( eternal sunshine in a spotless mind ; private )

[oats]

woly
it was raining, that morning.
lilith wasn’t the most used to bad weather, always the one to hide, always the one to cover herself despite all attempts to seem strong, self-sufficient. independent. and yet, despite all that, she felt a sort of comfort in the helplessness. though her wings could surely withstand the storm that played out before her very eyes, her natural hesitation was evident in the way that she flinched away from her window as the thunder bayed like an angry dog.

gently whistling out a thin breath, she shuffled along on the window-pane, clawed feet just grazing the other side of the wall. there was a lot to think about, after all: her twenty-fifth birthday, the recent acquisition of actual wings. perhaps it was the pang she got in her stomach when she thought of home, and her nana alone, waiting to die, knowing she had not fulfilled her purpose. though lilith was luckier-- she had learned the secret to her kind's long life long before she was as frail as her grandmother-- she still felt... dejected. unsatisfied.

she shouldn't've been, though. of the three years spent with eve, she should've been elated to know that she had a lifelong partner to spend eternity with. from the day they moved in, she found herself becoming her wife without any arrangement. she had wanted nothing more than someone to care and be cared for, to be with: she'd got what she wanted.

so why was she so unnecessarily upset?
brushing a stray curl out of her eyes, lilith turned back, watched the rain fall. she'd just wait it out.

[graves]

woly
it was raining, that morning.
lilith wasn’t the most used to bad weather, always the one to hide, always the one to cover herself despite all attempts to seem strong, self-sufficient. independent. and yet, despite all that, she felt a sort of comfort in the helplessness. though her wings could surely withstand the storm that played out before her very eyes, her natural hesitation was evident in the way that she flinched away from her window as the thunder bayed like an angry dog.

gently whistling out a thin breath, she shuffled along on the window-pane, clawed feet just grazing the other side of the wall. there was a lot to think about, after all: her twenty-fifth birthday, the recent acquisition of actual wings. perhaps it was the pang she got in her stomach when she thought of home, and her nana alone, waiting to die, knowing she had not fulfilled her purpose. though lilith was luckier-- she had learned the secret to her kind's long life long before she was as frail as her grandmother-- she still felt... dejected. unsatisfied.

she shouldn't've been, though. of the three years spent with eve, she should've been elated to know that she had a lifelong partner to spend eternity with. from the day they moved in, she found herself becoming her wife without any arrangement. she had wanted nothing more than someone to care and be cared for, to be with: she'd got what she wanted.

so why was she so unnecessarily upset?
brushing a stray curl out of her eyes, lilith turned back, watched the rain fall. she'd just wait it out.

normally birthdays were a curse to eve. watching her lover grow old while she was stuck in this eternal suffering she called living for eternity. but ever since she had found out a way to undo that, it felt like any other day. it felt like a day to be celebrated,not mourned upon,as every day that Lilith grew older it felt like another part of her was dying, and soon it would only take a final swipe to finish her off. but eve didnt have to worry now, for the most part atleast. it was alot to ask form to be an eternal partner. thats a long time, and she in no way wanted to pressure her love into doing something she didnt want to. at first she thought it would be a fluke, a simple relationship that would last a month until she revealed her true life span, but it had become much,much more. while she could not look down at her ring finger, the subtle feel of the simple metal band was comforting.

it was easy to tell when her everything was upset. she could not see that she was upset, but feel it in the air. taste it. it made her eyebrows furrow. it was her birthday of all days--usually she was excited. it was early morning and it was easy to know something was wrong when she felt the empty spot next to her when she woke up. no gentle arms around her waste or sloppy morning kisses. nothing. she didnt need poppy to see to know where she was. she walked through the house effortlessly,having mapped down the layout decades ago. gently sitting down next to Lilith by the window, her ears twitched at the soft sound of rain. she reached for her hand, letting her fingers intertwined with the harpys on instinct, thumb gliding over her knuckles in silent comfort.

