[TheNyanCatMinecart]

(CONTENT WARNING: This thread contains descriptions of ableism, both external and internalized, blood, violence, gore, death, and abuse. Viewer discretion is advised.)


~ TWISTEDPAW OF WINDCLAN - AFAB SHE/HER ~

Small, skinny black she-cat with a light gray belly and tail-tip, a crooked jaw, a mangled tail, and one blind eye.

Twistedpaw trudged through WindClan territory, dreading the harsh breeze that sent a chill deep into her bones. She was freezing. The last leaf-bare was a distant haze in her memory, filled with fear and pain and a loneliness so deep it still haunted her. She took a deep breath, feeling her lungs fill with air that clawed at their insides. It was nothing compared to the deep-seated ache in her jaw and tail. Twistedpaw hated it when it was cold. It made her disfigured areas stiff and painful. Even worse, there wasn't enough of a chill to make them numb. And the surrounding air was moist, filled with a dampness that only certified her misery. So, she was stuck in this purgatory of sorts, trying to overcome the discomfort in her messed-up body.

No one else has to deal with this, she thought glumly, casting a glance at her patrolmates. Batglare, her massive mentor, looked as grumpy as ever, though Twistedpaw knew there was some kindness behind those narrowed eyes. She couldn't help but admire the muscles that rolled beneath his long, thick pelt. And Cowtuft... A shudder rippled through her, unrelated to the chill, along with a pang of sorrow. She missed the gentle medicine cat. Her heart still hurt. But... she understood why he'd been cast out now. I can't believe I yelled at everyone like that! And attacked Wolffang... Bile rose in her throat, and she swallowed it down. Just when she'd been gaining confidence... Now she was terrified to be around her Clanmates again. What if they just remembered her as crazy?

And Cowtuft... how was he doing? I hope he's okay, Twistedpaw thought, squeezing her eyes shut as the frosty wind blew her whiskers back. He was massive and fluffy, so he'd survive the cold. He knew how to find herbs, so he could treat his own wounds. One of the advantages of being a medicine cat. But could he hunt? Or fight? He was too big to run fast or hide... Please, StarClan, I know he poisoned his Clanmates, but he didn't mean to. Keep him safe.

Twistedpaw missed him, but what else could she do but pray? She wasn't going to go looking for him. If anything, that was a horrible idea. He was exiled for a reason. And... life must go on. There was nothing she could do to bring him back, as much as it hurt. Just like she couldn't bring Willowsky or Sootkit or Palecloud back, though she'd been responsible for two of those. She was going to work as hard as she could to be a loyal, strong WindClan warrior. That's what I must do to honor them - and my Clan. And myself. Because it was what she wanted.

Even though she was... different.

I doubt I'll ever get as strong as Batglare. I'm too small and skinny and... and ruined.

Twistedpaw had been training for five moons, nearing six, and she still had much training to complete. An uncomfortable feeling hollowed out her stomach. She'd known her training would take longer, what with her disabilities, but this long... Brightpaw's going to become a warrior before me at this rate. Twistedpaw hung her head, filled with an unspeakable guilt. Batglare said we'll take as long as we need. But what if I'm weighing him down? What if he gets mad because I'm taking too long? Especially because he has another apprentice now... Especially since he'd been upset with her recently due to her... tantrum.

She'd interacted with Whisperingpaw. Usually, she hung back, scared to talk to others, but she found that cats weren't as judgmental as she'd expected. So far, few had said anything bad since Willowsky and Flutteringkit. The confliction made her head spin. I've spent so long hating myself for what I did. I am wrong, I am weird. No one else has to deal with soreness or stiffness or being held back when they're working so hard. She stared at her round black paws. But... no one else has said there's anything wrong with me. Could it be true? Ashfeather had been viewed as a great warrior...

