Despite everything, it's still you. [P]

[Captain]

PIKESTAR

✧ Under the cover of darkness and occasional moonlight, the tall dark-furred tomcat ran as fast as they could, jumping over rocks and ducking under low-hanging tree branches. He stopped for nothing and nobody, keeping his end destination the main focus in his brain at all times. This was his quest, his own journey, his mission that he would complete all alone without any else’s help. Beforehand, the large oriental feline had thought upon just tagging along with the next chosen leader of RiverClan when they went to get their nine lives, but he shuddered at the mere thought of that, all those StarClan spirits bullying and screaming at him while just endlessly praising the new leader. It would be borderline torture for him. If they were to suffer such a fate, then he’d simply go at it by himself and get it over with as quickly as possible. They sought after a new life, a better happier life where they could be Snowleap, not Pikestar.

An undetermined amount of time would pass by and soon enough, the once-RiverClan leader stood in the mouth of the home to the amazing and powerful majesty that was the Starcave. He hadn't been here in quite some time, but this time he was here to finally relinquish this gift that he was undeserving of. It was time for a new era of RiverClan where he could just be a warrior and focus on his own happiness. He couldn't bare being responsible for so many cats and tasks that crushed his mental and physical health every single day. Anxious gnawing on the inside of his cheek, Pikestar disappeared into the black of the cave, feeling the icy stone surface send chills through their bones as they traveled further and further through the long tunnel. Then, they saw the light.

The bright white-and-blue shimmer of the crystal that was erected in the center of the cave's main area. It was quite the sight to any feline in the four clans, although he wondered if it became bland to cats like medicine cats, who had to see such a thing more than the normal warrior. Pikestar shook those pesky thoughts away, not wanting to get distracted, as they stepped further into the room. "I know you are all, without a doubt, angry with me. Disappointed, disgusted, revolted, all the terrible names we know." He spoke softly as the dark-furred oriental approached the shimmering crystal, "But that is why I'm here. I am not the one that can lead RiverClan to greatness. I am a coward, I think with my heart and not my head, and I never have the right words to say when cats really need it. I was always better as a warrior, and someone like me was never meant to be a leader." Pikestar bowed his head, tufted ears flattening, "I want to be Snowleap again. A simple clan warrior. Nothing more, nothing less. Please... forgive me." And with that all said, they laid down into a loafing position and pressed his nose against the crystal, an icy shock coursing through his veins as darkness overtook Pikestar.

[ birdie ]

[taillow]

The second that she had seen her brother leap off of the Streamstone and announce that he would return to the Starcave to relinquish his lives, Fawnlight had been running. Paws skimmed the starry floor of the afterlife as she carried herself across vast stretched in the territory to ensure she was not late. Here, with her paws fully healed, the former medicine cat was brought back to her old abilities of running. She had never been the fastest, but she hadn't needed to be. Whiskers blew back against her cheeks as she navigated the pools and stone pebble paths that indicated she was crossing through RiverClan's section of StarClan.

Soon enough the familiar sight of her brother came into view, and the she-cat couldn't help but let out a joyful yowl towards him. Barreling towards him, she knew that she would approach this with more poise, more dignity. But stars, she missed him. Even in the short time since her death she had felt incomplete without him to joke with, or take walks with, or just spend the day watching the sky with. So as she neared him she said nothing as she leapt to tackle him into a hug, nose burying itself deep into the fluff of his neck.

"Brother!" Tears of joy sprang to her eyes and quickly fell as she aimed to wrap her paws around him, concealing him in a tight hug. Her heart hammered in her chest and tail waved wildly behind her. Momentarily forgotten what she had met him here to do, Fawnlight wished to simply stay in this moment for as long as she could. Her brother was here, he was here. Under dampened circumstances, but the soft she-cat wished to not dwell on that. He was here and they would get to spend at least a little time together. "I'm so, so sorry. You didn't deserve any of that. They're all minnow-brains, every last one of them. Okay? You're a good cat, Snowleap. You always have been. RiverClan will never have a leader as good as you, ever again..." Her words were a bit muffled at first but soon enough she pulled her head back so that she could look at her brother, a smile upon her face.

