[lone]

Asterflame smiled, tilting her head back slightly in a somewhat kit-like manner as she laughed at the tom's joke. "An award would be a welcome surprise," She purred as her tail twitched back and forth in a friendly manner, a smile still present on her features. But, she knew it was doubtful she would get an award. Perhaps she should give her mate a sweeter comment, one that would more or less reassure him of her committment and love. The problem was, she didn't feel like she belonged in a relationship. She was too young to throw her life away - yet here she was. Throwing it all away for nothing, for her word. She felt horrible, but it was all she had! Asterflame had never been the strongest, or the prettiest, or the best. She had only been the smartest, the most honorable. And her intelligence was fixed to her word, as was her honor.

If she threw that away she would really have nothing left. The she cat didn't want to be one of those cats who ended up without anything. Who ended up as someone who had thrown their life away over... over what? Over some sort of romantic drama? However, she didn't really have another choice. At least, she didn't feel like she did. She didn't have the option of throwing away her word, not in her own mind, and Bluespark was still attached to her. But did he really need her? Asterflame was too afraid to bring this up, and now she was attached to another word - the word of being mates. They were mates, and so she couldn't very well break her agreement now. Oh, if only she'd figured this out ahead of time! She was frustrated with herself and, more accurately, frustrated with the way that she had recently been acting. How stupid could she have been to think that she could somehow, some way, be happy with this. Be happy when she was trapped here. And yet still, she played the part of a loving mate as best she could. And she was pretty convincing when she wanted to be; she'd played a part for Alabastersnow's brokenhearted victims, and what was Bluespark if he wasn't one of those?

As far as she was aware, he had had his heart broken by Alabastersnow when they were apprentices, and she had had to act with him before. "Although I guess when it comes down to it, you're really all I need, Bluespark." Disgusting. I could choke on my own words. She thought, feeling partly sick to her stomach. She wasn't used to acting like this... there was acting, and then there was acting and beyond. Bluespark was not all she needed. She needed freedom, to feel like she wasn't being suffocated by love. She needed to feel like she wasn't living a lie, like her life had some type of new meaning to it, like she was young and ready to fight again. Those thoughts disappeared when he spoke to her again, and she looked at him with a nod. "I didn't think they'd ever be gone. I'm glad, though - as long as they're gone, we have this territory. Think of what we could do there! More territory to hunt in, more space... isn't that amazing?" The young warrior asked, her eyes bright with the new light of imagination in them.

She could already see SkyClan thriving there. Grousestar would probably help the other Clans if they needed it, even though they were seperated from them... she knew their leader was strong and good. Azulheart'd make a good deputy, she found herself thinking. The thought of her best friend - former best friend? - sent a shock of pain through her. He would make a good deputy. A good leader one day. And then Alabastersnow could do nothing to hurt him, and neither could Bluespark. Maybe Asterflame wouldn't feel nervous about going to him to ask when she needed something. Because right now, it made her pretty scared when she thought about it. It was frightening, worrying about everything that could potentially go wrong. What about something went wrong?

What if Grousestar or Auroraflame didn't believe her? No - it was better to keep quiet, and know that her friend was strong enough to handle what Alabastersnow had done. Now that they were mates, and Asterflame had backed off, she would stop. And Bluespark would have no reason to hurt his friend either. "Um... if you don't mind, can I ask you why you... don't seem to care for Azulheart?" She felt like she knew the answer to this already. But she wanted him to tell her again, and she wanted the whole truth. It couldn't just be her. Wasn't that what he had said before, he was jealous because of her? But that wasn't the whole truth. And the whole truth was what Asterflame wanted right now.


@Constellation