[lone]

Originally Posted by PeaFlower

Cedarflower had recoiled slightly at Caliapaw's words, tears now falling freely on the she-cat's face, her body trembling and her claws digging into the ground, as she tried to suppress her sobs.
She was thankful that Caliapaw didn't hold back, it was painful, yes, but less than being led on to a possible spark of hope, however small it could be, and then let down a few moments after.

She barely registered what Caliapaw was doing with her daughter, too busy trying to calm herself down, and failing at it. Her little kitten was going to die, there was nothing she could do about it. She didn't have any kind of knowlegde in that field, she was useless. A useless mother. That's what she was. Where did she go wrong ? What pushed her daughter to put her life at risk ?
Now isn't the time to blame yourself. Cedarflower managed to think. You shouldn't be breaking down crying, you should be strong.

She looked up just as Caliapaw went closer to her. At her suggestion, the she-cat slowly nodded."If ... "She suppressed yet another sob. "If this will make her death come faster ... and if she doesn't die before you do ...then, please do." The mother meowed, her voice trembling. "I can't imagine how much pain she's in. I'd rather have her die now than suffer any longer." She started weeping again, but did her best not to show it, trying to distance herself from everything and everyone around her.
She could feel Caliapaw's distress. She knew what had happened to Wheatfur, like everyone else in the Clan, and even though she didn't know her well, or at all, she was still willing to spare her any more stress.
"It's not your fault ..." She muttered for both herself and Caliapaw. "It's not your ... fault ..." She kept on saying those words over and over, her gaze fixed on everything and nothing. She was feeling lost and helpless, and she hated that feeling.



Cedarflower's incessant muttering came to an abrupt stop when she heard Ivypaw speak. The tears came back full force at her daughter's words, and she panicked at the sight of the blood coming out of Ivypaw's mouth, getting closer to the apprentice's body.

She watched as her daughter's breathing started to slow down, not daring to touch her should she still be able to feel pain. "You'll be okay ... you'll be alright, my little kitten ... everything will be fine ..." She whispered as she kept on weeping, closing her eyes as the sight was too much for the mother to bear.

Then she heard her daughter take her final breath, and she couldn't take it anymore. She collapsed on the floor as sobs wracked through her body, forgetting any kind of manners she had learned to display and keep throughout her life. That was it. Ivypaw was gone. Her kitten was no more. She had left and gone to Starclan.

The blonde and white cat knew that the other cat was dead at this point. She had been a medicine cat for less then half a moon, and already she had lost a patient. Her heart sank, and she lowered her head. Caliapaw was furious with herself, and her confidence level dropped again. Wheatfur had made the wrong choice. She couldn't do this, she just couldn't! Swallowing hard, and feeling quite uncomfortable, Caliapaw did her best to comfort the distraught Cedarflower. Her best while remaining professional, that was. The last thing she wanted was for a stranger to see how unconfident she was in her own abilities. That would surely raise some concerns, wouldn't it?

"I can tell her mentor and the rest of her family about Ivypaw if it's too hard for you. Or you can, it's up to you. You can go ahead and take the - the body, too." Caliapaw was not the best in this type of situation. As it was clearly seen by the discomfort on her features and the worry that was showing in her eyes. She knew she wasn't handling this in a way that a medicine cat should. She knew that Wheatfur would have done better. But what did you say to someone whose daughter had just died? All she knew to say was "I'm sorry for your loss" and somehow, that didn't quite seem like something to say at this moment. Tears of frustration were beginning to well up in her eyes and she roughly turned away so that Cedarflower wouldn't see them. A medicine cat who couldn't save someone wasn't much use, now were they?

You made a mistake, Wheatfur. I screwed up today. I couldn't save someone who didn't deserve to die, and I screwed up, and I just KNOW I made a mistake somewhere along the line... why did you choose me? But deeper, even more nagging, was the question that was coming from within her - Why did I say yes? Caliapaw knew that she wanted to do this. She could feel it when she had told Chameleonvine she was free to go. When Wheatfur had first begun training her, and she had learned some of the different types of herbs. When she looked back at Cedarflower, she forced a sympathetic expression.

It made her sick to her stomach. Putting on a good face had never been easy for her, and she wasn't any more comfortable with it right now. Soon everybody would be gone, except for Foxpaw who was going to be staying there, and Caliapaw could go on out to the territory for a nice long walk. One that she felt was well deserved at the moment.

(and we can end this here, or you can make one more post - it's up to you.)