ThunderClan Territory

[Brilliance]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

The tom had an expression of slight surprise on his features as he noticed how far behind Featherspeckle was. Although he knew he had a quick pace, it seemed that she hadn't even been trying- though perhaps that was just her way. Martenthorn shook the thought off, the tip of his tail twitching anxiously all the same, and cleared his throat a little as though trying to figure out what to say next. He didn't have to, however, because the she cat who was now beside him had spoken first. "Oh, uh...that's...cool, I guess," He mewed with a slight shrug. A flash of annoyance crossed over his features. 'Cool? You guess?' He thought to himself with aggravation showing in his hues. He wasn't happy that he had allowed himself to become so strange. Why couldn't he act like a normal tom around she cats? It seemed as though they cast a spell over him, like they controlled him...something that annoyed Martenthorn very deeply. Sometimes he wondered if life would be different had he been born female. Would he still have an irrational fear of them? Or would his fear change to that of toms? Was he just doomed to have anxiety when thinking of the opposite gender? "Apprentices? Oh, no, uh...not yet. I'm hoping to have one soon, I mean it might be nice...but since Gyrewind's been away and Ashstar's gone, we haven't had a ceremony in a long time." The tom looked down at the ground.

It was true; it had been quite a while since a ceremony had happened. He was beginning to wonder if Gyrewind had just disappeared, and if he would ever come back...or, like Ashstar, if he was gone for good from them. And if that was the case, then who would the next leader be? "What about you?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. The she cat looked young, about his age, and perhaps she hadn't even been a warrior prior to Ratnight's rule and then Ashstar's death, but he supposed that there was always a chance she was older then he looked. If there was one thing he had learned, it was never guess a she cat's age. "Hm? Oh no, no...no one that I would really call a friend. I've got some cats that I talk to every once in a while, but no...no true friends." He mewed with a twitch of his tail and a slightly wistful smile over at the she cat.

Perhaps this cat would end up being a friend...as long as he didn't mess things up too badly this time.

Featherspeckle listened intently to the tom next to her. She stared at him, in a surprised manner, her ears perked. ''Are you saying that it's cool to be lost?'' She narrowed her eyes at him. And, as a few moments passed, she let out a small giggle. It was certainly a first for her, since she hadn't laughed in so long. And, it surprised her. It shocked her. It shocked her so much that as quick as it came, she completely closed it off, sighing deeply.
She didn't want the tom to think she didn't enjoy his company. In fact, it was the complete opposite. She was still in a midst of battling with herself, but she wanted to concentrate on what was in the present. They were walking. She was beside him. He was beside her.
She listened to him talk about the ceremonies, and she felt like banging her head against a tree for being too consumed in her thoughts to notice it. She couldn't tell him that she forgot. That would just seem...rude. She couldn't tell him, I'm depressed, and I feel like dying...now, that seemed incredulous, and most likely would send him away.
What cat would want to be brought down just because she was unhappy?
Featherspeckle rolled her eyes at herself, feeling beyond irritated that she was even thinking at this point. She answered, ''Having an apprentice would certainly take up my time,'' she mewed, then quickly added, ''Not that I mind. I don't like wasting my time anyway.'' If I did...I wouldn't be around here now. She took a look around the territory, oddly feeling calm around the tom that was next to her. ''You sound like you would make a very great teacher to an apprentice some day.'' She beamed at him. ''And, yeah...friends come and go...''She looked away for a quick second, and brought her gaze upon him again. ''I don't talk much to the other cats. It's why I was so surprised that...you wanted to...get to know me.'' She looked down at her paws, finding them interested to stare at as they walked. When she looked up again, and glanced at him. She felt a smile of her own appearing across her features, unaware of it. Besides, I could use a friend in this time. I don't know how long it'll last, She stared back up at him, but if Starclan is real, I hope that he is the guardian angel sent from above to help a piece of crowfood as myself.

[Starfall]

@xxJaggededgexx
The silver Tom pushed his way through the bramble entrance and shook the burrs off of his pelt, letting out a little growl when a twig snagged his fur. He let his blue hues scrape across the slushy territory, annoyance and curiosity evident on his face, he just came back from hunting and now he was ordered to go hunting once more, all he wanted to do was sleep. Bluejay let out a snort and turned his gaze upon the cat who came to accompany him "I don't understand why I was ordered to babysit you. You've got four paws, hopefully you can use at least two of them to hunt." he snorted, his tail lashed back and fourth, in reality he was actually a litttle happy he was able to come out here again, he wanted to see Fala, he hadn't talked to her recently and his heart, no his soul longed to see her, to hear her, her scent was enough to drive him crazy, but at the same time he wanted to spend more time with Hawkfeather, she did the same things, her scent, Her voice, he couldn't choose between the two. He turned his gaze and looked out into the territory, he just wanted to get this over with and start hunting.

[lone]

