[Dark]

Darkfall
___________

Numb and unfeeling was a good way to describe how the dark furred tom felt in this moment. He had resolved himself to not think about the corpse that rested on his back as he walked through the camp and into the clearing. Not to worry about his other clan mates who had been injured or killed. To not feel anything in the moment, for if he did he’d be overwhelmed by the grief, anger and guilt that waited at the edges of his mind for their opportunity to pounce on and consume him. He didn’t know if he’d be able to handle that right now.

Darkfall knew that he’d probably crack later on but that didn’t matter at this moment. Right now he had to be strong in front of the others. He was a ShadowClan warrior, and he would not be weak. Not in front of his clan. Not again.

Darkfall hadn’t gotten hurt in the skirmish. His patrol had entered the fray late and all he managed to do was rough up Thrushfur a little until Sparrowstar had called for a retreat. Should the two have fought longer, the more experienced warrior may have gotten the upper paw and overwhelmed him to the point where he’d have become just like his fallen comrades.

When he got to where the rest of the bodies were laid, Darkfall slid the cold and stiff Whisperingwolf off of his back next to Oliveglow and Ivyleaf. He was exhausted, both mentally and physically after trugging along the territory to get back into camp. His muscles screamed and hissed at him for undertaking such a grueling task, and his emotions that he had locked away sat in the corner waiting for their opportunity to strike.

He didn’t bother going to his usual corner, or even finding a new spot to sit. He just sank down next to Whisperingwolf and stared at his paws. Dawnstar was yowling for the clan to come out, but that didn’t matter to him right now. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about the stupid meeting, he didn’t care about Dawnstar’s omnipresent foul mood, he didn’t care about the stares or the looks, he just didn’t care anymore. He wanted to go to the warrior’s den and sleep. Hell, he’d even be willing to drag some cat out into the territory with him just so that he could reflect in peace without question or judgment.

He took a brief glance around the clearing and noticed Larkfire consoling Daypaw and Mirehound being comforted by Iciclestrike. A twinge of pain gripped Darkfall’s heart as he realized that the pairs were siblings. Was this what it was supposed to be like? Returning from a tough battle and having your family comfort you? He let out a small sigh at the thought. Would Fallenpaw have sat at his side, telling him things would be okay if she were still alive? Would his mother, Snailpounce had done it? He wasn’t quite sure, but he was certain that he wouldn’t have minded it. Not now at least. The chaotic trio of younger brothers he had weren’t exactly comforting cats. He could already hear them saying ’So what they died? You still beat up a smelly deputy! Stop being stinky and get over yourself’ in a mocking tone.

Darkfall wished he had had someone to be by his side like that, but he had no one. No mother, no father, no littermate, no previous mentor, nothing. His only friend was occupied at the moment, and he didn’t dare go to join her side, not now. He found himself a little bit jealous and then disappointed in the feeling as he watched. ’I want that too…’ he found himself thinking, cracks starting to form in the iron curtain he had cast over himself ’I want someone to be here with me as well…’

And he felt disgusting for it. He felt disgusting that he dared covet what had been taken from him moons before, simply because someone else had it. Affection, camaraderie, love? This meant nothing to him right now. He had to focus on becoming a good role model for his brothers and becoming a better warrior. Shaking his head, he forced himself to harden his heart again. After all…

He was a ShadowClan warrior and he would not be weak.

[ @Rose, @xavier. @perseus. @daenerys for Lark, Day, Iciclestrike and Mirehound mentions/glances/stares]