What do I do about this?

**Mango** · #1 March 28th, 2018, 01:00 PM

So like way back when I was in middle school I decided I don't want to be the weird freak I was so I began a pretending to be a more "sterio-typical" and like now that I'm in highschool I realized how pathetic that was...but I forgot who my real self is... I literally sit with the outcasts and take forever to answer people because I'm trying to figure out if I could do a popular kid response, nerdy response, or whatever kind of person response. I basically only know my morals, politics, and sexuality. Only answers I have memorized are things like "How are you doing?" (I always say good), "What's your name?" (I say my name), and answers to math and science stuff...realistically don't like history or English cuz I stress about how to phrase my answer. Its also why I'm basically friendless irl. I literally spend my time studying and my only friend is Pandora (the app) I have anxiety too...which doesn't help. How do I figure out my personality
Here's my short list of what I know about myself
-my name
-gender
-age
-I'm lesbian
-I'm a goody-two shoes
-I enjoy RPing
-I have anxiety issues
-I can pretend to fit in with any social group almost (jocks are the exception)
-I love listening to music (or I just use it drown out my emotions/thoughts)
-I like running and swimming
-I enjoy acting

Most people know which social group they belong with; popular kids, nerds, other, outcasts, jocks, anime trash kids, theatre kids, party animals, gossip kids. (I don't fit in with guys they weird me out)

Like how do I figure out who I am without making my overly involved school (srsly attentive) not think I'm having personality changes. No joke I typically go with the persona of a personalityless person, giving flat simple answers and yes/no answers. HALP ME!!

So my online personality is literally my thoughts...but realistically irl and online personas don’t really carry over well...

Here’s random conversations with all my personalities I have mastered

Nerd persona

Random person: So like I’m throwing a party this weekend care to come?

Me: I..umm...I have studying to do.

Random person: You always are studying.

Popular kid persona

Random person: Did you know we have a Spanish quiz today?

Me: Obviously, like, I’ve known about it all year, get your game together, lol...nah seriously, I didn’t *laughter* good luck anyways

Random person: ... *awkwardness*

Jock Persona
Random Person: You doing anything this weekend?

Me: Yeah. I’m going to run 10 miles and swim a mile along with doing yoga and I’m taking a zumba class too.

Random person: Cool. You up for a party at my place tomorrow night?

Me: As I still have to do my homework and stuff after all I want to go to college, I unfortunately don’t have time sorry dude...but if you want to run ten miles with me at six A.M tomorrow morning I’d be hype for that.

Random Person: Six A.M is too early and 10 miles is too much running.

Party kid persona
Random Person: OMG I failed this test!

Me: So? Just relax and go to the party at my place this weekend. Seriously, just chill, forget about life for a while, ya know...temporarily be a hippie

Random Person: I can’t I’d fail the test I have on Monday! *runs off screaming flailing*

Me: *shrugs then starts dancing down the halls*

Philisophical Persona
Random Person: Hi

Me: *doesn’t notice due to daydreaming about either WCO or what my true personality is or is studying to keep myself occupied or maybe is trying to figure out the meaning of the song I’m listening to*

Random person: HMPH! *storms off*

Me: *doesn’t even notice*

Yeah, IDK if I have multipersonality disorder or what...but sometimes I feel like I want to be my philisophical persona other times the party kid persona or the nerdy persona...I never have seemed to find my true self...literally I am acting in school pretending to be someone I’m not because I once tried not to act for lunch and I basically was awkward and confused about what to do...*cough* I spend the last four years of my life acting 24/7 and I don’t know how NOT to act lol...reality

**rubinaito** · #2 March 28th, 2018, 03:49 PM

Just do what you feel the most comfortable with, tell the truth, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Just kinda chill out and go with the flow. You know the basics of yourself and that’s honestly all anyone needs.
Mellow out, man, and you’ll find yourself figuring out all about yourself is no time.

**Mango** · #3 March 28th, 2018, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rubinaito

Just do what you feel the most comfortable with, tell the truth, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Just kinda chill out and go with the flow. You know the basics of yourself and that’s honestly all anyone needs.
Mellow out, man, and you’ll find yourself figuring out all about yourself is no time.

Thank you so much that actually srsly helps no jokes!!!!

**wolfie** · #4 March 29th, 2018, 10:23 AM

i don't know if you still need help but like Rubinaito said, don't sweat the small stuff and go with the flow. i don't want to say i been through this exactly but well, at my old school i was always loud and well, annoying i guess but pushed myself to socialize because i didn't want to be the loner kid. i made friends that i did actually liked but i didn't really get that i was pushing the rest of my personality away. well, i moved to a new school and almost instantly realized that i wasn't like that anymore. i was more quiet and kept to myself around other people but even with my friends, i was still a bit quiet. maybe a change of scenery could help? i'm not saying like to move to a different school or anything but.. maybe you'll act like yourself if you meet friends outside of school.

[ sorry, i'm not exactly the best at advice XD ]

**Mango** · #5 March 29th, 2018, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Fallen Queen

i don't know if you still need help but like Rubinaito said, don't sweat the small stuff and go with the flow. i don't want to say i been through this exactly but well, at my old school i was always loud and well, annoying i guess but pushed myself to socialize because i didn't want to be the loner kid. i made friends that i did actually liked but i didn't really get that i was pushing the rest of my personality away. well, i moved to a new school and almost instantly realized that i wasn't like that anymore. i was more quiet and kept to myself around other people but even with my friends, i was still a bit quiet. maybe a change of scenery could help? i'm not saying like to move to a different school or anything but.. maybe you'll act like yourself if you meet friends outside of school.

[ sorry, i'm not exactly the best at advice XD ]

No. I’ve kind of thought of that actually, but I go to private school and the public schools where I live are awful so the idea of going to a different school actually would make it so I can’t go to college (my state has the lowest percential of public school students going to college) *cough* V.A...But I’m thinking of this summer moving in with my grandmother and meeting people in Maine and stuff just so I can recline and find my true self.

**Dust** · #6 March 29th, 2018, 12:14 PM

You still have plenty of time to figure yourself out. Even I am still figuring out myself and going through a lot of different stages in finding my identity and such. People start changing, people are always capable of change. Don't feel bad for acting one way with someone and another with someone else! It's normal, it's natural. Those are all aspects of your personality, not separated personas. It's healthy to have a large range of perspective and it will help you in the long run. I will say that it's a bit disrespectful to people with identity disorders to assume you have a identity disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder is no longer labeled as such, but rather as Dissociative Identity Disorder) with no diagnosis - people with this type of disorder are not self-aware and suffer memory loss.

My advice; Be yourself, give yourself experiences and learn healthy ways to cope with anxiety. It's rough, but possible with work! Everything will start to fall into place as you progress through your school career. Welcome and accept change

**Mango** · #7 March 29th, 2018, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dust

You still have plenty of time to figure yourself out. Even I am still figuring out myself and going through a lot of different stages in finding my identity and such. People start changing, people are always capable of change. Don't feel bad for acting one way with someone and another with someone else! It's normal, it's natural. Those are all aspects of your personality, not separated personas. It's healthy to have a large range of perspective and it will help you in the long run. I will say that it's a bit disrespectful to people with identity disorders to assume you have a identity disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder is no longer labeled as such, but rather as Dissociative Identity Disorder) with no diagnosis - people with this type of disorder are not self-aware and suffer memory loss.

My advice; Be yourself, give yourself experiences and learn healthy ways to cope with anxiety. It's rough, but possible with work! Everything will start to fall into place as you progress through your school career. Welcome and accept change

True. But the rough is awful lol