[Dark]

Firestorm

Ultimate Predator: Inactive | Burn Baby Burn | Monkey’s Paw
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Firestorm listened in silence, something that was very unlike her as the black-spotted tom tore into her. Tears stung her eyes as he spoke, but she listened and waited. She waited as he told her that she contributed very little to the clan. She listened to the tom as he called her a liar, as he told her that she was doing little more than taking advantage of Fallownose’s death for her own ascension. It wasn’t true. She would never, ever do something so vile. But she remained silent as he continued his tirade of her character.

And then he was done.

At long last, it ended, and she knew if she weren’t so determined to go back, she would’ve long since run. She would’ve fled and hid to get away from the harsh words that were spoken to her, but right now that wasn’t an option. Firestorm couldn’t afford to give up right now when there was so much at stake, so much entirely dependent on convincing these cats she was worth sending back.

”Shut up.” She whispered, tears running down her ghastly cheeks. ”You don’t know anything.” Of course, it was clear that the long since deceased cat appeared to know a lot of things, however, she couldn’t just accept that he was wrong. She hadn’t forged a rift between Lightningstorm and the clan, nor had she widened it. In the moons since Cowtuft had been exiled, the two relied on one another to keep the other steady and be a pillar of support. He didn’t understand that.

”I loved and admired Fallownose with all of my heart.” She said in a strained voice ”Don’t you dare try and take that away from me. Don’t you dare claim that I didn’t.” The orange tabby could feel her grip on her emotions slipping once more, but for the moment she was able to reel it in. ”I want to do it in his memory. Yes, becoming the leader will ultimately be for me, but I told him that it was something that I’d do – follow in his footsteps an’ all.” She knew that this would be met negatively but right now she didn’t care ”Even if I’m not good enough now, I want to be. Fallownose was an amazing deputy, I always said that I wanted to be just like him. Putting down what he accomplished and his legacy was never what I meant to do, same with Twilightstar. Fine, I’ve grown up without seeing a lot of battle, but I have seen it. It’s disgusting, revolting stuff, and as the leader, I would do my best to keep that same peace.” As she said this, she looked right at the tom with a hint of anger in her eyes. ”WindClan is threatened not just by what’s going on on the outside, but what’s happening in the clan as well. The trust between clanmates is lacking. The clan turned so quickly on Cowtuft – threatening to hunt him down like he was a rabbit because of accusations of poisoning. Cowtuft would never intentionally poison anyone, but everyone was so quick to forget that, to say that he had bad intentions when his entire life had been devoted to the clan. I don’t want to see anything like that ever again, with a medicine cat or with other members of the clan. I want to help lead the clan in a direction that will form tighter bonds between us all. How can we hope to deal with outside threats like RiverClan if we’re so worried that those we share dens with will open our throats?”


She wouldn’t address the claim that Blazingstar would be ashamed of her, she didn’t want to believe it. He had seemed like he really liked her in the dream that he visited. She didn’t want to accept that maybe things had changed and she would be seen as little more than a disappointment to him.

Defiantly sweeping her gaze across the gathered cats, she took a deep breath before continuing. ”I know Lightningstorm deserves more than me,” She began, feeling her heart break with each word, but she pushed on ”But she settled for me, and I know there’s a reason for that.” It hurt, but it was something she mentioned before when the calico healer first rejected her request, and was something that she hadn’t initially refuted. ”We make each other happy. I know she’s a strong cat, I know she’s seen a lot and dealt with a lot, but she hasn’t been the same since Cowtuft was exiled. She took it very hard, distancing herself even from me because she didn’t want the clan to turn on me as well. She was scared of that, but I was scared of them turning on her. I know I’m weak and can do very little to defend her if a stronger warrior tried to hurt her, but at the very least I could and would sacrifice myself so that she could get away.” The truth. She had been so determined to defend both her and Cowtuft that dreadful day when the clan threatened to take them both from their den, that despite her fear of death, she was prepared to lay her life down if it meant keeping her loved ones safe. ”She’s so smart, and can do many things that I can’t. She knows so many more herbs than I could ever hope to memorize, and she’s much better at handling so many other things that I just can’t. But that doesn’t change the facts. Lightningstorm is so very sad – has been for a while. Sometimes she lashes out at our clanmates, and she has these horrible nightmares, but when I’m with her it gets a little better. I don’t know why, but she loves me probably more than I love her. Hell, I just told her for the first bloody time as I died. Horrible, innit? I don’t want her to be hurt because of my death. I don’t want to leave her blaming herself for not being able to save me, or for agreeing to be my mate. I want her to smile more, I want her to believe in the clan again. You say that I’m just making things worse, and widening the gap, right? That couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s slow, very very slow, but she’s been doing better compared to before.”


”She might leave… I think she only stayed for me — because I begged her to, and I’m scared that that would leave WindClan without an amazing healer.” Pride aside, that was her honest belief. She had seen it in Spots’ eyes the night of Cowtuft’s departure. Lightningstorm would’ve left the clan and everyone else behind had she not pleaded for her to stay, to show that there was someone left that would stay by her side even when everyone else turned on her. ”I want to do better for her. I want to get stronger, and learn to fight better so that I can keep her and everyone else safe. I don’t want her to leave her in charge of our kits alone when she has her job to keep up with. That’s not fair to her. She doesn’t deserve that. I grew up without both of my parents after my mom died when I was three moons old. It was just me and my sister before she then went missing, I know how hard it is to grow up like that. I don’t want our kits to grow up feeling distant from their mother, in the event that she even stays with them. I’m worried for her, and them. I’m worried that Lightningstorm will shut down and push everyone who’s she’s been letting back in, out. This isn’t just my pride speaking, this is me worried for my mate and wanting to do right by her. I want to go back and work hard to make sure that I’m someone she can be proud of too.”

There, that was what it was. The tom was right, life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows and she wasn’t some all-amazing cat, however, she’d be damned if she didn’t work her ass off for it. She’d known for a while, ever since finding out that that young kit she tried to treat for a cold was killed by her own paws due to someone poisoning the herb supply. She needed more experience. She needed to learn, she needed to be stronger, and she needed to get better. But what did she do instead? She wallowed in her self-pity and grief. She allowed herself to become complacent and forget the very things she strived for. She wanted to be the leader, and with the way she was now, that would be impossible.

She hated it, that damned tom was right.

That's when it hit her. Firestorm realized that her chances of convincing these cats were slim at best. Her starry form flickered and her eyes flashed with momentary panic. What if she didn't go back? She could try again later, yes, but how long would it take? What if Lightningstorm left? Would she take their kits, or would she leave them with some queen? What about Spottedpaw? Would she be okay? She hadn't told the apprentice how proud of her she was or spent a lot of time with her lately. Would she hate her for that? She wanted to go back to fix her mistakes, to make sure she did things right going forward but she might not even get the chance. She might be stuck here, helpless, unable to ensure the happiness of the ones she loved.

She might fail.

[ @taillow @Starfall @Rani ]