Crowpaw
Purrks: Heightened Perception and Agatha Kitty
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Tiabirb
It felt so odd to be sharing tears with another. This was the first time he had ever felt such a way. It was... refreshing. For the first time in his life, Crowpaw felt... warm. His heart had hardened in such a way he had hated everyone, and this warrior, this
stranger was thawing it. After all the moons of unhappiness, of misery, Crowpaw finally cracked a smile. It was a small one, but a smile nonetheless.
The dark tunnel was turning light, and with it, some warm sand beneath his toe beans. The sounds of lapping waves reached his ears, and for a moment he thought about the rushing river. But this body of water wasn't surrounded by darkness. It was surrounded by light. Moments later, the RiverClanner's fur spiked and he could smell the fear, but none of that stayed for very long. Now out of the tunnel, Crowpaw's eyes blinked a few times.
Before them lay an endless lake with waves that reached out to grab hold of the wet sand beneath to pull it back in. It was... relaxing. Crowpaw wanted to go in, but he didn't know if that was a good idea or not. What if, once he went in, he would wake up? He didn't want to wake up. Not yet. There was still so much he could do. He could get to know Sweetsong, and see what it was like to finally have someone who's compassionate in his life.
The RiverClan she-cat, much like him, was at awe of the sight. She was the first to walk toward the endless lake, with Crowpaw following closely behind after being beckoned. He didn't let his paws touch the water like Sweetsong did, but he sat close to it. Sitting about a tail-length away from the golden tabby, he felt his shoulders droop and the stress of life leave his body. It would return eventually, but not for a bit. At least not until he woke up and had to deal with the frozen-hearted Clan he called home.
He didn't know the proper word he could use to describe himself at the moment. The waves lapping over each other was a little noisy, but it drowned out all his thoughts of the chaos going on. And then... Sweetsong started... doing something with her words. He had never heard a cat speak in such a way, but it was beautiful. There wasn't a word he could speak that could describe how in awe he felt. Every word she spoke described how he felt for what felt like his whole life.
He couldn't help but shed a couple of tears when Sweetsong's attention was turned to him, and shed a few more when he heard the next few words the RiverClanner spoke. She was right. He couldn't explain why he felt such a way. It always felt like he was a lot more dramatic and emotional than his Clanmates. In some respects, that was true, but his feelings for all the losses he had experienced had never really been validated by anyone before.
"You have experienced more pain that most will ever endure in a lifetime...and you deserved none of it." It seemed, when he was younger, losing so many and experiencing that much pain was normal. In truth, it wasn't. It was far from normal, in fact. He never asked for anything like that to ever happen. He wouldn't wish it on a single soul. Losing so much only hardens you. It makes you numb and it makes it even harder to live.
Sweetsong saw his pain, and he knew just by the way she looked at him and the words she spoke. She believes he was innocent, but she didn't know the full story. She said it was okay to let go, but... how could he? She didn't know what Quietpaw was like. She didn't know what Fallowkit or Lavenderpaw was like. Nor did she even know about Bluekit and the hardships that newborn went through within the first moon.
"I didn't just lose my family, y'know. I lost a sense of who I am. W-who I was born to be. The only time I ever loved my parents was when I had no idea what they were like. At the time, I didn't know enough about them. Do you want to know the whole story, Sweetsong? Why I despise my own birth Clan? Why I- why I had that nightmare in the first place?" He felt ready to share his story once more. Although he'd typically be burnt out with having to share the story so many times, Sweetsong and Crowpaw barely knew each other. Sweetsong, even though she hasn't even known the young tom for a whole night, was kind enough and merciful enough that it made him want to share. He didn't feel forced to share his story with her, but he did with his Clan because he tried to change the minds of those he grew up around.