SkyClan Leader's Den

[Deerlie]

Originally Posted by Duskflight

The brown tabby tom was lightly dozing in his nest, head slightly craned downwards and paws tucked beneath him when the Shadowclan apprentice stepped into his den. Grousestar flinched just slightly at the sudden voice and appearance of another cat, his head jerking up to eye the young tom with little to no emotion aside from a faint look of confusion. To think so many moons ago the leader would have welcomed the young cat with open arms into his den, now though, he didn't like the thought of the young cat just wandering in without warning. Especially after he revealed he was from another clan.
For a moment, Grousestar didn't say anything, he remained laying in his nest, just looking at Badgerpaw, thinking to himself before eventually speaking.
"Did you just wander into camp?" He questioned wearily, not bothering to sit up. He didn't feel threatened by this apprentice, but it did slightly unnerve him that his warriors didn't stop this cat at all. He had just walked right up to his den. What if the apprentice had been a murderous rogue? He could have easily lost his remaining 8 lives. And no cat would have stopped them.
Shaking his head, Grousestar forced out a sigh. "I'm assuming Goldenstar is smart enough not to send an apprentice to try for an alliance, so you must have come here on your own accord. What is it that you would like to speak about?"

Ever since he had assigned Doveflight as Skyclan's new deputy, Grousestar had yet to have a full, sit down talk with the tom. He had provided assurance and help every now and again, when the milky furred tom seemed to have needed it most, however, it was time he did fully speak to his deputy. And with the time of day, it was best. Everyone should be asleep, there should be no prying eyes or ears and he should be able to speak to the other tom in comfort. The fact that Auroraflame would go against his will and behind his back still haunted him, and quietly the more paranoid side of him wanted to suggest that perhaps other Skyclan cats had went with her to whatever meetings she went to. He hated the fact that he thought this, but in times like these surely it was common? There was also the idea that he had... Made a wrong choice in deciding to agree to Windclan's alliance. Perhaps he was wrong to pick a side, when he could have perhaps stayed out of it. All of these uncertainties and it seemed like there was no one to talk to about them. But there was Doveflight. Perhaps the other tom could provide his own input, help Grousestar steer in the right direction or at least gain back some confidence in his own decisions.

Quietly the brown tabby tom laid in his nest, emerald eyes staring blankly at the floor of his den as he awaited the arrival of the new deputy. It was when he heard the hesitant voice did he look up and fixate his gaze on Doveflight. With a light, almost forced smile, Grousestar would nod his head just slightly but not sit up from his laying position. "You may." Slowly, the leader would inch backwards to allow the other tom room should there not be enough. "Hopefully I'm not keeping you from sleep, but I figured it was time me and you had a true talk as a leader and deputy should. So please, make yourself comfortable."

"I did come on my own accord Grousestar. "He nodded to the enterance. "I uh.. I would like to ask.. M-May I join your clan. My siblings and my parents lived in this clan. But moons ago, two cats came into the camp and took me away. My mother was Palewater and my father was Duskclaw. My sister was Lavendersplash. They all passed away." The tom said, wrapping his tail around his paws. "I only ask... and I could also help you.. in case Shadowclan attacks. Because... I know fighting moves.. you don't."

[North]

