[Liekki]

Darkness, inky black that eats up the sun,
We cry out to you, please show us a star,
For if we see some light, we will not run,
We stay near the glow, we do not stray far.

 

Nightkit cautiously stepped out of the nursery, checking all around to make sure her mother wasn't going to call her out for staying past her strict bedtime. Through the darkness, she quickly walked through the camp until she reached a fairly secluded clearing. She liked to hide here when she felt things weren't going well for her, and the place certainly seemed to calm her nerves. While she sat there, staring at a tree, she pondered a few things.

Her mother had always wanted Nightkit to be a fierce warrior, one who would show no mercy to an opponent, but that wasn't a reality for the kit. When she was a young kit, barely able to walk out of the nursery, she had seen something that had forever scarred her. What she had seen was a murder. Specifically, the murder of her sister. While the assailant had long been gone, her sister, Ashkit, was laying there, gasping for breath. Nightkit had quickly approached her bleeding sibling, and saw that Ashkit didn't have much time left. She cried and wailed, knowing that is she had gotten her mother or medicine cat to the scene, Ashkit would be dead by the time either of them arrived. She had stood there, crying and telling her sister it would be alright, that Ashkit was going to be okay.

Ashkit's last words were: "Please, Nightkit, don't let me die. Please."

Nightkit stood over her sister's body, weeping, wishing she could have done something, anything for her dying sister. When her mother had come back, she had assumed Nightkit had killed her sister out of jealousy. The only thing Nightkit could respond with was, "Momma..." And Nightkit sobbed for days, unable to get over her sister's death. As Nightkit sat in vigil by her sister, she vowed never to kill another cat, and to never become a warrior.She had planned it all out, if her mother was going to make her become a warrior, she would run away and become a loner... she would live on her own without having to kill another cat. Her other option was to become a medicine cat, which was preferable to becoming a loner. Ever since her sister died, she had hated the fact that she couldn't do anything, couldn't administer any first-aid. Ever since then, she has tried her best to learn to use simple healing items, like cobwebs, so nothing like this would ever happen again.

Nightkit brought herself back to the present, and realized she was shaking, and tears ran down her face. She had to tell herself that she was 5 moons old now, not a newborn kit. The tears splashed onto the ground, forming a salty puddle below her. She quickly wiped them away and scolded herself for being so weak. She stood up and approached a stubby tree with plenty of bendy branches to sit in. She threw herself against the bark, digging her claws into the tree. C'mon, Nightkit. Just a little further. How can you become a loner if you can't even climb a tree? her mental voice said.

Nightkit couldn't get that voice out of her mind, and it had been there ever since her sister's death. Criticizing her, tearing her apart and eating away at her self-esteem. She tried to silence it, but it always came back in form of a biting remark making fun of her own abilities.

She continued to pull herself up, sweating on the pads of her tiny feet from the effort. She finally reached a branch with a suitable sitting area and sat herself down, curling her tail around the branch for security. What little light there was shined brightly on her grey spotted coat, though it mostly blended in with the darkness.

Sighing, and almost against her will, she looked up at the moon. She shivered uncontrollably, almost falling from the branch. Nightkit had always been afraid of the moon, how it shined brightly, sending a spotlight onto everyone in the darkness.It scrutinized her every move, and it saw everything. Her only relief was on a new moon, when the dreadful sphere sunk back into the darkness. Nightkit hated her name because she hated the night... because the moon almost always came out in the inky dark of night. Her own name reminded her of a phobia, one that affected her every night.

Nightkit's heart beat quickly in response to her fear, the fear that one day her sister would come to her from StarClan and punish her for the inability to save a dying kit.

You open up your arms, Caressing us
You say it will be fine, you hold us tight,
Giving us some light so we will not fuss,
You tell us the inky dark is alright.

 

Nightkit sat in the nursery, not wanting to go outside even though it was sunny and fairly mild. She sat indoors, not speaking because no one approached her. She stared at the frolicking kits in the den until a brown tabby leaped in front of her.

"Hey! You wanna play hide and seek?" the other kit shouted. Nightkit stared at the kit for a long time before giving an exasperated nod and picking herself up off the floor. She followed the slightly older kit outside and nodded as he quickly explained the rules, though she wasn't listening. It was her turn to find, apparently, for the other cat ran off to some unknown location and shouted for Nightkit to close her eyes. She shut her eyes, enjoying the warm sun while it was there. She despised when it turned night, because it was when the moon came out. For that reason, she almost never traveled during the night unless it was an emergency. Unless she started to think about Ashkit again...

Nightkit stood up and her eyes darted around the camp. Seriously, Nightkit. You should've found him by now, her inner voice drawled. Nightkit violently shook her head and continued walking, peeking into dens and behind rocks in hopes of finding the other kit. While she hadn't really wanted to play the game in the first place, she wasn't about to give up. She picked up speed in her search, popping her head in and out of dens and running around camp. After a long while without success, she sat down and tried to think. She sorted out the places she had looked thoroughly and the places she had just glanced over. She began again, searching in the places she had not checked very well before. Finally, she found the other kit curled up next to his mother, sleeping. She sighed and sat down, exhausted from her search.

The other cat's mother looked at Nightkit and said, "hello, Dear. I'm assuming you've met my son?" The mother laughed and said, "he came back saying that you would never find him." Nightkit stared at the sleeping kit, and smiled slightly. She had long grown out of her impatience, learning that she had to act mature for others to treat her like a full-grown cat. "So, when do you start your training?" the mother continued.

"Oh. You see, I don't really want to be a warrior. I want to be a medicine cat," Nightkit said, not revealing her backup option: running away.

"Why?" the mother asked softly. Nightkit shrugged and turned away. She was embarrassed by her story, and didn't feel comfortable giving it away.

"I like herbs, I guess," Nightkit replied quickly. She also felt that she shouldn't put her burden on others, and tried to carry her pain on her own. Sometimes it worked, but she always had that nagging voice in the back of her head. You can't do it. Who do you think you are? You're a killer, a born killer. You'd be no good as a medicine cat. Nightkit's eye twitched and she quietly walked away, hoping the mother wouldn't notice her distress.

You become bitter, you cover the moon
Pulling curtains over the stars, we fear you,
Telling us to fend for ourselves too soon,
Small children weep, we tell them you’re not true.
We make our own light, we do not cry,
But in the night, your resentment does try.
~(Woly Poly)