[zozelen]

Although Brownpaw wasn't alone- wasn't ever really alone, with all her clanmates always close by, tonight was the first time she truly felt the way. Her small frame was silhouetted by the warm darkness of night, and although many other cats still lingered outside of their nests, they all felt so... far away. Their voices sounded like echoes of words not meant for her, or maybe too-loud whispers. Her thoughts kept drifting back to the way her mentor had snapped at her, the way the blood of Boulderclaw had splattered, pooling on the ground. Or maybe she just saw more blood than there really was, and the whole thing was just... quick. Neat.

Quickly cleaned up, body neatly taken out of camp and... buried? No. She didn't feel like they would've buried him, at least not with the rest of her ancestors. Dawnstar was mad at him, after all. So was everyone else. You had to be mad at a cat to kill them. Very, very mad.

Brownpaw felt... dull. It was a feeling that was very foreign to her- she felt sad, sometimes, but never like she couldn't feel sad at all. Gently, she brushed a little flower beneath her with one of her paws. What type of flower was it? Maybe if she was a medicine cat, she'd learn it's name- if it was useful, that was. Useful to heal wounds. Wounds dealt by warriors, like what she'd train to do, what she'd become one day. A warrior. Brownpaw always knew she might not make a very good one- she was easily distracted, got her paws mixed up, and didn't like to hurt others. But she would, she promised herself. She would defend her clanmates with her life.

But would defending a life mean taking another?

Very quietly, Brownpaw sniffled. Once, then again. Then it felt like she couldn't stop. The little flower swayed in her vision, tears blurring everything in front of her. She didn't want to cry, not earlier, in front of Hawkbite. Her mentor who thought she was disobedient and... and she couldn't even hunt right. She wouldn't be able to fight right, either, she felt it in her heart. Would she only ever let Hawkbite down?

Brownpaw trembled, feeling like she couldn't move. If she did, she might do something stupid. Might say something stupid, even though despite the scolding she couldn't feel sorry for speaking up. She couldn't feel like it was the wrong thing to do. All Brownpaw wanted to do was be apart of her clan, a good part of her clan, help anyone who needed it and make cats happy.

But she felt so alone.

@redshiftreign @Mica