@TheNyanCatMinecart Creekpaw - Do you mind if I make something like this? I think it's really fun!
It's fine if not, I totally understand
Name
Creekkit - Creekpaw - Creekdash
Gender
Cis male
Affiliations
WindClan
Ranks
Kit - Apprentice - Warrior
Age - I adopted him for Reference
7 moons (Apprentice/adoption) - Will be 11 moons (Warrior)
Appearance
Lilac point with faded brown rings on his tail
Light blue eyes
Oriental
Personality
Bubbly | Caring | Kind | Empathetic | Protective | Smart | Excited | Fast Learner | Energetic | Confident | Optimistic | A little too trusting of others
Recently after Mountainmist left WC for ShC
Sad | Little*Depressed | Feelings of betrayal | Blocking himself off from anyone that isn't his good family/friends
Some other personality traits are in his backstory
When Creekkit was born, his mother had died during birth to a kit that had gotten stuck in her. He was taken in by Songbird as he was raised with his new adopted brother, Goatkit.
When the two began apprentices, they were inseparable, always playing or doing some sort of competition.
Creekpaw's first mentor, Nightheart, had neglected to train or even talk to him and had soon went missing. Then, his next mentor, Roanfeather, had took him on a patrol and then had went missing after that.
Then, the coyote attack had happened. Creekpaw had escaped the camp pretty quickly and hid on the moor. The lilac tom had sprained his ankle on the way down the moor so he was forced to hide. He searched for Goatpaw as he watched WindClan cats run out of camp but, he never found Goatpaw. He had found Foxpudge, and some other apprentices heading down to the River and had limped out to them. All four of them had gone down to a stream to throw any coyotes off their scent before heading down to the River.
WindClan had split into two groups and Creekpaw was the one going to ShadowClan. The WindClanners had be able to stay at the water barn for a while until RiverClan had wiped out the coyotes. During his stay in ShadowClan territory, he met Irispaw, who healed his sprain and then one of his brothers, Reedkit. Surprisingly Reedkit was very happy and naive about what had just gone on.
Little while later, Creekpaw had gotten assigned his third mentor, Eaglesoul. A blind tom. The two had done one battle training session before the sweet tom had disappeared. Starting to loose hope now in his mentors, he was assigned Mountainmist. Now, this mentor stuck around, she trained him up to his assessment. Which, he had to do with Brindlejaw and Weaselskip because she was becoming a queen.
Before Mountainmist became a queen, Creekpaw met two different she-cats. Both at different points in time. They were both very flirty and Moonpaw went to far and he remembers her flirting a TON. Then, Rosepaw who directly insulted Twistedpaw behind her back. He hates cats like this and does not like flirty cats.
Before his assessment, Creekpaw had followed Mountainmist out of camp because she seemed suspicious. He had soon found out that she was leaving WC for ShC even after she had promised she wouldn't miss his warrior ceremony for the world and had told him that he would see her kits grow up.
FUTURE
After she left, Creekpaw fell into a bit of depression and didn't even care about his warrior ceremony. It didn't matter to him because Mountainmist wasn't there.
Quickly after his warrior ceremony, he got Crowkit, now Crowpaw as an apprentice and because the two are best friends, their training soon brought him out of his sadness.
He will meet one of Mountain's kits later on and become very protective of them and will most likely die in battle.
Immediate Family
Songbird - Adoptive Mother - mottled black and white cat with dijon eyes
Whitesong - Songbird's mate so adoptive father - idk, isn't on the allegiances
All of Songbird's kits - she has too many to list
Goatpaw - Adopted brother, missing - Don't know
Mates and Kits
If he does not have a crush/mate yet
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My limit for cloning characters for non-time sensitive RPs is 3.
Time sensitive RPs count in this count.
Last edited by Wings; June 18th, 2020 at 03:51 PM.
Okay, but what prompted her parents to give her the prefix of Broken-? -claw is an overused suffix, but Broken- is less used. Annie is also a rather cute name. Hiding true nature, eh? 7/10
Gender: Female
Okay, nice. 10/10
Clans/Affiliations: Thunder-clan | Kitty-pet
So, she left a Clan to become a kittypet? That's underused and interesting. 10/10
Ranks: Kit | Apprentice| Warrior | Kitty-pet
A regular cat, I see. Okay. 9/10
Age: 6 moons = apprentice , 13 moons = warrior .. 18 moons = when she left the clans, currently shes about 20 moons
So, she trained for a moon longer than normal? Also, how old was she when she died? Otherwise, this is good. 8/10
Appearance: Annie is an all white cat with a scar on her jaw and upper lip also on her eye , she has a pink collar with a bell on it.
