Irisdream felt a shudder wrack her body when Wavebreaker nodded, confirming her suspicions. Not that she needed the confirmation, she'd recognize her father's words anywhere. She was glad Wavebreaker's eyes were closed, she didn't feel like she had her usual control over herself, and she didn't want him to see that. She couldn't help a small, fragile chuckle at Wavebreaker's joke, a delicate sound like the bell kittypets sometimes wear around their necks.
"Of course you were." She purred, a melodic sound.
"On that, we can agree." Her relationship with her father was very different from that she had with her mother. Blizzardoak knew how...difficult Pebblestorm was. Sometimes he even stood up for her, and he was always gentle and encouraging.
She was starting to feel more confident in herself and in Kitepaw. Maybe Blizzardoak and Wavebreaker were right, and she only had to show Kitepaw the conviction of her feelings.
"She doesn't hate you." The comforting coo from her former mate was so familiar... She didn't flinch away from his touch either, in fact she felt a temptation to lean into it but held herself back. She made the decision to place that separation between them, she couldn't be the one to cave so easily. It was just...difficult when something so familiar was so far out of reach. She closed her eyes and continued to listen to his words, like the rolling of the waves. She was a little dubious about his reasoning, Kitepaw didn't seem the type to act out simply out of rebellion.
"I mean it was same with you and Pebblestorm right?"
Irisdream froze.
"t was same with you" - her blood felt as though it turned to ice.
-
"and Pebblestorm right?"
First, it felt like her heart completely stopped. She could've sworn that she heard something hard break. She felt like she had been removed from her body. Her eyes were still closed, as if her body was frozen. She could feel herself throwing herself at Wavebreaker and pinning him down, snarling in his face...screeching at him.
"How..." She mumbled. But when her eyes finally shot open, she was still sitting where she was. The scent of reeds overwhelming her, until they faded and all she could smell was...
"How..." She repeatedly, her mind had gone blank. She didn't realize it, but she was trembling violently, her eyes staring at Wavebreaker now were wide and horrified.
How dare
you say that to me!
Irisdream felt her breath coming on fast, her heart was pounding now. She could feel it rushing in her ears. But she couldn't form thoughts anymore, and she couldn't bare looking at Wavebreaker for a heartbeat longer. Without saying anything else, or giving any warning, the pale she-cat turned where she sat and shot off. Running blindly through the forest, following the sound of the creek.
Dandellion.
"Worthless!"
Poppy.
"This type of conduct is not befitting of this family!"
Daffodil.
"Come now, Iris dear. I'm the one who gave birth to you and this is how you repay me?"
Irisdream suddenly felt water at her paws. She yelped in surprise as she fell into a river.
The creek turned! Thankfully, she was a RiverClan cat. Despite her panicked state, she instinctively found herself in the water and breached the surface, gasping for air. She was still trembling, now from the cold as well as from fear. She had completely lost her focus, she couldn't think of flowering plants anymore. It was something she had always done to try and ground herself, to drown her mother's voice from her head when it became too much to bare.
"How ungrateful! You're no different from your father, you don't really love me!"
A growl escaped Irisdream's throat, this time for real.
"Just shut up!" She yowled, ducking her head under water and then back up. Shaking her head vigorously as though trying to shake a stubborn tick from her ears. Irisdream swam back to the shoreline, her pelt already beginning to dry. She didn't bother shaking the water from her fur, instead she unsheathed her claws, digging them into the ground that becoming more damp from the drops coming from her fur.
"Fine. If that's how you want things to be then just go. I'm only the one who carried you in my belly and gave birth to you. I bled for you. But what do I care?"
"Damn you..." Irisdream growled under her breath.
"Don't you know when to quit?" She felt like slamming her head on the ground as hard as she could, maybe that will finally free her from her mother's condescending voice. Instead, she lashed out at the wet ground with her claws, screeching in pure rage. Her claws left gouges in the earth and shredded grasses and flowers around her, but for the first time in her life Irisdream was blind with fury.
"I mean it was same with you and Pebblestorm right?"
He said it...with such an innocent voice. He confirmed Irisdream's worst nightmares without even realizing what he had done. After a while, the enraged she-cat collapsed from exhaustion. Panting and gasping for breath. Her paws were covered in scraps of grass and mud, and her pelt was still wet. But finally, her mind started to clear. As though storm cloud were parting. She realized in that moment what happened. She
had heard something break back there. Whether it was her sanity or her heart, she wasn't sure. But she was
certain that she heard it, she
felt it.
Damnit Wavebreaker...why can't you see? She turned her gaze to the sky, and felt like wailing to the stars in a desperate plea.
Why can't you see me?
[@
Quietheart]