[meraki]

name: valerianpaw
role wanted: kit
gender: female
appearance: bop
personality: valerian is very friendly and relatively open. she is a good friend and loves to talk and help others, but is not very good at standing up for herself. she has trouble speaking her mind at times, and does have bad anxiety issues. she's rather selfless and cares about others over herself, and will panic if a friend does something dangerous. she is usually very chill, but if you annoy her too much, she may snap.
of course, being not very good at speaking her mind or standing up for herself, it's not too scary when she does snap. valerian is rather sensitive at times and tends to overthink things. she worries more than necessary, and constantly wonders what others think of her. she is highly self conscious and not very good at being herself, and tends to try and act like someone she isn't in order to either gain popularity or a new friend.
rp sample:
It was a relief. It really was. With a mind like hers, it wasn't difficult to get stuck in your head, with dark thoughts sticky like cobwebs it was easy to get caught in her own dark spiderweb of thoughts. And sometimes, when she'd get stuck for too long, the dark, evil spider loomed over, it's evil spindly limbs threatening with blood-soaked dagger-like fangs. Sometimes, if she got too stuck, the spider would begin to feast and drain her brain of good thoughts, flipping and twisting and distorting them into cruel, twisted forms of their own. But Cariboupaw, ever good with timing, always managed to free her from the dark web of thoughts before the spider could drain out his own bit of light that still shown, and just looking at him would remind her that there really was still some good in this world. She knew in her heart that he'd be the one to help her slay the evil beast of dark thoughts that resided in her own twisted brain, and she had no doubts of his loyalty. He was always there for her. She knew that. And she was always there for him, and Lightningpaw hoped he knew that.

She looked over at him, thinking deeply; but not too deeply, of course. She liked how he made her think of things that wouldn't get her hooked into her deeper thoughts, and how he distracted her from thinking anything besides what they'd do that day. It was helpful, and she loved that he wanted to help. Worrying about smaller, more petty things always made her feel good, and if she ever got too nervous about something simple, she reminded herself of how she felt when she worried about something not so easy to comprehend. Oddly enough, this helped. A lot, actually. And even though Caribaoupaw hadn't exactly told her to do this himself, it seemed like he was implying it, whether he meant to or not.

Lightningpaw got a lot of ideas from things that she thought he was trying to get her to do or try. And more than half the time, he probably hadn't even been thinking of that. But it worked, and Lightningpaw was glad for that. But other times, when her thoughts got too deep; to the point where she wondered if there was even a point to trying to escape, she thought rather- peacefully. Not in a way that someone would think in her situation. While some would be angry, or maybe very sad, Lightningpaw felt numb- and maybe a little-peaceful. Knowing that she wouldn't have to live like that forever made her almost happy. That eventually, one way or another, she'd be in StarClan, with no worries, no depressing thoughts, no troubles or anything. Just peace. While these were good thoughts in a sense, it scared Lightningpaw. It scared her that she could be so calm when thinking about death. It really did, and she wished she was scared of death; like everyone else. But no one would or could think of her s being weird for thinking likme this, simply because no one knew. No one. Not even Cariboupaw knew of her thoughts on death. And no matter how much she trusted him, she didn't want to worry him. She'd hide this forever, until death awaited her. She'd be at peace. But not quite happy.

Lightningpaw wouldn't be happy until she was with Cariboupaw again. There was a part of her that made her feel selfish to think that, and she hated to feel selfish. Lightningpaw sighed slowly, before realizing that Cariboupaw would be confused to see her sigh. She looked over at him, thinking back to what they'd do that day. "Hm, well I'd love to catch up- I've missed you, if that's not odd, because we see eachother almost every day. I just wish I had more free time to hang out with you, y'know? Being an apprentice isn't as great as I'd hoped it to be." Lightningpaw said, hoping to infer that the reason she didn't like being an apprentice was because of the hard work, rather than her depression. "But hey, if it means we get to be warriors, it'll be worth it." Lightningpaw added. AT Cariboupaw's second question, she thought for a moment. "Well, I really want to have an apprentice of my own. I want to be able to help teach the next era of cats to the best of my ability. I guess it's one way to help out the clan, you know? I also can't wait to be taken seriously," Lightningpaw added as a half-hearted joke, knowing that most warriors only thought of apprentices as kits with an attitude. She couldn't wait to catch up with her friend, she'd missed him, and she didn't like the feeling of missing someone.

Like Cariboupaw, Lightning often thought of the sky. How open it was, how it changed, sometimes beautiful, clear, and sunny, sometimes dark, gloomy, and grey, it amazed her. But what was even more amazing to her was the stars; how even in the dark, dead of night, they still managed to shine down upon them, with the full brilliance that they'd shown the first clan cats there was. She loved how she could depend on the stars, how she knew they'd always be there, even if they did move around throughout the moons. The sky was beautiful, open, free, and dependable. She wished to be a bird, to fly endlessly in the bright blue, the grey, and the dark. Lightningpaw wanted to fly. Fly far, far away, to forget, and to be free. But then, she'd remember Cariboupaw.

She'd remember how he was always there for her, and it was all she could do to return the favor. He'd never leave her, and she'd never leave him; that's how it always had been, and how it would forever be, no matter what obstacle stood in their path. She'd do anything for him. she'd step in front of a twoleg monster, she'd swim across the ocean, she'd fly for him. There was absolutely nothing she wouldn't do for him, and Lightningpaw hoped dearly that he knew that, and no matter what; she silently wished to prove it to him. Even though he had no reason to not trust her, she still wanted to prove her loyalty, and she'd always want too.

Even thought she couldn't be sure, she knew, deep down, that it would one day kill her.
other/questions: none c;