[ Captain ]

[Captain]

PIKESTAR

✧ As soon as his nose would come into contact with the bright shimmering crystal, the tall RiverClan tomcat felt the eternal darkness overtake his entire being as his very soul was lifted up to the stars and rested in the quiet grasses of StarClan’s hunting grounds. Once he awoke, Pikestar would stand up and look around, expecting to be greeted with angry ancestors who were ready to chew the rest of his ears off for what he’d done. However, the lanky oriental longhair would only hear the voice of his beloved sister before being tackled into a warm embrace. “Sister…” The large tomcat would remark, immediately feeling tears well up in his single eye as he wrapped his paws around the dappled molly. It seemed like forever ago since a small curious kitten had waddled up to him in the clearing when he was RiverClan’s deputy under Skystar. Now they were here, nearly a year later, and it all felt so unreal in a sense. So much had happened, expected, but mostly unexpected, but that was just how life often worked, didn’t it? How unfortunate it was.

Holding his dear little sister close against him, Pikestar wished that she could come back with him to the living world. Her demise had been one of the many things that had drove him to stepping down as leader, truth be told. Her children, his nieces, were growing up already into inspiring young clan members that he was honored to call his own kin. Cloudjumper hardly spoke these days, nor hardly looked at anyone except their daughters. Life felt grayer back in reality without Fawnlight there to lift them both up when times got difficult. Could Pikestar have prevented her death, could they have prevented her injury that made her cease being a medicine cat? These thoughts gnawed at his soul and they hugged the molly a bit tighter, not wanting to let go again. And here he was now, coming back to her for the first time since her death, nothing more than a disappointment on RiverClan’s history.

Her words were calming, like a cooling breeze on a hot summer day. She apologized for how their clanmates treated him, and claimed that Pikestar did not deserve one bit of it. He was a good cat. He had been a good leader. He was… Snowleap. That was when the tears finally sprung from the corner of his eye. “But I did deserve it… I did…It was my fault…” The oriental tomcat murmured against her, sniffling as pitiful tears rolled down the left half of his face, “All those cats… our clanmates… they’re dead because of me.” He didn’t want to ruin a good moment. He didn’t want to be a downer. He did not want to do anything that could frustrate Fawnlight. But stars… How could they not feel guilty? How could they ever be redeemed? How many lives were lost because of his own ignorant, selfish actions? “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Fawn… I wanted to be good. I wanted to be good enough so... badly.”

[ birdie ]

[taillow]

As her hug connected, Fawnlight felt a sense of security she hadn't felt in moons. Suddenly all of her worries and fears seemed to melt away, and all that was left was the warmth that her brother provided. They had been through so much together; she could still faintly recall early memories of coming to sit at his side before the body of Ravenclaw, a fallen RiverClan warrior in the battle that had raged between the Clans for many seasons. Back then she hadn't known much about the world, but she had known one thing for sure; that Snowleap was a good and kind cat.

"Listen to me," she purred softly, blue eyes urging her brother to look up at her as tears rolled down her own cheeks. "Every cat makes mistakes. No one is truly perfect, even though some claim to be. But you did a lot of good for RiverClan. You saved the Clan from needless bloodshed with ThunderClan, you made the Clan a safe space for everyone. You fought for each one of your Clanmates." Whiskers quivering, Fawnlight watched as she continued to hold her brother in her arms, wishing to anything above the stars that she could take away the anguish he was feeling. "You are good enough, you always have been. You have a kind heart, and a good soul. Just because your no longer RiverClan's leader doesn't mean any of that has changed..."

He had to believe that, and if he didn't then Fawnlight would just make sure to remind him incase he ever foolishly forgot. She would be there with him, every step of the way. Stars, she wished she could go back; there were many reasons to go back. But whether back in RiverClan or among the stars, the she-cat knew she would stick by her brothers side. Had he made mistakes? Of course, but what cat hasn't? No cat in RiverClan was perfect, not even the ones who had made such horrid claims about her brother, about Gingerfrost, about her dear apprentice who she missed sorely. It didn't make any of them bad cats though... it just made them cats.

After a moment she pressed her nose to his forehead briefly before stepping away. "I know this is hard for you, but I promise you Snowleap I'm going to be right next to you every step, okay?" It was a promise she didn't intend on breaking anytime soon. "No one else is coming, I made sure of it. It's just me and you, okay? When you wake up from this, you'll be a warrior once more..." Even under these circumstances, Fawnlight knew that this was the right decision for her brother. He had always been Snowleap; a kind warrior with a good heart and a passion for helping others. He had done good things during his time in RiverClan. He had made mistakes too, but so had she, and so had every other warrior and past leader. "...Despite everything, it's still you." A soft smile spread across her face as she regarded her brother with admiration. There would never be a day where she wasn't there for him.

