[SuspiciousMindz]

 

Originally Posted by Abyssopelagic

The little man had been carefully chewing on one of the squirrel's paws, enjoying the feeling of his teeth needling into the chewy flesh more than he was with actually eating it when Hawkbite next spoke. The mention of his mother soured his stomach, and he stopped his happy chewings, his tongue briefly poking from between his lips, licking his chin quickly before it once again hid in his maw.
He stared at the ground between his paws.

Sometimes.... Sometimes he thought he remembered her, his mother.
The memories were always fuzzy, and never came when he was trying to remember her. Only when it hurt him the most, missed her the most.
But if he tried to focus, even for a split second, the flickers of memory would slip away from him, leaving him empty. It was like trying to grasp water in his paws, futile.
He sat in silence for a bit, letting his emotions roll within him while he contemplated whether or not he wanted to risk having another breakdown. He wanted to know more about his mother, he really did, but he also didn't want to get his hopes up if she really had abandoned him. Some cats insist she hadn't, others wouldn't have been surprised if she had. But no one ever talked about her at length. Now that he was old enough to notice the frequency of disappearances, of cats simply leaving and never returning for reasons he could never understand, he knew why her leaving hadn't impacted anyone.
It was normal, common even.
And no one cared anymore, not when it wasn't their family. Sometimes even when it was.
And that scared him, really.

Silkkit breathed slowly, and turned over each thought in his head carefully and meticulously. He was silent for what was likely an uncomfortable amount of time before he looked back up to Hawkbite, shiny eyes more watery than usual.
Yes, he decided. He wanted to know.
"..... What was my momma like?"
It hardly registered that he'd been asked another question, that his apprentice ceremony had been brought up.
He didn't want to talk about that right now. He'd always have time to talk about that, he wouldn't always have someone who could, who would talk about his momma.
For the sake of not being rude, he let his ears droop. His answer was much to be desired, but it was a response.
"I guess. I.... Wanted to gain some skills before I went into being an apprentice, but.... Everyone who was supposed to teach me hasn't really scheduled when we would be doing those."

But that wasn't a topic he wanted to focus on, immediately he tried to think of a way to bring it back to his mother, tried to find some subtle route to reel it back in. In the end, his desire to know got the best of him.
He perked up, once again looked Hawkbite, dear brown stripey, in the eyes again.
"No one talks about her. Not with me, and not in passing when I try to eavesdrop. I want to know about my mom."
He chewed his lip, thinking.
"Sometimes I think I remember her, but... It's brief... The thought always escapes me before I can understand."
Please, please, please tell me, he wanted to beg.
Please don't turn me away.
Please don't tell me I'm too young for this talk.
Please don't tell me she wasn't important enough to bother remembering.

Please....


[ @SuspiciousMindz ]

[Hawkbite]
Enforcer Commander
Shadow Fiend | Agatha Kitty

Oh no.
I dread this.

Hawkbite inhaled sharply, choosing his words wisely as he tried to explain the young feline's mother to him. There was so much he could say. So much to go over, but he'd keep it short and sweet. He didn't want to dig into the details of why or how, no, he was going to be brief but hopefully offer closure. His eyes would half-shut as he finally brought himself to start talking. He'd attempt to hide the emotion behind his words, if he could help it, but the she-cat brought out so much in him. Sometimes, it was hard to hide.

"Your mother was a very respected warrior. So brilliant, in so many ways," Hawkbite began, his gaze starting to grow cloudy as memories rushed back to his mind. "She was intelligent and loyal. She never let anyone question her. Very caring to the cats, she really enjoyed being around, like-" it pained him to say it, even the tone in his voice shifted to that of jealousy, "-like your father, Vulturefang."

He'd let a long exhale escape, pulling together his thoughts and emotions. There was no changing anything now. That stoic mask he always had on, returned. There was no use hanging onto dreams he had and wishes he wanted granted. That wasn't plausible. "She was my best friend," a small purr slipped from his throat then the realization hit him. "Is. She is my best friend," he corrected himself, his gaze refocusing on Silkkit as Woolly's words echoed in his mind. "She loves you very much. She told me so herself."

Hawkbite wanted to shuffle closer to Silkkit, but he refrained from such things. The small kit reminded him so much of her and he just wanted to comfort the tiny cat however he could. Stars, he ached to have her back. Ached to protect her family. Ached to return to how things used to be.

It was time to change the subject. There was no need to dig into details. Sure, he might answer some other questions, but he could feel himself getting choked up over the conversation. He couldn't handle much more of that. So, Hawkbite cleared his throat, averting his gaze to hide the pain that was trying to reveal itself. Classes. Right. Silkkit wanted to learn some things.

"Are there any lessons you want me to help you with?" Hawkbite would inquire, letting his gaze rest on some random object across the clearing.