Opinions on my new Creepypasta OC?

[wickedvirtues]

New:
Name; Lily Madisons
Pasta Name: Silent Illusion (Nicknames: Silent)
Age: 20
Gender: Female
How she kills: Silent and stealthy, she uses quick and quiet weapons. Not one to make a scene out of a murder, she does it quickly. She normally slits the throat of her victim and leaves them to die.
Saying: None.
Bio: Lily was what one called a psychopath. She didn't know how to feel love, or guilt, or sympathy, etc. She was the quiet girl, not bullied but not extremely popular. She faked every emotion she had to make others think she was 'normal'. WIP for now
Weapon: Anything swift, silent, and easy to use.
Appearance: A slightly stocky, shorter girl. She has a dark red-colored pixie cut, pale skin and pale green eyes, and freckles around her nose.
Outfit: A black sweatshirt, dark blue pants, and black running boots. She also sometimes wears a mask to hide her face. (I don't know what the mask will look like yet).
Other info: This is a HUGE wip! Constructive criticism is fine.

[Dust]

I think the mental illness aspect is the downfall of this character. Schizophrenia is a very rare mental disorder, especially childhood schizophrenia. Most people do have their breaks in early adulthood so I think her age lines up with it; however, people killing due to extreme mental illness is rare as well, especially if they're struggling with schizophrenia. I know it's a character, but keeping realistic will help to develop later xD . That being said, her reason for psychosis I feel is not enough, you know? I feel that it would cause major depression, but not psychosis. Most of the time, people with these disorders do not even know they have them.

Other than that, I think you have a good image of the character, but I'd love to see some personality that doesn't revolve around the illnesses o: What was she like before? Does she still maintain those traits? etc. etc.

Of course this is your character and this is my opinion, but I hope it helps ^^

[ameko]

to add on to duststorm's post, schizophrenia is largely genetic, but it is usually dormant until an external factor is applied, not necessarily a depressing moment in life. also, most schizophrenics don't know that they have the illness and are not aware of the fact that something they experience may not be real (delusions, hallucinations).

though, if you're wanting to stick with those mental illnesses, my dad has a degree in psychology (also my uncle has schizophrenia) and i can definitely help you out with developing the character :0

i'd like to know more about her history, and what happened to the father! was the mother involved in lily's childhood before she was arrested, and how? it is a good character nonetheless for a wip, though!

[wickedvirtues]

Duststorm Pathos

Thank you! I'm still not sure I want to stick with the mental illnesses, since that's a bit overdone too, but I don't want it to be 'She was bullied in school and and abused at home then she snapped and dated Jeff' etc. I may make her (If you know Yandere-Chan from Yandere Simulator) a simple psychopath or someone who was manipulated.