The only thing left to do now was to reclaim the lives he'd been given, and return him to his true self once more. "...Are you ready, brother?" Fawnlight asked softly, blue eyes thoughtful and shimmering with stars.

[ Captain ]

[Captain]

PIKESTAR

✧ Even after Pikestar had grown to accept his mistakes and finally took the leap to resign his position, the tall dark-furred tomcat found it difficult to go on. He lacked the physical and mental strength right now to be able to face the world with even a forced smile. They were so exhausted and wished that they could sleep for several thousand moons. All the arguing and negativity and drama was extremely draining to the oriental longhair. It made him wonder if he could truly ever be the content passionate person that he had once been when he was a warrior. Or was he too late? Was he too far gone, and should he finally just give up even trying to start a new kind of life? They thought about Silversnow and Birdpaw. Beetlepaw. Beastflame. Pebblesplash. Bouncepaw. Bluefang. Lilycreek. So many RiverClan cats still wanted him around, cared about and respected him too. Clanmates whom still wanted Snowleap around, even if he wasn’t Pikestar anymore. It made the large tomcat want to cry more. He wanted to sob violently with big messy tears and scream out to the stars for reasons he didn’t even know. Even now, he was pushing himself too hard.

As Fawnlight finally pulled him from his crying and pathetic display of emotion, the longhaired feline peered up at his little sister, blue-against-blue. She too cried as he did, albeit not as messily without a doubt. Despite his overwhelmed brain and aching body, Pikestar listened to her, and listened well. The dappled molly talked to him about perfection, and now such a thing did not exist. It reminded him of his birth mother, who always preached such a speech to him. However, unlike that cold she-cat, Fawnlight’s words he could believe. He did good for RiverClan. He saved cats from bloodshed, and created a safe space within their own ranks. Pikestar was turn between accepting everything the former medicine cat told him and telling himself still that he could have done so much more. The dark-gray tom silently closed his eye and pressed his head against Fawnlight’s chest, continuing to listen but also just wrapping himself in the warm safety of her embrace. He was good enough. It didn’t change even as he was no longer leader. He had a kind heart, a good soul, and he was gonna be okay. Pikestar repeated her words over and over again mentally.

Eventually, their hug would break apart and Pikestar would feel cold, missing the warmth of another cat’s affection so soon already. Her nose gently would touch his forehead and the oriental tomcat would force himself to stand, the right side of his face stained with his own tears. He nodded to Fawnlight’s words, unable to word anything in the way he wanted in that moment. She would always be with him, no matter what happened. It was comforting, much more than he could describe. He was relieved that nobody else was coming. That it was just her and him. However, Pikestar couldn’t help but glance around, looking for another face. Someone he had not seen in many, many moons, whom he wished to see again, at least one more time. But, like Fawnlight said, it was only them here. Once this was finished and he’d awake, Pikestar would be Snowleap once more. Yes, he’d be just a warrior again. Good. This was what needed to be done. He could go back to being just a background character who didn’t matter. That thought was worded harshly, but it was what he wanted. He didn’t want to be on top of the world anymore. He just wanted to be the simple, quiet warrior he once was. Boring. Soft-spoken. Unimportant. He was never meant to be special, or a king of a whole clan. He was just Snowleap. That was it. And he was perfectly okay with that.

Despite everything, it’s still you.

That phrase rang in his head, making him lift his head in a more confident, literally uplifting manner. No matter what, he would not lose who he was at his core. Now it was time to do what he came here to do. His lives would be returned to his ancestors, hopefully given to someone who deserved them more than they ever did. In a way, Pikestar was glad to be doing this instead of carelessly losing these lives over the course of his life. This was the right thing to do. “Yes. I’m ready, sister.” He said in a hushed tone, his bushy tail swishing aimlessly behind him as he stared at the brown dappled she-cat before him.

[ birdie ]

[taillow]

Fawnlight
Watching her brother glance around, Fawnlight felt her heart break a little. She knew who he was looking for, and it gnawed at her that she hadn't seen that face. Not since her journey to the stars, though it hadn't been without searching. Wherever those two were, the former medicine cat had not crossed paths with them yet. Words bubbled up in her throat, wanting to tell him that even if they weren't here, that they loved him, and watched over him. But she wasn't sure if that would bring him comfort or distress, so Fawnlight kept quiet.

