Crowsong
Purrks: Heightened Perception and Agatha Kitty
@
Tiabirb
The swarms of reality had plagued his mind for moons. Ever since Crowpaw could remember, in fact. Well... actually, ever since Quietpaw had died. That day had marked the end of many things for Crowpaw. It marked the end of his happiness. His light in life was his sister. And his mother had died giving birth to his stillborn brothers and Bluekit. Bluekit, unfortunately, was gone too. She had been gone for moons.
Everything that had happened after Quailpaw's return to ThunderClan felt like it was every bit of his doing. He couldn't stop his sister from bleeding. He couldn't stop StarClan or the Dark Forest (really whoever ended up taking her) from taking his mother. But he could've stopped Bluekit's fate... or at least postponed it. She had gone missing as a kit, and after Sootfur disappeared, it was up to Crowpaw to keep his little sister safe.
Losing family was a pain everyone had to deal with, but with Crowpaw, the impact his family had on him made his state of mind much worse than it should be. He hoped his grandpaw, Pondwhisker, was still in RiverClan. Happy as can be. But he really didn't know, nor did he have the energy to show he cared. How could he? Pondwhisker wasn't around him all the time. His parents weren't either.
He sat there, in his nightmare, with his head hung low under the single tree in the cavern.
"I'm so sorry... I'm sorry to everyone. I... I failed you all. I was never the son anyone wanted... I was never the brother anyone needed. I was never the protector I should have been." he let silent tears drip from the corners of his eyes.
I'm not even a warrior... I'm nearly 20 moons old! Even to the whole of ThunderClan I've failed...
"I wasn't even twelve moons old. And I lost you all..." It had been thirteen moons since he had watched his sister die. And it has been about seven or eight moons since his youngest sister went missing. Lavenderpaw and Fallowkit were still missing too.
"H-how... how can I... how can I go on without a single family member left? I can't even forgive you, Thrushstar, for disowning me and being a negligent father. And you- Quailfur... you and Thrushstar never had a proper relationship with any of your kits."
Proper relationship... that was probably the most polite way to describe what that mess was. Crowpaw had raised himself, looked after Quietpaw, and looked after Bluekit until she went missing. He had managed to bring a lot of his problems to light the day he and Bluekit were disowned. But...
"Bluekit you were so innocent to it all... you were disowned by our father... and none of it was your fault." It was all his. All of it! Crowpaw was struggling to stay afloat in life. In ThunderClan, there was nothing for him except his littermates' grave. And he'd remain in ThunderClan no matter how unhappy he was. He couldn't leave his sister behind. But it wasn't just because of his feelings toward the cause of her death. It was because he had promised her he would always be with her. Even if they were in two different places, he knew Quietpaw would be roaming the starry ThunderClan territories.
Besides, Thrushstar had told Crowpaw he could dig up her grave and take that and his less-than-moon old sister to RiverClan. But by doing that, it would be disrespecting her death. Thrushstar could probably never have experienced such a thing, but Crowpaw wasn't going to disrespect his sister's grave after she had sacrificed her life for his. It would be wrong and not warrior-like. Really it would be dishonorable and Crowpaw was not about dishonor, especially when it comes to family members.
With his speaking done, Crowpaw let out a growl and got up from where he sat. His hackles were raised and his teeth were bared. Coming out from behind the tree, he unsheathed his claws and stared at the strange cat that stood before him.
"If you've come to gloat about your victory, StarClanner, I suggest you keep it to yourself. You've taken my family and my light in life. What more do you want from me? I've lost everything I've ever had."
It took him a moment, but he then realized this stranger was not of StarClan. There were no stars in her pelt. Nor were there the dark shadows of the Dark Forest warriors.
"I've never met you. Why are you walking in my dream?"