Where You Left Your Heart [Private]

[Abyssopelagic]

Woollyfeather drifted into an uneasy sleep, occasionally shifting when she felt the unfamiliar touch of her scar on fabric. A scar that looked like a pockmark, or crater sat on her shoulder, mockingly reminding her why she was here, and not home. The criss crossing scars from where the two-legs had performed their magic that healed her were finally beginning to fade, but this knowledge held no comfort for her.
At last, she could ignore the insistent pinching in her side just long enough for sleep to overtake her. Her dreams were no less confusing.
She found herself in a starry field, eyes scanning her surroundings, curious where she was supposed to be. And then a terrible thought hit her.
This was the land of her ancestors' spirts and she was dead.
No more was there a hope that she would ever come home, ever see her mate, her children, her friend again. She'd never go on another patrol or follow her leaders command.

The lilac point sank to the ground, staring blankly at the blades of grass in fro t of her as they swayed, mind racing, dread forming in the pit of her stomach. She tried to deny it, wanted to.
She couldn't have died alone, couldn't have died captured and isolated and and and....
A small form stepped closer.
She looked up, coming face to face with a depressingly young-looking kitten that she did not recognize, yet looked so familiar.
She opened her mouth to speak, to say anything, but nothing came forth, not sure what she should say.
She didn't need to, though.
He spoke for her.
"Don't fret, little warrior. You have not joined your ancestors yet. I am simply.... Borrowing you and your mind. Rest assured, you will wake up and return to your life when we are done."
The strength returned to her limbs, and she shakily stood once again, staring curiously at this tiny individual.
"So .... If I'm not dead... What am I here for? For what reason are you, as you said, "borrowing" me?"
She couldn't think of any reason why the residents of StarClan would take interest in her, visit her...
She hadn't even known they could see her from so far away.

The kitten tilted his head.
"Home. You cannot return unless you can speak to someone. And you don't have the time to sit and wait for the weather to warm up and the window to open."
Well that was.... Vague and definitely not terrifying to hear.
She took in a breath, thinking of what to say.
"What am I supposed to do? How is this dream going to get me home?"
The small, grey kitten turned and began tossing away and she could only gawk as she realized the young tom had no tail. Not even a nub.
She'd never seen such a thing before, but as he grew more distant, she realized she was meant to follow him.
She gave chase, running after the small shape.
Despite his pace, he was still so far ahead of her, even as she continued to run She was was going to lose him....
She shouldn't have stopped to stare, and now she was going to lose her only chance.....
She stumbled and came to a halt as a distressingly familiar figure came into view in the distance.
Woollyfeather turned to look, to confirm it wasn't a stranger she'd mistaken. Heart soaring, she took a running leap at Hawkbite, so excited to see and hear and touch her friend again. So excited to no longer be separated by glass.
So relieved to no longer be alone.
She would be coming home.
She was home.



[ @SuspiciousMindz ]

[SuspiciousMindz]

Did I die?

That was the first question he asked himself when the Commander rose to his paws in a clearing of stars. It took a moment to process exactly where he was, and his paws just aimlessly started guiding him through the clearing. His gaze was searching for something or something. Anything really to figure out why he was here or how he died.

This was StarClan, right?

The question was answered as a tiny feline came into view, bounding towards him. Panic filled his gaze for a moment, but just like that, the feline was gone and someone else stood in his field of view. His jaw dropped as Woollyfeather's figure came bounding from the same direction the tiny cat was. Panic was replaced with joy and tears threatened to follow behind that.

His question to whether he had died or not was not important anymore. Hawkbite began running at Woollyfeather, although he wasn't expecting the she-cat to take a leap at him. He skidded to a halt and before he could react further, he found himself tumbling backwards into the tiny stars with the weight of Woolly atop him.

"I can't believe you're here!" Hawkbite blurted out happily, a purr erupting from his throat.

@Abyssopelagic

[Abyssopelagic]

Woollyfeather quietly squealed with joy as she and Hawkbite tumbled to the ground, errant stardust pluming into a cloud around them as the combined weight disturbed it's rest on the ground. The lilac point shook her head when some of the dust made it's way onto her sensitive ears, and then returned her gaze to her friend.
Eyes gleaming, she ducked her head to press her nose to his cheek, returning his purr in kind. Her half tail flicked behind her in glee, further betraying just how much she'd missed her dear friend.
How much she'd missed having anyone to speak to.
"I've missed home..... I've missed you."
Perhaps it was shameful to speak of another in such a way when she had a mate. Perhaps she was crossing a boundary with the way she rolled off Hawkbite just to press her side to his.
Perhaps she shouldn't be so soothed by the presence of this other man.
But Hawkbite was her friend, and the only solace she's had in so, so long. The only thing that has kept her sane, kept her connected to home, even in the briefest of moments they've had together.
And it had been so long since she'd seen Vulturefang... Had he forgotten her? She hadn't forgotten him.
There was still a deep, burning longing for the deputy, even if she could barely remember his face. Could only remember his scent, his fur, his voice....
Could only remember how he made her feel, and the times they'd left the territory together to explore, and the stories he told of home.
Remembering just how long ago that was made her guts churn, and her stomach sink. She tries to stop the sniffle, the burning in her eyes, the tell-tale signs of pitiful and pathetic crying was coming on.
She bit her tongue, tried to focus on anything but these stupid little tears that threatened to spill.
Had she even told him she loved him? Or was it always something she'd left unsaid, hinted only in her actions and the way she spoke to him and touched him when they shared a nest and...
She tried to hide it by burying her face into the tabby's fur, focused on the feeling, the way it tickled her nose, tangled with her own fur.
Another flash of fur. A proper warning, this time. Her StarClan savior was becoming restless and wasn't going to let her forget why she was here. Why he'd helped her to begin with.
And here she was, sniveling like a kit, getting so distracted with such trivial matters when her chance at escape was right in front of her.