¨whats wrong, my love?¨

[oats]

normally birthdays were a curse to eve. watching her lover grow old while she was stuck in this eternal suffering she called living for eternity. but ever since she had found out a way to undo that, it felt like any other day. it felt like a day to be celebrated,not mourned upon,as every day that Lilith grew older it felt like another part of her was dying, and soon it would only take a final swipe to finish her off. but eve didnt have to worry now, for the most part atleast. it was alot to ask form to be an eternal partner. thats a long time, and she in no way wanted to pressure her love into doing something she didnt want to. at first she thought it would be a fluke, a simple relationship that would last a month until she revealed her true life span, but it had become much,much more. while she could not look down at her ring finger, the subtle feel of the simple metal band was comforting.

it was easy to tell when her everything was upset. she could not see that she was upset, but feel it in the air. taste it. it made her eyebrows furrow. it was her birthday of all days--usually she was excited. it was early morning and it was easy to know something was wrong when she felt the empty spot next to her when she woke up. no gentle arms around her waste or sloppy morning kisses. nothing. she didnt need poppy to see to know where she was. she walked through the house effortlessly,having mapped down the layout decades ago. gently sitting down next to Lilith by the window, her ears twitched at the soft sound of rain. she reached for her hand, letting her fingers intertwined with the harpys on instinct, thumb gliding over her knuckles in silent comfort.

¨whats wrong, my love?¨
she heaved a sigh as the thud-thud of small feet on the stairs got louder as she approached, and looked up briefly, a wing raising in anticipation. it was a shame that she felt like this; she knew eve would be slightly upset at the break to the usual way of things, but it couldn’t be helped. she just needed.. time.

lilith had turned on instinct, the padded sound of eve’s movement around the house alerting her to the fact that she’d awoken; they always did within a couple of minutes with each other. that routine felt… good, in a way, but she still wasn’t sure just how to articulate her feelings. she had never been good with words, but she had forever to try and improve that.

nana was never good at talking things through, and look where that got her.

green eyes met brown; she looked down almost immediately, practically doubling down on herself. “it’s nothing, evie. just thinking.”

[graves]

she heaved a sigh as the thud-thud of small feet on the stairs got louder as she approached, and looked up briefly, a wing raising in anticipation. it was a shame that she felt like this; she knew eve would be slightly upset at the break to the usual way of things, but it couldn’t be helped. she just needed.. time.

lilith had turned on instinct, the padded sound of eve’s movement around the house alerting her to the fact that she’d awoken; they always did within a couple of minutes with each other. that routine felt… good, in a way, but she still wasn’t sure just how to articulate her feelings. she had never been good with words, but she had forever to try and improve that.

nana was never good at talking things through, and look where that got her.

green eyes met brown; she looked down almost immediately, practically doubling down on herself. “it’s nothing, evie. just thinking.”

she couldnt see her,despite having four eyes, though she wish she could. she knew Lilith like the back of her hand. it wasnt often that she got upset, but it was easy to tell when she was. with a free hand she let her fingers graze up her arms,just barely touching the feathers that laid on her elbows and shoulders, tracing her jawline with an index finger before cupping her cheek,gently ushering her to look at her. ¨youre a bad liar.¨ her words were soft, though had a prying edge to them. if something was wrong there was no reason to hide,seeing as they would of course being spending the rest of eternity together. ¨i may not understand you at times,¨ she would never get harpy traditions or morals, their customs or habits, but she loved lilith, her lils,and it made her concerned to see her trying to deal with something on her own,¨but you can always talk to me.¨

[oats]

she couldnt see her,despite having four eyes, though she wish she could. she knew Lilith like the back of her hand. it wasnt often that she got upset, but it was easy to tell when she was. with a free hand she let her fingers graze up her arms,just barely touching the feathers that laid on her elbows and shoulders, tracing her jawline with an index finger before cupping her cheek,gently ushering her to look at her. ¨youre a bad liar.¨ her words were soft, though had a prying edge to them. if something was wrong there was no reason to hide,seeing as they would of course being spending the rest of eternity together. ¨i may not understand you at times,¨ she would never get harpy traditions or morals, their customs or habits, but she loved lilith, her lils,and it made her concerned to see her trying to deal with something on her own,¨but you can always talk to me.¨

“i know,” she murmured, leaning into eve's touch, immediately feeling just a little safer. “i really do, honey, but...” lilith shrugged. “i've just been. thinking, that's all. you know how it is.”
though it probably seemed melodramatic, knowing eve had lost her whole family, it was still a little unnerving that she had found the 'gift' of eternal youth not long after her grandmother-- no, mother had given it up. eve had outlived all of them, where lilith had only lost one relative; though it felt like her entire family had been shattered.

