Character Reviews and Feedback

[Ludicrous Lunacy]

:nuggle:

Another thing I'm bringing back from the dead; my character rater! I actually made several, but this combines all of them; Feedback, Mary-Sue and Gary-Stu ratings, appearance ratings and suggestions, overall character ratings and naming suggestions/ratings. Just fill out the form supplied. Also, I'm going to be brutally honest; It'll be constructive criticism, but I won't sugarcoat anything. This is only for cat OCs, since a large portion relies on my knowledge on cat genetics.

Form for YOUR Character
If linking a character site, omit all included sections, please!!
Name ::
Name Meaning ::
Age ::
Rank ::
Home ::
Gender ::
Personality :: (Not just traits!!)
Apearance ::
Hight :: (Inches or range, e.g. "Average" or "Slightly Short")
Backstory ::
Notes ::

Form I Respond In
Name Rating :: /10
Name Review/Suggestions ::
Personality Rating :: /10
Personality Review/Suggestions ::
Appearance and Hight Rating :: /10
Appearance and Hight Review/Suggestions ::
Backstory Rating :: /10
Backstory Review/Suggestions ::
Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu Rating :: /10
Overall Rating :: /50
Notes ::

Ratings are based on likeliness, not opinion; a ten is the best made possible, a zero has to be a flying purple cat screaming about cupcakes. Overall rating is all the numbers added in total.

And I get it, nobody likes being told their character is less than perfect--please take criticism productively, since I do not intend to offend.

:nuggle:

[Dust]

(Just a disclaimer that she's one of my more recent oc's from a totally different forum site so she's not fully developed but she's.... something; however, i'd love to transfer her over as a kit on this site tbh)


Name :: Badgerstar

Name Meaning :: Badger - Black and white coloring ; Star - required leader
suffix (Warrior suffix was "Nose" for her hunting skills and curiousity)

Age :: 63 moons

Rank :: Leader

Home :: Meadowclan

Gender :: Female

Personality :: (Not just traits!!) Badgerstar is by no means a coward in the face of danger. She has a booming and confident voice, as well as an extreme passion for her clan that she would defend to the death. She holds herself highly and praises herself constantly, but Badgerstar is insecure about her leading abilities. She tends to internalize a lot of her negative feelings, which causes her to seem snappy and generally unapproachable in the eyes of younger cats. Those who know her know that she does this and will put up with her (sometimes) insensitive comments. Despite this, she has an unrelenting curiosity to figure out who her clan-mates are and even who the other clan cats are, she's a pretty decent hunter as well. Despite her insecurities and passive-aggressive tones, Badgerstar is a very loving and compassionate cat; however, she lacks the ability to be "motherly" towards her kits and can come off as cold and judgmental.

Tldr; Brave, outwardly confident and compassionate, but internalizes her feelings and can come off as judgemental or “scary.” Extremely curious. Lacks motherly affection.

Apearance :: Badgerstar is a sleek, muscular short-haired female cat with a rounded head and soft facial features. Her base coat is white; however, she has multiple black splotches on her body, giving her the “look of a cow,” but the coloring of a badger. A black splotch on her face extends from the bottom of her left cheek, up under her left eye, and comes to a triangular point on the center of her forehead. The second splotch of black meets the center point, but only extends to her right cheek and stops at eye level, leaving her right eye contrasted against white fur. Both ears are black, as well as a large portion of the back of her head. On her body, her left front leg is entirely black with white toes. All of her other legs are white with black toes. Another black splotch is plastered across her left thigh and a small splotch is on the small of her back between her shoulder blades. Her tail tip is also covered in black fur. Badgerstar has pale green eyes with flecks of yellow in her iris'. Her nose is pitch black. She has medium length whiskers and four parallel scars just above her chin on the right cheek.

Height :: (Inches or range, e.g. "Average" or "Slightly Short") Average, if not a bit small

Backstory :: I haven't actually developed a backstory for her yet! But have a family tree I conjured up; HERE (http://www.familyecho.com/?p=START&c=61s0p0clxm&f=596659430720342766) Of course, it would change based on this websites roleplay situations o;

Notes :: Her personality is still in development, as well as her backstory (which I want to tie into this website, obviously as Badgerkit/paw/nose etc.
etc. not "star."), but there she is.