Woollyfeather breathed deeply.
She hoped her voice wouldn't betray what she felt, the awful little feeling inside her, squirming to be let out. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a splash of grey fur once again.
He wasn't going to let her forget why she was here. He wouldn't let her.
She needed to get on with it.
"I wish I could stay here forever. That I won't be taken away from you again."
She gave a shaky sigh, and risked lifting her head to look at Hawkbite again. This time, as she focused her gaze, her eyes couldn't help it, they slipped further upwards and locked with the round, blue eyes that stared at her in the distance.
A distant, but ever present reminder their time was limited.
She wished he would stop. It made anxiety bubble in her gut, and made her mind scramble to pick itself up.
That was... An ungrateful way to look at it. This was a favour.
But why... Why so many times in so few minutes? Was her time here really running out so quickly?

Almost unwilling, she lifted herself into a sitting position, pointedly ignored the kitten, but didn't move away from Hawkbite. She felt like she's shatter and dissolve into sea foam if she didn't have the Enforcer to keep her grounded, even with the possibility of freedom some close.
"I.... Well, we should probably put our.... Reunion on pause.... We don't know how long this... Dream will keep us connected and I know... How you can get me out."
Woollyfeather closed her eyes, and tried to set her mind to where she needed it. Tried to remember her findings. She couldn't imagine it would be easy to explain. It was hard to remember even after seeing it for herself.
"The same way we were able to speak last time. A window, they call it. I've watched them open and close since we spoke. There's a latch on my side, one I've practiced prying open.
I.... As long as two or three warriors can help me lift it, I can get out."
She went over the trials in her head, her teeth aching still from her attempts to apply enough pressure to jam it open. She just couldn't push it on her own.
She'd even found a way to slide it open enough to fit a paw under and try to wedge it further. She'd tried it herself, only resulting in sore paws as the window slammed shut on her.
Her paws tingled at the memory, and she covered them with her tail, an attempt to soothe the pain. And an attempt to hide the way her claws were now crooked after being crushed.
They didn't hurt, thankfully, but she didn't wish to be reminded further of just how much she'd been changed.


[ @SuspiciousMindz ]

[SuspiciousMindz]

What is this heat I'm feeling?

Hawkbite's ears and the spot on his cheek burned after Woolly's affectionate nuzzle. Honestly, he couldn't recall a time she'd been so affectionate before-

Stop.

That wasn't how this time was meant to be spent. His emotions would wait. They'd be shoved back down until further notice. This wasn't how he should be viewing his closest friend who also happened to be the deputy's mate. Shouldn't he feel shameful for this reaction? So. . . why didn't he?

"I've missed you so much more," Hawk countered playfully. His heart was hammering in his chest, and he returned the affection with an action he'd never displayed to anyone but Mothkit. Hawkbite leaned over and landed a gentle lick between the she-cats ears. The purr from his throat couldn't be masked either; he couldn't stop the motor that had started.

For the moments that Woolly was processing her emotions, Hawk soaked in the warmth and feel of his friend beside him. He could sit here and enjoy it forever if he had the option to. He was pretty oblivious to her feelings in that moment, too consumed with his own confused emotions. It wasn't until the silence extended more than normal, that the tom would pick up something was wrong. She seemed distracted, was it for the same reasons he was?

STOP!

He wouldn't press into it. She'd open her mind to him when she was prepared. He knew her well enough to trust that.

Hawk happened to also be oblivious to the StarClanner nearby, but it didn't help that Woolly bolted upwards and stood in his view of them.



Oh no.

Hawk picked it up now. The shakiness to her voice, the way she seemed to urgently move on, and he was sorely reminded of the lack of time they had. It tugged at his heart strings and his normally stoic persona broke for a moment. His gaze reflected the distress he was hiding from himself and Woolly.

This joyous encounter was turning into a confusing one for him. A pile of feelings and interactions that his brain wasn't sure how to process quite yet. Perhaps being here was distorting his judgement too? It was hard to say, but he was growing uncomfortable. The only comfort he sought was sitting before him, trying to make sure this encounter wasn't for nothing.

He would listen, but it was hard to focus.
Would he comprehend?

