Blood as Red as Strawberries [Strawberrymumble VA]

[ellie]

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
ﾟ。 Blood as Red as Strawberries
　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ Strawberrymumble VA

 

Memories are nothing more than hazy moments, a story carved into my flesh and written in blood…

YOU… you did this to me, clipped my wings and caged me in the gilded bars of my own meadow of a mind, all wilted and barren. How dare you… how dare you… how dare you, it’s all I want to say but even the anger boiling in my body, the fear and anxiety… cannot untangle the roots that have now become a frequent wad in my throat… the tangle of unsaid words and the soft rasp of a bird who has not sung in a long time. They say even a caged bird sings, clip their damn wings and they still sing… yet you took that from me too… you took it all from me and just to spite you I let flowers bloom in the cracks you left in my heart… just to spite you I’m happy in spite of you.

The mocking taunting tones whisper with the breeze, a cacophony of restless wistfulness… a looming sense of dread.. YOU… in the end I will always blame it on you… a part of me knows I’m partially to blame… young, dumb, and thickly coated in - blinded by - the hope that only naïveté will allow you to harbour. A story written in scars, the words and lessons carved deep into my gut and I cannot remember a damn thing… you are just a phantom in my mind. You are in everything, the howling of the wind as if it’s wailing just for me and the rain that pours from the sky as if crying just for me… but nobody did.

One step at a time… paw after paw, my vision is hazy and I can hear your laughing crackling in the ocean static of the blood pounding in my ears… paw after paw, my vision grows dimmer, I’m fighting the urge to just lay down and die - to return from which I came and let the flowers grow from my rotting corpse. I felt so small as I trudged back to the camp, I felt so small just like the birds we hunt - one moment they are soaring and the next they hang limp from our maws. YOU… you wanted me to feel like this didn’t you… to leave a trail of my shame and spit my tattered heart up from my now strangled throat along with the blood seeping into my pelt… stars this was more than just a gut feeling this was a whole damn blatant truth written deep into my gut. Paw after paw, my limbs are growing heavy. Paw after paw, I trail crimson as red as summer berries behind me.

You never saw me as more than prey, someone who was never going to be how you expected them to be… maybe it was my fault for changing. I see you everywhere even though I cannot even see your face… I hear your voice in the howling of the wind and I wailed along with it, in the rain that pours from the sky and I wept along with it… I cried out as I felt something within me break, but nobody came. I will sing my own requiem as a caged bird still sings for its freedom, even as the notes strain and lilt in soft rasped tone. I will not let you win. You with the claws that raked a warning into my gut… you whose face is so stark in my mind even though I remember nothing but the blood and pain and tears… you with your lies…

Just to spite you I will be happy in spite of you… I will let the flowers bloom and my songbird voice slip from my maw… but you took that away in a sense didn’t you… I will sing my own stars damned requiem with every step I take. Your story is carved deep into my flesh, memories that are nothing more than lines of now healed flesh on my pelt… you… yOu, YOU… it all started with you but I will not let my story end with you…

(This is a nonroleplayed canonical piece of Strawberrymumble’s life and happened near the end her apprenticeship. It is written as a hazy and vague yet emotionally detailed first person monologue of how she felt in the moment and is peppered with her current feeling on the subject of the events that lead to the scars on her stomach. It relatively short as it delves into some heavy topics [all of which are sited in the spoiler title, not all are heavily prevalent but anything I felt may have been taken in a way as to cause a trigger was sited regardless of how large of a part it plays in this piece])