ever since that day i've thought of your face

[Captain]

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It happened on a quiet day with dark overhanging clouds taking up the sky. Pikestar, taking a moment to breathe, sat in the mouth of his den and watched the current events that were going on within the camp’s clearing. Kittens scampered about, chasing after scramps of moss, while a warrior here and there was taking a nap, or enjoying a piece of prey. In that moment, everything seemed peaceful, like RiverClan was finally getting a break from all the constant stress. And Pikestar was still here, having gotten through it in one piece. Sure, there was still a lot going on and he had yet to be seen as a good leader by the majority of his clan, but the oriental tom wanted to focus on the good. At least, for one undisturbed moment. That was all he could ever want.

Eventually, his partial gaze would wander over to the RiverClan nursery, where he knew his mate and kittens were safely tucked away. A warm smile slipped onto his maw, thinking about his beloved Lynxfall. Pikestar knew that it had been far too long since he had spent time with his family, but surely, they all could understand what kept him away. Running this clan was far much more stressful than he could have ever imagined. There had been so much to do and every free second he had gotten was for sleep. His mind had been so clouded with stress and every clanmate’s needs except his own. A sigh left his parted jaws and Pikestar stood up, stretching out his forelegs. Today would be different. He would finally take time for his loved ones, spend time with his mate and his children, even if it meant just staying in the nursery. As long as he was with them, that’s all that mattered to the RiverClan leader. The rest of the clan could spare him one day of happiness. Just one. Then he would be okay again.

Still holding onto that smile, Pikestar walked through the clearing and over to the nursery with his tail swishing behind him, growing more and more excited to see his family. The stress of everything had claimed an overwhelming ache over his body, so the thought of laying with Lynxfall and feeling the other tom’s warmth and scent again. It was truly invigorating.

Poking his head into the den, the air felt warm and he could hear the sounds of restless, mewling kittens. His blue eye shone through the darkness, looking towards where his own family’s nest was situated. However, Pikestar’s smile fell when he was greeted with nobody. The dark-furred tomcat slipped inside all the way and briskly padded over, bending his head and sniffing the moss. It still had the smell of his lover, as well as his kittens, but none of them were here. He lifted his head and frantically glanced around, looking for any of his loved ones. Sunkit, Nightkit, Shadepaw, Lynxfall… Anyone. But all that Pikestar was greeted with was the sounds of other queens and kittens sleeping or shifting in their nests. If it was just Lynxfall or Shadepaw gone, then he would’ve assumed that his mate had gone out to hunt, or go for a walk. Hell, even take a moment to spend time with Shadepaw. But no. All of them were gone. So concern immediately overtook Pikestar. He turned swiftly and dashed outside.

From that point, he would search every single den, leaving no area of the camp unsearched. They were known to be a paranoid sort, always overthinking, so Pikestar did his best to remain calm and not freak out the whole clan. It had only been a few days since he had last seen his mate, and their children. Surely they all couldn’t have just disappeared? No, no, no. That was absurd. There had to be an easy explanation for this. Just something Pikestar didn’t think about. Apprentice den, warrior den, elder den, even the medicine cat den, hell even his own den. Nothing. There was no sign of his family. He felt sick to his stomach suddenly.

Looking back on it, Pikestar should’ve told someone. Blizzardwind, Bluebellcrackle, Wormbite, even Fawnpaw. Someone. But with his heart pounding in his chest and his paws beginning to shake, he took off out the camp’s entrance, shoving his body through the reeds and out into the hunting grounds that he knew by heart. “Sunkit! Nightkit!” He called out, his voice carrying through the trees. Obviously, they were most concerned about his two youngests. Lynxfall was an adult and both him, as well as his daughter, were smart enough to take care of themselves. But the two kittens? The kittypet kits who still were getting used to clan life? Those were who he worried about most. That must’ve been why Lynxfall wasn’t in camp. He too was out here, looking for them. Yes, that had to be it. Why else? His mate wasn’t a fool who would endanger them. He would never do such a thing.

However, as he parted his jaws and scented the wind for any scents he would recognize as his loved ones. He didn’t smell his two young kittens, but he did smell a faint trace of Lynxfall and Shadepaw. It was… strange, but Pikestar didn’t take a single moment to think it over before they were chasing after the scent trail. Peeling through the undergrowth without another thought on his mind. There was this creeping sense of dread that was slowly overtaking his body, but he pushed it deep down, telling himself over and over again that it was just his anxiety making a mountain out of an anthill. The faint trail of his mate and daughter’s scent would soon bring him to the main river that ran through RiverClan’s land, the scent ending at the water’s edge. Water rushed on by in front of him as Pikestar stood there, his single eye darting around as he looked around for something, anything at this point. The ground under his paws, which was made up of sand and small rocks, but there were clear signs of a struggle, like paws being dragged from land into the current. The fur on the back of his neck rose and he began to run along the riverbank, following the current on quickened, trembling paws, doing his best to not trip over his own steps. His throat felt dry and his stomach was twisted into knots, his thoughts shrieked at him endlessly at full volume. They would never settle.

Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours. Pikestar didn’t know for long how he ran, scanning the rushing water, listening for the sounds of anything that could be his mate and daughter. What the oriental longhair would soon come to see though, would haunt him for many, many, many moons of his life. At one point in time, the RiverClan leader would screech to a halt once his partial gaze would land on familiar orange fur, just under the water’s surface. No. The word echoed in his head and his blood ran cold. No. No. NO. Pikestar leapt into the water, his teeth latching around the scruff of a feline’s body. The tall tomcat was only underwater for a few seconds, breaking from its surface and dragging the body back into land. It was heavy, too heavy, but Pikestar would soon learn why. Dropping the corpse onto the sand of the river bank, he stared down at it while shaking, seeing his mate with his paws wrapped around the smaller body of his daughter. The river had swept them away, taking both their lives.

Both of them were not breathing, not moving, not even warm anymore. Pikestar still had not stopped shaking. His eye stared at them with an unspoken amount of horror within it. The RiverClan leader didn’t know what to say, or even what to do. Lynxfall and Shadepaw had drowned in this very river. No. No, no, no. Pikestar closed his eye, shaking his head wildly. No, this can’t be happening. Not them. Not this. Not now. No. Not his beloved. Not his everything. Not his pride and joy. Not his own daughter. Not again. This wasn’t supposed to happen. No, this couldn’t be happening to him. Hadn’t he been doing so well? Or was this a punishment from the stars? Why was this happening? Why him? It was like someone had come down and ripped his open, pulled out his heart and tore it apart right in front of him. He felt like he was dying. He felt hollow beneath his pelt. Alone.

So he screamed.

Pikestar didn’t know what else to do instead of open his mouth and scream. His voice heavy with agony and pain as it traveled over the trees and up into the clouds. Never in his entire life had the oriental made such a noise. He poured out what was left of his heart and soul to the world. He wanted to curse out the heavens and everything else, for what had been taken from him.

For how long he screamed, he did not know. It didn’t register in his ears. The forest around him was blurry and muffled, his body felt like it was going to explode. Pikestar’s scream would soon end and he would turn his head away, for just a moment, to vomit onto the sand. It felt like pure stomach acid leaving him, his body burning with this unknown emotion. It felt like pain, like loss, but a thousand times worse. It was something that would change him forever. So many cats came to know him for who he truly was, but on this day, that cat that they all knew would surely be gone. Suddenly, Pikestar’s vision began to darken and his paws felt weightless. He staggered to the left and to the right before collapsing, next to Lynxfall and Shadepaw, staring at their lifeless bodies before his eye would roll back and the leader slipped unconscious. The darkness wrapped around him, unforgiving.

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