Re: ShadowClan Medicine Cat's Den
[ @Neptune. - Cinderkit / @Fawn<3 - Mossfreckle | -2 Moss, 1 Marigold, -2 Cobwebs ]
Cinderkit. Another one of Lostspark's kids, hurt. Phantom pain and guilt and self-hate buzzed in the Medicine Cat's chest for a couple moments. She hated that she wasn't even surprised anymore at this point. Hated that all of this was her fault. Numbly, Lostspark watched as her apprentice carried her daughter into the den, padding over on silent paws and lingering in the shadows to look from afar at the kitten as she was lain in an empty nest.
She sat in silence as Mossfreckle spoke to Cinderkit, assuring her in a way that made Lostspark feel a stranger in her own home, her own den, her own skin. Haunted amber hues lifted to meet Mossfreckle's green ones as he spoke, her gaze turning distant for a moment before her expression shuttered, turning into a mask of stone. A facade, that was all she was nowadays.
Following the oriental tom back over to where her daughter's prone, still form lay, the Medicine Cat exhaled softly. She knew what she had to do. There was no possible way Cinderkit's leg was salvageable. If she and Mossfreckle failed to rid of it properly, it could result in an infection she would not be able to fight, and then Lostspark would have another deceased kit on her paws.
Worse than all this was the thoughts Lostspark was having -- that she wished Cinderkit didn't have to be the first cat Lostspark experimented amputation on. She felt sick to think of it that way, she hated the small part of her mind that wished selfishly there had been someone else Lostspark could have practiced amputation on before today, so that she could be more sure of herself while dealing with Cinderkit.
Voice pulled taut with the strain of a mother's worry, Lostspark spoke in a low tone, careful for her words not to reach her daughter's ears. "Her leg has to go." The words were resigned, decided. While Lostspark hated saying them, she knew that delaying the inevitable would cost them. "Hi, darling." She murmured, ducking her head to enter Cinderkit's line of sight. "What's this?" She whispered, drawing the pinecone gently towards herself and bending further, aiming to gently lick the top of her dark-furred daughter's head. "I'll keep it safe for you right here, and when you're feeling better you can tell me all about it." She said, and then gently tucked the trinket into the nest's moss before returning back to her full height.
Going purely by instinct alone, Lostspark first brought over a wad of moss after soaking it with water, washing Cinderkit's back right leg of any excess filth. Once done with that, Lostspark went back to the herb storage and returned with a vine to wrap tightly around Cinderkit's leg, cringing slightly as she imagined the pain her daughter would feel. She had wrapped it tight enough that it cut off the blood flow. Following that was the most gruesome part. Lostspark didn't dare lift her head as she began the awful task of ... sawing her daughter's leg off, starting right above where the wounds stopped.
"Shhh, you'll be okay, Cinderkit." Lostspark whispered softly. Whether she was trying to convince herself or Cinderkit, Lostspark didn't know. Frankly, if Cinderkit had already been knocked unconscious by the pain, Lostspark would understand. By now, actually sleep probably would have even overtaken a full-grown adult. Once done, she drenched another mossball in the little water basin they had and washed off the blood from her daughter's leg before applying marigold paste to the new injury and binding it with cobwebs.
Her limbs were on autopilot, barely ever pausing a moment as she got rid of the dirty moss and gently unwound the vine from her daughter's leg, casting that, too, aside. Finally, when she was done, the Medicine Cat merely stared down at her spawn in silence. She raised her gaze to Mossfreckle for a moment, countenance eerily still - and then the lithe grey feline curled up around Cinderkit, taking mind not to jostle the kit's leg.
"Mossfreckle," she paused, clearing her throat. "I need you to bury... that..." One white paw lifted to gesture in the direction of the now-detached limb. "I'll clean up the blood here, I'd just rather Cinderkit not wake up and have to see... her leg on the floor."
[ @fading - Howlingkit / @taillow - Mirekit / @Mica - Birdkit ]
Her wail had silenced completely after that singular one, because in the end she did what she always did. She bottled up. Her crying out had been a fluke - a chink in her stone armor. She hadn't meant for the sound to tear through her, but it had, and there was no taking it back.
When Mirekit beseeches her not to cry, Lostspark lifted a paw to press it to her cheek, realizing for the first time that her face was wet with tears. She was crying, a distant, numb part of herself noted. Crying tears she didn't deserve. She'd done this to herself, she had done this to her family. Reaching out, Lostspark first aimed to pull Mirekit into her chest, and then angled herself slightly to (attempt to) draw Birdkit over her flank and to her chest beside Mirekit. She was their mother - she wasn't allowed to fall apart. "Hush, loves." She soothed, voice wobbling. "You're safe, you'll be okay. We'll be okay."
Shuddering through a shaky exhale, Lostspark lifted foggy amber eyes to Howlingkit. "There's nothing to apologize for, Sundew." She whispered, voice hoarse, vulnerable. Propping herself up slightly on the floor, Lostspark allowed her free front limb to extend towards her eldest daughter, an offering once more if Howlingkit were to accept it. "You are my daughter. I am sorry for not reaching out sooner, for holding myself apart. There is no mistake of yours that I won't be able to forgive." She'd just made a promise full of conviction, and birthed of unthinking - one that may or may not bite her in the tail in the future.
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Lostspark is ShadowClan’s Medicine Cat. |