Cool, cool. I like the scars; they give her some flare. But when you submitted her for an art request for me, you said that she had small black stripes on her forehead and also pink eyes. The stripes are cool, but pink eyes are rather unrealistic. 7/10
Personality: A short tempered cat with a love for blood and shes mentally insane ..Annie likes to keep her ground. Annie moves with grace and likes to dodge her enemies to wear them out them she strikes and takes her enemies then rather than they have a fighting chance to land a blow on her
Was she born with a mental disorder and is this why she loves blood? Also, what you've given me isn't a lot of personality... it's mainly tactics and stuff to use in battle. Also, no offense, but making her what might seem like a "perfect" fighter is a bit Mary Sue-ish. She should have some flaws and other personality traits (good and bad) as well. 5/10
Backstory: Annie was a clan from when she born to when she was 5 moons into her warrior days . Thats when she left thunder-clan and her warrior name broken-claw.Shes not dead yet as you know but shes getting there.
Why did she leave ThunderClan, though? Because she thought that they were too weak? Then why did she become a kittypet? Because she was captured? This isn't a lot to go off of. I understand that you haven't planned a death for her yet; that's totally fine. However, you could definitely flesh this out a bit more. I'm really sorry if I sound rude! 6/10
Immediate Family:Mom~Unknown , Dad ~ Moon-whisper and black pelted cat with white dots all over his body making him look like a night sky, adoptive sibling ~ Mittens ~ Roo-roo hasnt done a description on mittens yet
Wait, how would her mother be unknown? Isn't she a Clan cat? What's her father's eye color? It's okay that Mittens doesn't have a description yet. 7/10
Mate and Kits: N/A
Okay, makes sense. 10/10
Overall, Annie is a 79/100. Her description is a tad bit unrealistic and her personality + backstory could definitely use some work. She's getting there, and has the potential to be a good OC. You have a good starting point.
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Some of my characters think or act in ways I disagree with. Please understand that I do not support or condone these thoughts or actions.
@Hello~There (General Kenobi?)
This is an OC, along with every other cat, that I've made outside of this role-play site. I plan on using these characters and the entire story for a web comic I'll make. So some of the rules and settings may seem unfamiliar or strange. Also, I only got so far as my OC becoming the leader, not till he died.
Okay. So, I won't give you a full score until you're done because that would be unfair. I'll give my thoughts and opinions on what you have right now.
Please tell me if there is anything wrong with this as I'm editing it.
The prefix Blizzard- is fairly underused, although the suffix -frost is overused. This name fits well together, though, and so does their other prefix, Snowkit. For the most part, I like it. 7/10
Did he become a senior warrior before achieving the leader goal? And, heck, did he even become a deputy? Or did you just forget to add that? Or was there some special event that led to him becoming a leader? 7/10
Okay, that's fine. Seven whole moons of training? And he wasn't a warrior for very long, either. 7/10
Appearance: Blizzard (For short as using any of the prefixes will be a bit confusing) Is a white tom with multi colored eyes (Right is blue, left is green). He has patches of light gray that cover his entire back aswell.
I like the patches of light gray; they distinguish him. Blue and green eyes are often used together, but hey, it's natural. Maybe, because he was so young during his loner life, he might have a scar or two to show from it. 9/10
Personality:
Backstory:
Immediate Family:
Mate and Kits:
__________________
Some of my characters think or act in ways I disagree with. Please understand that I do not support or condone these thoughts or actions.
Okay, but what prompted her parents to give her the prefix of Broken-? -claw is an overused suffix, but Broken- is less used. Annie is also a rather cute name. Hiding true nature, eh? 7/10
Gender: Female
Okay, nice. 10/10
Clans/Affiliations: Thunder-clan | Kitty-pet
So, she left a Clan to become a kittypet? That's underused and interesting. 10/10
Ranks: Kit | Apprentice| Warrior | Kitty-pet
A regular cat, I see. Okay. 9/10
Age: 6 moons = apprentice , 13 moons = warrior .. 18 moons = when she left the clans, currently shes about 20 moons
So, she trained for a moon longer than normal? Also, how old was she when she died? Otherwise, this is good. 8/10
Appearance: Annie is an all white cat with a scar on her jaw and upper lip also on her eye , she has a pink collar with a bell on it.