| @Duskflight |
{Apologies on the wait!}
Doveflight's olive gaze quickly caught sight of the brown tabby, silently taking note of the sheer contrast in their appearances. The milky tom did such things when he was worried or stressed - he liked to think about things in a more abstract light and take himself away from the main severity of a situation in order to think about it in a more neutral light. He knew he had very little to worry about, given he had not failed to uphold any of his duties as Skyclan's deputy, but alas he simply could not calm his troubled mind. He made his way into the den completely, his milky form engulfed by the dimmer lighting that turned his pelt to an almost stoney grey. He maintained eye contact with his leader, mostly out of respect but half because he wanted to analyse Grousestar's every emotion to ensure he was able to maintain only the positive ones. He wanted Grousestar to trust him, but he knew that was a task nearly impossible after Auroraflame's betrayal. Shock and disappointment still loomed within his own chest, having once admired the charcoal feline. It was a topic Doveflight would much rather avoid discussing, but he knew he lacked much say in what Grousestar would want to discuss.
"I see," He hummed thoughtfully, as Grousestar explained why he had wanted to see him. Doveflight sighed with mostly relief, as he pondered up the many different directions this conversation could go in. "How am I fairing as deputy?" He somewhat blurted out, but in a manner that half covered up his impulsive decision. He was desperate to know what his leader thought of his deputyship thus far; what could he do to improve? The milky warrior lowered himself down into a more comfortable seated position, his bushy tail snaking around his rump until it laid atop his large paws comfortably. His olive gaze wandered for a moment, navigating the dark den with ease; he took in the appearance of the den, highlighting some features of it whilst ignoring others. He'd never been in the leader's den before, and this fact was strange to him; at almost 40 moons of age, it was completely abnormal for him to have never been inside such a profound place. He supposed it was because he'd worked alongside Skyclan's deputies more than he Grousestar, giving him no reason to enter the den unprovoked. This was a moment the pale tom had never expected to witness; he was Skyclan's deputy, standing before his leader in the leader's den. Starclan knows how he'd managed to get here, but he was certain he'd try his absolute hardest in order to maintain Auroraflame's legacy as deputy. He would not fail Skyclan.

[The Cannibal]

Originally Posted by Killer of Madness

"I did come on my own accord Grousestar. "He nodded to the enterance. "I uh.. I would like to ask.. M-May I join your clan. My siblings and my parents lived in this clan. But moons ago, two cats came into the camp and took me away. My mother was Palewater and my father was Duskclaw. My sister was Lavendersplash. They all passed away." The tom said, wrapping his tail around his paws. "I only ask... and I could also help you.. in case Shadowclan attacks. Because... I know fighting moves.. you don't."

The tabby leader fell quiet to let the young cat speak,, his eyes narrowing just slightly as he asked to join the clan. Though as Badgerpaw explained who his family was, what had happened, Grousestar would blink and glance slightly away, raking his brain for the memory before ultimately finding it. He had heard about the occurrence a few moons ago but had unfortunately forgotten it due to the circumstances now at hand with the other clans. Some how this young Skyclan apprentice had ended up in Shadowclan and was now coming back. The mention of fighting moves didn't particularly matter to the leader, he held confidence in Skyclan's own strength and tactics and felt he didn't need secret knowledge on how the other clans fought. After all, they had originally waged war with all of the clans to purge them of their evil leaders.
Regardless though, Grousestar would nod and put on a short, light smile. "I have no reason to turn you away, especially considering you had kin in this clan. Welcome to Skyclan Badgerpaw. I'll have you assigned a mentor soon so that you can continue whatever training you left off on."

Originally Posted by North

| @Duskflight |
{Apologies on the wait!}
Doveflight's olive gaze quickly caught sight of the brown tabby, silently taking note of the sheer contrast in their appearances. The milky tom did such things when he was worried or stressed - he liked to think about things in a more abstract light and take himself away from the main severity of a situation in order to think about it in a more neutral light. He knew he had very little to worry about, given he had not failed to uphold any of his duties as Skyclan's deputy, but alas he simply could not calm his troubled mind. He made his way into the den completely, his milky form engulfed by the dimmer lighting that turned his pelt to an almost stoney grey. He maintained eye contact with his leader, mostly out of respect but half because he wanted to analyse Grousestar's every emotion to ensure he was able to maintain only the positive ones. He wanted Grousestar to trust him, but he knew that was a task nearly impossible after Auroraflame's betrayal. Shock and disappointment still loomed within his own chest, having once admired the charcoal feline. It was a topic Doveflight would much rather avoid discussing, but he knew he lacked much say in what Grousestar would want to discuss.
"I see," He hummed thoughtfully, as Grousestar explained why he had wanted to see him. Doveflight sighed with mostly relief, as he pondered up the many different directions this conversation could go in. "How am I fairing as deputy?" He somewhat blurted out, but in a manner that half covered up his impulsive decision. He was desperate to know what his leader thought of his deputyship thus far; what could he do to improve? The milky warrior lowered himself down into a more comfortable seated position, his bushy tail snaking around his rump until it laid atop his large paws comfortably. His olive gaze wandered for a moment, navigating the dark den with ease; he took in the appearance of the den, highlighting some features of it whilst ignoring others. He'd never been in the leader's den before, and this fact was strange to him; at almost 40 moons of age, it was completely abnormal for him to have never been inside such a profound place. He supposed it was because he'd worked alongside Skyclan's deputies more than he Grousestar, giving him no reason to enter the den unprovoked. This was a moment the pale tom had never expected to witness; he was Skyclan's deputy, standing before his leader in the leader's den. Starclan knows how he'd managed to get here, but he was certain he'd try his absolute hardest in order to maintain Auroraflame's legacy as deputy. He would not fail Skyclan.

