[graves]

Originally Posted by AbsurdJinx

Juniperpaw nodded slowly in understanding while she twisted her body, looking over the abundance of herbs before her gaze settled on one which matched the description. Reaching over, she carefully nudged the clump of tansy closer to Daypaw, successfully avoiding destroying the pile. Goldenrod is for scratches. Tansy is for coughs, but not for queens. Use catmint for queens instead. She pulled her paw back when the tansy was in reaching distance of Daypaw, waiting for the older feline to tell her what to do next.


``I - I can't tell you I understand, because I don't, but I promise I will try to. It's just - I came from a family where I was the only kit. I was given so much attention, so much love. And now, it just feels like nobody wants me around,`` Juniperpaw's ears flattened sadly, her head tilted down and staring at the ground before her. When first asked to become a medicine cat, she'd expected everyone to absolutely adore her. She had expected too much, and she was now paying the price.


She missed when Russetstar didn't know her as Juniperpaw, the medicine cat apprentice, but as Juniperkit, one of the many kits in the nursery. When the russet-colored tom didn't literally neglect her for replacing his daughter. She missed curling up against her mother's belly, and playfully tackling her father. She missed play-hunting with her brother. She missed the easier times. ``I've never felt grief before, and I honestly wish I'll never have to. I just - I don't understand. I want to make Geckoleaf happy, but it's as if she won't let me, or maybe I'm not as good as Cricketpaw? Maybe this, maybe that; there are so many maybes, and I hate it! I just want there to be a certainty - a yes this, a no that.`` Juniperpaw growled softly, frustrated with the abstract direction of life. She hated not knowing, and right now, she was in the unknown.


She didn't dislike Geckoleaf. In fact, she deeply admired her mentor. Juniperpaw was only struggling to adjust to the fact that not everything revolves around her expectations. There were so many things in this equation that she just could not understand, which resulted in, well, a misunderstanding.

Picking up the flower softly, they placed it in the correct spot. Sure, Daypaw could be seen as mean. They were seen as just that by many. They could be seen as stand offish and snappy. They could be seen as a cat who couldn't take care of themselves(they were basically skin and bones) who lacked sleep. But when it came to training, they had a rare softness. When it came to certain cats they were the same way. They listened to Juniperpaw. They couldnt relate honestly, they couldnt really understand her point of view. Daypaw didnt have a real family, Gecko were all they had. They didnt receive the same love and affection she grew up with, but Daypaw held their tongue on making a comment.

¨I want you around.¨

They said it casually, picking up another tansy and picking the leaves off of the flower for a separate use. ¨Not everyone will like you at first, Im not going to sugar coat it,¨ they mewed, mouth full of leaves as they discarded them into a pile, ¨youll learn that at times youll question yourself. Everyone does it.¨ they knew what that feeling was like the best. After the flood, they honestly considered retiring as a medicine cat. After drowning, they wanted to die for awhile. After Cricketpaw, they felt alone, and felt like they couldnt go on. But the world goes on, and they had a job to do until they died. They all did. ¨But you must go on with your training anyway, even if it feels like every cats talking behind your back. Prove them wrong.¨ they mewed. In all honesty, is it were Daypaw in her situation Daypaw would have clawed their pelts if they dared said a word about them. But thats how Daypaw worked, Juniper was different. She was not Cricketpaw.

¨Dont compare yourself to Cricketpaw, that in itself sounds stupid.¨ they mewed. Juniper was her own cats with her own thoughts, her own personality, her own everything. She was much more then simply the cat that ¨took Cricketpaws place¨. And it made Daypaw slightly irritated one would think about her differently. ¨Youll never get a yes or no answer,¨ they chuckled, though there was no humor in it, eyes going back to the herb wall. They sighed. ¨Being a medicine cat isnt easy. I used to be training to be a warrior. I was a moon away from getting my name before I had to start it all over. I dont have a mentor in Shadowclan, I have next to no one,¨ they looked towards Juniperpaw. Daypaw was anything but mentally stable, but they separated grief from their interactions with other cats. ¨It sucks you feel alone, it really does. Give Geckoleaf time and Im sure shell come around. Ill talk to her myself.¨ they were rather blunt with their words, and they wouldnt hesitate to talk to their mother about something if it was bothering them, even if it could possibly hurt her feelings.

¨Ill be here for you. Youre nothing like my Cricketpaw, but thats okay. Some cats just need to learn that.¨