Originally Posted by NoireRose

Featherspeckle listened intently to the tom next to her. She stared at him, in a surprised manner, her ears perked. ''Are you saying that it's cool to be lost?'' She narrowed her eyes at him. And, as a few moments passed, she let out a small giggle. It was certainly a first for her, since she hadn't laughed in so long. And, it surprised her. It shocked her. It shocked her so much that as quick as it came, she completely closed it off, sighing deeply.
She didn't want the tom to think she didn't enjoy his company. In fact, it was the complete opposite. She was still in a midst of battling with herself, but she wanted to concentrate on what was in the present. They were walking. She was beside him. He was beside her.
She listened to him talk about the ceremonies, and she felt like banging her head against a tree for being too consumed in her thoughts to notice it. She couldn't tell him that she forgot. That would just seem...rude. She couldn't tell him, I'm depressed, and I feel like dying...now, that seemed incredulous, and most likely would send him away.
What cat would want to be brought down just because she was unhappy?
Featherspeckle rolled her eyes at herself, feeling beyond irritated that she was even thinking at this point. She answered, ''Having an apprentice would certainly take up my time,'' she mewed, then quickly added, ''Not that I mind. I don't like wasting my time anyway.'' If I did...I wouldn't be around here now. She took a look around the territory, oddly feeling calm around the tom that was next to her. ''You sound like you would make a very great teacher to an apprentice some day.'' She beamed at him. ''And, yeah...friends come and go...''She looked away for a quick second, and brought her gaze upon him again. ''I don't talk much to the other cats. It's why I was so surprised that...you wanted to...get to know me.'' She looked down at her paws, finding them interested to stare at as they walked. When she looked up again, and glanced at him. She felt a smile of her own appearing across her features, unaware of it. Besides, I could use a friend in this time. I don't know how long it'll last, She stared back up at him, but if Starclan is real, I hope that he is the guardian angel sent from above to help a piece of crowfood as myself.

For a moment, Martenthorn wasn't quite sure what to say. He opened his mouth and, just as quickly, shut it, eyes widening and then narrowing as they did when he was surprised or nervous. Finally he was able to get his emotions under control and swallowed, feeling himself beginning to shake. Oh, why did I think I could do this? He thought anxiously, swallowing again. He was uncomfortable right now, but when she began to laugh, the tom's ears tilted forwards and he listened. When she laughed, it sounded like...magic. Bells. Something like that, something that he didn't want to interrupt. I've never heard a sound like that in my life. He thought, the tip of his tail beginning to twitch anxiously. "No! I mean yes...I mean no! Wait-- uh...I mean, it's cool depending on where you are. Um..." His voice trailed off and he sighed. Wonderful. Once again, Martenthorn had demonstrated what it was like to fail at something-- mainly speaking to any she cat he could see. He was half-surprised he hadn't scared them all off already, but then again, miracles could happen. Right? As far as he knew, they could. And the fact that she hasn't left yet has got to be a miracle, the tom thought with a sigh. Martenthorn believed in miracles. Not to mention figuring things out-- he was a problem solver. And he knew where he wanted to go, he just...wasn't quite sure how to get there.

For a while, everything was quiet. Martenthorn shifted his weight uneasily, wondering if something was wrong...but she told me everything was fine before. She doesn't want to tell me, and that has to be okay. Do not try to fix this. He had nearly said the last part aloud before remembering that he wasn't on his own, and that would look even stranger-- and goofier-- then he actually was. Swallowing once more, the tom glanced at Featherspeckle almost pleadingly-- and apologetically-- for his strange nature. "Oh. W-well thanks..." he mewed, unsure how to react to her other statements. But then he heard something that made his ears pick up once more-- he hadn't realized that they had gone back until he noticed her words. What does she mean? I thought I was the one who was surprised by this, Martenthorn thought with some growing alarm. He brushed it aside after a moment, though he wasn't exactly intrigued by the promise that she was that surprised. "W-well I'm glad you agreed to do this with- with me. I'm not exactly used to, uh...being around she cats, if you hadn't noticed. So sorry for my...awkward behavior, it's just...part of who I am." The Abyssinian mewed with a sigh, looking down at his paws. Funny how interesting they looked when he was nervous.

It was funny how a lot of things looked when Martenthorn was nervous.

[Tigress]

Can I join?

[Brilliance]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

For a moment, Martenthorn wasn't quite sure what to say. He opened his mouth and, just as quickly, shut it, eyes widening and then narrowing as they did when he was surprised or nervous. Finally he was able to get his emotions under control and swallowed, feeling himself beginning to shake. Oh, why did I think I could do this? He thought anxiously, swallowing again. He was uncomfortable right now, but when she began to laugh, the tom's ears tilted forwards and he listened. When she laughed, it sounded like...magic. Bells. Something like that, something that he didn't want to interrupt. I've never heard a sound like that in my life. He thought, the tip of his tail beginning to twitch anxiously. "No! I mean yes...I mean no! Wait-- uh...I mean, it's cool depending on where you are. Um..." His voice trailed off and he sighed. Wonderful. Once again, Martenthorn had demonstrated what it was like to fail at something-- mainly speaking to any she cat he could see. He was half-surprised he hadn't scared them all off already, but then again, miracles could happen. Right? As far as he knew, they could. And the fact that she hasn't left yet has got to be a miracle, the tom thought with a sigh. Martenthorn believed in miracles. Not to mention figuring things out-- he was a problem solver. And he knew where he wanted to go, he just...wasn't quite sure how to get there.

For a while, everything was quiet. Martenthorn shifted his weight uneasily, wondering if something was wrong...but she told me everything was fine before. She doesn't want to tell me, and that has to be okay. Do not try to fix this. He had nearly said the last part aloud before remembering that he wasn't on his own, and that would look even stranger-- and goofier-- then he actually was. Swallowing once more, the tom glanced at Featherspeckle almost pleadingly-- and apologetically-- for his strange nature. "Oh. W-well thanks..." he mewed, unsure how to react to her other statements. But then he heard something that made his ears pick up once more-- he hadn't realized that they had gone back until he noticed her words. What does she mean? I thought I was the one who was surprised by this, Martenthorn thought with some growing alarm. He brushed it aside after a moment, though he wasn't exactly intrigued by the promise that she was that surprised. "W-well I'm glad you agreed to do this with- with me. I'm not exactly used to, uh...being around she cats, if you hadn't noticed. So sorry for my...awkward behavior, it's just...part of who I am." The Abyssinian mewed with a sigh, looking down at his paws. Funny how interesting they looked when he was nervous.