It wasn't a surprise what the deputy had asked next, if anything, Grousestar had fully expected the milky furred tom to ask it during some point of their conversation. A natural question that any deputy would want to know when they were new to the job, except for perhaps Grousestar when he was deputy. He didn't need to ask the question, he didn't have time to ask the question. He did everything he possibly could and then did extra, even if it was only a moon between his deputy-ship and leadership.
Flickering his gaze directly into Doveflight's, he would smile a light, gentle smile before glancing away, back towards the entrance. He wouldn't answer right away, not purposefully trying to yank up the deputy's anxiety, but surely doing it anyways with his pause. It wasn't that the answer to the question was hard to find, no, he knew what he was going to say to that, it was what came after that was hard. What did he want to discuss with his deputy? He didn't want to talk about Auroraflame... Or did he? Did he want to discuss his decision, on helping to drive Riverclan out? Did he want to get Doveflight's opinion on the general state of the clan, their opinions? That was what was hard.
"You're doing fine, I don't believe I've heard any complaints, nothing out of the ordinary anyways. And at least I know where you're at, and I know that you're not sneaking off to talk to other clans without consulting me."
Flicking an ear in mild agitation, he would let out a sigh and shift in his nest, finally settling on what he wanted to talk about.
"I've done the right thing, haven't I? Forming an alliance with Windclan, who is in turn allied with Shadowclan, will help Skyclan in the future should we ever run into trouble... Correct? I haven't made a fool of myself, or my clan, by finally deciding to pick a side in this never ending tug-of-war? We couldn't stay neutral forever. As pleasing as that may sound, there would eventually be a point where I would be forced to choose. I would rather it be now, when I have the time to think and weigh my options, and not at a gathering, on the spot, pressured with so many eyes watching, waiting."
What started off as questions turned into an inner-monologue that the leader often repeated to himself, about his choice in stepping onto one side of a never-ending battle. His emerald eyes slightly vacant, staring at the ground now before slowly venturing to focus back on his new deputy. "I have not failed Skyclan, have I?"

[Deerlie]

Originally Posted by Duskflight

The tabby leader fell quiet to let the young cat speak,, his eyes narrowing just slightly as he asked to join the clan. Though as Badgerpaw explained who his family was, what had happened, Grousestar would blink and glance slightly away, raking his brain for the memory before ultimately finding it. He had heard about the occurrence a few moons ago but had unfortunately forgotten it due to the circumstances now at hand with the other clans. Some how this young Skyclan apprentice had ended up in Shadowclan and was now coming back. The mention of fighting moves didn't particularly matter to the leader, he held confidence in Skyclan's own strength and tactics and felt he didn't need secret knowledge on how the other clans fought. After all, they had originally waged war with all of the clans to purge them of their evil leaders.
Regardless though, Grousestar would nod and put on a short, light smile. "I have no reason to turn you away, especially considering you had kin in this clan. Welcome to Skyclan Badgerpaw. I'll have you assigned a mentor soon so that you can continue whatever training you left off on."

