[Neptune.]

Lark
she/her

Fear. The most potent emotion she felt right now was fear. Funny, how her mother managed to drag her back to a time when she was such a small kit, maybe two or three moons old, trying to do anything to get her approval only to be met with harsh words and less and less attention directed her way until she was crying for her mother to even look at her.

That was one battle she had never seemed to win.

Almost numbly, Lark watches as her mother vanishes into the encroaching darkness, consumed by smog and shadow. Part of her is starting to believe that StarClan was not where Lilyfrost resides... a larger part of her cannot fathom that. She'd said she loved her... why would anyone who loves her belong to the Dark Forest? Her subconscious wanes as the dream fades, and, what feels like a moment later, the former leader is blinking open her eyes back in the barn. Her head hurts, and her hip feels stiff where the badger wound is - she'll have to do some walking to stretch out the muscle today... but moving feels a little too much right now.

Sighing, she notices the rat she'd only taken a bite out of last night was replaced with something more fresh smelling. On the bottom floor of the barn, below the loft where she'd been sheltering, Humphrey is humming something, a song Lark doesn't know, and she curls in on herself tighter. She wants to cry, but the tears aren't coming out. Instead, she sits there. trembling.

What does her mother want with her? Why did she come see her now? Just to berate her for running away? Well, Lark's pretty sure she can beat herself up enough over that for the both of them. She'd said... she'd said something about being resentful that Lark gave up the power she had. Does she want her to go back and fight for her place as leader again..?

No. No, Lark would never do that. She'd given that up. She hadn't been ready for that. She wants nothing to do with leading a clan ever again. She's had enough of that life. But, still... she yearns to be back in her clan. Birdsnow... Birdstar now, maybe, assuming nothing had happened to her... she missed her friend, but would Bird hate her? Would she resent her for leaving without a word? If Lark explained what happened, would she forgive her? Lark wants to hope so, but she's unsure. She doesn't think she'd deserve that forgiveness.

There are others, too, Tansypaw... Wingpaw... Rushwater... Fishfreckle... and countless other faces. Guilt floods her when she thinks of how she abandoned them all... and a bitter laugh forces its way out of her unwillingly; Fishface was right. She was unfit to lead her clan. He probably feels real vindicated about that now, doesn't he? The thought makes her angry. She'd tried so hard to be good, to be at least ok, and she'd still failed in the end.

Her mom wants her to take back her proverbial throne? Clearly Lilyfrost only cared about the power that came with it, not the fact that there's no way in hell Lark would ever dream about taking it back. Well... maybe she'd dream about it so long as it was her mother taking the reigns of the dream.

She needs to clear her head, to ponder an idea she'd been toying with for the past moon... she think's she's ready for it, but uncertainty still wrinkles her resolve. Taking a tentative bite out of the rat, Lark resolves to at least think the idea through more thoroughly today... perhaps Humphrey can shed some light on what the right thing to do is, but she'll need more than a few bites of prey to start regaining what strength she lost.