It was funny how a lot of things looked when Martenthorn was nervous.

Featherspeckle smirked. ''I agree. But then again, all those who wander aren't lost.'' She gave a slight shrug. Featherspeckle tilted her head slightly, trying to figure out what was wrong with Martenthorn. He seemed a bit...nervous, if she dare admit. She watched him, amusement dancing in her eyes at his behavior. She perked her ears a bit, and edged a bit closer to him. ''Really?'' She asked him, ''You didn't seem to have a problem approaching me back in the warrior's den.'' She flicked her tail.
Featherspeckle felt a slight wash of confidence overcome her, but she did not want to act upon this. It was a first that her mind wasn't plaguing her, and she wanted to stay! She wanted to stay...in the company of this male.
When she hear him tell her about his she-cat problem, she gave him a gentle smile, and gave him a gentle bump to his side, to indicate to him that he shouldn't be so intimidated around she-cats. ''We're not that bad,'' She mewed, quietly. ''In fact, we're all different. One thing for certain...we're complex...''She trailed off, silently, thinking to herself.
Featherspeckle did not want to think of herself as complex, as most she-cats were. She also didn't want a tom to think she was simple minded as well. She had a mind...though it felt corrupted, she believed herself to be a bit intellectual in a sense. Then again, she hardly paid any heed to tom's eyes and their desire. She never knew if one liked her, or cared for that matter. She was far too concerned with herself, and she didn't want to hurt anyone in case she did do anything...harmful.
Getting herself back on track, she told the male, ''Some of us like the awkward males. They know how to amuse us.'' And, you sure are amusing me... she let out another giggle, unaware of it, and smiled once again. Once she settled down, she told him, ''Besides, I'm the same way. Not awkward to the opposite gender...but more oblivious. I sometimes don't notice them, like when we first me. I thought you would come and go. But, you seemed to have made yourself comfortable.'' She joked, playfully.
What is wrong with you?
I'm having a good time.
Please...you might as well leave, before he does.
How do you know he will?
What do you mean how do I know? It's inevitable. So, you better embrace yourself.
Featherspeckle became tensed, and she paced herself. She did not look into anyone's eyes, instead at her paws feeling wary. Why couldn't she have a good time without the interruptions of her mind...her self esteem...or her pride.
And, I thought living in a clan would bring hope...I'm literally failing myself.

[lone]

Originally Posted by NoireRose

Featherspeckle smirked. ''I agree. But then again, all those who wander aren't lost.'' She gave a slight shrug. Featherspeckle tilted her head slightly, trying to figure out what was wrong with Martenthorn. He seemed a bit...nervous, if she dare admit. She watched him, amusement dancing in her eyes at his behavior. She perked her ears a bit, and edged a bit closer to him. ''Really?'' She asked him, ''You didn't seem to have a problem approaching me back in the warrior's den.'' She flicked her tail.
Featherspeckle felt a slight wash of confidence overcome her, but she did not want to act upon this. It was a first that her mind wasn't plaguing her, and she wanted to stay! She wanted to stay...in the company of this male.
When she hear him tell her about his she-cat problem, she gave him a gentle smile, and gave him a gentle bump to his side, to indicate to him that he shouldn't be so intimidated around she-cats. ''We're not that bad,'' She mewed, quietly. ''In fact, we're all different. One thing for certain...we're complex...''She trailed off, silently, thinking to herself.
Featherspeckle did not want to think of herself as complex, as most she-cats were. She also didn't want a tom to think she was simple minded as well. She had a mind...though it felt corrupted, she believed herself to be a bit intellectual in a sense. Then again, she hardly paid any heed to tom's eyes and their desire. She never knew if one liked her, or cared for that matter. She was far too concerned with herself, and she didn't want to hurt anyone in case she did do anything...harmful.
Getting herself back on track, she told the male, ''Some of us like the awkward males. They know how to amuse us.'' And, you sure are amusing me... she let out another giggle, unaware of it, and smiled once again. Once she settled down, she told him, ''Besides, I'm the same way. Not awkward to the opposite gender...but more oblivious. I sometimes don't notice them, like when we first me. I thought you would come and go. But, you seemed to have made yourself comfortable.'' She joked, playfully.
What is wrong with you?
I'm having a good time.
Please...you might as well leave, before he does.
How do you know he will?
What do you mean how do I know? It's inevitable. So, you better embrace yourself.
Featherspeckle became tensed, and she paced herself. She did not look into anyone's eyes, instead at her paws feeling wary. Why couldn't she have a good time without the interruptions of her mind...her self esteem...or her pride.
And, I thought living in a clan would bring hope...I'm literally failing myself.

Martenthorn listened to the she cat, half captivated by what she was saying. Her words were interesting, and he was fascinated by how calm she seemed to be. He was wondering how come it was him that was a nervous wreck-- she certainly didn't seem to be in the mood, or place, at the moment, to reject the offer of his company. Swallowing once more, the tom attempted to smile at her. It was uneasy, and a little shaky as well, but it was there... and he was offering friendship. That was his goal, to become friends with the she cat...get to know her better. "It was just because you seemed so worried. And I do better when I think someone just needs a friend. It takes the pressure off me." He mewed, licking his maw a little anxiously as he did so. There was still pressure, it just wasn't as obvious anymore. And quite frankly, he just didn't care about the pressure now.