It wasn't a surprise what the deputy had asked next, if anything, Grousestar had fully expected the milky furred tom to ask it during some point of their conversation. A natural question that any deputy would want to know when they were new to the job, except for perhaps Grousestar when he was deputy. He didn't need to ask the question, he didn't have time to ask the question. He did everything he possibly could and then did extra, even if it was only a moon between his deputy-ship and leadership.
Flickering his gaze directly into Doveflight's, he would smile a light, gentle smile before glancing away, back towards the entrance. He wouldn't answer right away, not purposefully trying to yank up the deputy's anxiety, but surely doing it anyways with his pause. It wasn't that the answer to the question was hard to find, no, he knew what he was going to say to that, it was what came after that was hard. What did he want to discuss with his deputy? He didn't want to talk about Auroraflame... Or did he? Did he want to discuss his decision, on helping to drive Riverclan out? Did he want to get Doveflight's opinion on the general state of the clan, their opinions? That was what was hard.
"You're doing fine, I don't believe I've heard any complaints, nothing out of the ordinary anyways. And at least I know where you're at, and I know that you're not sneaking off to talk to other clans without consulting me."
Flicking an ear in mild agitation, he would let out a sigh and shift in his nest, finally settling on what he wanted to talk about.
"I've done the right thing, haven't I? Forming an alliance with Windclan, who is in turn allied with Shadowclan, will help Skyclan in the future should we ever run into trouble... Correct? I haven't made a fool of myself, or my clan, by finally deciding to pick a side in this never ending tug-of-war? We couldn't stay neutral forever. As pleasing as that may sound, there would eventually be a point where I would be forced to choose. I would rather it be now, when I have the time to think and weigh my options, and not at a gathering, on the spot, pressured with so many eyes watching, waiting."
What started off as questions turned into an inner-monologue that the leader often repeated to himself, about his choice in stepping onto one side of a never-ending battle. His emerald eyes slightly vacant, staring at the ground now before slowly venturing to focus back on his new deputy. "I have not failed Skyclan, have I?"

The tom looked up, surprised."Thank you Grousestar. Not for this.. For everything. You let my family stay and you let them die in my clan. I thank you. If they died and had not been held vigil, i wouldn't know what to do. Now that they are at peace and safe under the new trees that grow, I can sleep calmly."The tom dipped his head, backing up. He revealed a plump sparrow he had caught. "A gift from me to you. Even if you turned me down, I would have given this to you for hearing me out."The new Skyclan tom dipped his head again before padding out of the leaders den, his eyes watering from happiness.

[The Cannibal]

Originally Posted by Killer of Madness

The tom looked up, surprised."Thank you Grousestar. Not for this.. For everything. You let my family stay and you let them die in my clan. I thank you. If they died and had not been held vigil, i wouldn't know what to do. Now that they are at peace and safe under the new trees that grow, I can sleep calmly."The tom dipped his head, backing up. He revealed a plump sparrow he had caught. "A gift from me to you. Even if you turned me down, I would have given this to you for hearing me out."The new Skyclan tom dipped his head again before padding out of the leaders den, his eyes watering from happiness.

The Skyclan leader would nod slightly and offer the young tom a genuine, almost fatherly smile. Despite what he was going through, despite everything, he could feel a small spark of happiness in being able to help this young cat. This is why he lead, this is what kept him at it. In the end, he only wanted to help his clan, he wanted to help those in need.
Blinking in slight surprise at the present he was given, he would prepare to thank Badgerpaw, however he was already gone. Instead, he would continue to smile and quietly tuck into the bird. Now he knew he did at least one thing right. He wasn't a complete failure.

