[alec]

( @Marigoldwhisper )
cw: nausea, distress??, just emotionally meh

->> minkpaw [she/they, outsider, 13moons] <<-
a dark blueish grey and white she cat with silver eyes

minkpaw shuffled uncomfortably, guilt driven nausea seemingly eating her from the inside out, and it had been a whole experience just trying to will herself to fall asleep. she was tired, the blind panic that had taken hold of her body and driven her out into the depths of the outskirts had ebbed away and left nothing but empty, cold exhaustion.
she was ashamed for her actions and scared and worried and she wanted nothing more than to make it all just stop but she couldnt, she couldnt and she had to explain or the guilt might eat her whole. she swallowed another wave of tears, she had to look presentable, she was the guilty one, and she shouldnt be the one to cry.

the fog wafting around her felt especially cool tonight, biting and just simply unwelcoming, as she took a shaky breath before reaching out into riverclan camp. her silver eyes had fallen shut and dark grey, dishevelled fur remained still, one could think she had fallen asleep if there wasnt the deep frown on the felines face, accompanied by a slight tremble of her shoulders all the way to the dark tip of her tail. her mind ghosted around the sleeping kits in the nursery, ignorant of anyone but the small she kit she had grown to adore in such a short time. another deep breath and minkpaw let her foggy figure gently nudge marigoldkits sleeping conscience before pulling her into their foggy dreamscape.

the way minkpaws dreamscape appeared had changed, the fog had grown cold and unwelcoming, unlike the pleasantly fresh hug it has provided only a few days ago, and the endless sprawling meadows had become cold and dull. she was ashamed to welcome the kit into her mind at this state, ashamed to expose herself in a way so personal and open. she didnt want the kit to immediately feel repulsed by her, especially not because what she had done and would have to reveal was so much worse.

"marigoldkit" minkpaw called gently, willing herself to put on a little though admittedly tired looking smile for the kit, so she would at least awake to a friendly face. however, if minkpaw was being honest, realistically, no matter what she couldve tried, nothing would save her from looking tired, dull eyes, dishevelled fur she had been to exhausted to groom, slumping posture and all.