[Rose]

She/Her | ft. Berryfrost

[ Monkey's Paw Active ]

For the longest time, silence ruled. It encompassed all, a quiet presence but unyielding. There was darkness, there was a sense of four other specks in this endless void, a bond forged from death, unbroken even by life. It existed, and it did not. It both lasted forever, and it was the mere blink of an eye. One moment, there was nothing.

The next, a gasp, a desperate inhale, air filling previously empty lungs. Something bright filtering through the soil. Something thudding fast inside. Speeding up. What was happening? What was this? Limbs flailed, tiny ivory claws digging through the rain-moistened soil. Suffocating, no air to breathe. The earlier drizzle had cleared by now, but a desperate race for life had begun as a paw reached for safety. A gasp as the kitten crawled free, dirt-browned paw landing on the flower that had been placed on her mother's grave not so long ago, the energy seeping out as exhaustion hit.

[ Spiritual Encounter Active ]

And so Berryfrost bore witness to her wish coming to life, a force beyond StarClan granting the desperate plea she'd made when seeing Snowybreeze, her mate, her love, so alone, so bereft. It was... frankly not the prettiest of sights, but a mother would never find any flaws in her children. Five kittens, dirt-covered and shivering, both new and familiar, and everything in between. For a minute, Berryfrost watched them, heart in her throat, eyes misty with tears, heart swelling with love.

Still, she only had a little time. No matter how much it hurt to leave them there, Berryfrost turned to go after her former mate. These grounds where she'd been buried, these lands she hadn't visited often before her death because they'd only just moved camps after the fire. Chasing after her mate's distant figure, Berryfrost only slowed upon nearing him, her paws faltering. "Snowybreeze..." She whispered, voice wavering. Guilt threatened to overtake her for dumping this on him. Her longing had brought this. What if he didn't want it, what if she was shoving a burden onto him instead of a reason for happiness?

A string was tugging at her heart, and Berryfrost realized she was running out of time. She was being called back to StarClan, her glowing form flickering in and out. A candle being doused. "Snowybreeze, I..." The pale molly's words cut off as she gasped softly, rushing up to him, wanting, yearning to press herself into his side. Pretending that she could. Pretending that he could hold her one last time.

A desperate fantasy.

"I'm so sorry-" She began rambling. "So sorry for leaving and not knowing and- and- you're all alone and I hate seeing you all alone and I waited and waited to see if you'd be happier but you're so sad Snowybreeze and IloveyouandithurtsandImissyou." Tears dripped down her face, dissolving into nothing as they hit the grass. A reminder that she did not exist on this plane.

"I don't w-want you to be all a-alone, Snowybreeze. I-" Her words cut out as she faded out of existence for a moment, and then reappeared duller and weaker than before. "-Kits." Her peppered form flickered again, panic rife in her eyes. Her time was running out, and if the kits weren't found in time, she wasn't sure if they would survive. She wasn't sure if Snowybreeze had ever suspected. "I'm so s-sorry for springing t-this on you, Snowybreeze. I was expecting kits when I.. died, and I- I didn't want t-them never to live. They deserve to have a life, even without m-me, so I... I wished for it." She rasped out.

"It d-doesn't make sense, I know, but they're alive, they're-" Her head whipped around, mismatched eyes glancing back in the direction of Starry Meadow. "They're there, Snowybreeze. By my... grave." The words were hard to say, the truth harder to swallow. Something she'd always wanted - to raise kits. Something she'd never be able to have. But her countenance was bright, with hope. "I hope..." Her eyes were soft, with love, with longing, with sadness. "I hope they'll bring you happiness." At least, she hoped they'd make him happier than he had been.

"I love you so much, but I will never hold it against you if you find another to love. Please know that, Snowynose." She breathed softly, the nickname her very own version a term of endearment, and then disappeared. Back on the StarClan plane, Berryfrost stared down at her family, heart breaking with want. She wanted to be down there, with them, wanted to be-

A flash of white, briefly blinding, and then Berryfrost was elsewhere, mind fuzzy with confusion as the curse took hold. Where was she? What had she been doing? It felt like something important, something she could not remember. The eggshell-colored molly sat there, staring blankly at the sway of grass in the breeze. What was so important she needed to remember, but could not?

[ @Alchemist Kitsune - Snowybreeze & Cardinalkit / @Omari - Seedkit / @burntToast - Jaggedkit / @Dolomedes - Frostkit ]