Berryshine had silently left the meeting, not having made much of a reaction except for her approval of the chosen Lionhearts and Sunheart as deputy — he deserved it, and she was more than happy for the tom. It was a little light in her otherwise dark mind, a hole left where Cobwebstorm's presence should be. Her best friend, her...

The she-cat lifted her ears at the sound of Crowpaw's voice. The apprentice must've soon followed her after the meeting. Turning, she managed a weary half-smile, giving a nod; although part of her just wanted to sulk, the medicine cat was also reasonable enough to know that such things weren't good for her. Still... it was hard to keep being her optimistic self when so many things had torn her down.

"O-Of course, Crowpaw... you're always welcome here," she purred, her tone genuinely warm despite its quiet resignation. The brown molly turned to the apprentice, straightening up a bit and squaring her shoulders in an effort to look composed — far more composed than she felt inside. Leafy-green eyes flicked over the apprentice, as if trying to see if Crowpaw was here for an ailment or something else. "W-What, ah... what can I do for you?"

Berryshine's eyes widened as she heard Crowpaw say those shaky words; a soft reprimanding (one borne of care and affection) was not what she'd been expecting. It almost felt bold, coming from the meek apprentice, and took the medic off guard for a moment. Here she was, so often the one that told her Clanmates the same things when they came to her with their woes, and now... she was the one being 'scolded' this time.

The brown she-cat's gaze softened, heart aching in both appreciation and pain. Pain from her loss, pain from acknowledgement of her... weakness, and need to step back for a moment. Berryshine was used to staying strong for everyone; sometimes, lives literally depended on it. She was the medicine cat, for StarClan's sake — if she couldn't perform her duties, cats would be dying left and right. But hearing those words from Crowpaw... it felt different, coming from the anxious apprentice.

Perhaps because it was like looking at a younger version of herself, one so unsure who'd taken up the heavy mantle of Clan healer at such a young age. Not that Crowpaw was too much younger than herself, but... it was almost like a reflection. As if the younger her was speaking to her, in a way, seeing how much had happened yet still clinging to that optimism that had defined her heart since kithood.

There was a long, thoughtful pause; clearly, Crowpaw's words had affected Berryshine. Slowly, her shoulders began to sag, as if physically representing the weight that she'd been pushing off now returning to her small shoulders. Her forced expression faltered, suddenly looking many moons older than she should, as if a veil had been lifted.

"L-Look at you... being more thoughtful o-of a Clanmate's wellbeing than the medicine cat herself," Berryshine huffed good-naturedly, though it was more of a resigned and weary sound, her composed facade fading. It felt like the lingering scent of Cobwebstorm got thicker for a moment, making her throat close, and she had to clear it to speak again. "I... w-well, stars. I don't really know, Crows. I-It's just... been... hard," she finally admitted, a sheen of vulnerability crossing her features. "For moons now. I'm not sure a-anyone can help with it. I've even looked to StarClan for guidance, t-to figure out why this all might be happening, but... w-with the Starcave collapse..."

The healer averted her gaze, eyes darkening; it was clear the deeply-spiritual she-cat was even more shaken due to the severed connection with her ancestors, at a time where she arguably needed them quite desperately. Especially in terms of knowing how to handle Cobwebstorm's self-exile, the mere possibility of a new apprentice in the future, if she'd made the wrong choices or if things were always simply meant to be doomed (as per RiverClan's track record)... she felt, for lack of better terms, lost. And it was incredibly hard to admit that out loud — not necessarily for pride, but a fear of letting everyone down.

Because I can't afford to.

"I-I'm just... not sure w-what to do," she continued quietly and hesitantly, as if saying the words aloud cement her failures.

StarClan not having the answers either... that was a tough piece of fresh-kill for Berryshine to swallow. Could that be the answer? The reason? Or was it simply a truth of their unfair world, as things just happened to whoever — sometimes with no rhyme nor reason? Berryshine was already familiar with tragedy and loss, and didn't necessarily blame StarClan for it like so many cats did — she didn't think her warrior ancestors purposefully put danger and catastrophe in their way, even if they didn't always prevent it either. She didn't know how many things were just within their power and what wasn't.

But what she did know was that Crowpaw's words were eerily true; she let out a shaky sound, one that could've been like a laugh if it weren't so humorless. "I've... been g-getting through it for a long time now," she admitted, reminiscing on how early her youthful innocence had been stolen with a pang of loss. "I know I can, it's just... I-I feel like if I let myself feel it too much, o-or even too little, I'll just... break. A-And that's something that the Clan can't afford. E-Especially with how many leaders, deputies, a-and medicine cats we've cycled through..."

The small brown she-cat averted her gaze for a moment, green eyes clouding. It wasn't often that she showed her worries that went beyond Clanmates' health; she inhaled deeply through her nose, whiskers twitching in an effort to keep herself composed and calm. A wall was lowering, one that could help her share with her friend, but only just enough — if the floodgates opened next, there was no telling when the water would stop flowing. And Berryshine wouldn't let herself drown — couldn't afford to.