[The Cannibal]

@Empress Of Evil

To think so many moons ago this den had a different feel to it, a lighter feel, like any cat could come in here and feel as if they were at home. Now it felt dark, cold and damp. It was as if it reflected the very leaders progression from what he was when he began, to what he is now. Once such a bright, cheerful and energetic tom, and now one who can't even bring himself to trust the cats around him, not even himself to make the right choices. It weighed heavily on him, on his heart and on his mind. He had given Auroraflame her position back, after part of the clan, including her, rallied against him at the battle. At the time, he accepted he was wrong, or at least he said he accepted it to the clan but still he was conflicted.
Grousestar didn't want to trust her, he didn't want to trust anyone anymore. He felt he couldn't even trust himself. So now he sat in his den, head in his paws and eyes closed.
More lives lost and for what? Skyclan gained nothing from that. Absolutely nothing, useless battles, dragged into it because of an alliance. An alliance that only benefited them. Well that's done. I can't trust them, any of them. They're power hungry, land hungry. Overgrown apprentices who quarrel over stupid reasons. Maybe they enjoy wasting lives. It was a mistake to bring Skyclan here, we should have stayed in the mountains and let them sort themselves out. We were thriving, we wanted for nothing. It was a paradise.
The brown tabby slowly sunk his claws into the moss bedding below him, his jaw tightening in anger.
I was so naive to think I could just save them and things would be fine afterwards. That they would turn out to be good, civil cats that lived in harmony, that they were worth saving. I've realized this too late now look where we lay.

"Shut up!" Grousestar hissed to himself, lifting his head from his paws and opening his eyes to stare into the dark of his den. These thoughts were so intrusive, the only way to get them to stop was to speak out loud. Growling, the Skyclan leader would sit up in his nest and sigh. What was he doing, what was his life becoming, who was he becoming?

[Empress Of Evil]

Originally Posted by Duskflight

@Empress Of Evil

To think so many moons ago this den had a different feel to it, a lighter feel, like any cat could come in here and feel as if they were at home. Now it felt dark, cold and damp. It was as if it reflected the very leaders progression from what he was when he began, to what he is now. Once such a bright, cheerful and energetic tom, and now one who can't even bring himself to trust the cats around him, not even himself to make the right choices. It weighed heavily on him, on his heart and on his mind. He had given Auroraflame her position back, after part of the clan, including her, rallied against him at the battle. At the time, he accepted he was wrong, or at least he said he accepted it to the clan but still he was conflicted.
Grousestar didn't want to trust her, he didn't want to trust anyone anymore. He felt he couldn't even trust himself. So now he sat in his den, head in his paws and eyes closed.
More lives lost and for what? Skyclan gained nothing from that. Absolutely nothing, useless battles, dragged into it because of an alliance. An alliance that only benefited them. Well that's done. I can't trust them, any of them. They're power hungry, land hungry. Overgrown apprentices who quarrel over stupid reasons. Maybe they enjoy wasting lives. It was a mistake to bring Skyclan here, we should have stayed in the mountains and let them sort themselves out. We were thriving, we wanted for nothing. It was a paradise.
The brown tabby slowly sunk his claws into the moss bedding below him, his jaw tightening in anger.
I was so naive to think I could just save them and things would be fine afterwards. That they would turn out to be good, civil cats that lived in harmony, that they were worth saving. I've realized this too late now look where we lay.

"Shut up!" Grousestar hissed to himself, lifting his head from his paws and opening his eyes to stare into the dark of his den. These thoughts were so intrusive, the only way to get them to stop was to speak out loud. Growling, the Skyclan leader would sit up in his nest and sigh. What was he doing, what was his life becoming, who was he becoming?

The ebony feline hesitated at the entrance of the leader's den. She hadn't been invited into his den, but Auroraflame wanted to enter anyway. She had noticed how Grousestar had changed in the past couple of moons. Being on camp arrest meant that she had had a lot of time to think and observe her surroundings. One of the many things she had noticed was the change in SkyClan's leader. The brown tabby had once been so cheerful and happy, but now he was distant and lacked that same happy energy. Auroraflame wanted to check on him. Even if she had betrayed him before, she was back and wanted to prove that he could absolutely trust her. She wanted to help him get through whatever it was that was making him struggle.