She seemed to be having a good time, and enjoying his company. "Oh! Oh no, no, I mean, I know you aren't- you aren't bad, I just...I guess it's different. You guys always seem so delicate, and I always think I'm going to break a she cat if I touch her...or look at her...or anything like that." He mewed, glancing down at his paws. That was true. He was always nervous that he was going to break them, or hurt them...do something to mess them up or mess their way of life up, which was the last thing that the young warrior wanted. But Featherspeckle seemed different. Tougher, if that made sense-- he wasn't as scared of her, which was nice. This was the nicest time he'd been able to have in a long time, and he was looking forwards to possibly having another one like it soon. Maybe he would be able to have a talk like this with another she cat.

Maybe it wouldn't be long before he would be over his fear altogether-- but he was getting ahead of himself, and he knew it. It was just encouraging that she wasn't making him as anxious as some. "Really? Because most of the she cats I've seen like the ones who are all tough, or funny, or comedians...not us little awkward guys who sit in the corner and watch the world go by. But, since you're a she cat, I'll take your word for it." He mewed, with a slight smile. He was able to hold it for a little longer this time, and it seemed more genuine. Not only because he was warming up to this cat, but because what she had said had given him confidence. His secret wish was to one day have a family, although he knew that there was very little chance of that happening. How could it? He was Martenthorn, the most awkward cat he imagined had ever been born.

So unless he could find a she cat who would accept him like that...no way. He would live and die on his own-- or perhaps with Featherspeckle, as long as she would be his friend. However long that was going to last. He had no idea. "W-well...I can't say I didn't think about backing out after a while...but I don't think I want to now." He mewed. He was more or less voicing his thoughts aloud, something he'd found himself doing recently, and something that very deeply annoyed him. Martenthorn cleared his throat and looked down at his paws, and when he looked up again, the multi-colored she cat seemed tense. Nervous. What was wrong now? Fear flooded through the tom, and he tensed up as well before he gained control over his mind.

"Featherspeckle? Is everything okay?" He asked anxiously, gazing at the she cat with worry obvious in his light hues.

[Brilliance]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

Martenthorn listened to the she cat, half captivated by what she was saying. Her words were interesting, and he was fascinated by how calm she seemed to be. He was wondering how come it was him that was a nervous wreck-- she certainly didn't seem to be in the mood, or place, at the moment, to reject the offer of his company. Swallowing once more, the tom attempted to smile at her. It was uneasy, and a little shaky as well, but it was there... and he was offering friendship. That was his goal, to become friends with the she cat...get to know her better. "It was just because you seemed so worried. And I do better when I think someone just needs a friend. It takes the pressure off me." He mewed, licking his maw a little anxiously as he did so. There was still pressure, it just wasn't as obvious anymore. And quite frankly, he just didn't care about the pressure now.

She seemed to be having a good time, and enjoying his company. "Oh! Oh no, no, I mean, I know you aren't- you aren't bad, I just...I guess it's different. You guys always seem so delicate, and I always think I'm going to break a she cat if I touch her...or look at her...or anything like that." He mewed, glancing down at his paws. That was true. He was always nervous that he was going to break them, or hurt them...do something to mess them up or mess their way of life up, which was the last thing that the young warrior wanted. But Featherspeckle seemed different. Tougher, if that made sense-- he wasn't as scared of her, which was nice. This was the nicest time he'd been able to have in a long time, and he was looking forwards to possibly having another one like it soon. Maybe he would be able to have a talk like this with another she cat.

Maybe it wouldn't be long before he would be over his fear altogether-- but he was getting ahead of himself, and he knew it. It was just encouraging that she wasn't making him as anxious as some. "Really? Because most of the she cats I've seen like the ones who are all tough, or funny, or comedians...not us little awkward guys who sit in the corner and watch the world go by. But, since you're a she cat, I'll take your word for it." He mewed, with a slight smile. He was able to hold it for a little longer this time, and it seemed more genuine. Not only because he was warming up to this cat, but because what she had said had given him confidence. His secret wish was to one day have a family, although he knew that there was very little chance of that happening. How could it? He was Martenthorn, the most awkward cat he imagined had ever been born.

So unless he could find a she cat who would accept him like that...no way. He would live and die on his own-- or perhaps with Featherspeckle, as long as she would be his friend. However long that was going to last. He had no idea. "W-well...I can't say I didn't think about backing out after a while...but I don't think I want to now." He mewed. He was more or less voicing his thoughts aloud, something he'd found himself doing recently, and something that very deeply annoyed him. Martenthorn cleared his throat and looked down at his paws, and when he looked up again, the multi-colored she cat seemed tense. Nervous. What was wrong now? Fear flooded through the tom, and he tensed up as well before he gained control over his mind.

"Featherspeckle? Is everything okay?" He asked anxiously, gazing at the she cat with worry obvious in his light hues.