Hearing her brothers confirmation and accompanying determination, Fawnlight smiled. Stepping forward lightly, she touched her nose to his, stripping each of the remaining lives from him. She wasn't sure what it would feel like, but in her heart she willed to take away any pain that it might cause. He didn't deserve to feel any of that. Not after everything. The she-cat gritted her teeth as the last life came away, and finally stepped back with a pant.

It left her breathless a bit, but there would be time to rest later. Blue eyes lifted to look at her brother, Snowleap, one last time. He was a warrior once more. Perhaps a cat who would fade into the background, one who would go back to being unnoticed and on the sidelines. But that's never who he had been, at least not to her. And not to several others who wished to keep him in their lives. A twinkle in her eye as she regarded her brother, and a knowing smile, took over her face. "I hope you're able to see the cats in RiverClan who still need you, and want you, around." And then a teasing smirk. "I sense there are two already who offer their paws to hold your heart. Keep them close, perhaps even tell them one of your jokes," she chuckled lightly, in a teasing sibling kind of way. She would've had to have been blind to not have taken notice of how important Pebblesplash and Beastflame had become to her brother. Seeing him happy... it was all she could ever ask for.

Stars, she did not want to say goodbye. So many words bubbled on her tongue, and tears came to the bottom of her eyes. Was it selfish of her to ask a favor? When she was the sole reason she was here, and not down there supporting her family? Swallowing the doubt that clouded her mind and shuffling her paws anxiously, Fawnlight glanced down. "Could you..." she began in a whisper, before clearing her throat and lifting her eyes once more. "Could you tell Cloudjumper... that I'm sorry? And that... I miss him, and our daughters... so much." It was difficult for her to keep her composure, and a pair of tears played runaway down her cheek. "Tell him... That I love him. And that if he ever needs me, I'll be there." Another tear, but this time with a smile. It would be time to say goodbye any moment now. Already she could feel herself fading back into the stars...

[ Captain ]

[Captain]

SNOWLEAP (he/them)

▻ Once he signaled to Fawnlight that he was ready, she’d step closer to him and the oriental tomcat closed his eye, bracing himself as she touched her own nose to his own. There was maybe a slight delay, but the pain was nearly immediate, overwhelming Pikestar with an indescribable pain. Their heart thumped ever so wildly in their chest and it was a miracle they could stay standing. It felt like his pelt from being ripped from his body, like all the air in his lungs was being sucked out of him, like part of his soul from being stolen from his very self. When it was finally finished, Snowleap just stood there, soon realizing tears were dripping down one side of his face and his limbs were shaking slightly. Pikestar was gone. He was dead. His time was done, and now all that stood in his place was little pathetic Snowleap. All he could do was look at Fawnlight as she now backed away from him. Had she felt any of that?

It felt strangely empty to be a warrior again. Had he made the wrong choice? Should he have toughened it out? Deep down, Snowleap knew this was the right choice, and hopefully, over enough time, he’d be able to forgive himself for everything. His purpose now was to be there for his family. For their dear daughters, for their young nieces and everyone else who mattered to them. His ears twitched inattentively at his sister's words, nodding slightly as he tried to accept that cats did still love him, even after how he had messed up. Snowleap would immediate detect her teasing and his face would feel warm as a blush spread across it. It really made him think of how closely she'd been watching from up here amongst the stars. Regardless though, he smiled, looking at his dear sister with a warm gleam in his single eye. He wished that he could stay here with Fawnlight, for just a little while longer. He felt loved and safe.

After a moment of silence between them, Snowleap would see tears return to the fluffy dappled molly's eyes. The dark-furred tomcat tilted his head to the side as his little sister shuffled her paws and looked down at the grass between their paws. Her words started in whisper and soon enough, her eyes would meet his own: blue-against-blue. She wanted Snowleap to pass on a message, to Cloudjumper. He could still remember that horrid day when she passed away and they were the ones to bury her together. Would the massive warrior listen to any word from his starbathed mate after what had all occurred since then? Snowleap didn't know, to be certain, but he would do his best. "I will, I promise." He murmured quietly, never straying his partial gaze from hers as the former medicine cat began to fade into stardust and return to StarClan's hunting grounds. From there, everything went completely dark and Snowleap would be brought back to the living once the following morning came around. He could only hope that this would not be the last time he saw his little sister.

[ A totally-not-late ending to this roleplay... Thank you again for helping me with this. :heartbounce: birdie ]