[ameko]

adelmo could feel nothing but the wind tearing past him, claws spraying dirt in his wake. tears blurred his vision, yet no matter how many times he blinked them away, they always came back full-force.

there was nothing left for him. life had made that crystal clear, after forcing him away from cosima, one of his closest friends, his cousin.

the trees shivered and the leaves danced in the air as the black tom ran, tail streaming out behind him. he was a disaster. not only had he lost everyone dear to him, he was wreaking even more havoc by scaring away what little prey was left in this otherwise untouched, serene territory. his stomach growled at the thought of that lost food. it had been a day (or more?) since his last meal.

adelmo's breath came out in pants, body crying out for a break from this relentless exercise. he hadn't gotten any proper activity in a long while.

fortunately, he got what he wanted; paws skidded against the ground and claws screeched against stone as he forced himself to a halt. he was just mouselengths away from a ravine! he breathed a sigh of--was it relief? or... something else?--and raised his head, looking around the small clearing he had come upon with an emotionless gaze.

there was no glint in his eyes, no spark of inspiration, no yearning for an adventure. there was nothing left behind those yellow eyes of his. just--dullness. "such a mess," he growled. "i am such a mess." self-pity was, unfortunately, something he took to often.

he was supposed to be the independent one, the one who could take care of himself, the one who took care of cosima.

adelmo felt the tears returning, pricking his eyes. stop, please stop, the tom thought, trying to speak but unable to force anything legible out. i'm supposed to be strong. he sank to the ground, wrapping his tail around his body. sobs wracked his body. not now. he gasped for air, letting out a shuddering sigh.

and for the first time in moons, adelmo allowed himself to grieve.