Featherspeckle took a quick glance at him, nodding vigorously. ''Oh, yeah, I'm fine.'' She mustered a smile at him. She was worried, but she didn't want him to know. He wouldn't understand, she thought with a shake of her head. She took heed to what he was saying, and cleared her throat. ''Of course, most she-cats would want a brave tom to sweep them off their paws,'' She cautiously says. However, she didn't care for this. Well, at all for toms. She hardly talked to them, but the one walking next to her? She seemed to take a quick liking to him. And, perhaps would be the only tom she'd care for.
She continued, ''Most she-cats want romance, you know.'' She blushed at the sudden thought. She didn't want him to think that she was that type of she-cat, because she honestly wasn't.
Again, she cleared her throat of any awkwardness. ''All of us aren't delicate you know,'' She states, lifting her head to display her pride. ''Some of us has...battle scars, and far from delicate.'' She took a gentle lick at at her shoulder fur. ''I can assure you that this delicacy is pieced together even after you started talking to me.'' She gave a slight giggle, and added. ''But, you shouldn't be so shy to talk to other she-cats. Maybe you'd find one that'll like you more than you'd ever know.''
She lingered behind for a few moments, thinking to herself. After backing out, she caught right back up to him. She felt a rumble form from her throat. ''You seem a bit unsure of yourself. Are she-cats on your mind all the time?'' Her purr was quiet, and it surprised her- shocked her- it made her jump slightly, and she hoped he hadn't heard it. With a clear of her throat, she added, ''Besides, toms aren't the only ones with problems when it comes to talking to a she-cat,'' She says, shyly. In her prime time, she remembered when she was a kit, liking another tom kit...that was far from her mind. But, she would never forget that small little crush. ''We go through the same thing...some worse than others.'' Then she shrugged, ''Some of us don't care at all.'' I know I shouldn't. I'll die alone. At least, I hope I will.
Featherspeckle swallowed a lump in her throat, and she trotted with her head held high again. ''It's nothing wrong with having interest with comedians, tough, or funny guys,'' She gave a slight giggle, ''If I'm being real with you, the awkward-weird guys, per se, almost always somehow impress others when you least expect it. Probably, that will be you someday.'' She mused. She saw potential in the tom beside her. She wondered how come he didn't see the potential in himself. She took a glance at him, he'll make some she-cat very happy. She mused to herself. Hopefully, I'll still be around to see the little ones. She inwardly chuckled at the thought.
She, on the other hand, thought it was impossible for her to ever settle down. She did not think her mate would last long with trying to decipher her depression mode. She feared of the rejection; of the day he'd leave, and never come back. And what if they had kits? He'd take them. They would never know me.
She felt anger boiling up inside her. They don't know what I'm going through! They don't understand what I'm scared of...of what I dream about constantly. I can't let that show. I won't allow that to show. I have this potential friend next to me...talking to me. I don't know if he's enjoying my company, and even if this is a one day pass...I'm going to enjoy it and live to the fullest. Time to put on that ''happy'' mask. She inwardly curled, wanting to vomit the fakeness out.
Featherspeckle smiled nonetheless, and she told him, ''Well, I'm glad you didn't back out, Martenthorn.'' But, I'll be even more glad-pleased-if you chose to stay.

[lone]

Originally Posted by NoireRose

Featherspeckle took a quick glance at him, nodding vigorously. ''Oh, yeah, I'm fine.'' She mustered a smile at him. She was worried, but she didn't want him to know. He wouldn't understand, she thought with a shake of her head. She took heed to what he was saying, and cleared her throat. ''Of course, most she-cats would want a brave tom to sweep them off their paws,'' She cautiously says. However, she didn't care for this. Well, at all for toms. She hardly talked to them, but the one walking next to her? She seemed to take a quick liking to him. And, perhaps would be the only tom she'd care for.
She continued, ''Most she-cats want romance, you know.'' She blushed at the sudden thought. She didn't want him to think that she was that type of she-cat, because she honestly wasn't.
Again, she cleared her throat of any awkwardness. ''All of us aren't delicate you know,'' She states, lifting her head to display her pride. ''Some of us has...battle scars, and far from delicate.'' She took a gentle lick at at her shoulder fur. ''I can assure you that this delicacy is pieced together even after you started talking to me.'' She gave a slight giggle, and added. ''But, you shouldn't be so shy to talk to other she-cats. Maybe you'd find one that'll like you more than you'd ever know.''
She lingered behind for a few moments, thinking to herself. After backing out, she caught right back up to him. She felt a rumble form from her throat. ''You seem a bit unsure of yourself. Are she-cats on your mind all the time?'' Her purr was quiet, and it surprised her- shocked her- it made her jump slightly, and she hoped he hadn't heard it. With a clear of her throat, she added, ''Besides, toms aren't the only ones with problems when it comes to talking to a she-cat,'' She says, shyly. In her prime time, she remembered when she was a kit, liking another tom kit...that was far from her mind. But, she would never forget that small little crush. ''We go through the same thing...some worse than others.'' Then she shrugged, ''Some of us don't care at all.'' I know I shouldn't. I'll die alone. At least, I hope I will.
Featherspeckle swallowed a lump in her throat, and she trotted with her head held high again. ''It's nothing wrong with having interest with comedians, tough, or funny guys,'' She gave a slight giggle, ''If I'm being real with you, the awkward-weird guys, per se, almost always somehow impress others when you least expect it. Probably, that will be you someday.'' She mused. She saw potential in the tom beside her. She wondered how come he didn't see the potential in himself. She took a glance at him, he'll make some she-cat very happy. She mused to herself. Hopefully, I'll still be around to see the little ones. She inwardly chuckled at the thought.
She, on the other hand, thought it was impossible for her to ever settle down. She did not think her mate would last long with trying to decipher her depression mode. She feared of the rejection; of the day he'd leave, and never come back. And what if they had kits? He'd take them. They would never know me.
She felt anger boiling up inside her. They don't know what I'm going through! They don't understand what I'm scared of...of what I dream about constantly. I can't let that show. I won't allow that to show. I have this potential friend next to me...talking to me. I don't know if he's enjoying my company, and even if this is a one day pass...I'm going to enjoy it and live to the fullest. Time to put on that ''happy'' mask. She inwardly curled, wanting to vomit the fakeness out.
Featherspeckle smiled nonetheless, and she told him, ''Well, I'm glad you didn't back out, Martenthorn.'' But, I'll be even more glad-pleased-if you chose to stay.