[savage scar]

Name :: Hazelsky/Hazel
Name Meaning :: Prefix: Hazel, because he was born underneath a hazel tree. Suffix: Sky because his mother was named Skystep and he cared deeply for her
Age :: 29 moons
Rank :: Used to be warrior, now Rogue
Home :: Cliffclan, now An old Oak tree
Gender :: Tom
Personality :: (Not just traits!!) Hazel is a cowardly cat, He isn't very tough, strong or powerful enough to properly look after himself. He is very caring though and cares for his mate, Blurry. He is a worrier, and is known for caring too much sometimes. However, that does make him a very nice cat and he is very friendly. He adores kits even though he cannot have any.
Apearance :: http://scarlettisagonerscats.weebly.com/uploads/8/0/1/4/80140762/403745428.JPG
Hight :: (Inches or range, e.g. "Average" or "Slightly Short") Short
Backstory :: Hazelsky was an average warrior of Cliffclan, however he was constantly being bullied by others. One day, his friend Darkfoot, lashed out at his bullies and ended up killing one of them, Sandyleap who was actually Darkfoot's sister. Darkfoot was exiled, but Hazelsky went with them. Soon, Hazelsky renamed himself 'Hazel' and Darkfoot renamed himself 'Blurry.' They now live in an old oak tree with their foster daughter Sky.
Notes :: Hazel's life hasn't been developed that much, Blurry has a way more lengthy backstory

[Ludicrous Lunacy]

(Just a disclaimer that she's one of my more recent oc's from a totally different forum site so she's not fully developed but she's.... something; however, i'd love to transfer her over as a kit on this site tbh)


Name :: Badgerstar

Name Meaning :: Badger - Black and white coloring ; Star - required leader
suffix (Warrior suffix was "Nose" for her hunting skills and curiousity)

Age :: 63 moons

Rank :: Leader

Home :: Meadowclan

Gender :: Female

Personality :: (Not just traits!!) Badgerstar is by no means a coward in the face of danger. She has a booming and confident voice, as well as an extreme passion for her clan that she would defend to the death. She holds herself highly and praises herself constantly, but Badgerstar is insecure about her leading abilities. She tends to internalize a lot of her negative feelings, which causes her to seem snappy and generally unapproachable in the eyes of younger cats. Those who know her know that she does this and will put up with her (sometimes) insensitive comments. Despite this, she has an unrelenting curiosity to figure out who her clan-mates are and even who the other clan cats are, she's a pretty decent hunter as well. Despite her insecurities and passive-aggressive tones, Badgerstar is a very loving and compassionate cat; however, she lacks the ability to be "motherly" towards her kits and can come off as cold and judgmental.

Tldr; Brave, outwardly confident and compassionate, but internalizes her feelings and can come off as judgemental or “scary.” Extremely curious. Lacks motherly affection.

Apearance :: Badgerstar is a sleek, muscular short-haired female cat with a rounded head and soft facial features. Her base coat is white; however, she has multiple black splotches on her body, giving her the “look of a cow,” but the coloring of a badger. A black splotch on her face extends from the bottom of her left cheek, up under her left eye, and comes to a triangular point on the center of her forehead. The second splotch of black meets the center point, but only extends to her right cheek and stops at eye level, leaving her right eye contrasted against white fur. Both ears are black, as well as a large portion of the back of her head. On her body, her left front leg is entirely black with white toes. All of her other legs are white with black toes. Another black splotch is plastered across her left thigh and a small splotch is on the small of her back between her shoulder blades. Her tail tip is also covered in black fur. Badgerstar has pale green eyes with flecks of yellow in her iris'. Her nose is pitch black. She has medium length whiskers and four parallel scars just above her chin on the right cheek.

Height :: (Inches or range, e.g. "Average" or "Slightly Short") Average, if not a bit small

Backstory :: I haven't actually developed a backstory for her yet! But have a family tree I conjured up; HERE (http://www.familyecho.com/?p=START&c=61s0p0clxm&f=596659430720342766) Of course, it would change based on this websites roleplay situations o;

Notes :: Her personality is still in development, as well as her backstory (which I want to tie into this website, obviously as Badgerkit/paw/nose etc.
etc. not "star."), but there she is.
Name Rating :: 9/10
Name Review/Suggestions :: Not much, honestly, nice choice. -nose is also a fairly creative one, considering I've rarely if ever seen it used for those traits.
Personality Rating :: 8/10
Personality Review/Suggestions :: She's well made, but holds traits that remind me of canon characters. Not holding it against you, since this is a very well-crafted character, she could however use a small change anywhere to make her more unique if that's what you want. Overall, her personality is well designed ^^
Appearance and Hight Rating :: 10/10
Appearance and Hight Review/Suggestions :: thank you god for givibg us at least one properly colored bicolor cat, I was getting worried
Backstory Rating :: N/A
Backstory Review/Suggestions :: N/A
Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu Rating :: 9/10 (which is GOOD)
Overall Rating :: 36/40
Notes :: really well made ^^