Twistedpaw shook herself. Her fur, which was hopelessly matted, looked even worse with the wind and the moisture. She'd fluffed it out a while ago to protect herself from the cold. No. I'm still different. I... I still drove my mother insane. She swallowed, feeling a warm trickle of drool slide from the corner of her mouth. She winced and glanced toward the other warrior in the patrol, Swiftfire. I hope she didn't see that! Twistedpaw didn't know anything about the tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat, and she was scared that messing up in front of her would cause judgment. So many cats have been kind to me, not judging me for looking different, but some have. Do I deserve it? I don't know. Because she was different, and that made other cats act weird, so that was her fault. And Twistedpaw had hurt her family. But she was doing her best to make amends. Once I'll be a warrior, I'll make Willowsky proud. But where was she? Could she be... dead?

The thought filled her with fear, then comfort. If she's dead, she'll be in StarClan. They would never send her to the Place of No Stars. Not because of me. Surely not! StarClan is kind. They know Willowsky was messed up because of me. Hopefully, her mother was happy, wherever she was.

If she wanted Twistedpaw to call her "mother."

The small black apprentice looked up, then shook herself. Now wasn't the time to have her head in the clouds. She felt a pang of guilt. Featherbrain! I need to do the best I can for WindClan. I can't slack off. I can't be imperfect. Well... as much I can, anyway. Twistedpaw was the opposite of perfection. The opposite of normal. But she was on a hunting patrol, and she was supposed to help them hunt.

She moved to press against Batglare, hoping he wouldn't mind the pokes and prods of her mangled tail. He usually didn't, but Twistedpaw still felt guilty about it. She didn't like making anyone uncomfortable. And he'd been upset with her recently. Anyway, he was warm, and she wanted his warmth. Though if he was bothered, she'd pull away. Twistedpaw shot a nervous glance at Swiftfire in case the warrior was judging her - not only did Twistedpaw not know her; she'd also witnessed the apprentice's outburst at Cowtuft's exile - then scanned the area. The sky was filled with puffy gray clouds that looked like discolored clots of sheep's wool. Twistedpaw couldn't see any shreds of the great blue sky. She sniffed the air, her stretched, distorted pink nose twitching. No rain... or snow. Thank StarClan for that. But...

Twistedpaw tensed and moved away from Batglare, bounding forward a few paces. Long, brittle brown grass brushed against her legs. She'd gotten stronger as time went by. There was some lean muscle attached to her skinny legs now, and she had to admit, she was quite proud of it. She was still underfed, according to Batglare - more so that leaf-bare was settling in and there was less prey, not to mention the pain it inflicted on her crooked jaw - but she wasn't nearly as malnourished as she'd been.

She tasted the air again, trying not to let her pelt prickle as her pink tongue lolled out and her jaw practically unhinged. She had to get a good scent. There was something, and... Yes! She turned back to the warriors. A jolt ran through her as she realized her jaw was still dangling, and Swiftfire was there. Batglare didn't mind, but if Swiftfire saw... Twistedpaw squeaked, sat down, shoved her paw against her jaw - flinching at the burst of pain - then stood back up. Alas, her tongue still hung out, but it was better than nothing.

"I smell a rabbit!" Twistedpaw meowed. Her voice was awful, as per usual. She was used to it. But she still felt her pelt crawl under Swiftfire's pale yellow gaze. What did she think of the deformed apprentice? Twistedpaw focused on Batglare. Please don't judge me, please don't judge me, please don't judge me... even if I understand why...

"Can I follow it, Batglare?" she asked. Excitement trickled through her veins, outdoing the self-consciousness. What if it's really big? I could do something great for the Clan! Willowsky would be super proud if I caught a big rabbit! Batglare would be proud, too. Twistedpaw's head spun. Maybe Twilightstar would be proud, too! The leader always seemed a bit interested in Twistedpaw. How cool would it be to impress the leader?

@Moonraven @Tiabirb @celeste @Snowyfeathr @tallulah (Mentioning the RiverClan RPers so you know it's up!)