Martenthorn's hues narrowed, as he thought her response had been much too hasty for someone who said they were 'fine.' But if she wanted to act that way, that was alright by him. He would just...ignore it. Move on. There was no point in pushing on something when he obviously wasn't wanted to, and besides, what she cat would want him meddling in her personal business? Perhaps some other tom that was the 'great hero' they all expected. Or the 'handsome daredevil.' Or his personal favorite, the 'cheating flirt.' For some reason, she cats seemed drawn to these types of toms, as though they were the only ones on earth. And although Featherspeckle's words had given him new hope, and the promise that something good might happen, they were also quite worrisome. How was he supposed to know the difference between a she cat that was interested in him, and a she cat that wasn't? I can't, he thought with a sigh. "I've noticed. I've seen them fawning over those big, strong, handsome toms in the Clearing. And, to be honest, I'm past the point of being jealous. Or angry. It just makes me sick, is all." The tom sighed and, had he been sitting or laying down, he would have rested his head on his paws. The thought of she cats fawning over some daredevil flirt, or a type like that, really did make him sick.

But his companion didn't strike him as a cat of that type. She seemed like someone who had at least a little more dignity then that. At least. Martenthorn cleared his throat a little, shifting his weight as though he were uncomfortable and sighing as he did so. "I could. You can't imagine how often I've tried, though. It just...always falls apart. Some flirt comes along, she sees him, and runs off to some faraway place. Then she comes back moons later with kits, and expects me to help. And I can't...I can't. I want to, but I can't." His hues seemed to get a faraway look in them and he sighed, his ears going back as he did so. He was miserable. No, he was more then miserable...he just didn't know what to do anymore. He was angry with himself, and angry with the type of she cat that would do that. "So I've, heh...sort of stopped really trying. Friends is good and everything, if I can allow myself to even get that close. I just-- I'm so sick of being the awkward tom that gets looked right past." He sighed, unsheathing his claws and digging them into the dirt. The movement made him feel slightly better and he smiled a little at the scent of the upturned earth, though he stopped after a moment. His claws were dirtier now, and he shook his front paws, each in turn, before moving onwards.

"Not always. I've got a lot of other problems, they're just...the biggest one right now." He sighed, looking down at the ground, and wondering whether or not he should tell her what was going around in his head at that moment. The well worn track of-- I want to start a family. That had been his dream for a long time, and he knew he wanted it more then anything else. It was sickening, thinking of how badly he wanted this, and how he knew he would never be able to have it. So sickening that Martenthorn wished Featherspeckle weren't here at the moment so he could unleash his frustration on some random object. Perhaps even another cat walking by, although they most likely would either not hear him or be extremely surprised by his sudden outburst. And then he would be embarrassed. Making a fool of himself once again, just like he always did. The tom shifted his weight, a sigh escaping his maw as he did so. He was tired... but he was able to keep pushing forwards, not wanting to turn around now. He was having a good time, whether the conversation was turning to a subject that he was less comfortable with or not. "Some of them. But that's not me...impressing isn't my type of thing. I don't want a she cat who expects me to impress her. I want her to like me for me, not because I've done some stupid thing to gain her love." Martenthorn's hues flashed for a moment.

It was clear that this was a touchy subject for him, though he didn't want to get too upset at Featherspeckle over it. It's not her fault. She doesn't know. She can't know. Because you aren't going to tell her. Right? He thought, the tip of his tail beginning to twitch as he did so. He listened to her final statement, and a smile came onto his maw. A real smile, a comfortable one. Just like most cats, he was warming up to the she cat the more he was around her. It would take time before he would fully be able to trust that she wouldn't hurt him, and fully be able to trust that they could be true friends. Right now he considered her one, but 'friend' was just a word. And because he wasn't one to impress...words were all he had to use. But he was going to use the words he had to the best of his ability, to try and 'impress' this potential new friend, to make her believe that he was going to stay. He wouldn't run out and leave her, unlike some cats he knew-- though he didn't want to mention names. He had never been one for pointing fingers, and especially now, when such a happy moment was going on between him and this she cat around his own age. Martenthorn went over her last words in his head, analyzing them before he responded.

"Don't worry. When I start something, I finish it; and that includes friendships."

[Brilliance]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

Martenthorn's hues narrowed, as he thought her response had been much too hasty for someone who said they were 'fine.' But if she wanted to act that way, that was alright by him. He would just...ignore it. Move on. There was no point in pushing on something when he obviously wasn't wanted to, and besides, what she cat would want him meddling in her personal business? Perhaps some other tom that was the 'great hero' they all expected. Or the 'handsome daredevil.' Or his personal favorite, the 'cheating flirt.' For some reason, she cats seemed drawn to these types of toms, as though they were the only ones on earth. And although Featherspeckle's words had given him new hope, and the promise that something good might happen, they were also quite worrisome. How was he supposed to know the difference between a she cat that was interested in him, and a she cat that wasn't? I can't, he thought with a sigh. "I've noticed. I've seen them fawning over those big, strong, handsome toms in the Clearing. And, to be honest, I'm past the point of being jealous. Or angry. It just makes me sick, is all." The tom sighed and, had he been sitting or laying down, he would have rested his head on his paws. The thought of she cats fawning over some daredevil flirt, or a type like that, really did make him sick.

But his companion didn't strike him as a cat of that type. She seemed like someone who had at least a little more dignity then that. At least. Martenthorn cleared his throat a little, shifting his weight as though he were uncomfortable and sighing as he did so. "I could. You can't imagine how often I've tried, though. It just...always falls apart. Some flirt comes along, she sees him, and runs off to some faraway place. Then she comes back moons later with kits, and expects me to help. And I can't...I can't. I want to, but I can't." His hues seemed to get a faraway look in them and he sighed, his ears going back as he did so. He was miserable. No, he was more then miserable...he just didn't know what to do anymore. He was angry with himself, and angry with the type of she cat that would do that. "So I've, heh...sort of stopped really trying. Friends is good and everything, if I can allow myself to even get that close. I just-- I'm so sick of being the awkward tom that gets looked right past." He sighed, unsheathing his claws and digging them into the dirt. The movement made him feel slightly better and he smiled a little at the scent of the upturned earth, though he stopped after a moment. His claws were dirtier now, and he shook his front paws, each in turn, before moving onwards.