"Grousestar?" She called when she finally gained enough courage to push her way into the den. "Are you alright?" She managed to push her way just in time to hear the leader hiss to himself. Maybe he hadn't seen her yet. After all, her inky black pelt really helped her to blend in with the darkness of the den. Her icy blue eyes were trained on the leader as he sat up and sighed. "It's me. Auroraflame," she started, a little hesitant to talk. It didn't seem like he was doing alright. Auroraflame could relate. She had just spent the last few moons moping about, feeling like she was worth nothing and just not good enough for anyone. But she had gotten over it eventually, and so would he. Hopefully she would be able to help him through it quicker. SkyClan needed their leader to be strong, else they could very easily fall apart.

She wondered what it was that was bothering him. Maybe it was the stress of the last battle. But that had already passed. Why bother worrying about a battle that had already been fought? Was it her? Was this her fault as well? Had her betrayal stressed him out so much that now he didn't want to trust anyone? Well, she wouldn't know the answer unless she asked.

"What's wrong? I've noticed you've been a little different these past moons," she said in a gentle tone, as she settled down a reasonable distance from the nest. "I know that you may not trust me fully after what I did, but I'm willing to listen if you want to say anything. You don't have to carry your burdens alone," she said. Keeping things all to themselves would never do any good. Sometimes it was alright, but eventually it would tear them apart. Some weights were too heavy to be carried alone, and the pressure had to be shared.

[The Cannibal]

Originally Posted by Empress Of Evil

The ebony feline hesitated at the entrance of the leader's den. She hadn't been invited into his den, but Auroraflame wanted to enter anyway. She had noticed how Grousestar had changed in the past couple of moons. Being on camp arrest meant that she had had a lot of time to think and observe her surroundings. One of the many things she had noticed was the change in SkyClan's leader. The brown tabby had once been so cheerful and happy, but now he was distant and lacked that same happy energy. Auroraflame wanted to check on him. Even if she had betrayed him before, she was back and wanted to prove that he could absolutely trust her. She wanted to help him get through whatever it was that was making him struggle.

"Grousestar?" She called when she finally gained enough courage to push her way into the den. "Are you alright?" She managed to push her way just in time to hear the leader hiss to himself. Maybe he hadn't seen her yet. After all, her inky black pelt really helped her to blend in with the darkness of the den. Her icy blue eyes were trained on the leader as he sat up and sighed. "It's me. Auroraflame," she started, a little hesitant to talk. It didn't seem like he was doing alright. Auroraflame could relate. She had just spent the last few moons moping about, feeling like she was worth nothing and just not good enough for anyone. But she had gotten over it eventually, and so would he. Hopefully she would be able to help him through it quicker. SkyClan needed their leader to be strong, else they could very easily fall apart.

She wondered what it was that was bothering him. Maybe it was the stress of the last battle. But that had already passed. Why bother worrying about a battle that had already been fought? Was it her? Was this her fault as well? Had her betrayal stressed him out so much that now he didn't want to trust anyone? Well, she wouldn't know the answer unless she asked.

"What's wrong? I've noticed you've been a little different these past moons," she said in a gentle tone, as she settled down a reasonable distance from the nest. "I know that you may not trust me fully after what I did, but I'm willing to listen if you want to say anything. You don't have to carry your burdens alone," she said. Keeping things all to themselves would never do any good. Sometimes it was alright, but eventually it would tear them apart. Some weights were too heavy to be carried alone, and the pressure had to be shared.

Shortly after he sat up in his nest, he heard a voice call his name from the entrance, a voice he didn't particularly want to hear from at the moment. You don't deserve to know. His mind thought angrily at her question, but he would say nothing, only hang his head and turn his gaze away. She let herself into his den, but Grousestar couldn't bring himself to send her away. Even in this dark time he couldn't find himself to be brash and rude against the clan he at one point loved. Do you still love them? Aggressively he would shake his head and sink his claws into his nest. He didn't need to think like that, he was their leader after all! A leader should never think thoughts like that, if a leader has any doubt about their love for their clan, then they are not fit to lead.
"I know who it is." His voice sounded oddly cold, matching the interior of the den. Slowly, he would force himself to lay back down, even if he was tense and didn't particularly want to.

