[graves]

Originally Posted by Clover

A smile made the edges of her lips quiver upwards, though she resisted the urge and saved her energy for speaking.

"I... had... help..."she said in response, every words labored, each inhale becoming harder. Her sides shook and spasmed slightly as she tried to breathe. But her eyes were locked on her child; she didn't want to let go. She remembered life before them. No purpose without Cricketpaw to look after. Only herbs and healing, without emotion behind it. But Daydream had changed that. They'd changed everything.

"I left... shouldn't have left... I missed you, Daydream..."she whispered, quietly, nestling her nose into their fur. Geckoleaf didn't know what to say; she could only leave a few words and actions with her child.

She knew it would cost her time, but she pulled her head up, laboriously, every muscle straining against her, and began to, very slowly, groom Daydream's fur. Every since she'd curled around Day in her nest in RiverClan, after the flood, she'd been grooming them, cleaning them, always trying to make sure that her young one looked their best. It had always been like a ritual between them.

Her tongue rasped over the fur a few times, and then she let her head rest their, absorbing the warmth of the enby's body. A few words floated to her from the past, and they seemed to fit.

"Daydream... Sweet one... I'm here. I'll be alright... Don't you worry; everthing will turn out... turn out fine. These injuries... They won't hamper me for much longer. I promise on every star in the sky that my pain... You take my pain away." She'd said these words before, but the ending hadn't been her's, but the close to someone else's story.

"It's not so bad.... These are... Shallow cuts. Can't you see that? A poultice of lily petals and rose blossoms are all you need to heal me, my little one. Chamomile and poppy to sleep.... In the morning, we'll be alright." What she didn't say was that those were herbs ceremonially used in burials; but Daydream would know.

(post i got the words from. you'll understand; http://warriorcatsonline.com/forums/...postcount=1655)

Daydream choked on another sob. how was she so comfortable with this? with dying? didnt she have anything else to live for? for them? but they knew deep down she physically couldnt live. she couldnt. she was dying minute by minute, more and more time was being wasted and they werent doing anything. she had done so much for them, yet they couldnt find it in them to accept this death. they had seen countless cats die, hell, they had watched cats die at the cost of their own claws. but this was different. this was their mother.

It felt every time they let in a gulp of air their wind pipe vibrated, still full of water. Daypaw couldnt describe it, it was the weirdest feeling in the entire time they were alive. It was the same kind of peacefulness they felt went in the dark water. the same feeling that they belong. Suddenly, their lungs contracted, heaving forward and vomiting every last bit of water they had in their lungs. No food had come up. They hadnt eaten. Lying there, they thought they were going to die. They thought the last thing they were see was the image of the cold, dry Riverclan floor because they were too late for themselves. But their body felt like it was glowing, pain starting to eb away as quickly as it came, they couldnt explain it. They thought they were simply going numb but it didnt have that same bitter cold feeling. It felt warm. Once dragged to Cricketpaws nest they could smell her familiar old scent still on the moss. They could feel Geckoleafs soothing words hum in their ears. They tried to sit up, eyes set on the door,"M-my patients I-" but they fell against the nest with another huff. Their mind was swirling. They could still hear the screams of cats who couldnt make it. They could still hear the boom of the thunder above them and how it rattled under their paws, shaking the ground and their chest. They could remember the lightning, how it flashed infront of their eyes like white fire. They could remember the water again. It was so loud, clashing against the hill. The small as Daypaw hit it and the coolness around their body. Daypaw cried. They hadnt cried in so long, they couldnt remember when they let it all out. It seemed to all build up in their head. The nightmares. The lack of sleep. The exhaustion. The hate they received for their gender. The lack of eating. The weakness in their body. No parents. No support. No mentor. No shoulder to cry on. Their father dying. Their mother not there. No loved ones who understood. No Cricketpaw. Cricketpaw. Cricketpaw. Daypaw wished they died. they wouldnt feel like this anymore. They sobbed, letting tears streak down their cheeks and onto the ground. Their lungs heaved, still sensitive. Everytime Daypaw caught their breath they let out another sob. Its as if this was all pent up for years and years coming. "I w-wanted t-to die Ge-cko," their voice cracked, followed along by another sob. They could barely catch their breath between sobs.They had the chance. They let go. They were saved. they were so close. so close.

they could remember being on the brink of death and being brought back. they could remember not wanting to live anymore. they wanted to through it all away, but geckoleaf had changed that. they had made their life so much bright, so much happier. and then she left. but they were never angry. they understood. they understood the emotional toll and why someone would leave during battle. they understood a persons mind set. and she was here now, this time it was her gasping for breath, trying to let go. daydream wouldnt let her, they couldnt. she didnt let them go, how could they let her? to let her die in vein? she could have a life to live. she could be a true mother, a warrior. daydream would drop everything to be with her. they would leave their clan, their home, their den, their rank if it meant they could wake up in the same clan as geckoleaf everyday. they took in a shaky breath.

"I want you alright. I want you to live for me. I want to wake up and see you everyday. you are the only cat ive ever truly known, the only cat ive cared to know. youre my mother, my everything, and the least i can do is give you the strength to live, as you did me once." their voice was still shaky and they tilted their head comfortable as geckoleaf groomed it. it felt so familiar. it hurt that this would be the last time. they wanted to scream into the sky and cry, but they remained some what composed.

this was it.