[Fawn]

Originally Posted by starfall

The leader was a sitting duck, easy to snuff out, easy to get rid of. He smelled nothing but the stench of his own self regret and fear, it swamped his senses and drowned out everything else. The stench stuck to him, it was plaguing his very blood cells, and no matter how hard he scrubbed, no matter how hard he scratched at it, it never went away. His fluffy tail coiled around his body, trying to make himself into an even smaller ball, but it was almost like his own tail was choking him. He was sinking, he had been slowly sinking for moons, and no one was there to save him, bring him back to land. It hurt. The ebony feline flinched and sharply inhaled at the sudden voice, swinging his head around, eyes wide. It was soft, the softest voice he had heard in a moon, his life had been filled with nothing but shouting, screaming, crying. Than here he came, a soft voice that was illuminated by the sun that broke through the fronds that were draped over his den. He had always been like that, bright, he envied the tom from the shadows, from the depths of the Ocean. The burly tom took a second to let his fur flatten, licking his chest vigorously, hoping that maybe he'd also get rid of the stench in the air. "Cedarsprint." the words just fell out of his mouth, rolled off his tongue with ease. It was almost like a silent plea. He didn't look up, lapis hues burnt a hole in the den floor. He could smell it, the guilt, it made his blood boil, made him want to scream. He held his tongue and bit the inside of his cheek. Why? Because he knew that the tom wasn't wrong, that he was indeed, broken. He didn't want his friend to see him like this, the only tom who held even a sliver of his trust.

He knew what the warrior came in here for, and it made his stomach churn. Cedarsprint was the only one left, his parents are dead, his siblings rarely spoke with him, and his deputy his mourning the disappearance of Tumblestep and her dead kit. He was alone again. Yet, here was his childhood friend, throwing his well-being and safety away to go...research. It made him angry, made him want to lash out, made him want to tell the other that "You don't have to do it by yourself. Trust me every once in a while!" but he knew that they were just empty words coming from a hollow husk where a spirit once called home. He lifted his head slightly and looked up at the brown feline, lapis hues flickered beneath his lashes, the only light that had made itsef known in moons. "If you know, why are you still going?" he asked, his voice hoarse, as if something had been scratching at the walls of his throat. Maybe it was just the acid of the words he continuously swallowed down, or maybe it was the searing hatred that he screeched whenever he managed to choke up the words, the wrong words, but words nonetheless. "There's no point...we'll just deal with him when the time comes." he added seconds after. He wanted to say more, call him an idiot, tell him to cut it out, but before anymore words could come pouring from his mouth, he heard it, that twinging sound of regret that hung from the toms sentence. It made the ebony tom almost heave over, his stomach churning and twisting. He could deal with it, the pain of regret, the hatred, but he couldn't bear it if his former closest friend was going through the pain.

Fallenstar opened his maw, taking a few seconds to think about what to say, but he immediately closed it as the warrior spoke up. What he heard next sent a violent shiver down his spine and made him want to throw up. 'Cedar met with the first evil era leader. That's practically poking death with a stick.' He felt is fur fluff up and his claws dug into the nest messily planted beneath him. He didn't like this feeling, what was it? He had experienced it once before, but the face, the memory, it was blurry, her face was covered by a dark cloud. Panic. It clicked and he swung his head up to look at his companion, brows knit together, body language tense, fear flickered across his face. Cedarsprint was the last, thin thread of hope he had left to grasp onto, his saving grace. He sat there, rooted to the den floor, his eyes following the treading of the multi-colored warrior, unable to cough up a single thing. It scarred him, the early evil leader able to contact one of his clanmates, his childhood friend? The thought of it shook the burly feline to his core. The leader knew that the pair had grown distant, and honestly, he blamed himself, it was his fault, he pushed the other away, he tried to cut ties. He couldn't say anything, he didn't have the right to. He could feel the iron tickle his tongue, he was biting his cheek too hard. The leader leaned back as the warrior stopped his pacing and stood directly before him, making the toms fur fluff up. He was being weighted down by it, the sheer awkwardness that this meeting held, it hung over their heads like a tempest and refused to disappear. He hated it, that he couldn't say a single thing to ward it off, that all he could do was sit there like some scared kit and listen as his friend was talking of his findings in the Dark Forest. The next bit of information that was thrown up in the thick atmosphere, however, terrified the ebony tom. 'There's more than one of them?' That thought shook him to the core, it made him stand up and scrape his claws against the stone beneath them.

