[Captain]

PIKESTAR

Late one night, as the dark-furred RiverClan tomcat was settling into his moss nest, a flood of conflicting and downright irritating emotions struck him, leaving the Lord of the Waters to begin a night’s slumber with an unexplained fiery violence within his heart. Perhaps it was just his usual paranoia, or his rampant jealousy, or his unbridled selfishness. He never knew what it was. Maybe it was everything hitting him all at once. All they knew was that Pikestar was tired of being seen as a fool, as a loser, as some kind of weakling that wasn't worth an ounce of respect. Hadn't he worked hard to get here? Hadn't he done enough? Or did they all expect him to be exactly like Kestrelstar was, or Skystar, or Twilightstar, or even Dawnstar? Because nobody was ever happy when he acted himself. Oh, no no no, stars forbid that. Pikestar wanted to become stronger, he wanted to be better, he wanted to be respected! You'd think that kinda thing came with the rank, right? Wrong! And they were sick of it. Nearly seven moons now he had been RiverClan's leader, but he still felt like utterly nothing. What more needed to be done?

Great moon above, what was he doing? Pikestar rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling of his den in silent contemplation. Maybe this was why he wasn't respected. This was why he slept alone in an empty den each night. This was why cats saw him as a joke. Because he let every little thing get to him, and not for a single second did he think about the bigger picture. Damn it. Why couldn't Pikestar just get over himself? He always played the victim, always cowered at the sight of confrontation, always avoided a fight whenever he could. What kind of leader did that? No wonder leaders like Twilightstar and Dawnstar were so highly respected, they didn't allow dumb crap like this affect them.

So many cats adored them, looked up to them, respected them. Nobody did that for him. Nobody ever saw Pikestar as a legend. The Lord of the Waters groaned, putting his paws over his face. Stop it! Just... stop it. This kind of thinking was getting him nowhere, but they didn't know what to do to stop it. He didn't want to be this way. He didn't want to be such a... brat. His mother's words rang in their head, recalling all the times she'd call him a selfish little brat. Crap, maybe she was right. Maybe that's all he was. Then how'd he get this far? How did they become this? Perhaps he wasn't the cat that Kestrelstar and Skystar had thought he was. Thinking about that made Pikestar want to curl into a ball and cry, but all the oriental tomcat did was flip onto his side and squeeze his single eye shut. Sleeping would make it better. That always made it better. A good night's sleep was always like a hard reset on his brain, and he always felt so much better when he woke up... most of the time.

✶✶✶

As soon as sleep would finally yank him away from the present world, the tall River Lord awoke immediately back up with a start, jerking up into a sitting position. It wasn't the first time something like that had happened to him. Those random moments were he felt like he was falling through the air? Yeah, whatever that was. But no, this was different. This wasn't his den, nor was he in his nest anymore. And they had visited StarClan before. This wasn't that either. The world was dark, and hot, and smelled like rotten prey. Another nightmare, perhaps? Maybe, but in the moment, everything seemed still, and silent. Pikestar, for some strange reason, felt relaxed. All the heat felt like a comforting hug, and the darkness made him feel unseen, unjudged, and hidden away from the awfulness in the real world. They wouldn't mind staying here awhile...

[ @sol. ]