Name :: Hazelsky/Hazel
Name Meaning :: Prefix: Hazel, because he was born underneath a hazel tree. Suffix: Sky because his mother was named Skystep and he cared deeply for her
Age :: 29 moons
Rank :: Used to be warrior, now Rogue
Home :: Cliffclan, now An old Oak tree
Gender :: Tom
Personality :: (Not just traits!!) Hazel is a cowardly cat, He isn't very tough, strong or powerful enough to properly look after himself. He is very caring though and cares for his mate, Blurry. He is a worrier, and is known for caring too much sometimes. However, that does make him a very nice cat and he is very friendly. He adores kits even though he cannot have any.
Apearance :: http://scarlettisagonerscats.weebly.com/uploads/8/0/1/4/80140762/403745428.JPG
Hight :: (Inches or range, e.g. "Average" or "Slightly Short") Short
Backstory :: Hazelsky was an average warrior of Cliffclan, however he was constantly being bullied by others. One day, his friend Darkfoot, lashed out at his bullies and ended up killing one of them, Sandyleap who was actually Darkfoot's sister. Darkfoot was exiled, but Hazelsky went with them. Soon, Hazelsky renamed himself 'Hazel' and Darkfoot renamed himself 'Blurry.' They now live in an old oak tree with their foster daughter Sky.
Notes :: Hazel's life hasn't been developed that much, Blurry has a way more lengthy backstory
Name Rating :: 9/10
Name Review/Suggestions :: Okay it would actually be a ten if not for the fact that any prefix pr suffix that is the name of a Clan peeves me off, although considering it's an alternative universe it still logically works,
Personality Rating :: 9/10
Personality Review/Suggestions :: Not much to add, quite honestly, just perhaps include one or two more nuetral, positive and negative traits to make it a little easier to understand the character.
Appearance and Hight Rating :: 10/10
Appearance and Hight Review/Suggestions :: Not much to say here, great choice
Backstory Rating :: 9/10
Backstory Review/Suggestions :: Again, not much to say, it's well done ^^
Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu Rating :: 8/10 (Not bad-good)
Overall Rating :: 45/50
Notes :: The main reason the Gary-Stu thing is low is because extreme cowardess and kindness, when not backed by some other traits, thrns to before Gary-Stu-ish. Otherwise, Hazel's a fantastic charrie ^^

[savage scar]

Name Rating :: 9/10
Name Review/Suggestions :: Not much, honestly, nice choice. -nose is also a fairly creative one, considering I've rarely if ever seen it used for those traits.
Personality Rating :: 8/10
Personality Review/Suggestions :: She's well made, but holds traits that remind me of canon characters. Not holding it against you, since this is a very well-crafted character, she could however use a small change anywhere to make her more unique if that's what you want. Overall, her personality is well designed ^^
Appearance and Hight Rating :: 10/10
Appearance and Hight Review/Suggestions :: thank you god for givibg us at least one properly colored bicolor cat, I was getting worried
Backstory Rating :: N/A
Backstory Review/Suggestions :: N/A
Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu Rating :: 9/10 (which is GOOD)
Overall Rating :: 36/40
Notes :: really well made ^^


Name Rating :: 9/10
Name Review/Suggestions :: Okay it would actually be a ten if not for the fact that any prefix pr suffix that is the name of a Clan peeves me off, although considering it's an alternative universe it still logically works,
Personality Rating :: 9/10
Personality Review/Suggestions :: Not much to add, quite honestly, just perhaps include one or two more nuetral, positive and negative traits to make it a little easier to understand the character.
Appearance and Hight Rating :: 10/10
Appearance and Hight Review/Suggestions :: Not much to say here, great choice
Backstory Rating :: 9/10
Backstory Review/Suggestions :: Again, not much to say, it's well done ^^
Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu Rating :: 8/10 (Not bad-good)
Overall Rating :: 45/50
Notes :: The main reason the Gary-Stu thing is low is because extreme cowardess and kindness, when not backed by some other traits, thrns to before Gary-Stu-ish. Otherwise, Hazel's a fantastic charrie ^^

Thank you! I'll work on him a bit more, thanks for the advice

[Empress Of Evil]

