Staying by the entrance of the cave as medics filtered in, Cinderpaw watched one by one as they began their communication with the stars. The black and white one was almost too eager, bouncing in and beelining towards the gemstone to touch his nose to its’ no doubt cold surface. The others followed suit, including Ivysnake and Elmshadow (She scoffed. Nice, go and reward the clan that actively hated you because they were strong, Starclan! That will make everyone believe in your powers.), and she wondered why Thunderclan was the only one being ignored. Everything in this forest seemed to be their fault, and the other clans' businesses. The next time any cat even suggested they needed ‘help’, she wasn’t sure if she could keep her claws from their face. Quietly, her eyes' met Sundust's, and she for a moment wondered how much faith he had left to give, in both her and Starclan, to try this.
Well, she needed to get back on track. In an attempt to cool herself down, Cinderpaw found her paws repeating the signs Cowpaw had shown her… What had they meant? Sorry, hungry. Sorry, hungry. She repeated those two, almost inconsequential words to herself silently for a few moments before her eyes flickered upwards. It… was pretty quiet now, huh? The tabby now found the cave around her silent and sprawled with various sleeping bodies.
It seemed like she
was alone now.
Suddenly, her eyes bored into stone, as she wished she could cut holes in it with her glare. It seemed like her sign practice hadn’t done much to truly calm her. She was split between not knowing the point of being here if Starclan refused to even acknowledge them, and being able to chase after the slim chance of making them face their own actions. The longer the healers stayed still and unstirring in their sleep, however, dwindled her hope into near infinitesimal amounts - and if their last ditch effort was losing hope, then really what was the point of even trying again?
That was Starclan’s thing. They refused to see how Thunderclan tried, and tried, and tried again because they couldn’t stay stable. They couldn’t see the very cats neglecting the stability were the ones the stars named as their leadership, so they punished the people instead. It was like that was all those sorry excuses for deities did these days. Cinderpaw’s breath quickened with rage, and the apprentice found herself slowly, but surely drawn towards the very bane of her existence.
Claws clicking against stone, she padded forward to find herself up close and personal with the gem. Her breath billowed out and fogged up its’ sleek and shiny surface, covering up the reflection of her in its’ many faces. The tabby’s face twisted into a scowl. For a moment, one of the many mirror images didn’t look like her amidst the condensation, instead morphing her into a light grey with darker spots. She could have sworn that was…
It was almost like they were taunting her.
“... Y’think this is funny, huh? Ignoring us after everything. Se-sending me back here to clean up your mess, or suffer for the rest of this life, or whatever.” Her gravely voice came out in a snarl who’s ferocity surprised even her.
“Cindersky, I’m not playing right now, dammit. Why do y-you stay with them? What has Starclan done except abandon us over and over again? We didn’t choose Aspenstar. We didn’t choose Eveningstar. We didn’t choose Dogbark, or– or Roseraven, or least of all Dawnstripe! But we still get punished, we still get killed in choices and wars we had no say in. And Starclan d-doesn’t even care, ‘cause apparently we haven’t been beaten into the ground enough!"
White-hot fires blazed in her eyes as she stared right into the glassy surface, mist fading away and revealing to the tabby her own face. Seeing her own rage only made her burn brighter.
“If you think you’re what makes us a clan, then give us a s-starsdamned reason to believe in you!”
Reeling back a forepaw and unsheathing her claws out as far as they would go, Cinderpaw let out a roar and slammed it down upon the stone. They cut small grooves and emitted an unholy screeching sound as she slowly but surely dragged them down the face of the crystal. The image of her face was fractured by the scratches and morphed even further.
“I don’t care th-that this stupid rock supposed to be holy. I won’t stop until you give Thunderclan an an-answer for why we’re the ones to blame for the ideas you give us? Why it’s okay when the other clans break the code to kill us? Why the kids are still the only ones being h-hurt by what adults do, like Sharpeye, or Redfur's kits? Why do you only care about being right like every other grown up cat in this c-crappy forest!?”
Sins were only sins when her kind committed them.
“Cindersky, please…!”
Her clawstrokes weren’t enough. As she dug her talons as deep into the monolith as she could, in her fit of rage Cinderpaw whipped her head back. The apprentice’s skull let out a hollow knock as she hit its’ glassy surface, and the moment her nose came into contact with it she was out like a light.
Come the end of the meeting, the other healers would awaken to find her slumped against the gem, claws still embedded into the milky quartz and most likely attempt to rouse and interrogate her for her vandalism of their monument. But for now, Cinderpaw found herself diving deeper and deeper into a land eerily familiar yet foreign to her.
[ @
x ghostie @
naiad @
daenerys @
Ravensong @
TheNyanCatMinecart
... surpriiiiiiise !]