"What." it was practically inaudible, barely even a whisper. More chaos, more blood, more fighting than the clans had already been facing? What did they do to deserve this? His walls crumbled, and soon enough, so was he. Fallenstar shakily sat himself down and coiled his tail around himself once more. Maybe it was a comfort thing, for such a large tom to want to be so small when worried, scared. His strength, which had so many cracks in it, so many weak spots, was now nothing more than dust in the wind. His fake toughness, straight face, seriousness, it was all chucked off a cliff, left to sink to the bottom of the ocean. It must've been because the silent, soft sense of peacefulness that floated just below the sheer awkwardness, not that this was a peaceful topic they were speaking of. He couldn't explain it, everything that he spent moons building up seemed to crumble with the falling of a leaf whenever Cedarsprint was near, no matter how hard he tried. His gaze was locked onto the stone floor below, ears flat against his skull, body tense, claws scraping, clinging to anything they could. Yet, even though he was clearly worried, clearly...angry, he couldn't say a single thing, not a single coo, scream, cry, statement, shout, none of it, they choked him, refused to let themselves be known. It took a large amount of sheer force to barf out what was about to come out of his mouth, "The second your life is in danger, get out and never go back." it was more of a silent plea than a command, more of a hope than an order. It was laced with fear, but it wasn't purely fear for himself, or his clan, no, though he was terrified for them, it was also fear for Cedarsprint's safety. He didn't care if the tom had eternal life, that didn't mean getting clawed at didn't hurt.

Regardless of how long Cedarsprint remained within Fallenstar's presence, the feeling of witnessing a private moment never faded, and he wondered if he should be here. It was tempting to simply leave and come back another time, but he had a sinking feeling nothing would change even if he were to try tomorrow. Had he really been gone for so long? RiverClan wasn't in disarray, but its leader seemed to be a husk of his former self. Out of respect and a slight twinge of pity, he didn't think he should stay long. Fallenstar could then get back to doing... whatever he was up to before he had rudely barged into his life only to share bad news. Good one, Cedarsprint, his intrusive thoughts nagged at him. It wasn't as if he could make it any better either, but perhaps he could use an outing. Cedarsprint was never content being tied to one place or location for long, perhaps his distant friend was the same way.

It was a relief and another weight on his shoulders when Fallenstar finally looked at him. Cedarsprint had been beginning to think he wasn't going to even be worthy of eye contact, but now he almost thought his wish had been a poor choice; Fallenstar's eyes only spoke of misery and loneliness and he didn't know what to do, didn't even know if he was interpreting the other's emotions correctly. It was self-indulgent to rely on how he wasn't skilled at reading moods or emotions, when he knew his childhood companion like the back of his paw. It was selfish to pretend he was unaware, therefore shedding guilt from his back. "At times, I wish I could, but you see-- it's.." a sigh as he attempted to articulate his mess of thoughts, "not that simple. I don't have control over it, I don't think I ever did. It's the Dark Forest that can summon a cat via dreams, not the other way around." He was essentially trapped for as long as Eternalstar desired their meetings, and he shuddered to think of what might happen if he expressed disinterest in continuing their visits and training. He was afraid Eternalstar would shred his very soul apart.

Alarm coursed through him at that, and he gave Fallenstar a narrowed-eyed gaze of contemplation. He finally settled on a shake of his head, and resumed pacing. "I don't understand. This is precisely the sort of thing we should be actively trying to prevent, not let happen to us. There's still time to act." The reddish brown tom pressed. "We could stop it--whatever that might be--before it happens, save everyone from suffering." Maybe he was too much of a go-getter, too eager to embark upon wild quests, obsessed with the idea of changing fate for the better. Fallenstar's fearful reaction only elicited a mildly panicked concern from Cedarsprint, who desperately worked to try to figure out what he'd said that caused this level of reaction -- certainly, this wasn't light news, but he hadn't meant for this to happen. Not that there was anything he could do about it now, taking back the words wasn't an option. He was oblivious to the regretful thoughts plaguing Fallenstar, but he didn't blame him for their growing distant; if anything, he figured it was his fault for being absent most of the time when he should've been there.

He could see Fallenstar's resolve crumble and felt his own go with it, but he refused to completely break down when he was here on business. Even if front of Fallenstar, it seemed like a recipe for disaster to basically show he couldn't handle this sort of responsibility or situation. "I ought to warn you," there was an unwillingness in the tone, as if he didn't want to say this. "As the leader of RiverClan, I believe Eternalstar will want to speak with you. Just be ready, if it happens. You'll do fine, he won't gain anything from it if you're stubborn with him-- that shouldn't be a problem for you." The last part was said a bit jokingly, a hint of playfulness in his voice, but equally matched by distress that he tried to keep hidden.

Clearing his throat, Cedarsprint fell into his thoughts. "But right now, we shouldn't sit around and wait for him to concoct a plan that allows him to reign over the Clans again. We can be one step ahead this time, and I think speaking to StarClan may give us the advantage over him." Guidance from their ancestors wasn't a complete solution, but they would at least know what the next steps would be if there was another Evil Era on the horizon. He wanted to be gentle with Fallenstar-- he looked so broken and small, but that simply wouldn't do. He returned to his earlier idea, hoping an outing would be good for him.. even a morbid one. "Will you go to the Starcave? I'll happily accompany you, if you'd like." Usually, it was the medicine cat that would go with the leader on journeys to speak with StarClan, and Cedarsprint recognized this. "I trust your judgment if you'd prefer to bring Heatherfur, but she's rather new to the Clan and.. ah, this is rather sensitive information." He wasn't sure he wanted to cause widespread terror by explaining what was happening to the medicine cat. In reality, he didn't fully trust her yet since she was from WindClan and had been recently summoned to take a healing role within RiverClan.