"Not always. I've got a lot of other problems, they're just...the biggest one right now." He sighed, looking down at the ground, and wondering whether or not he should tell her what was going around in his head at that moment. The well worn track of-- I want to start a family. That had been his dream for a long time, and he knew he wanted it more then anything else. It was sickening, thinking of how badly he wanted this, and how he knew he would never be able to have it. So sickening that Martenthorn wished Featherspeckle weren't here at the moment so he could unleash his frustration on some random object. Perhaps even another cat walking by, although they most likely would either not hear him or be extremely surprised by his sudden outburst. And then he would be embarrassed. Making a fool of himself once again, just like he always did. The tom shifted his weight, a sigh escaping his maw as he did so. He was tired... but he was able to keep pushing forwards, not wanting to turn around now. He was having a good time, whether the conversation was turning to a subject that he was less comfortable with or not. "Some of them. But that's not me...impressing isn't my type of thing. I don't want a she cat who expects me to impress her. I want her to like me for me, not because I've done some stupid thing to gain her love." Martenthorn's hues flashed for a moment.

It was clear that this was a touchy subject for him, though he didn't want to get too upset at Featherspeckle over it. It's not her fault. She doesn't know. She can't know. Because you aren't going to tell her. Right? He thought, the tip of his tail beginning to twitch as he did so. He listened to her final statement, and a smile came onto his maw. A real smile, a comfortable one. Just like most cats, he was warming up to the she cat the more he was around her. It would take time before he would fully be able to trust that she wouldn't hurt him, and fully be able to trust that they could be true friends. Right now he considered her one, but 'friend' was just a word. And because he wasn't one to impress...words were all he had to use. But he was going to use the words he had to the best of his ability, to try and 'impress' this potential new friend, to make her believe that he was going to stay. He wouldn't run out and leave her, unlike some cats he knew-- though he didn't want to mention names. He had never been one for pointing fingers, and especially now, when such a happy moment was going on between him and this she cat around his own age. Martenthorn went over her last words in his head, analyzing them before he responded.

"Don't worry. When I start something, I finish it; and that includes friendships."

Featherspeckle allowed her ears to flatten against her head, feeling a rush of embarrassment. She apologized quickly to the tom, ''I'm sorry, I don't want you to think you have to force yourself to change because of a she-cat.'' She looked at him with the utmost sincerity displayed in her eyes. ''I'd completely agree with you. I'm never gonna impress a tom to win some scrawny affectionate.'' She trotted a bit ahead of him, hoping he wouldn't see her shameful expression. ''At least, never again.'' She muttered to herself.
When she heard his story, she wondered if there had been a she-cat in his past that he loved...that left him...that conceived kits with another, and came back, asking for his help. That sounded horrible, and she wondered if it were true...why would anyone want to do that to Martenthorn?
He's sweet! She thought eagerly in her head.
He looks as if he wants to kill you.
Why must you always crush me?
I'm just sayin' stay away from him, if you don't want to be hurt.
But, he my friend! She stated, defiantly with a small growl.
You're friend? Her inner voice chirped. Real funny.
''You should never stop.'' After gaining back control of her mind for a while, she felt pity for the young warrior. She wondered if he completely gave up on love. She had her fair share of...sad events, but that never interfered with her views based on love. ''Somethings are just not meant to be.''
And, some cats are meant to fall in love, but not meant to be together. Unless, he's that one who says he'd never leave you, never let anyone hurt you, protect you forever and always, and up and leave after that massacre! The one cat you put your heart in...your trust in...Forget about him. Move on, you piece of crowfood.
The thoughts were making her bitter, and she had to quickly keep it at bay. She glanced once at Martenthorn, a wash of warmth overtook her. She noticed he looked agitated, and she hoped it wasn't because of what she said. She feared him. She feared everyone.
She told him, ''You shouldn't focus on she-cats all the time,'' she rolled her eyes. ''They're not really worth anything. Trust me. I know insulting my own gender is not ideal, but the most you'd get out of a she-cat? You being played.'' And, she would know this. But, she refused to tell him for the time being. She didn't want to bring up that memory as it still pained her to even think about it. Then again, she wouldn't know how he would react. She only met him moments ago, and here they were...discussing relationship problems. ''I certainly can guarantee you that you will definitely be led to a she-cat that will change your life forever,'' She paused, ''For the better.'' She finished. And, she wished on a star for the same to happen to her. Meet a tom that is worth her time. She didn't want to pay much attention to it, making her believe she was being desperate. Then again, during new-leaf females were doomed with scent changes, and with that comes new kits. It haunted her, for she felt she wasn't ready enough. Looking down at her claws, she relived the blood that were once on them. The life they had punished once, and she had to hold her head up to keep from misery. Martenthorn would definitely leave me if he knew the truth. It won't be told. This clan is a new life,and every day is a new day to live and be happy.
Something you will never be.
She ignored the voice, and stared intently at the tom beside her.

