[taillow]

DUSKLION
she/her | riverclan's head lionheart | 28 moons

Oh, back outside of camp again. Dusklion was unable to hide the expression her face had, and Fades was already heading for the exit so he wouldn't see the way she rolled her eyes. Regardless her paws turned to follow him out, ducking back out through the entrance. Concealed in the dark for a brief moment she felt the ground sway a bit beneath her and stopped just for a second. Her head spun just a bit and she had to fight back another yawn. But the odd sensation was over before it began so the head Lionheart simply dismissed it and trotted to catch up with her brother.

"Listen, whatever you brought me out here for, I just want to say-" she began, but then her brother was speaking and - he felt lost? Utter surprised crossed her features as Dusklion stared at him with her mouth half-way open. Her brother was many things but being lost was never something the dark tabby had associated him with. Slowly her mouth closed as she stared at him, ears angled forward.

Surely he wasn't stepping down already?? All this talk about not being able to do it anymore... well, it had her heart breaking. This was her fault. She hadn't been there to support him, and even worse she had let her own ambitions and goals be placed above him. Fades. Her brother, the one cat she felt the closest to. Or, had. Her jaw hardened as he continued.

His inquiry felt like an accusation, cutting through her like sharp claws that caused her to wince slightly. She drew her ears back and averted her gaze, and for once the normally sharp-tongued head Lionheart had nothing to say.

"I never meant..." she started once there was a lull, a pause. Dusklion found that it was difficult to meet his gaze. Even more so as he continued on about how their relationship had started to crumble. How he questioned if she even saw him as a brother anymore. A low growl rumbled in her throat and that was enough to lift her head. "Of course I do. Fades, I..." Oh, damn the stars above. She felt the sting behind her eyes and there wasn't much she could do as the first tear slipped past. She had always been the one who'd had a hard time concealing her emotions, of keeping a neutral expression like Fades had always been good at. "I'm not goin' to apologize for wantin' what I wanted, 'n for goin' after it. But if I could go back to that meetin' 'n shut my big mouth 'fore I ever said a word, I would."

...Not the best way to start an apology. By now another tear had fallen and Dusk knew soon they would be dampening her cheeks. But her eyes narrowed and shone with a mixture of defiance, stubbornness - and most of all, regret. "I didn't know you wanted it, too. When we first joined, it had always been me sayin' how one day I was gonna change this Clan. Lead it from atop the stone. Drive us back into greatness, like how Lions once did. 'N you... you had always seemed to support that! I never thought that... if you were offered the position... you'd take it."

This was... not how she wanted the apology to go. Before she could continue though Fades started speaking again. And what he said next nearly sent her off her paws. He wanted... her to be his deputy? Dusklion had all but been sure that this was him finally kicking her out of the Clan. Now that he had the power to do so, the head Lionheart figured he would exile her, send her away for how she'd acted. This offer was nowhere near what she had expected.

"I...I.." It was a strange thing, to have her dream placed before her. All she had to do was say yes. All she had to do was reply with one little word and what she had worked towards for so long would finally be hers. The dark tabby felt her haunches fall backwards, the shock still written across her face. "...You want me around?" Perhaps it was stupid, and perhaps Fades didn't know just how much she shared his feelings despite her actions stating otherwise. The reassurance that he still wanted her in the Clan - still wanted her as a sister. Suddenly she felt like nothing more than the young eight moon old cat who Fades had saved from the storm all those seasons ago.

Her throat clenched up towards the end. There was more she wanted to say, but she needed a moment to gather herself. Sniffling and doing her best to stop the starsdammed tears that continued to spill down her face, Dusk tried to steel her composure. It was still there in her eyes - the confusion. Just like that day he had been announced as the Clan deputy, her heart was in pieces. "Why did you never tell me?" Her voice is quiet and soft, breaking in ways that to anyone blind would not point to Dusklion being the one speaking. "You always supported my goals, my ambitions... did you not trust that I would support yours, too?" It was silly to bring up now considering how she'd acted at that meeting he'd been appointed, and the realization of this had her ducking her gaze. "...I would've followed you to the ends of the earth, Fades, if you had told me. I would... still do that. It just..." Hurt. It was a pain unlike anything, like claws ripping out her throat over and over again.

Finally she lifted her gaze back up as her whiskers quivered. Underneath it all - underneath the jealousy, and the anger, and the guilt and the Rage, she just... missed her brother. "...I'm sorry." She hated this. Being vulnerable. She hated how easy it was for her to cry - whether she was angry or sad or even extremely happy. Dusklion hated how intensely her emotions showed on her face. A half-hearted chuckle left her as she shook her head, glancing briefly up at the stares, then back down towards Fades. "I want that too." It was a murmur, and she cleared her throat. "Us, how we used to be. Takin' the world on together, side by side... I do want you as my brother, I always have. I do want to serve by your side as this Clans deputy... I..." Words failed her again and she just sat there, still a bit dumbfounded, and unsure of what to really do next.

[ Fadingsun - @occultation ]