[alec]

( @Rose )
so minkpaw sat and waited. hours had passed and she was starting to get cold, a stiff ache in her forelegs causing her to briefly shuffle before returning to sit motionless apart from brief glances around from time to time. in a way this was more pleasant than shivering whilst trying to sleep, the cold kept her alert and so when the sound of paws hitting the ground made its way to her ears she turned towards the other feline. minkpaw had a lot of time to think about what she would do when a cat would finally come around, especially on how she would aim to impress dawnstar but when she found herself face to face with shadowclans medicine cat she came up blank. somehow they had let their mind spin a string of thoughts around dawnstar or any other large warriors with a short fuses, she mightve seen two moons ago at the only full moon gathering she had attended, and not necesarrily thought about any other cats.

she also didnt really come to an end in deciding whether she should stand up or stay seated, but if she were to trust her mother on this, and she did, then it was better to stand.
seemingly empty eyes stared somewhat past her as minkpaw stood slowly, the faint memory of her own eye's reflection sparked in her mind, a light grey instead of fiery orange, but equally..off.
in retrospect minkpaw was impressed the blind shadowclanner had so easily hidden herself from minkpaws eye, and she wondered how long the other had to have watc- listened? to them beforehand without accidentally revealing herself. to be fair minkpaw had felt like she was being watched, but she was sat right by the border, was still fearing goldfish or whoever to pop up out of nowhere to drag her back to riverclan, and she had barely slept since she left, so it hadnt been hard to just write it off as it being nerves or irrational fear.
"im minkpaw and im looking to join shadowclan." she started, intentional on keeping her voice steady and sure but careful to not accidentally push over into taunting. she felt a bit stupid introducing herself like this, like a freshly made apprentice moving into the apprentice den and telling their classmates things they didnt particularly care about. "i finished my warrior training apart from the final assessment, i have battle experience, i acted as stand in medicine cat for the past few moons and i think i can be a valuable asset for shadowclan". however little she had actually planned during the hours worth of repetitive thoughts, she wasnt foolish enough to not immediately reveal her cards to whatever shadowclanner would come across her, and now that she was stood face to face with their medicine cat she almost hoped to be quizzed on herbs instead of having to prove her worth by sparring. minkpaw was barely the cat she was when this all started anymore, thin sick form had turned into a lanky, scarred, but much healthier looking one, but her distaste for fighting, especially after the raid, had remained. for other reasons, yes, but it was still around. moons ago she didnt want to fight because she was weak and scared of her opponent and now she felt lifetimes from the stupid starry eyed apprentice she had been, stumbling into tansypaws den to maybe, just maybe be acknowledged. perhaps this was exactly what nathaniel had spoken about almost two moons ago, and perhaps minkpaw had to accept that she would never be able to view her past self as anything but stupid. but that was growth, wasnt it?