Cool, cool. I like the scars; they give her some flare. But when you submitted her for an art request for me, you said that she had small black stripes on her forehead and also pink eyes. The stripes are cool, but pink eyes are rather unrealistic. 7/10
Personality: A short tempered cat with a love for blood and shes mentally insane ..Annie likes to keep her ground. Annie moves with grace and likes to dodge her enemies to wear them out them she strikes and takes her enemies then rather than they have a fighting chance to land a blow on her
Was she born with a mental disorder and is this why she loves blood? Also, what you've given me isn't a lot of personality... it's mainly tactics and stuff to use in battle. Also, no offense, but making her what might seem like a "perfect" fighter is a bit Mary Sue-ish. She should have some flaws and other personality traits (good and bad) as well. 5/10
Backstory: Annie was a clan from when she born to when she was 5 moons into her warrior days . Thats when she left thunder-clan and her warrior name broken-claw.Shes not dead yet as you know but shes getting there.
Why did she leave ThunderClan, though? Because she thought that they were too weak? Then why did she become a kittypet? Because she was captured? This isn't a lot to go off of. I understand that you haven't planned a death for her yet; that's totally fine. However, you could definitely flesh this out a bit more. I'm really sorry if I sound rude! 6/10
Immediate Family:Mom~Unknown , Dad ~ Moon-whisper and black pelted cat with white dots all over his body making him look like a night sky, adoptive sibling ~ Mittens ~ Roo-roo hasnt done a description on mittens yet
Wait, how would her mother be unknown? Isn't she a Clan cat? What's her father's eye color? It's okay that Mittens doesn't have a description yet. 7/10
Mate and Kits: N/A
Okay, makes sense. 10/10
Overall, Annie is a 79/100. Her description is a tad bit unrealistic and her personality + backstory could definitely use some work. She's getting there, and has the potential to be a good OC. You have a good starting point.
@Arie And yes, you can!
Name
Creekkit - Creekpaw - Creekdash
The prefix Creek- has appeared twice on here already, lol. -dash is an underused suffix, and I don't think I've seen this name before. I like it. 9/10
Gender
Cis male
Nice, another male OC! 10/10
Affiliations
WindClan
Cool, cool. 10/10
Ranks
Kit - Apprentice - Warrior
Average, nothing wrong with that. 10/10
Age - I adopted him for Reference
7 moons (Apprentice/adoption) - Will be 11 moons (Warrior)
Okay... and wow, is he really so young? Are you indicating that he died young or is this his current age? 7/10
Appearance
Lilac point with faded brown rings on his tail
Light blue eyes
Oriental
Ooh, nice, although maybe you could add a couple more things to make him stand out. 9/10
Personality
Bubbly | Caring | Kind | Empathetic | Protective | Smart | Excited | Fast Learner | Energetic | Confident | Optimistic | A little too trusting of others
Recently after Mountainmist left WC for ShC
Sad | Little*Depressed | Feelings of betrayal | Blocking himself off from anyone that isn't his good family/friends
Some other personality traits are in his backstory
Okay! I like the complexity of this and it makes sense that his emotions would change. He has flaws, which is good. I don't have much to say about it other than the fact that it's perfect. 10/10
(Just saying that the thing for his backstory isn't working for me, so I won't count that. I might edit this later if I don't have a million requests coming in... ;-; )
Immediate Family
Songbird - Adoptive Mother - mottled black and white cat with dijon eyes
Whitesong - Songbird's mate so adoptive father - idk, isn't on the allegiances
All of Songbird's kits - she has too many to list
Goatpaw - Adopted brother, missing - Don't know
Okay... Songbird must have more kits than Ferncloud if it's too many to list. XD But anyway, it's okay that you don't know some of the descriptions. Dijon eyes... descriptive, nice. 6/10
Mates and Kits
If he does not have a crush/mate yet
Okay. 10/10
Overall: 81/90! I really like Creekdash; he seems like a fairly complex character. Just some tweaks and he'll be just fine.
__________________
Some of my characters think or act in ways I disagree with. Please understand that I do not support or condone these thoughts or actions.