Hawk would nod eagerly. "I think we can do that, Dawnstar wants to be a part of your rescue mission. She told me that. We all want you to come home, Woolly. . ."

Especially me.

His gaze averted her just in time to catch her trying to hide her paws as the thought crossed his mind. His ears perked towards her. "You know how many warriors because you tried by yourself, didn't you?" Hawkbite asked softly, his gaze would turn to meet hers again. The stoic look was back as he actually processed what might've happened to her.

@Abyssopelagic

[Abyssopelagic]

Shame burned under her pelt at being so easily found out. There was no use in hiding it, if he had already guessed.
Her tail shifted, revealing her paws. It was only the toes, and only a few of them, but the way the impacts had made them grow crooked contrasted greatly with her unnaturally immaculate appearance. One of many strange things the two-legs did to her....

She felt Hawkbite's gaze lift to find hers, and so she looked up to meet his, trying to ignore how her paws had begun to shake. If they weren't so firmly planted to the ground, it might have been visible as well.
"Maybe I'm just... Too weak, from my time here. I was never very strong to start... But, I don't want to be wrong. I don't want it to fail just because I underestimated...."
Her voice trailed off, and her head hung from it's place on her neck as her shoulders sagged. She stared for a moment, two, and then another before picking herself up to once again press herself against her best friend.
Her head found his chest and she laid her ear against it, listening to him breathe, to his heart. The sound of it grounded her, kept her from spiraling.
"I doubt the state of my shoulder helped," she mumbled.
She might have been healed with the aide of whatever magic these two-legs had, but it did not erase what was done. It did not change that whatever had burrowed into her flesh and shattered her shoulder had left something lasting, and taken something she would never get back.

Woollyfeather stared, unseeing, into the horizon as every polite sense absorbed as much of the tom as they could. She sat like this for as long as he'd let her, for as long as this dream lasted before they were once again drawn apart....
How long until she'd see him again after this?
The thought of being left alone made her heart squeeze painfully and panic and anguish churn in her belly.
She wanted out, so desperately, but the idea of being plunged into isolation again, for even one more day, made her want to claw away the feeling, claw her own skin until there was nothing but blissful emptiness. But if she did not let him go, there would be no end to this ever-present state of limbo.

The only thing that drew her out of her stupor when his voice, drawing her out of her head and the sea of tumultuous emotions within. Her jaw clenched, and eyes pricked, becoming watery as she was plunged into new waves of desperation and longing.
Even Dawnstar wanted her to come back....
The idea was so foreign she almost didn't believe it. Even more foreign, was knowing at one point she would have felt blessed, honoured even to know the leader wished for her return. Now, it only left an empty feeling in her belly as her thoughts inevitably wandered to Vulturefang and their children together.

Did they miss her too?

...

Why hadn't Vulturefang come for her?

With a choked sob, she turned her face to bury herself into Hawkbite's fur, her mind whispering soothing words to explain away the absence of the one who should have been first to coming looking for her: He was busy, of course. There was the Clan, their kits, all duties more important than a single missing warrior.
And yet, none of it made the burning bitterness, the aching realization any less bruising to the fragile skin of her heart or the tender and shattered recesses of her mind.
No, she realized he didn't care. Either never did, or he gave up on her.

....

A less tormented Woollyfeather might have understood, might have forgiven him.
But she could not, would not when she'd spent all these moons wanting most to see him, hold him, raise their children with him....
She'd dreamed and wished and prayed to get a chance to say words so precious to her, so dear to her heart to a man who hadn't even given her a sign he hadn't given up on her. The idea, the hope of what could be had been a tether for her when Hawkbite was away....
And she didn't even know if he'd tried.


[ @SuspiciousMindz ]

[SuspiciousMindz]

It pained him more to see his friend react in such a saddening way. He could understand the fear and self-doubt. It must've been so hard to go this long without the support of others. He couldn't imagine how maddening it must be. Although, the Commander could see it written all over her face and in how she held herself now. Never had he seen her express so much emotion, and while he'd support and welcome it, he couldn't help but worry too.

"Don't underestimate us, Woolly. We'll get you home. If you think we can do it, I'll make sure it happens," Hawkbite would speak softly to the she-cat as she pressed against him again. The warmth that radiated from her touches was soothing. "You'll come home, I promise."

Hawkbite's eyes closed as he pressed his muzzle into her soft fur again. He wasn't sure what she could be thinking right now, but that was okay, because she was here. Well, it was okay until the sob escaped her, and his eyes shot open to study the rapid movements of her chest. She was crying, huh? More tears. That'd been all they exchanged as of lately.

It was okay. He'd be her shoulder to cry on. That was a silent vow he took to her so long ago and he'd honor it now. Even if this was just a dream. Even if she was so far away. She could always rely on him, he swore it. "It'll all be okay. . ." he cooed, pressing his cheek into her and allowing his eyes to close. One of his forepaws moved and seemed to grasp at her to bring her into a deeper embrace.

It was the only comforting thing he could think of doing to help right now.
He wasn't great at this comforting thing.

@Abyssopelagic