A failure in a long line of failures eventually just became another notch in the belt but the starclan issue stung in a particular way. Snakepaw never believed in the afterlife and their dead ancestors looking over them and judging? Was even more impossible. So while he'd approached the starcave and medicine cats relationship with starclan with his mind already set on a mass delusion or a cruel trick that everyone buyed into he was still disappointed when the ritual had ended in a uncomfortable nap in a cave with nary a dream in sight. His mother believed in starclan so much he knew and it brought her peace (it brought many cats peace) but if he a medicine cats apprentice couldnt make contact it had to be a lie....
Whatever. It was just whatever. And the growing distance between the young tom and everyone in the clan? That was whatever too. He had work to do it was for the good of riverclan what did it matter that he was being left behind in a dank den full of dying cats he was ~important~.
So he slept a lot. He napped he dozed he drifted off into dream (and they were only ever just dreams) waiting for the next patient he could fail wandered into his den. At least his dreams were generally coherent reasonable and lucid, it meant he might actually have a friend in whatever imaginary cats his mind conjured.
@
spade