if he needed ‘an out’, and leaving wouldn’t do any harm. Beachkit started to mumble, “But… two warriors just got… made…” He cut himself off. No, he did want an out… and Owltalon was offering to give him one. He wanted to take it, but would he? He himself wasn’t sure.
Beachkit watched as the Lionheart lifted her nose from his head and gave him a wink, not quite sure how to react back. So instead of reacting, he just peered up at her, blank in the face. Owltalon told him that he was brave, even swearing it on her ten paw pads, defending the idea by the fact that he still interacted her despite seeing her injuries and despite his misery, despite all of the rest of his worries about her and himself. It was either brave or stupid of him to engage in conversation with the she-cat, and here Owltalon was calling it brave. This made Beachkit feel a little lighter. It was like somebody had taken a few pounds off of the hundreds that he carried over his shoulders, it was just slightly relieving. At the returning thought of his own bravery, Beachkit began to debate about whether constant nervousness had to equal constant cowardice. Up until now, that had been his strongest mindset, but somebody as… hopefully wise as Owltalon was telling him that it wasn’t an accurate or healthy one. Beachkit didn’t no how to feel about it. So instead of thinking over it so early, he started to plot out his response instead. He wanted to apologize for the vent, and he desperately wanted to get to know Owltalon as a cat more, but… maybe this wasn’t exactly the best time, right in the middle of a clan meeting. So instea,d he grunted, and opened his maw to prepare an answer.
Quietly, Beachkit began. “Th-Thank you for… um… listening, I guess?” He offered the usual awkward simper. “It m-means a lot, really. I… um… I guess I underst-stand the problem with S-Seabreeze a little bit more, thanks o y-you, Owltalon, b-but… yeah, I can’t stay, I’ve… I’ve gotta sleep, yeah… um…” He cleared his throat again and tried to quiet hesitating, finally admitting to the exhaustion issue. “I haven’t r-really slept since leaving my um… Twoleg h-home- there was one n-nap, I guess, but I kept on w-waking up, so it doesn’t..l c-count much… yeah, I should sleep… right…?” Then right on cue, the tom-kit yawned. “M-Maybe that’s why I haven’t seen Sorrelkit y-yet… she’s actually b-bothering to r-rest, ha… you should s-stay for the meeting though..l and… um… congratulate the new warriors, and apprentices, and… all of them… maybe…? H-Have a good… day, then…?” Well, those were some fun stutters, weren’t they?
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// Sorry if I didn’t give you much dialogue or action to work with here ;-; \\
Beachkit seemed quite surprised when she pointed out his tears, eyes widening like stormy skies. Stars, she hoped that she hadn't offended him. While there was free air in the conversation, Owltalon piped up and congratulated the new warriors. "Willowtail! Adderstrike! Yeah Adder! Cobwebfern, woohoo! Wrenseeker! Cool names!" She didn't belt as loud as she usually did, partly because her maw still ached and mostly because Beachkit seemed to express that he wasn't too fond of sudden loud noises.
She then turned her head to face him once more, watching as his eyes filled with tears like a rain cloud. Owltalon completely expected him to burst. It would help him, she knew a good cry was beneficial for anycat. But by some odd will, Beachkit kept them in. Hm. Impressive. He has to cry at some point though. She wasn't about to force it out of them, that would be pretty rude. He could cry whenever he wanted to, when she was here or when she was long gone.
Beachkit protested before letting his thoughts fizzle into obscurity, mingling and becoming the humid air. It made Owltalon think... Was he actually fine? Well, obviously not. Maybe he just didn't want him to be a burden. He wasn't, not by any means, but Owltalon would be lying if she didn't admit that holding onto him was like holding onto a slippery bar of soap.
It seemed the small kit regathered their thoughts, expressing his tiredness in broken stutters. Owltalon wondered if he was stuttering because he was nervous or because he just always sounded like that. Either way, she wouldn't judge. Owltalon understood it would be long before she would catch Beachkit completely content with his life in Riverclan. By the sounds of it, they only came for Seabreeze and he was terrified by them (which made sense given the context). Owltalon didn't want Beachkit and Sorrelkit to travel down these mountains by their lonesome just to escape their disappointment with Riverclan. No, no, no, no. Owltalon would just make them feel comfortable. Make it the best life they've ever known, all new and exciting. She'd get their minds off Seabreeze (somehow) while stil completing her Lionheart duties. Easy enough, right? Yeah, of course! Owltalon could juggle it, she was a certified multitasker.
He began to thank her, for listening and giving him some understanding. Owltalon just nodded, not wanting to cut his train of thought. "Tired, eh?" Owltalon smiled at the yawn that slipped from his mouth. How amusing, he must be exhausted then. Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she looked at Beachkit as if he had grown three heads. Owltalon quickly checked under his eyes for eye bags, her eyes darting downwards for a moment. "Oh stars above, you've gotta get ta bed," Owltalon expressed, her voice surprisingly steady and light despite her internal panic about this kits sleep schedule.
It seemed he was saying goodbye and Owltalon stilled her paws just as they were pushing against the cold ground to lift her up. "Do ya know where the nursery is? Yer sister? I'm sure she's tired as well." She didn't wanna seem forceful by making him stay with her, she just wanted to make sure he didn't sleepwalk his way farther down the mountain.
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❝Whatever will be, will be. Don't care what anyone else thinks.❞
-When You Grow Up, Your Heat Dies
Re: The Starpoint