"I-I just... can't let the Clan down. I won't. I have to be s-strong... or else cats will die, o-or lose faith. L-Like we're... cursed... I-I can't let that happen." Berryshine's gaze hardened slightly in determination, a faint spark in the dulled green irises, darkened by her recent loss and pain. But then Crowpaw went on, assuring that she didn't have to do this alone... Berry almost wanted to protest. A medicine cat's burden was one that regular warriors couldn't quite comprehend; the direct connection to StarClan, the spiritual revelations, prophecies and omens, the heavy knowledge and weight of being responsible for an entire Clan's health... something that made her thin shoulders shake at the mere thought.

A burden that had been gratefully shared by her dearest friend, one who only remained as a lingering scent and tufts of gray-and-white fur here or there in the den. A whisper of what used to be... and a crushing reminder of loneliness.

And then... Crowpaw touched her shoulder with her nose. The apprentice's nose was cold, perhaps from the weather, and it jolted Berryshine out of her hazy thoughts. She'd heard every word, absorbed it all... and as her cloudy gaze returned to the apprentice, it softened. And then glistened. The sting of tears at the backs of her eyes, ones that she didn't let fall — not yet.

Friendship, companionship, a kindred soul... something the medic craved. Even if Crowpaw didn't quite understand the burdens of being a medicine cat—who could, without being one themself?—there was a sense of shared pain and weight here. The willingness of someone to be at her side, even if they couldn't comprehend all she had to deal with.

And by the stars, she needed it. Especially because Berryshine's one truest friend and confidante was now only a ghost in her memory.

A shaky breath escaped the medicine cat as she hesitated a moment before leaning into the touch, shoulders trembling slightly beneath Crowpaw's muzzle. Then she sank to the floor of the den, head hanging — the look of somecat giving up. But she wasn't giving up on her role nor her duties, no; she was giving up the facade. At least for a little while, for someone who seemed to be safe... someone who didn't need her to put on a brave face. She couldn't even do such a thing around Owlstar, despite being close, because she didn't want her leader to think for a moment that she had to fear another medicine cat being lost to her Clan's infamous 'curse'.

"I... that... th-that means more than you know, Crowpaw," Berryshine whispered earnestly, her pelt lightly brushing the apprentice's for mutual comfort. Green eyes searched hers, as if trying to convey her sincerity in a glance where words failed. "Y-You're... well, you're a good friend. You know that?" She managed a weary half-smile despite the lingering pain in her gaze.

Berryshine couldn't help but let out a soft hum as Crowpaw spoke; she was right. How was the medicine cat able to control how much or how little she felt? It'd be impossible to do so, and yet she'd been trying for so long. Her gaze rested somberly on the dark-pelted she-cat, a twinkle of fondness in her green eyes despite the heaviness she felt inside.

Crowpaw's suspicions were right — Berryshine had been just about to say 'it's my duty', some kind of solemn and mature acceptance of her responsibility and the weight on her shoulders... but seeing such conviction from the younger she-cat had took her off guard. Crowpaw was so timid and soft-spoken that to sense her getting frustrated... it moved the medicine cat. So the protestations died on her tongue, instead settling for giving Crowpaw a long, resigned look. One that indirectly answered the question for the apprentice, one that she couldn't say aloud:

What happens when you need someone?

...Berryshine still didn't know. She'd just had to keep going. She knew Crowpaw wouldn't want to hear that, and yet... what other answer was there?

Then, a lump formed in the small brown molly's throat. Crowpaw had look startled by the affirmation that she was a good friend, and the soft admittance that she'd like to be one made Berryshine's heart wrench. Exhaling shakily, the medic lightly bumped her head against her friend's; yes, it was true that there were burdens others couldn't carry, some that just had to be taken and endured. Yet it was equally true, as the apprentice was pointing out, that carrying it all alone was needless suffering and almost a twisted sense of self-righteousness, in a way... like one thinking they can't rely on others is actually a form of pride.

"You are," Berryshine assured softly. "A good friend, that is. You... m-might be the only one who's talked some sense into me." There was a somber chuckle behind her words, not one borne of actual humor, but of a defeated sense of acknowledgement. The medicine cat lifted her head once more so that she could meet Crowpaw's eyes, a bittersweet smile on her maw. Her voice was quiet and steady.

"Thank you, Crowpaw... really. For everything. You've... helped me, more than you know."

Crowpaw was a reminder, along with Rainpaw, Sunheart, Owlstar, and her adoptive family that'd checked in on her during these times, that she wasn't alone. And that was a spark of light in the dark, the break of sun through the clouds; even if Cobwebstorm's self-exile had taken some of that light with her, still some remained in her Clanmates and friendships she had here. Family.

And for that... Berryshine was truly grateful.