The deputy settled herself a small distance from his nest, and quietly the brown tabby was thankful. Because he didn't fully trust her and even her presence in his den currently sent confusion and anger through him. He still saw her as a betraying cat, even if her cause was well intended. He still focused heavily on the fact that she would ally with cats from other clans without telling him, and then, to find out that, whether influenced by her or not, there were others in Skyclan that were ready to turn against him and their clanmates should they not agree with how he leads. That's not how a clan should run, and it would have never happened if they had just stayed in the mountains.

"There are a lot of things wrong Auroraflame." The tone was low, brimming with a mixture of emotions that Grousestar held bottled up inside. There was a dull glint in his eye, but he would not look at her, instead focusing somewhere around her paws. "And you're right. I don't trust you. I'm not even sure if I can trust my own clan anymore. I can't trust myself. My decisions. My own mind."

Grousestar's claws would knead his bedding angrily before he forced himself to stop with a shudder. There was so much bottled emotions, it was dangerous territory. "You wouldn't know anything of the burdens I carry, the weight of my decisions. It's easy for you to say if something is wrong or right because you don't have the entirety of a clan upon your back. And it's easy for them to do the same because they don't have any idea of what it's like. It was a mistake to bring Skyclan to this place. These clans have done nothing but corrupt our once peaceful clan, and break me down into a cat that was nothing like the cat I was before." His voice was as sharp and cold as an icicle. It was so terrifyingly different than the cat he was moons before. And yet, it was more as if he was talking to himself than at her. Perhaps he imagined he was talking to himself to make it easier.

[Empress Of Evil]

Originally Posted by Duskflight

Shortly after he sat up in his nest, he heard a voice call his name from the entrance, a voice he didn't particularly want to hear from at the moment. You don't deserve to know. His mind thought angrily at her question, but he would say nothing, only hang his head and turn his gaze away. She let herself into his den, but Grousestar couldn't bring himself to send her away. Even in this dark time he couldn't find himself to be brash and rude against the clan he at one point loved. Do you still love them? Aggressively he would shake his head and sink his claws into his nest. He didn't need to think like that, he was their leader after all! A leader should never think thoughts like that, if a leader has any doubt about their love for their clan, then they are not fit to lead.
"I know who it is." His voice sounded oddly cold, matching the interior of the den. Slowly, he would force himself to lay back down, even if he was tense and didn't particularly want to.

The deputy settled herself a small distance from his nest, and quietly the brown tabby was thankful. Because he didn't fully trust her and even her presence in his den currently sent confusion and anger through him. He still saw her as a betraying cat, even if her cause was well intended. He still focused heavily on the fact that she would ally with cats from other clans without telling him, and then, to find out that, whether influenced by her or not, there were others in Skyclan that were ready to turn against him and their clanmates should they not agree with how he leads. That's not how a clan should run, and it would have never happened if they had just stayed in the mountains.

"There are a lot of things wrong Auroraflame." The tone was low, brimming with a mixture of emotions that Grousestar held bottled up inside. There was a dull glint in his eye, but he would not look at her, instead focusing somewhere around her paws. "And you're right. I don't trust you. I'm not even sure if I can trust my own clan anymore. I can't trust myself. My decisions. My own mind."

Grousestar's claws would knead his bedding angrily before he forced himself to stop with a shudder. There was so much bottled emotions, it was dangerous territory. "You wouldn't know anything of the burdens I carry, the weight of my decisions. It's easy for you to say if something is wrong or right because you don't have the entirety of a clan upon your back. And it's easy for them to do the same because they don't have any idea of what it's like. It was a mistake to bring Skyclan to this place. These clans have done nothing but corrupt our once peaceful clan, and break me down into a cat that was nothing like the cat I was before." His voice was as sharp and cold as an icicle. It was so terrifyingly different than the cat he was moons before. And yet, it was more as if he was talking to himself than at her. Perhaps he imagined he was talking to himself to make it easier.

