[Gone]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

"Hi, Buzzardstride." Her voice was gentle and soft, worried and cautious as she spoke. After being through a lot these past few moons, she wasn't sure how much more mental strain she could handle. After all, she was nearly 11 moons old. In another two moons, she would be a warrior... hopefully. She didn't know the brown warrior very well, just that he wasn't too much older then her, and for another thing... he was very supportive. Or at least he was being supportive at the moment. His question caught her off guard-- the gentleness he had been using, gently grooming her fur, almost reminded her of her friend. Almost, but not quite, and she shook the thought away.
　
That had been one awkward encounter. "No, there's... there's nothing I want to talk about, I'm-- I'm fine." This was a lie. She wasn't fine, and even just by looking at her you could tell. In an attempt to prove her point, she sat up straighter and put a smile on her face, though it was wavering and unsteady. Not the best of smiles, to be honest. But, she was hoping it would be enough to convince Buzzardstride, even as she moved away. She didn't want to talk about the cat she had killed. He had been young! Her age! What if it had been her, instead? What if she were the one cats were mourning for?
　
She would never forget the terror she had felt, perhaps even more then the tom's, as she had delivered the killing blow. And it hadn't been aimed to kill. She was a murderer, now. He would have run away eventually, and she would have saved a life. True; the Dusk Syndicate was an awful place, a horrible place, and she wasn't sure why she felt bad for killing one of their members. It meant less trouble for SkyClan. Maybe, had they been an old and more feeble cat, she wouldn't have felt as bad. They had lived their life. But the tom? He had had so much more to give. Buzzardstride's next comment sent chills down her spine. He knew? He knew. He knew. She was never going to be able to show her face again.
　
But... he was telling her he was for her. Why? What? Confused, the she cat glanced up at him, her hues showing the confliction and fear that she was feeling currently. "What do you do to get rid of the awful, horrible feeling that you have?" She asked in a low voice. No, she didn't want to talk about it but yes, she wanted to get rid of it. And if she and Buzzardstride were talking about the same thing, then Asterpaw would be all too glad to share her feelings if it meant she would be able to get rid of her guilt. It was killing her from the inside. Ripping away at her feelings, her emotions, until there was nothing left but fear and guilt and worry.

[/FONT][/SIZE][/CENTER]

Buzzardstride wasn't a fool, he saw her forced smile and gave her a serious look. "Look, you wouldn't even fool StarClan with this look on your face, this faltering smile, meh, I've seen some better acting around here." He teased and placed a paw onto her cheek to show that he didn't try to make her mad, a smile forming on his maw as he was asked the question, but he saw her worried look and pulled her closer to him, sharing a tad of body heat to show that he was there. "We can't forever get rid of it, Asterpaw, you need to tell yourself that you did the right thing, it might not have been justified, nor right to do it, but you did it for your clan and your own life, who knows, that cat might've been the one living with these remorse today, we need to endure what life throws at us." The tom said softly, he leaned down and started licking the top of the she-cat's head comfortingly.

"You see, if you on telling yourself that you did wrong in all of this, it sure won't help, you could've been that cat and... Honestly, I hate losing members of the clan, apprentices the most because they had not yet gotten the chance to live the life of a warrior, I want you to understand that... We all make mistakes, I've done mistakes too, and, just telling myself that I'm lucky enough to be alive today is enough to make me feel a lot better... And, there's also the fact that, people care about you, you aren't a murderer or anything and you need to understand that." The warrior added in his ever so soft tone as he met the small she-cat's gaze.