there was more than enough reason to be upset.

she finally had the smallest sliver of understanding about how eve felt, how someone could be so pushed to fear intimacy & closeness with another. if they were going to die anyway, what was the point of becoming close to anyone? lilith didn't usually care to indulge herself with such dread, but she was.. justified. she normally would have been the one offering comfort, but it was just. not the time.
so what, she was 25? old vaux had probably witnessed the russian revolution. she was just being.. dramatic. people died all the time. still somewhat upset but less so, she turned ever so slightly, pressing a small & chaste kiss to her wife's hand.

eve had always been there when she needed her, had always been gentle and patient, even when she herself was fraying at the edges. who blamed her? she'd seen more than enough, and she could see no more. and yet, she had found someone who could placate her nerves at time, hold her when she trembled at night. when phantom visions struck at night, when the smell of death choked her though it had long faded, lilith was there.

but lilith needed someone, and she was more than tired of choking down her own sobs because she wanted to feel like a provider, a lover who wanted. nothing. so she relented, and said in a barely audible whisper,

“i'm scared, eve. what if i go like nana did?”

[graves]

“i know,” she murmured, leaning into eve's touch, immediately feeling just a little safer. “i really do, honey, but...” lilith shrugged. “i've just been. thinking, that's all. you know how it is.”
though it probably seemed melodramatic, knowing eve had lost her whole family, it was still a little unnerving that she had found the 'gift' of eternal youth not long after her grandmother-- no, mother had given it up. eve had outlived all of them, where lilith had only lost one relative; though it felt like her entire family had been shattered.
there was more than enough reason to be upset.
she finally had the smallest sliver of understanding about how eve felt, how someone could be so pushed to fear intimacy & closeness with another. if they were going to die anyway, what was the point of becoming close to anyone? lilith didn't usually care to indulge herself with such dread, but she was.. justified. she normally would have been the one offering comfort, but it was just. not the time.
so what, she was 25? old vaux had probably witnessed the russian revolution. she was just being.. dramatic. people died all the time. still somewhat upset but less so, she turned ever so slightly, pressing a small & chaste kiss to her wife's hand.
eve had always been there when she needed her, had always been gentle and patient, even when she herself was fraying at the edges. who blamed her? she'd seen more than enough, and she could see no more. and yet, she had found someone who could placate her nerves at time, hold her when she trembled at night. when phantom visions struck at night, when the smell of death choked her though it had long faded, lilith was there.
but lilith needed someone, and she was more than tired of choking down her own sobs because she wanted to feel like a provider, a lover who wanted. nothing. so she relented, and said in a barely audible whisper,
“i'm scared, eve. what if i go like nana did?”
she sighed. she didnt know what harpy culture was like, the philosophies, the magic behind them, she barely could grasp how lillith was going to be able to spend eternity with her. but what she could understand was family. hell, she had watched every single one of them die off. her brothers and sister, her parents and friends. everyone in her life seemed to be stripped away, time didnt wait for anyone. she leaned forward,pressing a soft his to her lovers forehead before resting her forehead against hers, hand still rested on her cheek. ¨dont worry on the future, think about whats happening right now.¨ she mimicked the words lilly would always say to her whenever she had her own troubles. its words that comforted eve when she dwelled on the future. it only felt right to give her her own advice.

it was something that eve was scared of. she asked so much of Lilith, to spend the rest of eternity with her. she hadnt considered that she still had living family alive, that she would have to watch them all die around her again and again, until she was the only one left. when eve had gone through that, it stung. it was a apitimy of loneliness,until lils had showed up for course. she spoke,¨i want you to talk to me, theres no herb i can give you for the stress of bottling up your emotions,love.¨

[oats]

she sighed. she didnt know what harpy culture was like, the philosophies, the magic behind them, she barely could grasp how lillith was going to be able to spend eternity with her. but what she could understand was family. hell, she had watched every single one of them die off. her brothers and sister, her parents and friends. everyone in her life seemed to be stripped away, time didnt wait for anyone. she leaned forward,pressing a soft his to her lovers forehead before resting her forehead against hers, hand still rested on her cheek. ¨dont worry on the future, think about whats happening right now.¨ she mimicked the words lilly would always say to her whenever she had her own troubles. its words that comforted eve when she dwelled on the future. it only felt right to give her her own advice.