Name: Mockingkit
Name Meaning: Mocking - Her tendency to mock others when angry
Kit-A suffix required by all kits
[Jay-Hunger Games reference and her pelt colour is somewhat similar to the underbelly of an Inca Jay]
Age: 4 moons
Rank: Kit
Home: RiverClan
Gender: Female
Personality: ​Mockingkit is one of the most loyal cats you will find around. She is proud of her clan and would fight to the death to defend it. Never would she think about leaving her clan and start having a life of exploration and adventure outside of the territory her clan owns. She finds that each day, working and contributing to her clan, is enough to satisfy her. Some days, she might do the same things over and over again, but she doesn't mind, doing her work keeps her occupied from caring about boredom. Plus, she's grateful that she knows she has a role in her clan.
Mockingkit is very compassionate and kind. She will light up your life with her brightness and loving nature. She has a big heart and will always make room for everyone else. She also often worries for the wellbeing of others, rather than her own. She cares dearly for those few that a close. To be honest, Mockingkit doesn't have that many friends, so she keeps the few ones that she does have, close to her. Mockingkit doesn't feel very lonely even if she doesn't have too many friends. Just hearing her clanmates bustling around all day is enough of a comfort to her, and she's also doing her best to make new friends each day.
Mockingkit is a very intelligent cat. She has a brain and she uses it well. She can think up a plan quite quickly, and when there isn't time for a plan, she knows how to think on her paws. She has quite a good sense of commonsense as well. Mockingkit is a leader-like kind of cat. She likes being able to lead others and was born with a sense of leadership. She loves organising things and tries to be involved with as many things as possible. She loves to encourage others and does her best to be a good role model for others. Of course, her sense of leadership can make her a little pushy sometimes, meaning she won't listen to every instruction you give her. She's also a bit of a rule breaker, liking to have her way.
This she-cat is certainly an independent one. As much as she loves to company of her clanmates, she knows how to get by with life by herself. She was born with a sense of independence and commonsense, helping her guide her through life when she has absolutely no one to help her. Mockingkit prefers to have others by her side, but she knows how to pull through if no one will. Not to forget, Mockingkit is very brave. She stands up for what she believes is right and isn't afraid to be heard. She doesn't let others get the better of her and will keep doing what she thinks is right. Mockingkit does her best to stay calm in a panicky situation. She's a brave little fighter, and she doesn't let anyone take that away from her. Mockingkit is a curious little bundle of fur, she has many questions, her favourite one would be 'why?'. Answer her questions, give her your attention, and you'll soon find yourself with a new friend.
Mockingkit is certainly very atheletic. In her free time, you will always find her out and about in the territory. The calmness of the territory is a comfort to her and it helps her relax. She loves to jump and run, pushing herself to the limits. She loves moving around and trying new things.
They are many great things about Mockingkit. But of course, everyone has their flaws. There are three major flaws that Mockingkit has, that stick out from the rest. Let's just say, she may be loyal to her clan, but she's not so loyal when it comes to love. She tends to like someone for a bit before she bumps into someone else and falls in love with them. But then after that, on occasion, she might go back to the cat she previously liked. It often leaves her rather confused and it is a way that she gains enemies. She doesn't mean any harm, she just can't gain some self-control on herself when it comes to love. The second major flaw she had, would have to be that she is rather snappy. She isn't very patient and tends to overreact sometimes, not to forget, when she's angry, she has a habit of mocking others. Of course, she apologises after she realises what she has done, and she means her apologies. She dislikes herself for the fact that she has quite a temper, and tries her best to improve her patience. The final major flaw that this brave kitty has, would be the fact that she tends to get her priorities out of place. Mockingkit tends to find herself focusing on one thing to much and forgets about other things. This could be work, or friends and family. There are a specific few that are extremely close to Mockingkit who she could never forget about and always puts before all other things. But when she suddenly gets an obsession over someone or something, she will put them above the other things she cares about. Excluding the few extremely close cats.
Mockingkit is ambitious and loyal. She has a compassionate nature and is kind, despite being impatient and snappy. She means well and hopes to make the world a better place. For some, she is the symbol of hope.
Appearance: ​Mockingkit is a she-cat with a bright yellow coloured pelt. She has tabby markings, of which are just a darker shade of yellow. Her markings are stripes that start from her back, dripping down her sides. Dark yellow rings circle her arms, legs and tail. Her eyes are a solid yellow colour, that are almost gold like. Her belly and neck have a cream like colour, rather than the bright yellow the rest of her fur has. Part of her face also has this cream coloured before fading back to the bright yellow in her forehead.
Mockingkit has fur which is the length between medium and short. It isn't quite short short, because she still has quite a bit of fur hanging down, though it's very thin. Mockingkit's build is a rather broad one. It isn't built for flexibility, and it's better for making an impact by charging at someone. Her shoulders aren't super broad, but muscles are a little visible through her arms and legs.
Height: Slightly above average
Backstory: [Currently wip!] But her short and current one is basically that she was abandoned in RC's territory at a young age. She was soon found by a RiverClan patrol who took her back to camp. There she was treated and adopted by Sunbreeze. She often feels rather out of place and is questioning if she'll ever fit in.
Notes: I'm still developing her personality, seeing as she is a kit ^^

[goddess of ducks]

Name :: Storkflight (https://nightyscharries.weebly.com/storkflight.html)
Name Meaning :: Stork- for his coloring | -flight for his swiftness and love of climbing
Hight :: A little bit taller than average, as his legs are longer than most
Notes :: *shrugs*