__________________
Some of my characters think or act in ways I disagree with. Please understand that I do not support or condone these thoughts or actions.
Name: Cougar (Kittypet)| Cougar-kit| (Soon to be) Cougar-paw| (His warrior name will be) Cougar-Fur| (Elder Name) Cougar-Fur
Gender:Tom Cat
Clans/Affiliations: Kittypet (Before his father gave him to his mother)| WindClan.
Ranks: Kit (At the moment)
Age:6 Moons:App| warrior:12 Moons| Elder:80 moons.
Appearance: A dark yellow similar to a cougar, His eyes are the color of both his parents, Green for gold and Bue for Feather-fur . The blue is for her blindness. His half blind in his blue eye. Cougar has a scar across his muzzle from his brother Wolf & Bear-kit
Personality: Helpful, he trys to be nice to everyone. Cougar-kit hated his brother Bear & Wolf. He loves his parents and doesnt care if he's half kittypet. Loves to play mossball. He tryed to help his clan but not spreading his whitecough as he put him self in a corner of the clearing. He has a short temper.
Backstory:Cougar-kit born to Feather-Fur & Gold the kittypet
Immediate Family: Gold~Father, FeatherFur~Mother, River-kit~Cousin,RainPuddle~Cousin, RiverWhisker~Uncle. WolfKit~Half Brother, BearKit~Half brother
Mate and Kits: Self-explanatory. N/A
Name: Cougar (Kittypet)| Cougar-kit| (Soon to be) Cougar-paw| (His warrior name will be) Cougar-Fur| (Elder Name) Cougar-Fur
Cougar- is an underused prefix, so I like it. -fur, being one of the basic suffixes, would be overused; however, I like this name because it is fairly unique. 9/10
Gender:Tom Cat
Cool! A tom. 10/10
Clans/Affiliations: Kittypet (Before his father gave him to his mother)| WindClan.
Okay. Kittypet to WindClan... that's interesting. 10/10
Ranks: Kit (At the moment)
Okay... so, he becomes an apprentice, warrior, and elder later on? Does he reach the rank of a senior warrior? That would make sense if he was to become an elder. 9/10
Appearance: A dark yellow similar to a cougar, His eyes are the color of both his parents, Green for gold and Bue for Feather-fur . The blue is for her blindness. His half blind in his blue eye. Cougar has a scar across his muzzle from his brother Wolf & Bear-kit
Ooh, okay. I like this description and I see no problem with it. 10/10
Personality: Helpful, he trys to be nice to everyone. Cougar-kit hated his brother Bear & Wolf. He loves his parents and doesnt care if he's half kittypet. Loves to play mossball. He tryed to help his clan but not spreading his whitecough as he put him self in a corner of the clearing.
Aw... he sounds really cute! However, maybe you would want to add some more traits - maybe a few flaws along with other good things - to flesh him out a bit more. 8/10
Backstory:Cougar-kit born to Feather-Fur & Gold the kittypet
Um... this really isn't a lot... you mentioned his parent giving him up, but still. He needs more backstory. Like I said, this isn't a lot. 3/10 (sorry for the harsh score, but I didn't have a lot to go off of here)
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Some of my characters think or act in ways I disagree with. Please understand that I do not support or condone these thoughts or actions.
Appearance: Lanky hairless tom with crooked fangs and large green eyes. Deep, inflamed, pinkish scars cover his back, inflicted by a hawk.
Affiliations: RiverClan/Dark Forest
Gender: Male
Age: Unknown
Rank: Unknown, died as a kit
Voice Reference: Don't have one yet, but he talks like Gollum from LOTR. So Andy Serkis, I guess.
Bio:
It's unknown how many years he's stalked the Dark Forest. It's believed he was a warrior of RiverClan, cast out as a kit because of his ugliness. They viewed his hairlessness as a bad omen. He lived in the wild for a while before being carried off and killed by a hawk. He is enraged with his current situation, as he believes he has done nothing wrong. He seeks revenge on RiverClan, tormenting them whenever he can.
Curseface speaks in an odd manner, referring to himself in the third person and calling the second voice in his head "precious". (For example, when asking a newcomer's name, he said "And what are they called, precious? Has they a name, perhaps?"). He loves fish, and excells in hunting. He doesn't fight much. He has a soft spot for young RiverClanners.
Re: Reviewing Your OCs
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Re: Reviewing Your OCs