it was something that eve was scared of. she asked so much of Lilith, to spend the rest of eternity with her. she hadnt considered that she still had living family alive, that she would have to watch them all die around her again and again, until she was the only one left. when eve had gone through that, it stung. it was a apitimy of loneliness,until lils had showed up for course. she spoke,¨i want you to talk to me, theres no herb i can give you for the stress of bottling up your emotions,love.¨


lilith nodded, but averted her eyes, hesitance lining the somewhat forced expression of calm on her face. it wasn’t like her family had ever been the unit eve described hers as being, a place to gain support and be loved for simply being there; there was always expectation weighing her down-- from her father, and a concerning façade of apathy from her aunt. death wasn’t meant to be that final, that scary; harpies foretold of bad omens all the time.

the one difference they never pointed out is that it always hurts more when you’re the one truly affected.

she blinked once, plaintively at eve’s attempt at placating her fears, and practically sunk into herself at the windowpane. she knew it was true; why wouldn’t she say them? but her point still stood. how can you ignore the unignorable? it was a paradox that she assumed all immortals had to deal with in one way or another. though she had been rewarded with never ending bliss with eve, it had only dawned on lilith that the repercussions of living forever were as serious as they were made out to be. was dying easier? probably. after overcoming your fear of death, there weren’t many things to complicate life, aside from the lack thereof.

but, she supposed, the deed was done. there was no point in sulking when she had a wife to care for, and a happily married life to live out until its end. “i know,” she said, again. “i know.” and for all her constant reassurances that she was completely independent, lilith knew that she probably would struggle quite a lot without eve.

gently, she leaned forwards, rested her hands on the taller woman’s shoulders. “i’ll be okay, i think. i’ll do it for you.”

[graves]

lilith nodded, but averted her eyes, hesitance lining the somewhat forced expression of calm on her face. it wasn’t like her family had ever been the unit eve described hers as being, a place to gain support and be loved for simply being there; there was always expectation weighing her down-- from her father, and a concerning façade of apathy from her aunt. death wasn’t meant to be that final, that scary; harpies foretold of bad omens all the time.

the one difference they never pointed out is that it always hurts more when you’re the one truly affected.

she blinked once, plaintively at eve’s attempt at placating her fears, and practically sunk into herself at the windowpane. she knew it was true; why wouldn’t she say them? but her point still stood. how can you ignore the unignorable? it was a paradox that she assumed all immortals had to deal with in one way or another. though she had been rewarded with never ending bliss with eve, it had only dawned on lilith that the repercussions of living forever were as serious as they were made out to be. was dying easier? probably. after overcoming your fear of death, there weren’t many things to complicate life, aside from the lack thereof.

but, she supposed, the deed was done. there was no point in sulking when she had a wife to care for, and a happily married life to live out until its end. “i know,” she said, again. “i know.” and for all her constant reassurances that she was completely independent, lilith knew that she probably would struggle quite a lot without eve.

gently, she leaned forwards, rested her hands on the taller woman’s shoulders. “i’ll be okay, i think. i’ll do it for you.”


¨dont do anything for me,¨ she didnt want her to force herself to feel better if she didnt want to. she didnt want her to force herself to move on like nothing happened, because it was quiet obvious there was something wrong. she let her thumbs draw themselves over her wifes cheeks, the corner of her mouth. the bottom of her lip. a lot of the time when trying to place a kiss she would miss due to her blindness. once pin pointing, she leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. she pulled away, though not even a centimeter apart,¨let me care for you,okay?¨when talking she could feel her lips still brush Liiliths, basically talking against her with how close she was. she liked the closeness.

it hurt to see her hurting. she knew this was taking a toll on her. watching others die around her. its the same pain that eve had felt hundreds of years ago. but she understood to an extent. she wasnt filled with prophesies and omens. she would try to understand though, she would try her best to support her.

