[alec]

minkpaw shook her head, "i dont remember stonepaw or fawnpaw, but i think tansypaw started around 6 moons ago, thats pretty much the amount of knowledge i have about riverclan medicine cats." the apprentice answered truthfully, leaving the fact that she barely remembered anything despite being around for longer than 6 moons hanging between them as a implication only. his tone made her wonder how much he had observed, how much more he must know about riverclans past and how he was so intimately familiar with former medicine cats.

minkpaw swallowed, his sharp gaze and serious tone carrying a statement that settled heavy in her stomach, could very well ruin you as they have every cat in that rank before you, minkpaw hadnt known tansypaw for a long time but the could very well feel the stress radiating off of her, pushing through exhaustion to cater to other cats needs, and knew his words rung true.

mind flashing back to the time she lived outside of riverclan, slow suffering, frail body sucking in shallow breaths, she tried to imagine taking their lives, shortening the suffering but also leaving with blood on her paws and the heavy pressure of thinking maybe, just maybe they couldve gotten better. she knew they were died, she knew she couldnt help, but looking back she didnt know if she couldve killed them. and even now, moons later, in a completely different environment, dead parents and barely any friends she wasnt sure if she could do it without beating herself up over taking another live. another live, another young soul that couldve done so much, cut short by her paw. she still felt the blood sticking to her skin, aching shoulders and blinded eye, all the pain condensed into heavy chocking sobs when she woke up from another dream, dirty and weight down with guilt.
but deep down, deep down she knew she could do it, free a clanmate from suffering. she couldnt detach enough to let the apprentices blood be washed from her pelt but a suffering clanmate would be different- wouldnt they?
his words, filled with hurt and the bitter knowledge of the truth, admittedly hit her hard, endless pain and suffering, separation, thankless work, but someone had to do it, someone had to be there for their clanmates in their most vulnerable moments. and if this is what it took, then so be it.

"i dont think i ever had a choice, it wouldve been foolish to watch my clanmates suffer and not do whatever i can to help." she spoke, voice steady and sure, "and i want to continue helping, no matter what it takes."

( @Rani )