[lone]

Originally Posted by NoireRose

Featherspeckle allowed her ears to flatten against her head, feeling a rush of embarrassment. She apologized quickly to the tom, ''I'm sorry, I don't want you to think you have to force yourself to change because of a she-cat.'' She looked at him with the utmost sincerity displayed in her eyes. ''I'd completely agree with you. I'm never gonna impress a tom to win some scrawny affectionate.'' She trotted a bit ahead of him, hoping he wouldn't see her shameful expression. ''At least, never again.'' She muttered to herself.
When she heard his story, she wondered if there had been a she-cat in his past that he loved...that left him...that conceived kits with another, and came back, asking for his help. That sounded horrible, and she wondered if it were true...why would anyone want to do that to Martenthorn?
He's sweet! She thought eagerly in her head.
He looks as if he wants to kill you.
Why must you always crush me?
I'm just sayin' stay away from him, if you don't want to be hurt.
But, he my friend! She stated, defiantly with a small growl.
You're friend? Her inner voice chirped. Real funny.
''You should never stop.'' After gaining back control of her mind for a while, she felt pity for the young warrior. She wondered if he completely gave up on love. She had her fair share of...sad events, but that never interfered with her views based on love. ''Somethings are just not meant to be.''
And, some cats are meant to fall in love, but not meant to be together. Unless, he's that one who says he'd never leave you, never let anyone hurt you, protect you forever and always, and up and leave after that massacre! The one cat you put your heart in...your trust in...Forget about him. Move on, you piece of crowfood.
The thoughts were making her bitter, and she had to quickly keep it at bay. She glanced once at Martenthorn, a wash of warmth overtook her. She noticed he looked agitated, and she hoped it wasn't because of what she said. She feared him. She feared everyone.
She told him, ''You shouldn't focus on she-cats all the time,'' she rolled her eyes. ''They're not really worth anything. Trust me. I know insulting my own gender is not ideal, but the most you'd get out of a she-cat? You being played.'' And, she would know this. But, she refused to tell him for the time being. She didn't want to bring up that memory as it still pained her to even think about it. Then again, she wouldn't know how he would react. She only met him moments ago, and here they were...discussing relationship problems. ''I certainly can guarantee you that you will definitely be led to a she-cat that will change your life forever,'' She paused, ''For the better.'' She finished. And, she wished on a star for the same to happen to her. Meet a tom that is worth her time. She didn't want to pay much attention to it, making her believe she was being desperate. Then again, during new-leaf females were doomed with scent changes, and with that comes new kits. It haunted her, for she felt she wasn't ready enough. Looking down at her claws, she relived the blood that were once on them. The life they had punished once, and she had to hold her head up to keep from misery. Martenthorn would definitely leave me if he knew the truth. It won't be told. This clan is a new life,and every day is a new day to live and be happy.
Something you will never be.
She ignored the voice, and stared intently at the tom beside her.

The Abyssinian's own ears tilted backwards as she spoke and he looked down at his paws once again. They were somewhat dirtier then they had been once he had come into the territory, and he wondered how there were cats who could keep their paws perfectly clean. What, did they just wash them every time they took a walk? Stop in the middle of a battle and clean their pelt, but make sure they had plenty of deep scars to show off to their loves or friends? That sort of thing really did make Martenthorn wonder if there were still decent cats left in the world, and so far the answer he had gotten was no. There was hope. Just...not quite as much of it as the young warrior would have liked to see. "Well good. Because if they won't accept you for who you are, then they aren't worth a minute of your time." He mewed more confidently. When it came to matters of the heart, it seemed Martenthorn had been through quite a bit-- and for good reason, because he had. But that didn't stop him from trying to help, especially this she cat whom he didn't wish to have to go through a horrible experience...practically hell...like he had. Had she been through something like this before? At first, the tom had doubted it, but from the expression on her features now, at his words...and from the way that her ears had gone back, he was second guessing himself.

Great. He'd done something wrong. Just when he had built up the confidence to feel as though he were doing things right, he'd struck out again. It seemed as though Martenthorn just couldn't do anything right...and maybe, just maybe, he couldn't. He was an awkward tom, after all. He wasn't supposed to be good at things, he was supposed to sit still and pretend to be a good little kitty while everyone else ran around with their loves and their friends, or their families, having the type of life that the Abyssinian coveted, and the worst part was that Featherspeckle was with them. So she had been able to find a family-- and although he was happy for the she cat, in some ways he was angry at the same time. If she could do it, then how come he was so bad at it?

He didn't have an answer for that.

"And sometimes, things aren't ever meant to be. Some cats just can't find the right one for them, and-- I'm guessing one of those cats is me." For a moment, Martenthorn looked so desperate and so miserable that he felt bad for the she cat for having to see him like that. He didn't need to be talking like that. Of course he would find someone someday, it was just a matter of patience. Just a wait, and if anything, the tom was good at waiting. He could totally do this. It wouldn't be long before he was with a she cat who cared about him for him, and he could talk to her about anything...feel secure around her...like himself, like nothing else in the world mattered...Martenthorn breathed a sigh of contentment and relief, not realizing how tense he was until he forced his muscles to relax themselves. Perfect. Now he was feeling at least ten times better. "Sorry. I guess I'll take your word for it, since you should know." He shrugged, the tip of his tail twitching back and forth as though he were aggravated while he did so. Something was bothering her, and it had been for a while now. It was killing Martenthorn that she wouldn't tell him...but once again, he was a stranger and she probably didn't trust him that much yet.

It must be some big secret.

That had to be it, right? Something important. She would trust him, she would...just not quite yet. But he had to believe that she would at least trust him a little bit. "Well, I'm hoping you're right. And I hope that you can find someone who makes you happy and makes you feel as though you're the most special, beautiful she cat in the world one day, because that's exactly who you deserve. No less." Martenthorn mewed, looking directly at her so she would have to listen to him. At least, he hoped she was having to listen to him. Otherwise he would look pretty ridiculous, trying to talk to some cat who wasn't paying any attention to him at all. And, if there was one thing that the tom didn't need, it was help looking like a complete fool.

He could do that fine on his own, thank you very much.