[oats]

¨dont do anything for me,¨ she didnt want her to force herself to feel better if she didnt want to. she didnt want her to force herself to move on like nothing happened, because it was quiet obvious there was something wrong. she let her thumbs draw themselves over her wifes cheeks, the corner of her mouth. the bottom of her lip. a lot of the time when trying to place a kiss she would miss due to her blindness. once pin pointing, she leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. she pulled away, though not even a centimeter apart,¨let me care for you,okay?¨when talking she could feel her lips still brush Liiliths, basically talking against her with how close she was. she liked the closeness.

it hurt to see her hurting. she knew this was taking a toll on her. watching others die around her. its the same pain that eve had felt hundreds of years ago. but she understood to an extent. she wasnt filled with prophesies and omens. she would try to understand though, she would try her best to support her.
lilith averted her gaze, went to brush a couple of loose hairs out from her face. it wasn’t like she was just trying to make eve feel better, though that was part of the truth. she had to move on somehow, and healing was optional: if it took less time, she’d take it. mourning & weeping were not parts of the harpy dictionary, and it wasn’t hard to see why, or how it affected them.

and besides, she couldn’t just ignore what eve was saying. not with all the hope and love her wife held in her heart, just for her.

the gentle touches she bestowed upon her helped, though. made her feel like she was safe, like things would go on, as they always had. and for a moment, she knew they would. she leaned back in, closed her eyes as she quietly pressed her lips against eve’s again before she broke it, pressed into her and murmured, “alright, but… can you just hold me?”

she’d never understood the feeling of loss, but she’d at least be able to… understand others’ experience now. that was the only good thing to come of this mess.
[ sorry for the reply length, im still kinda sleepy ]

[graves]

lilith averted her gaze, went to brush a couple of loose hairs out from her face. it wasn’t like she was just trying to make eve feel better, though that was part of the truth. she had to move on somehow, and healing was optional: if it took less time, she’d take it. mourning & weeping were not parts of the harpy dictionary, and it wasn’t hard to see why, or how it affected them.

and besides, she couldn’t just ignore what eve was saying. not with all the hope and love her wife held in her heart, just for her.

the gentle touches she bestowed upon her helped, though. made her feel like she was safe, like things would go on, as they always had. and for a moment, she knew they would. she leaned back in, closed her eyes as she quietly pressed her lips against eve’s again before she broke it, pressed into her and murmured, “alright, but… can you just hold me?”

she’d never understood the feeling of loss, but she’d at least be able to… understand others’ experience now. that was the only good thing to come of this mess.
[ sorry for the reply length, im still kinda sleepy ]
Eve stared at her. while she could not see, her tone of voice and overall aura was enough to go off of. she would never understand truly what its like to go through harpy traditions, but seeing her wife like this only made her heart break. feeling lips against her own once again gave her a small,physical reassurance. that everything would be okay. hearing the request it didnt take her long to slink her arms around Lilith waist, holding her close.

she wished things werent hard or difficult. that maybe they could live a normal life without the immortality and self sacrifice. but it simply couldbt be that way. but honestly? even would rather live through all of it then give up the moment she met Lillith. she ran a gentle hand through her lovers hair, avoiding her neck feathers due to their sensitivity, sighing contently. for now, she wouldnt think about all the loss and bull crap theyd have to deal with. for now, shed hold her.

[oats]

Eve stared at her. while she could not see, her tone of voice and overall aura was enough to go off of. she would never understand truly what its like to go through harpy traditions, but seeing her wife like this only made her heart break. feeling lips against her own once again gave her a small,physical reassurance. that everything would be okay. hearing the request it didn't take her long to slink her arms around Lilith waist, holding her close.

she wished things weren't hard or difficult. that maybe they could live a normal life without the immortality and self sacrifice. but it simply couldn't be that way. but honestly? even would rather live through all of it then give up the moment she met lillith. she ran a gentle hand through her lovers hair, avoiding her neck feathers due to their sensitivity, sighing contently. for now, she wouldn't think about all the loss and bull crap they'd have to deal with. for now, shed hold her.

she leaned further in.
for now, it was all she could do. for too long, now, she had been pretending to function, feigning the fact that she didn’t feel… well. how should she have felt? the woman who had practically raised her was dead, by her hand. she could’ve, well, prophesied her own damn grandmother’s death, couldn’t she?

eve was right, though. despite her lack of foresight (and sight in general,) she had always been right. lilith simply wished for things to be normal; whatever that was. but, she supposed, after noticing that the strings of fate got a bit tangled when it came to their union, that this was about as normal as it could get.

besides, immortal lesbians weren’t that common, were they?

instinctively, lilith opened her wings, wrapping them about both of them. her urge to fill the silence won for a moment, and she half-mumbled, “i love you.”