The charcoal feline could sense the coldness in his words. She hated it. She hated to hear such coldness pulsing through the words of what was supposed to be an admirably cheerful cat. Grousestar had changed, there was absolutely no doubt about that. It was chilling to think about it as the reality of it hit her. For a moment, Auroraflame questioned her ability to help the tom and considered backing out of the den. No one said it was going to be easy, she reminded herself, something that she would tell herself whenever she felt like giving up. She would just have to give it a shot and hope for the best. "Of course," she said, dipping her head as a sign of respect. There had been an awkward silence as no words were exchanged between the two, and she had decided to fill it up. But yet another awkward silence fell on them once again. Since she had betrayed him and everything else had happened, Auroraflame feared that things would never be the same between them again.

Auroraflame cleared her throat awkwardly in an attempt to break the awkward silence, but nothing happened for a couple more moments. When Grousestar finally broke the silence, the deputy let out a breath of relief she had realised she had been holding. She wasn't sure how much longer she could've stayed silent for. She gazed into his eyes, trying to make eye contact with him, but the tom refused to meet her gaze, and her whiskers twitched with worry. She opened her mouth to say something when he had finished talking, but no words came out. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do to comfort the tom. What could she possibly say? That he was okay? That he was perfectly capable of making decisions with a clear mind right now? She'd be lying and they would both know that. "I-I'm sorry." She wasn't entirely sure what she was apologizing for, but probably for the fact that she had betrayed him and broken his sense of trust in other cats.

She sat there, dumbfounded as he continued speaking. She had suspected that he had been struggling, but she hadn't expected him to be struggling this badly. The once cheerful leader sounded like he had fallen into pit, into a tunnel that was leading him to a bad place. "You're right. I don't know what it's like to carry your burdens. I don't know what it's like to carry the entirety of the clan on my back. But you don't have to do that any longer. I'm your deputy. Even if you don't trust me anymore, long ago you appointed me to help you and I will continue to do that now. You can share your problems with me and I will help you to carry this weight. You don't have to do it alone. I'm here for a reason," she said gently. There were times during her deputyship where she had wondered if her only job was to organize patrols, report to the leader and be there only to listen while Grousestar met with the other high ranks and made the decisions for the clan. But now, she realized that perhaps that wasn't the only side to deputyship. The position had been created for more than just what she'd thought. "Look, maybe it wasn't the best decision but there's not much we can do about it. We just have to move on. I doubt things would've stayed peaceful for us forever anyway. Life is full of challenges and this is just a particularly hard one. But you can't give up so easily. If you just give up you'll die with so many regrets. You can be better than this," she said kindly. She wasn't sure what else she could do to motivate this fallen leader. He really did seem to have lost all hope for the clan.

[vellichor]

Well, he’d made it.

Windystar had crept through both his own territory and SkyClan’s, dodged a few pesky patrols and gotten a thorn stuck in his pad. He’d pulled it out, but it still hurt. His paws were dusty and sore, his soft fur ruffled. He had to clean himself up, make himself seem presentable. The leader stood outside SkyClan’s camp, nearly ready to reveal his prescence. He had to groom his paws, clean up the last of the blood on his paw pad, smooth out his wind-blown fur. Well, as much as he could.

Why was he here? To see Grousestar, of course. To think that Windystar didn’t note the way that Grousestar acted at the Gathering would be a blatant lie. Being a very emotionally inclined cat himself, he knew that something was wrong. He didn’t know about the other leaders, but the sandy feline cared more about his fellow leaders’ mental health and emotional states more than alliances or dumb wars. His end goal was to become friends (or at least friendly acquaintances) with as many leaders as he could. He wanted peace, not hate. Grousestar was the first for two reasons. He seemed most in need of a friend, and he seemed the most reasonable of the leaders.

Making up his mind, Windystar stepped into the camp and made his way toward what he hoped was the leader’s den. He couldn’t just stand there forever, so he whisper-called gently to the other leader, hoping he was in his den. “Grousestar? It’s me, Windystar - I just want to talk, please?” Using patience and a gentle tone would be the key to this meeting. And maybe Auroraflame could help him to convince Grousestar that he meant no harm. He awkwardly looked around, knowing SkyClanners would most likely stare at him. That was fine, he was sure he’d do the same. He wasn’t here for them.

@The Cannibal